The Hydro Thread
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Ok. Sorry for my Joan Crawford moment. I do actually have a legit question......
When i am in wds, all i can think about is how much of a mess my finances are, and my relationships. Even my house is a disaster. When i get sober, i see all this, and want to hide back in the pill bottle where everything is safe and going to be ok. How do i get past that?? How do i prioritize things, fix things when i cant even get out of bed?? How do you pick up your life and move on sober when everything in it is such a mess?? How do you move forward when the reality of the situation you put yourself in is so freaking bad?? How do you calm down and get yourself to believe its all going to be ok, work out?? How do you do that?? How do you stop the freak out of sobriety??
I want to stop. I have tobstop. But the reality i face sober scares the **** out of me.
How did you all handle what i like to call post traumatic sober disorder??
Love you guys.
When i am in wds, all i can think about is how much of a mess my finances are, and my relationships. Even my house is a disaster. When i get sober, i see all this, and want to hide back in the pill bottle where everything is safe and going to be ok. How do i get past that?? How do i prioritize things, fix things when i cant even get out of bed?? How do you pick up your life and move on sober when everything in it is such a mess?? How do you move forward when the reality of the situation you put yourself in is so freaking bad?? How do you calm down and get yourself to believe its all going to be ok, work out?? How do you do that?? How do you stop the freak out of sobriety??
I want to stop. I have tobstop. But the reality i face sober scares the **** out of me.
How did you all handle what i like to call post traumatic sober disorder??
Love you guys.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Hey Sugar. Sounds like a hell of a day you are having over there :-)
Life will not get instantly better. Unfortunately hiding in the pill bottle doesn't work. Sure maybe it will relieve stress for a moment, but of course all of the same problems are still there and then some. You have to find a way to stay in the moment. Projecting is a waste of time. It was the hopelessness that finally gave me the true desire to change. Sure there were fears about the future, but I couldn't stand the thought of continuing down the road I was on.
For the moment just go easy on yourself and get through the physical withdrawal. It is an emotional time anyway and feeling depressed during this time is absolutely normal. Once you are up to it try to start getting to some meetings and opening up.
It took a long time for me to straighten out my relationships and finances, but as I grew in recovery my whole perspective and outlook changed. The things that I used to obsess over and worry about were manageable.
Sorry I am about to leave work so have to cut this short, but wanted to post.
Going to share with you the AA Promises from the Big Book. Now when I USED to hear these I would say YEAH RIGHT, but today I can say ABSOLUTELY each and every one of them has come true for me. There is Hope!
~~~~~~~~~~
The Promises (9th step)
(From pages 83-84 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before
we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word
serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we
will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity
will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Selfseeking
will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people
and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hang in there! We are here for you - don't give in and don't give up.
Life will not get instantly better. Unfortunately hiding in the pill bottle doesn't work. Sure maybe it will relieve stress for a moment, but of course all of the same problems are still there and then some. You have to find a way to stay in the moment. Projecting is a waste of time. It was the hopelessness that finally gave me the true desire to change. Sure there were fears about the future, but I couldn't stand the thought of continuing down the road I was on.
For the moment just go easy on yourself and get through the physical withdrawal. It is an emotional time anyway and feeling depressed during this time is absolutely normal. Once you are up to it try to start getting to some meetings and opening up.
It took a long time for me to straighten out my relationships and finances, but as I grew in recovery my whole perspective and outlook changed. The things that I used to obsess over and worry about were manageable.
Sorry I am about to leave work so have to cut this short, but wanted to post.
Going to share with you the AA Promises from the Big Book. Now when I USED to hear these I would say YEAH RIGHT, but today I can say ABSOLUTELY each and every one of them has come true for me. There is Hope!
~~~~~~~~~~
The Promises (9th step)
(From pages 83-84 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before
we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word
serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we
will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity
will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Selfseeking
will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people
and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hang in there! We are here for you - don't give in and don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Sugar - in the very beginning I had to just focus on getting through the day without using. The other issues can be addressed in due time if you stay clean. Staying clean has to be number one priority or else you can easily trick yourself into using again.
Good job on making it through the withdrawals so far. I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for that.
Good job on making it through the withdrawals so far. I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey peeps, I have some really awesome but super scary info to share....
