Rocktavius

Let me preface this by saying, my mind is racing and thus I'm not sure how much sense this post will make.

I've been smoking weed daily for the better part of 13 years, having accomplished virtually everything I've set out to do up to this point. It's because of that fact that I couldn't possbily believe I was truly addicted, especially to pot. Pot's not addictive, right?

Wrong.

I work very hard and have been very fortunate in what I've accomplished professionally so far. I'm also the personality type that puts people at ease. People enjoy being around me and I have no problem carrying on conversations with anyone about anything. That said, I rarely go anywhere because after a long day of work, all I want to do is go home and get stoned. I cancel plans and dates because I'd rather not HAVE to be social, but instead be stoned at home by myself. I exclude myself from everything and then resent people for eventually not asking me to join them anymore.

And it's all because I can't think of anything else other than being home and smoking weed. It's what drives my day, sadly.

A long time ago I didn't see that as a problem, although as I hit my middle twenties, I dd sometimes wonder if I'd quit smoking weed before age 30 because I wasn't as social as I once was.

And so here I am, unable to be social at 31 because I only want to be at home and high. But it's worse when I don't have any...like right now.

Quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of having panic attacks and terrible waves of stress when I don't have any to smoke. It rarely happens that I don't have any, but today is definitely one of those days, and I dont know what to do with myself. The best time to quit is right now, but I don't even know where to start.

I'm also tired of being alone and not allowing myself a social life. I haven't had any sort of meaningful relationship in years, all because it's just easier to be high.

I guess I post this here because I'm so worn down after 13 years of daily, non-stop smoking. I know it's just weed, and someone who has conqured a heroin or alcohol addiction might think I'm just weak. To which I say, you're damn right I am. That's why I'm here.

The thing is, it takes me a couple or three weeks to get used to not having any. During those "quit" weeks I'm very difficult to be around to most people. In general I'm an angry man anyway, so it's just amplified and it never ends well. I intentionally burn a bridge over something stupid, say something I shouldn't to my boss, completely disconnect from the outside world for a few days, and more. I really can't afford to compromise what I've worked so hard for.

I'm at a very low point emotionally and mentally, which honestly only makes me want to be higher and more often. So to be without right now almost makes life feel like it's just too stressful to deal with.

Am I alone when it comes to this sort of marijuana addiction? Can anyone relate to these feelings of utter despair and anxiety over something as simple as not having pot? What did you do? How did you deal with it? I want to quit but whenever I try to, I can think of NOTHING else. Even if I'm out of my apartment, I still am thinking to myself how horrible it will be when I get home and have nothing to smoke. This has to end.

What should I do???

tbeit

Am I alone when it comes to this sort of marijuana addiction? Can anyone relate to these feelings of utter despair and anxiety over something as simple as not having pot? What did you do? How did you deal with it?

No there are tons of us here.I moved on to bigger and worser things however pot was my cross to bare.The despair and anxiety will lessen.Go to meetings meetings meetings get a sponser and work a program.
Its not going to be easy but it is very simple "DONT USE AND GO TO MEETINGS"

windysan

I never had a problem with the devil's lettuce but there are some here who have had problems with it. They should be along shortly. Step away from the twinkie.

Dee74

Hi Rocktavius
Welcome

I pretty much what you did for years - did my work - came home got stoned-went to bed - got up, did my work - came home....

I empathise with the irritability - but the only way I know to get through that is...to get through it...

Be conscious that you're gonna be a bear for a while and make allowances for that - it's not fair to bite others heads off.

Above all, reach out for whatever support you can find so as not to turn around and buy a bag and start the process again...

SR is a great site for support - there's also groups out there in the real world like MA (marijuana anonymous) I've never used them tho - they don't seem to be active in my country.

Marijuana Anonymous World Services

Be careful of cross addiction too.

I had the brilliant idea that a few beers would help me in the transition period...the fact I usually post in the alcoholism forum shows you how great that idea was....

D

bcboy

Welcome Rock!

You are so not alone on this.

I was also a daily toker like you for years and years. It was my favourite thing in the world for a long long time.

But after a while the high was no longer the same, I was drinking more to try to bring back that old school feeling and, well we all know how that goes.

For myself weed was and is very addicting and I can honestly say today after over 100 days away from booth booze and weed if someone had both in each hand the weed would be much harder to turn down.

What I am using right now for defense is to think it all the way through. I know if I start smoking again I will quickly be an all day smoker. Blowing lots of money on high quality weed and not getting anything out of it. and I would end up where I left off, hating myself and wanting to quit.

If you want walk away cold turkey that is the best way. quiting slowly never ever worked for me. It will take a few weeks but you will be back to your old self again.

