Ok this time for real
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 78
Just got back from my NA meeting. I never thought I would meet such cool people right away! I stayed after and chatted with people and went to eat with them. Got a few numbers and honestly had more fun than I've had in a very long time. I finally got out of my own head for once! There is really something to this- just being surrounded by people who all have the same struggle is so powerful. I'm so, so glad I went. Tomorrow I have a meeting with a pastor and I'm gonna hit up another meeting after work.
The biggest message I got today is just to keep going to meetings and work the steps. You gotta actually do the work. Last time I didn't do anything besides not using, and that clearly wasn't good enough.
I think the next step is to get a sponsor, right? I really want to start working the steps, but I'm not yet sure what exactly that entails. How does one get a sponsor?
The biggest message I got today is just to keep going to meetings and work the steps. You gotta actually do the work. Last time I didn't do anything besides not using, and that clearly wasn't good enough.
I think the next step is to get a sponsor, right? I really want to start working the steps, but I'm not yet sure what exactly that entails. How does one get a sponsor?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Clarity - I am really happy that you went to the NA meeting and enjoyed it. People were very welcoming to me too.
Do you have a basic text yet? If not, you should get one as soon as possible. Chapter 5 is titled "What Can I Do?", and it is basically a list of different suggestions that have been compiled. It might help you with concrete things you can do prior to getting into the stepwork.
On the Sponsorship topic there is an IP titled Sponsorship that you might want to check out. It details what Sponsorship is in NA. If someone at the meeting you went to gave you a handful of pamphlets it might have been one of them. The "IPs" are Informational Pamphlets that cover different topics.
Some people take a while to get a sponsor, but I got one as soon as possible. My sponsor is someone I can trust to tell anything to. In the beginning I called him and met with him a few times before we started step work. I am doing the stepwork through the NA flatbook (the "Step Working Guide"), which includes a ton of questions on each step. I chose a sponsor in NA that was going to do stepwork with me through the flatbook, because it is very thorough. Other sponsors do things differently, but it might be a good question to ask a potential sponsor.
As far as choosing a sponsor goes, it is an important decision that you will need to make. Different sponsors have different sponsoring styles. Some people need a highly regimented sponsor that is basically involved in every decision they make in their life. I went with a sponsor that listens to what I have to say, but rarely gives me advice (i.e. he isn't authoritarian). He shares his life experience generally, but will give advice if I am planning to do something blatantly stupid. My sponsor has a lot of clean time, and has been through the steps / traditions with his sponsor. It is pretty much a requirement for your sponsor to have been through the steps with his own sponsor. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to help you with the stepwork.
The actual process of choosing is just to go up to someone after a meeting and ask them to sponsor you. They frown upon the mixing of the sexes with sponsors, but you will sometimes see women sponsoring men or vice versa.
Sorry for rambling, but that is a brain dump on sponsorship in NA.
Do you have a basic text yet? If not, you should get one as soon as possible. Chapter 5 is titled "What Can I Do?", and it is basically a list of different suggestions that have been compiled. It might help you with concrete things you can do prior to getting into the stepwork.
On the Sponsorship topic there is an IP titled Sponsorship that you might want to check out. It details what Sponsorship is in NA. If someone at the meeting you went to gave you a handful of pamphlets it might have been one of them. The "IPs" are Informational Pamphlets that cover different topics.
Some people take a while to get a sponsor, but I got one as soon as possible. My sponsor is someone I can trust to tell anything to. In the beginning I called him and met with him a few times before we started step work. I am doing the stepwork through the NA flatbook (the "Step Working Guide"), which includes a ton of questions on each step. I chose a sponsor in NA that was going to do stepwork with me through the flatbook, because it is very thorough. Other sponsors do things differently, but it might be a good question to ask a potential sponsor.
As far as choosing a sponsor goes, it is an important decision that you will need to make. Different sponsors have different sponsoring styles. Some people need a highly regimented sponsor that is basically involved in every decision they make in their life. I went with a sponsor that listens to what I have to say, but rarely gives me advice (i.e. he isn't authoritarian). He shares his life experience generally, but will give advice if I am planning to do something blatantly stupid. My sponsor has a lot of clean time, and has been through the steps / traditions with his sponsor. It is pretty much a requirement for your sponsor to have been through the steps with his own sponsor. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to help you with the stepwork.