So, I am one determined chick when I want to be, and I called my ins. today, and delved even deeper into what they will or won't cover. And, at first, they told me no detox or inpatient coverage, but I called my secondary ins., and found out that they DO cover detox and inpatient. Residential, whatever that means, and some other stuff, too. they are going to call me to set up an intake appt., so I can get in somewhere and get professional help. I am so excited!! Now, if they do everything they said they would do, I can go and get real legit help. Because I can't do this alone. I know lots of people can, and maybe I am just super weak, but I need help.
Anyways, pray for me guys, that this works out. God, I need this. I am just too sick and tired to do this alone. I give up. At this point, I don't care what I have to do to get off the damn pills, but get off them I will. I am pissed and just so done with it. If this really happens, I will be in inpatient or detox or something by next week!! God, I hope this really happens. Now, I just have to wait for them to call.
Just really wanted to share the good news with you guys. I am scared, though. Not gonna lie. And, I have no idea what I am going to do about my dog. I can't afford to board her, and my mom has a cat that's crazier than I am!! lol Seriously, her cat is half feral, and nutty as a candy bar!! But, she is cute as hell, so we forgive her nuttiness.
Well. now it's hurry up and wait time. We shall see what comes of it. It's so crazy how you can want and need something so bad, but be terrified of it all at the same time. Weird.
Thank you Marcus and OP for responding to my crazy posts today. You are awesome, and I appreciate it more than I can say. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. It means the world to know I'm not alone.
How are you doing final?? Check in between dates when you can!! lol
Ok, going to try and work on my art for a bit, and curl up in bed for a while. I am so tired.
Love you guys.
So, I am one determined chick when I want to be, and I called my ins. today, and delved even deeper into what they will or won't cover. And, at first, they told me no detox or inpatient coverage, but I called my secondary ins., and found out that they DO cover detox and inpatient. Residential, whatever that means, and some other stuff, too. they are going to call me to set up an intake appt., so I can get in somewhere and get professional help. I am so excited!! Now, if they do everything they said they would do, I can go and get real legit help. Because I can't do this alone. I know lots of people can, and maybe I am just super weak, but I need help.
Anyways, pray for me guys, that this works out. God, I need this. I am just too sick and tired to do this alone. I give up. At this point, I don't care what I have to do to get off the damn pills, but get off them I will. I am pissed and just so done with it. If this really happens, I will be in inpatient or detox or something by next week!! God, I hope this really happens. Now, I just have to wait for them to call.
Just really wanted to share the good news with you guys. I am scared, though. Not gonna lie. And, I have no idea what I am going to do about my dog. I can't afford to board her, and my mom has a cat that's crazier than I am!! lol Seriously, her cat is half feral, and nutty as a candy bar!! But, she is cute as hell, so we forgive her nuttiness.
Well. now it's hurry up and wait time. We shall see what comes of it. It's so crazy how you can want and need something so bad, but be terrified of it all at the same time. Weird.
Thank you Marcus and OP for responding to my crazy posts today. You are awesome, and I appreciate it more than I can say. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. It means the world to know I'm not alone.
How are you doing final?? Check in between dates when you can!! lol
Ok, going to try and work on my art for a bit, and curl up in bed for a while. I am so tired.
Love you guys.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Oh man, i was just thinking what im going to do about my teeth. I have appt on tues. And worried about my puppy. And i am afraid of being aroundcall kinds of new people i dont know. Now that the excite ment is wearing off, the fear is kicking in big time. And, i will have to quit mj, too. Oh jeez, you guys, i am really nervous. Really scared. But i am doing this.
So, i guess now i truly understand what it means to let go and let God.
Love you guys.
So, i guess now i truly understand what it means to let go and let God.
Love you guys.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Sugar - if you can go to detox / rehab I would say to go for it. I don't have personal experience with detoxes in a facility. From what I have heard it sounds a lot easier than what I put myself through. I wish I had gone to a detox facility instead of earning golden junkie medals for putting myself through absolute hell at home.
IP Rehab felt like a vacation to me. Actually, it was like an all-inclusive vacation because meals were provided. Everything was provided. It was a low-stress environment where I could recuperate. There is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to rehab. If your insurance will pay for it, I would say to go to one of the real fancy ones.
I hope you are still going strong.
IP Rehab felt like a vacation to me. Actually, it was like an all-inclusive vacation because meals were provided. Everything was provided. It was a low-stress environment where I could recuperate. There is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to rehab. If your insurance will pay for it, I would say to go to one of the real fancy ones.