Hope this helps.

glitter

For me, the thing I can relate to is the obsession with getting and using and the thought of not having drove me absolutely crazy. I couldn't think of anything else. So many times I tried to stop on my own - saying to myself - I can do this! But every single time I found myself right back where I was to begin with. I too isolated myself to be comfortably high by myself and then wondered why people stopped inviting me places. It's amazing the similarities, I mean. I wanted to stop SO bad. For years I repeated the same thing over and over....telling myself I can do this....and then completely failing at doing it.

It wasn't until I was basically forced to get help that I was able to actually quit. Today I have 87 days without using any mind-altering substances - including alcohol! I am still amazed that I have gotten this far and the obsession has eased tremendously. I no longer feel like I need anything to get through my day....except a meeting. What helped me the MOST was going to a meeting (usually NA, but AA as well) when I felt that the obsession (anxiety) was overwhelming. I'm still learning to isolate myself less, but simply attending meetings, sometimes 3-4 in one day helped me get to where I am today.

Hang in there Rock. Whether you connect here or in a meeting, reaching out and talking and listening really does wonders. It also helps to read some of the literature out there. I prefer the NA basic text.

Please keep coming back here.

Onewithwings

MJ was not my DoC, but I think we can all relate to that feeling of living for your drug, when it's the only thing you look forward to, and takes over your life. My drug was DXM which is no more physically addictive than pot or maybe cocaine (there are some withdrawals if you are doing a lot, but they are not as bad as opiates or alcohol withdrawals) but any drug can be mentally addictive, which is the real problem anyway, or we'd all stay clean and sober once we got through the withdrawals!

For me, NA has been the key to staying clean (42 days today!) There are marijuana users there as well, so don't think you don't qualify because pot was your DoC, it is for any addict, addicted to any mind or mood altering chemical, which pot certainly is. The steps, meetings, and working with my sponsor have given me strength. I have also developed a relationship with a higher power, which has given me something to turn to when I'm all alone, which addicts often are.

Is rehab an option? I learned a lot of coping tools there, although I did relapse quite often after I got out. However, I am staying clean now and using the tools I picked up in rehab and NA.

Good luck to you!

cyclingguy

i have had recent problems with marijuana also. i didnt smoke for almost 6 months, then during a recent stressful time in my life, i met a dealer. it can so easy to get a hold of that stuff (at times), and once i did, i was smoking twice a day. every day i woke up, told myself that i wasnt going to smoke and was going to ride my bike. then, by noon, i decided to just smoke a little. eventually i burned through my eighth in 5 days, then bough another. and another. and literally my life stopped.

granted, its summer for me, so i dont have school to occupy myself, making it harder to keep away from it. i knew there was a possibility i could be drug tested at the beginning of the semester, and i knew if i kept on smoking i would come up positive and possibly lose everything i had worked for for the last 3 years. yet, i still kept on smoking.

eventually, i realized it had been almost 3 weeks, i had gone from riding my bike almost daily to never riding it, and i couldnt remember most of what had happened. the worst part was, after i realized that i had smoked wayyy too much, i COULDNT stop. when i got low on my last eighth, i smoked almost 4 bowls in one sitting, just to get rid of it! i was so happy once i was done, it felt like a huge weight being lifted off of me. i havent bought any since, but i has been seriously tempting. i have stomach and intestinal problems, and marijuana was the only thing that ever really helped them.

while there are lots of times that i wish i could smoke, just a little, again, i know that i need to stay away from it. will marijuana kill you? probably not. can it make performing the most basic daily activities (showering, shopping for food, etc) difficult? ABSOLUTELY. and there in lies the damage the marijuana can cause. i feel your pain and i understand how difficult kicking marijuana can be. my best advice: seek professional help. find a psychologist who specializes in substance abuse, if possible. they will be extremely helpful! best of luck to you!

mackifer

Im 17 yearsold about to exit highschool and everything you described is so close to every stoner i associate with. I like to think of myself as being above all the others becuz ive done so many drugs and yet im stuck with your problem, i want weed.

Kids in my school dont sleep, eat or even have fun without weed. Im the worst for it, ill stay in my room, skip class and just take a hit everytime i feel overwhelmed. im stressed out all the time tho, ergo im high all the time.

Ill quit for weeks or months at a time and ill always end up going back, and its becuz of one reason. i didnt act on my sobriety.

Once you reach 2 or 3 weeks you really gotta push yourself it helps if you have a "quitting partner" alot of people dont tho. never the less once you start to feel happier without weed, which will happen, you need to instantly surround yourself with people that dont smoke. otherwise youll be sucked back in and its incredible easy. goodluck man remember
ANYTHINGS POSSIBLE

Dee74

welcome to SR Mackifer

This thread is about 2 and a half years old and the Original Poster never came back - I hope they managed to ditch the habit.