The actual process of choosing is just to go up to someone after a meeting and ask them to sponsor you. They frown upon the mixing of the sexes with sponsors, but you will sometimes see women sponsoring men or vice versa.
Sorry for rambling, but that is a brain dump on sponsorship in NA.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 39
Good luck! Glad you're truly clean. I have found that staying on other drugs, even a medication such as moda or others, ( besides what a doc might prescribe, after being completely honest with them about your addiction and recovery ) only serve to feed my mental addiction. Which hinders my ability to have any type of spiritual connection with a higher power. You are doing great. I hope you stick to it, and never get too comfortable. Addiction is cunning and powerful. It will find ways of creeping up on you when you least expect it, and dragging you right back down that hole you've been clawing your way out of! That's the great thing about sponsorship, it's another person just like you, that's got your back. Getting clean and sober is 'easy'. Staying clean and learning to live life as a sober person, is difficult for us. That's where a sponsor can help also. Church can be good! Sometimes addiction is the catalyst necessary to open our hearts and minds to a spiritual way of life. Spirituality isn't necessarily religious. But most religions are spiritual. Whatever works for you! Keep it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 78
Really struggling today. About to go into a meeting and work is piling up causing me a lot of anxiety. My job allows me to have a flexible schedule but I still have to find time to get the work done. Uggggghhhh.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 39
Stay strong! No matter what, getting high won't solve anything long term...temporary relief is the best you can hope for while using. Lifelong happiness and peace is what's promised through sobriety and trust in a higher power. Nobody said it'll be easy, but it's definitely worth it!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by LivingStronger 
Hey Clarity, how'd the meeting/work go? Keep working your program!
FYI, I came clean to my wife yesterday and am getting back on the horse. Day 1 here.
FYI, I came clean to my wife yesterday and am getting back on the horse. Day 1 here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I'm very glad you're here, amigo.
It sure sounds like you are on a good path toward recovery.
I would consider going to a psychiatrist (to learn whether you have any co-occurring conditions which need treatment) or to a psychologist who works with recovering people to get some additional information (particularly as it relates to your self-medication issues).
Keep us posted on your progress.
It sure sounds like you are on a good path toward recovery.
I would consider going to a psychiatrist (to learn whether you have any co-occurring conditions which need treatment) or to a psychologist who works with recovering people to get some additional information (particularly as it relates to your self-medication issues).
Keep us posted on your progress.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 78
Day 5 fully clean
Hi everyone, just wanted to update my progress.
It's now been 5 days since I've had drugs of any kind. The withdrawals that I was expecting from the modafinil were non existent besides taking a nap the first day without. I feel like i'm gaining momentum, and i'm going to start incorporating mediation into my routine. Still need a sponsor, but I feel like if I continue going to meetings and occupying myself I can stay clean until that happens. I know I have a long road ahead of me but today I feel very optimistic. Research has been looking up lately, I recently had a nice breakthrough, which was much needed. Thanks everyone and I wish yout all the very best.
It's now been 5 days since I've had drugs of any kind. The withdrawals that I was expecting from the modafinil were non existent besides taking a nap the first day without. I feel like i'm gaining momentum, and i'm going to start incorporating mediation into my routine. Still need a sponsor, but I feel like if I continue going to meetings and occupying myself I can stay clean until that happens. I know I have a long road ahead of me but today I feel very optimistic. Research has been looking up lately, I recently had a nice breakthrough, which was much needed. Thanks everyone and I wish yout all the very best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 78
Wife wants to go out with some of her friends from work tonight, and I know there will be drinking involved. I have never been a big drinker, and I don't plan on drinking, but I wonder if I'm putting myself in a bad spot if I go. I want her to have a good time but she doesn't want to go if I don't go with her. So it's either she'll be mad at me for not going or I'll have to just go and be the odd one out. It's frustrating, she knows I'm trying to get myself straight but she's putting pressure on me to go into a situation I shouldn't be in.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think in the end you have to listen to yourself Clarity.
If you think you can stay sober, ok - if you're worried you can't then you kn ow what to do.
There's really nothing stopping your wife from going out with her work friends without you, IMO.
D
If you think you can stay sober, ok - if you're worried you can't then you kn ow what to do.