I hope you are still going strong.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Souris, PEI
Posts: 50
The only comment I can make is whatever suffering we do because of addiction is our own doing. I hope you find the strength to find your way to sobriety, I know its hard I been there. Puking my guts out, my family hating me cause I stole off them, but in recovery I realized no one did this but me and my active addiction. I remember one sponsor said to me and it really always stayed with me, when you were in addiction what length would you go to use, I walked miles, stole, lied, cheated, I mean so many things we have to be able to apply that to recovery. I know you can do it, you should take advantage of residential therapy it will help alot.
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 243
SugarAngel
You sound like you're motivated so that's good. The fact your insurance will pay for Detox/Rehab is a huge bonus. As,to your pain, perhaps you'll find it will lessen to the point of being livable, due to the syndrome of opiate-induced hyperalgesia--the increase in pain CAUSED by the hydro, and NOT the same as tolerance build up, will abate. I'm currently on day 10 (!) off 50-100 mg/day of Oxycodone and feel pretty good. Last of the issues including bathroom are about gone. My pain levels are a lot better although some things are difficult but NOT AS BAD AS WHEN ON THE POISON!!!
Take that lucky break and go to rehab! My best to you.
Take that lucky break and go to rehab! My best to you.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Ah, thanks you guys for all your awesome posts. Please feel free to write as much as you want, anytime you want. I really love hearing about how people are kicking and getting through it. It gives me such hope.
So, I wrote out this long post, then lost it all, so I will write more later. I hate it when I lose posts like that, cuz then I'm too burned out to write it all over again. Shoot, I hope this one goes through. Still having some minor SR glitches.
I am doing ok. As ok as I can in wds. I want a cig so bad I can barely stand it. But, I am here and doing my best. Just laying in bed with my puppy and watching Netflix. It's all I can find the energy to do right now.
You know, before I came to SR, I didn't think I mattered. That even if I did get sober, who would care. Thank you all for making me feel like a person again. Like I have some point to being here. Thank you for making me feel like a human being, deserving of a sober, happy life. That is what I am holding on to. That I matter. Even if it's in just a small way.
Love you guys.
So, I wrote out this long post, then lost it all, so I will write more later. I hate it when I lose posts like that, cuz then I'm too burned out to write it all over again. Shoot, I hope this one goes through. Still having some minor SR glitches.
I am doing ok. As ok as I can in wds. I want a cig so bad I can barely stand it. But, I am here and doing my best. Just laying in bed with my puppy and watching Netflix. It's all I can find the energy to do right now.
You know, before I came to SR, I didn't think I mattered. That even if I did get sober, who would care. Thank you all for making me feel like a person again. Like I have some point to being here. Thank you for making me feel like a human being, deserving of a sober, happy life. That is what I am holding on to. That I matter. Even if it's in just a small way.
Love you guys.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
BTW.....Someone here once told me that nothing changes if nothing changes. Amen. So, no matter what these people ask me to do, even if I don't want to, I am going to do it. I have tried for years now to do it my way, and it's just not working. So, I am putting it all in God's hands, and in theirs, and hopefully this will be the way out. I am surrendering to the process. Let someone more knowledgeable who's been there take the lead. I am tired. And done.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Ruh Roh, Shaggy....
My mom just called, and she is dropping by in a bit. She is seriously pissed about my seeking help. She feels it should be kept quiet, in the family. A secret. She is embarrassed by me, and that really hurts. I've always been a good girl, did what I was told, try to never cross my mom. But, in this case, I am going against her wishes, and boy, she is not happy. At all. Now, I get to spend an hour listening to her tell me what a loser I am and how weak I am cuz I can't do it alone. This is gonna blow. Wish me luck, cuz I'm not changing my mind, no matter how many names she calls me, or how bad she make me feel. I am not giving in to her this time. This is MY life to live. Not hers. I just wish she could love me and support me in this cuz I feel really alone and scared. But, my mom isn't that kind of mom. And, she may never be. So, gotta stand on my own two feet.
Love you guys.
My mom just called, and she is dropping by in a bit. She is seriously pissed about my seeking help. She feels it should be kept quiet, in the family. A secret. She is embarrassed by me, and that really hurts. I've always been a good girl, did what I was told, try to never cross my mom. But, in this case, I am going against her wishes, and boy, she is not happy. At all. Now, I get to spend an hour listening to her tell me what a loser I am and how weak I am cuz I can't do it alone. This is gonna blow. Wish me luck, cuz I'm not changing my mind, no matter how many names she calls me, or how bad she make me feel. I am not giving in to her this time. This is MY life to live. Not hers. I just wish she could love me and support me in this cuz I feel really alone and scared. But, my mom isn't that kind of mom. And, she may never be. So, gotta stand on my own two feet.