D

bcboy

2 1/2 years already!

Wow time flies eh Dee

FatallyUncool

That's good stuff, mackifier. Thanks for posting and welcome to the forum.

Idontknowmyname

Hello all and to the main poster. I am 26 years old and have been smoking non stop ( and I mean non stop) for 8 years. In California we got more weed shops the liquors stores. Recently I took a test for a new job and passed it. four days ago I was told I need to sober up because they will be looking to hire soon. They drug test randomly because it involves a commercial license so that means I must quit for good. I am scared because I never thought I had a problem with drugs I felt weed was not addicting but I think it is now that im trying to quit. I am four days sober with out weed. I have barely any friends because I isolated myself from them. The girl friend I have smokes more then I use to and we don't get along at all and she thinks meetings are stupid (she likes the thought of me isolating myself from friends and family). I have all kinds of anger problems and sobering up is making them much worse but I feel I cant let it get the best of me. I fear the symptoms of detoxing because I have to keep living life I cant just stop ( I am a college student). I feel so depressed and worthless I have no energy, I cant eat or sleep, I don't want to talk to anyone. I would like to change these things. I have worked so hard to get where im am at in my career. If I fail, I don't not only fail my self, but everyone's expectations in my family. You are not alone my friend. Thanks to everyone here I have found some strength. The reason I ended up here was because I was thinking about relapsing today, but now im I don't need to. ADVICE I have realized letting out what is bothering me helps and listening to others helps as well. im going to sign my self up for meetings right now I think that is the way to go.

gfwhoneverknew

Someone close to me also smokes. He was sobor few months but suddenly after smokin few times turned into everyday. I'm sobor and said it was starting to happen and my words were appreciated but didn't stop what was happening. He knows intellectually he has to stop and even says he doesn't want to numb his brain like this everyday and will try to quit. But then few days smoking continues.....anyone w advice on what Ishould do? Be supportive and realize it takes time to put actions where ur words are?? Do Iget upset at him for smoking or that will make him want to smoke more? Ps....he was clean for bout a yr so it can happen this I know!!! Hope for all reading!!

happycampers

that is the definition of addiction - knowing better, but can't seem to stop oneself, which in turn creates disappointment and regret within one's self. It's admitting to yourself that if you open the door even a crack, it'll walk right back in and take over your life again. As for yourself, well getting angry or upset is NOT going to help either of you and you'll just lose your own strength and centeredness. If you can't accept that he's a pot smoker and may be for awhile, then I would leave and move on. He'll either quit because he begins to realize the price he's paying for his pot habit OR he'll continue and you will move on without living in a fantasy for years that "he'll change someday , I know he will" . That's just my opinion. Good luck.

gfwhoneverknew

Wow that's exactly what I needed to hear and thank you for your words!!! He wassaying for few wks he is a weed smoker and always will be since like ten yrs old! But now a lie later he realized his old habits r comin back and said he has to stop and next few days didn't backpaddle his decision. He's done far worse and been in trouble for it so to him this is only weed but he did say exactly what u did....he knew he was opening doors when smoking again and said to me its one day at a time but his ultimate goal to stop. He said problem isn't w the drugs but rather w him allowing something to numb his mind.

happycampers

and how do YOU feel about all this ?

FallenAlien

I hate weed with a passion. It took me so long to finally quit. Half the time i smoked id get paranoid, it was a gamble if id have a good high or not. And that burnout, that horrible groggy feeling u get after you arent high anymore is AWFUL. It caused me to smoke more just so i wouldnt feel like that.

Whenever i had weed I couldnt stop smoking it. I would smoke it all day everyday. And the messed thing was is that i didnt even enjoy it.

I dunno my relationship with weed was the most unconventional and messed up thing ever. Im so glad that its out of my life. I was definitely addicted.

Mustquit82

You are not alone my friend. Today is day 1 for me. I can empathize with everything that you and the other posters have said. I would wake and bake everyday. Before, during and after work. Just take it one day at a time, KEEP YOUR MIND OCCUPIED and keeping logging into SR for that support.

Idontknowmyname

hey just for people that don't think its possible to even make it a week with out drugs im 11days clean feeling good about that but having horrible dreams that keep me up every night and really stressed out at work since I cant smoke to calm me down but im going to get gym membership I hope working out will help the stress levels. Many people have told me that im stupid for thinking weed is addictive. I don't care what anyone says anymore I am or was addicted to weed. I think when you run into negative thinkers turn and walk away it helped me at that moment.Lets pray to be strong. Peace.