90 plus days clean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 5
90 plus days clean
Hello..this is my first time here and my first post. I was addicted to prescription pain meds for about 2 and half years. Although they helped me feel "happy" and confident, the end was a nightmare filled with anxiety, depression, and a constant worry about how would I get more. On May 11th, I had my second birthday. I checked myself into rehab and stayed 28 days. I went to an NA meeting the day I got out, and started going to IOP the following morning. I went to meetings several times a week, found a sponsor, joined a home group, and started working the steps.
Today at just over 90 days clean, I am proud of everything I have done so far for my recovery. But I would be lying if I said this has been easy. It is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life!! I still feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. Some days are good, some days are bad, and some are simply a crazy mixture of both. I still have days when I feel like I am not comfortable in my own skin, like I just don't know myself anymore....I know who I was before I started using, and I know who I was while I was using, but now that I'm clean, I don't identify with either. And it's scary too. I know that I have to really deal with some critical issues from childhood, and early adulthood to truly be free. But it's scary to think of opening old wounds, and allowing myself to be vulnerable to those emotions. Sorry for rambling, but it feels so good to be open and honest. I realize that my "second birthday" is just like my first. I didn't come out of the womb walking and talking and knowing how to do math, it was a process, and a journey. And this will be a journey as well.
So that's where I'm at. Grateful for another day clean. Grateful that I have a supportive family, and grateful that I found this website. Thanks for letting me share. And oh, I would be so grateful if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions.
Today at just over 90 days clean, I am proud of everything I have done so far for my recovery. But I would be lying if I said this has been easy. It is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life!! I still feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. Some days are good, some days are bad, and some are simply a crazy mixture of both. I still have days when I feel like I am not comfortable in my own skin, like I just don't know myself anymore....I know who I was before I started using, and I know who I was while I was using, but now that I'm clean, I don't identify with either. And it's scary too. I know that I have to really deal with some critical issues from childhood, and early adulthood to truly be free. But it's scary to think of opening old wounds, and allowing myself to be vulnerable to those emotions. Sorry for rambling, but it feels so good to be open and honest. I realize that my "second birthday" is just like my first. I didn't come out of the womb walking and talking and knowing how to do math, it was a process, and a journey. And this will be a journey as well.
So that's where I'm at. Grateful for another day clean. Grateful that I have a supportive family, and grateful that I found this website. Thanks for letting me share. And oh, I would be so grateful if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Congrats.
At 90 days I was pretty unstable and didn't feel all that great. This is normal. I went every day, sometimes twice for at least the first year. I felt better over time.
As I went through the steps with my sponsor and learned to apply them in my life, I slowly began to develop a sense that I would be OK no matter what happened. I started to be able to look in the mirror. When the voice in my head told me that I was worthless I began to be able to tell it to shut up - and it started to listen.
I learned to hang out with the people in the fellowship that not only had clean time, but that also were clearly serious about this thing called recovery - their actions matched their words, and they lived with integrity.
I learned that just because it itched, that didn't mean that I had to scratch. All feelings pass.
Advice? Perseverance is vital. Stay the course even when you don't feel like it.
At 90 days I was pretty unstable and didn't feel all that great. This is normal. I went every day, sometimes twice for at least the first year. I felt better over time.
As I went through the steps with my sponsor and learned to apply them in my life, I slowly began to develop a sense that I would be OK no matter what happened. I started to be able to look in the mirror. When the voice in my head told me that I was worthless I began to be able to tell it to shut up - and it started to listen.
I learned to hang out with the people in the fellowship that not only had clean time, but that also were clearly serious about this thing called recovery - their actions matched their words, and they lived with integrity.
I learned that just because it itched, that didn't mean that I had to scratch. All feelings pass.
Advice? Perseverance is vital. Stay the course even when you don't feel like it.
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