Love you guys.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
You sound good Sugar. If you have the desire to change and hold onto that desire it will happen. Don't let anything stand in your way - even your mom :-)
I had an amazing day today. First off it was 60 degrees in Chicago in January - I mean is that even possible? Went to a great meeting this morning. Then spent some quality time with my family. Weather was so nice I cooked steaks on the grill while my kids jumped on the trampoline.
Saw a friend speak tonight at a meeting and was blown away. It is amazing to see the changes in not only myself, but others if I stick around. See someone basically crawl through the doors like I did. Quiet, scared, shy, and reserved. Then slowly start to open up and grab onto recovery and just seem to get it. Talk the talk and walk the walk.
There was a guy there with a hospital wristband on and it was his first time at this meeting. I could see he was shaking like a leaf. Went up and talked to him at the break. He had overdosed on heroin last night after 2 months clean and his heart rate was down to like 4 beats a minute. His friends brought him to the meeting from the hospital. I talked to him for a bit. Shared how I spent a night in the ICU and 5 more days in the hospital after an OD. Also about how I got sober and that there is hope. Told him about a meeting tomorrow that I will be at if he wants to come.
Anyway Sugar not trying to make this all about me, but just felt like sharing that. Things can and will get better if you are honest, open, and willing. The hardest part for so many of us is getting out of our own way. We are usually our own worst enemy, but it doesn't have to be that way.
Okay time for bed over here. I am feeling exhausted after today, but it is a good kind of exhausted. I will sleep tonight with a big smile on my face and a feeling of gratitude. Life is good :-)
I had an amazing day today. First off it was 60 degrees in Chicago in January - I mean is that even possible? Went to a great meeting this morning. Then spent some quality time with my family. Weather was so nice I cooked steaks on the grill while my kids jumped on the trampoline.
Saw a friend speak tonight at a meeting and was blown away. It is amazing to see the changes in not only myself, but others if I stick around. See someone basically crawl through the doors like I did. Quiet, scared, shy, and reserved. Then slowly start to open up and grab onto recovery and just seem to get it. Talk the talk and walk the walk.
There was a guy there with a hospital wristband on and it was his first time at this meeting. I could see he was shaking like a leaf. Went up and talked to him at the break. He had overdosed on heroin last night after 2 months clean and his heart rate was down to like 4 beats a minute. His friends brought him to the meeting from the hospital. I talked to him for a bit. Shared how I spent a night in the ICU and 5 more days in the hospital after an OD. Also about how I got sober and that there is hope. Told him about a meeting tomorrow that I will be at if he wants to come.
Anyway Sugar not trying to make this all about me, but just felt like sharing that. Things can and will get better if you are honest, open, and willing. The hardest part for so many of us is getting out of our own way. We are usually our own worst enemy, but it doesn't have to be that way.
Okay time for bed over here. I am feeling exhausted after today, but it is a good kind of exhausted. I will sleep tonight with a big smile on my face and a feeling of gratitude. Life is good :-)
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Souris, PEI
Posts: 50
Somewhere in NA/AA literature there is a definition of insanity, it defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think this is an addict after they go through detox feel better again and feel they can use without going to the extreme of addiction.
After 16 years of no use, my doctor giving me a script of hydromorphone and part of me said tell him now your a recovering addict but the addiction never goes away and said hey its been 16 years treat yourself, I was off to the pharmacy got my rigs and it was like 16 years didn't exist, it was like I immediately went back in time, I said I will do one a day and skip a day well they were all gone in just over a week. Then I managed to get a script for 240 percocet 5mg Oxycocet and those were gone in a week then when it came time to actually spend money something came over me I found this page read the thread of Dawg and Sugar and decided it was time to go back to recovery, the last few years of my sobriety I was sober but not spiritually well. Depressed but not doing anything about it, a perfect storm.
I am very happy I found this place. I commend everyone who attempts to stop addiction and find their way out of hell.
Once an addict always an addict. But don't believe for one second if you relapse you lost anything, the only thing you lost is that day, a day spent sober is something that can never be taken away.
Love all my sisters and brothers in recovery !!!
After 16 years of no use, my doctor giving me a script of hydromorphone and part of me said tell him now your a recovering addict but the addiction never goes away and said hey its been 16 years treat yourself, I was off to the pharmacy got my rigs and it was like 16 years didn't exist, it was like I immediately went back in time, I said I will do one a day and skip a day well they were all gone in just over a week. Then I managed to get a script for 240 percocet 5mg Oxycocet and those were gone in a week then when it came time to actually spend money something came over me I found this page read the thread of Dawg and Sugar and decided it was time to go back to recovery, the last few years of my sobriety I was sober but not spiritually well. Depressed but not doing anything about it, a perfect storm.