There's really nothing stopping your wife from going out with her work friends without you, IMO.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 78
I'm back now. My previous post was about me going out with my wife and there being drinking involved. Well I drank, then smoked, then a month later I'm here...
I just wanted to update this because I'm trying again. The next step is rehab or something. I'm really frustrated.
I just wanted to update this because I'm trying again. The next step is rehab or something. I'm really frustrated.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Originally Posted by Clarity12
Hi everyone,
I'm addicted to Kratom and clean 12 days. Before this relapse I was clean for a little over a year. I went back and forth for the last year, never getting more than a month free. I'm pissed off and ready to do this for real. I think got that year on my own willpower, because I wasn't working any kind of program and kind of just went crazy with work. I accomplished quite a bit in that time, and have continued to get **** done for the past year (mostly). However recently I have noticed things starting to fall apart- like the beginning of an epic downward spiral. It's hard to describe but its like this sick sinister dark cloud has been following me for months now ready to take me down.
I do indeed have a lot to lose- a wonderful, beautiful wife, a research fellowship at an elite institution, and a loving family. The thought of throwing it all away literally haunts me- it's my worst nightmare. My dad did just that- ended up so far down in the hole that he couldn't escape and killed himself. I hate thinking of it because I haven't dealt with it and I get very sad thinking about it.
I'm doing this the right way this time- I am fired up and ready for a war literally. I have come to believe that my addiction is the defining battle of my life, and as such I am taking aggressive action NOW. There is no question in my mind anymore- I am truly an addict.
I worry that I haven't hit the bottom- not even close. On the surface everything looks great, but my inner world is in turmoil. I feel so low. I hate how much I have let Kratom rule my life. Is it necessary to hit "rock bottom" to truly change? I sure hope not. All I know is that I desperately want off this train to hell. I know eventually the Kratom will not do it for me anymore and the default choice then is real opiates.
The purpose of this post is to make my commitment official in my head- I have managed to stop the using (took a couple tries to get to 12 days this time- seems like 10 days is my bottleneck- after which I can build momentum) but I know the real work is still ahead of me. You all will be seeing a lot more of me, and wish you all the very best.
I'm addicted to Kratom and clean 12 days. Before this relapse I was clean for a little over a year. I went back and forth for the last year, never getting more than a month free. I'm pissed off and ready to do this for real. I think got that year on my own willpower, because I wasn't working any kind of program and kind of just went crazy with work. I accomplished quite a bit in that time, and have continued to get **** done for the past year (mostly). However recently I have noticed things starting to fall apart- like the beginning of an epic downward spiral. It's hard to describe but its like this sick sinister dark cloud has been following me for months now ready to take me down.
I do indeed have a lot to lose- a wonderful, beautiful wife, a research fellowship at an elite institution, and a loving family. The thought of throwing it all away literally haunts me- it's my worst nightmare. My dad did just that- ended up so far down in the hole that he couldn't escape and killed himself. I hate thinking of it because I haven't dealt with it and I get very sad thinking about it.
I'm doing this the right way this time- I am fired up and ready for a war literally. I have come to believe that my addiction is the defining battle of my life, and as such I am taking aggressive action NOW. There is no question in my mind anymore- I am truly an addict.
I worry that I haven't hit the bottom- not even close. On the surface everything looks great, but my inner world is in turmoil. I feel so low. I hate how much I have let Kratom rule my life. Is it necessary to hit "rock bottom" to truly change? I sure hope not. All I know is that I desperately want off this train to hell. I know eventually the Kratom will not do it for me anymore and the default choice then is real opiates.
The purpose of this post is to make my commitment official in my head- I have managed to stop the using (took a couple tries to get to 12 days this time- seems like 10 days is my bottleneck- after which I can build momentum) but I know the real work is still ahead of me. You all will be seeing a lot more of me, and wish you all the very best.
I found that ROCK BOTTOM was a place I hit emotionally on the inside. It wasn't based on what I had or didn't have on the outside. Yes consequences and losing some things might have assisted in getting me there, but losing everything is not a requirement.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Welcome back, Clarity. Sorry for what you're going through. That can be so frustrating. Addiction is cunning, baffling, powerful, tenacious. It's good you've been honest with your wife and I'm sure she supports you, but if she's a normie, she perhaps doesn't understand the dangers going out drinking with friends presents. Even if she's aware of the problem, maybe she is in some denial about how bad the problem is.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
