Avaslov

I have two and a half years sober and have been battling some dark depression lately and it's been quite awful. I've been taking all of the actions required but nothing has gotten any better. I've switched several medications and now the doctor finally put me on ritalin. I noticed right away that this has been a problem. It seems like I am taking more than I should because, of course, I'm feeling better. He told me it's not addictive... But it surely helps me to feel better, but of course that is temporary. Now it seems like I'm stuck on this and I'm rationalizing this, but it seems the only thing that is helping me through this terrible darkness. Lately on top of this I woke up having severe panic attacks and now he's got me on clonipin. I was a severe heroin and crack addict, but I feel so low now that this feels like it might be a pharmacutical solution. I'm just really stuck. Of course when I come off these I feel worse. I've been considering ECT therapy as well. I am just so fearful of going back to my old drugs that this seems like I won't go further than this, but then here I am again, feeling like I am addicted. Have any of you gone through this? Or understand what I'm feeling? It's just an awful place to be in right now and I feel like my life is meaningless. I would appreciate any help on this. Thank you so much. Now I'm scared to get off the ritalin.

IvanMike

Stop taking more than you are prescribed.

Does your doctor know your history?

Avaslov

Yeah he does and knew me when I was an addict. Now I feel like I'm truly messing with fire, but I'm having trouble dumping the pills because of this depression. I feel like the Ritalin is the only thing that gives me motivation and it scares the hell out of me. Well, gee, that sounds just like an addiction guess? I don't think I can take these as prescribed. I always run out too as with the case with any damn addiction. It just seems I got myself in a bad spot and I'm having a hard time getting out now. I guess I'm kind of answering my own question.

IvanMike

Time to quit using.

Lightning Bug

Ritalin is in the amphetamine family and Klonopin is a benzo. Both are addictive and I think it is really strange that your doctor told you they weren't. If you are taking more than prescribed then you are abusing the drug. Not different than abusing street drugs.

Soberwolf

Stick with us

Avaslov

Now I truly believe I put myself in a **** storm and I'm rationalizing with myself. It seems I am truly an addict in every sense. My main drug was heroin and crack and I'm scared as hell of those and I feel like I'd never go back, but never say never and I know that's true in this game. It's the same old ****. I say I won't take a pill and I just do. I'm so scared now of my depression and anxiety, but I know it will come anyway, it's like I'm trying to push it off. It's not even so much the benzos. I'm scared my wife would catch on to something. It's these damn ritalin and when I mention it, people act like they're no big thing. So then I say they're no big thing, but knowing now that I've developed a dependency to them means simply I'm addicted and as we all know, that's not how we want to live. Now I've convinced myself that I won't feel happy without them. What the hell? I know there is the simple answer, dump them and face it. ****. I guess I just want someone to say, I will be fine again. The biggest issue has been that I have been in a major depression and they are the only things that seemed to lift me out and I'm scared of going in the pit again. I've been switching meds and doing everything to get out of this sober existential crises, but nothing was working and this damn doctor put me on these meds. I was quite suicidal and I guess anything to get me through that was viable. I am scared to face this depression again I guess. Does anyone have any valuable positive advice for someone suffering. Nothing belittling, cross, or demeaning please. Sorry for the long post. I know it's just ritalin, but it's screwing me up.