I am very happy I found this place. I commend everyone who attempts to stop addiction and find their way out of hell.
Once an addict always an addict. But don't believe for one second if you relapse you lost anything, the only thing you lost is that day, a day spent sober is something that can never be taken away.
Love all my sisters and brothers in recovery !!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Thats what we do when we fall off the horse. We get right back on!!! So glad to see you here and thanks for sharing your story. If you go through the thread written by me you will see I have been off and then on. It sucks to say the least and each time I go right back to taking way too many.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
Hey Peeps.....
I am here. Loved reading all the new posts today!! So needed the encouragement. I loved your post Marcus, because when you talk about your family and your life now, oh man, it gives me such hope that I, too, can have a happy, sober, fulfilling life. Thank you for that.
Op - You are the man. You just always know the right thing to say to make me feel better, and help put things into perspective. Thank you.
Final - Ah, girl, you just make my day. You always make me smile!! And don't worry. I won't let anyone or anything get in my way this time. I gave up control.
Lostsoul - glad to see you here. Come and post anytime. We are all here for you. I am glad you found SR and this thread. We are all here to support each other, so stick around and post a lot. I swear, it really helps to 'talk' to others who are going through the same things you are. Thank you for sharing your story. It helped me a lot. And Final's thread is a good one to read through. It was the first thread I read when I came here, and it helped a lot. So, if you have some time to kill, check it out!! Hope to 'see' you here posting. Use this thread if you want. I don't mind at all. that's what it's here for. For all of us.
So, am just laying in bed, watching horror movies on Netflix. Love to watch them when I am in wds cuz I figure if someone is chasing you with a chainsaw, then you are probably having a worse day than I. Don't judge!! lol It works for me. I found that Will Ferrell movie you told me about, Final, and I will probably watch that too. I feel so sick, and I have so much to do this week, so am taking this last day of peace before the storm. I hate doing ANYTHING in wds. But I hate doing nothing worse. Wish me luck on this week, cuz, boy, it's gonna be rough.
Ok, guess that's all for now. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day. Keep up the fight, guys!! We can do this together.
Love you all.
I am here. Loved reading all the new posts today!! So needed the encouragement. I loved your post Marcus, because when you talk about your family and your life now, oh man, it gives me such hope that I, too, can have a happy, sober, fulfilling life. Thank you for that.
Op - You are the man. You just always know the right thing to say to make me feel better, and help put things into perspective. Thank you.
Final - Ah, girl, you just make my day. You always make me smile!! And don't worry. I won't let anyone or anything get in my way this time. I gave up control.
Lostsoul - glad to see you here. Come and post anytime. We are all here for you. I am glad you found SR and this thread. We are all here to support each other, so stick around and post a lot. I swear, it really helps to 'talk' to others who are going through the same things you are. Thank you for sharing your story. It helped me a lot. And Final's thread is a good one to read through. It was the first thread I read when I came here, and it helped a lot. So, if you have some time to kill, check it out!! Hope to 'see' you here posting. Use this thread if you want. I don't mind at all. that's what it's here for. For all of us.
So, am just laying in bed, watching horror movies on Netflix. Love to watch them when I am in wds cuz I figure if someone is chasing you with a chainsaw, then you are probably having a worse day than I. Don't judge!! lol It works for me. I found that Will Ferrell movie you told me about, Final, and I will probably watch that too. I feel so sick, and I have so much to do this week, so am taking this last day of peace before the storm. I hate doing ANYTHING in wds. But I hate doing nothing worse. Wish me luck on this week, cuz, boy, it's gonna be rough.
Ok, guess that's all for now. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day. Keep up the fight, guys!! We can do this together.
Love you all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
BTW..... Visit with mom went better than expected. She's not happy, but she'll live. She even said she will still take me to a couple NA meetings until I can make some friends, and maybe find someone who lives nearby that I can share a ride with. I hear they do that??
Anyway, just wanted to give you all a quick update on that. I guess sometimes I just worry myself sick over nothing. But hey, that's me!! Xena, worrier princess. lol
Stay safe peeps. And keep checking in. We can't help each other if no one writes!! Right??
Peace.
Anyway, just wanted to give you all a quick update on that. I guess sometimes I just worry myself sick over nothing. But hey, that's me!! Xena, worrier princess. lol
Stay safe peeps. And keep checking in. We can't help each other if no one writes!! Right??
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Hola. Just waiting for the new man to show up. Boy ladies and gents today was one of those days as an addict where I just had to move. I swear I kept hearing my first sponsors story of how she was so sick and wanted to throw in the towel. Her husband said GET to a meeting and call your sponsor or get out. So he took her, her sponsor drove her back to the house and said, "get outside and weed your garden." she wanted to fight it so dang bad but just kept doing it. Point being when you do not want to move MOVE.
Another time I was sicker than a dog. I had been laying in bed in china and was so sick, coming off 80 pills a day cold turkey. That is always how I would do it and this time since I was also drinking so much when I was using I was soooo sick. I mean I didn't think I was going to make it. I reached out to my friend from the program and he said get to a meeting and let the people there help you. I, sicker than a dog got dressed and got a taxi. The taxi's in china drive like hell, smell like hell, and I had the runs soooo bad I thought I was going to crap in the taxi. Anyways I made it to a 4pm meeting on a sunday afternoon. I was able to cry and let them help me.
See when we are sicker than a dog and full of shame, guilt, remorse, hell, etc you doing want to do anything. BUT the people in the rooms (now this is my opinion) enjoy helping out the newcomers. They would tell me, let us love you until you love yourself. Do what we we say, don't question it, and keep coming back. If you don't pick up you will get better.
My latest sponsor that got me through the steps and moved to mexico used to tell me to cook, clean, chop, do anything to stay busy. So these women, who all have good sobriety would tell me the same things. And my friend that talked to me that one day. MOVE. Get up and move.
When I was using I loved to lay around. Yesterday I laid around all day. Eating and watching tv. Today I was still off and cooked 3 meals, cleaned the whole house, laundry, went to the park, and was still a emotional.
Its coming off the meds that does this to us. Truly. Once the meds are out of our system which I think it takes a good solid 90 days. Then the work starts.
I have hope. I have hope for all of you and me. Opiate addiction is no joke. I have dealt with this demon for so many years. Get clean and do well, fall off. When I am doing well and working a program, service, sponsor, steps I think "I WILL NEVER GO BACK. I WILL BE HONEST IN ALL I DO." THEN BAM.
I have had teeth issues, went back out. Back issues, went back out. No issues, went back out. Boredom, went back out. The case of the F it's, went back out. Now nothing is like how it used to be. So sick all the time, have to have 20 pills just to not be sick. F that. That is no way to live.
I love you all.
Another time I was sicker than a dog. I had been laying in bed in china and was so sick, coming off 80 pills a day cold turkey. That is always how I would do it and this time since I was also drinking so much when I was using I was soooo sick. I mean I didn't think I was going to make it. I reached out to my friend from the program and he said get to a meeting and let the people there help you. I, sicker than a dog got dressed and got a taxi. The taxi's in china drive like hell, smell like hell, and I had the runs soooo bad I thought I was going to crap in the taxi. Anyways I made it to a 4pm meeting on a sunday afternoon. I was able to cry and let them help me.
See when we are sicker than a dog and full of shame, guilt, remorse, hell, etc you doing want to do anything. BUT the people in the rooms (now this is my opinion) enjoy helping out the newcomers. They would tell me, let us love you until you love yourself. Do what we we say, don't question it, and keep coming back. If you don't pick up you will get better.
My latest sponsor that got me through the steps and moved to mexico used to tell me to cook, clean, chop, do anything to stay busy. So these women, who all have good sobriety would tell me the same things. And my friend that talked to me that one day. MOVE. Get up and move.
When I was using I loved to lay around. Yesterday I laid around all day. Eating and watching tv. Today I was still off and cooked 3 meals, cleaned the whole house, laundry, went to the park, and was still a emotional.
Its coming off the meds that does this to us. Truly. Once the meds are out of our system which I think it takes a good solid 90 days. Then the work starts.
I have hope. I have hope for all of you and me. Opiate addiction is no joke. I have dealt with this demon for so many years. Get clean and do well, fall off. When I am doing well and working a program, service, sponsor, steps I think "I WILL NEVER GO BACK. I WILL BE HONEST IN ALL I DO." THEN BAM.
I have had teeth issues, went back out. Back issues, went back out. No issues, went back out. Boredom, went back out. The case of the F it's, went back out. Now nothing is like how it used to be. So sick all the time, have to have 20 pills just to not be sick. F that. That is no way to live.
I love you all.
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