Advice needed with my brother using an unknown substance
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
Advice needed with my brother using an unknown substance
Hi All- I need some advice. I am a recovered heroin and cocaine addict and alcoholic. I have 15 months clean. I work the AA program, have a hg and do step work.
My brother on the other hand has put my family thru a lot both in the past and recently with his addiction. I'm not perfect and I did the same thing during active addiction, but it's not about me now. He is 35, has a good job, lives with his girlfriend, and says he was clean for six months up until a little over a week ago. He didn't come home one night to his gf's house and my parents were at their beach house. I checked their house to find him and he was there, using their house as a party pad while they were gone--cocaine, alcohol, shady characters were there including a call girl. I kicked them all out, his gf came and got him and my parents wanted nothing to do with him.
Yesterday he was going over to their house to apologize and his gf said he had been acting weird and was jittery and having panic attacks. He claimed he took too much propanolol (which was a few months expired and he hadn't taken in over a year). I'm not an idiot. I knew it was more than that. I had night school so I was not there to observe his behavior last night. This morning I get a call early in the morning that his gf was dropping him off at my parent's house and he needed to go to the ER. I met them over there and he was confused, lethargic, slow, but restless and jittery (he was playing the air drums for 30 minutes). We went to the hospital, he admits to nothing, the ER doc checked his vitals, asked him questions to address and check his psychiatric state, and did bloodwork. It came back positive for amphetamines. He was discharged bc he was in no danger to himself or others.
My husband is a fireman/EMS and he was with me and said my brother reminded him of the calls they run for someone who took bath salts. I have no experience with this or with amphetamines. I know cocaine is a stimulant and trust me I'm surprised I never OD'd on it. I know it's possible that whoever he is getting drugs from could have cut it with some kind of speed or whatever.
I really think he still has some and is using currently. When we came home from the hospital, he had used the bathroom at the hospital and on the way home he seemed alert and like his old self. But then he became fidgety, restless, moving and clenching his jaw and his temples were pulsating. Then he becomes out of it and confused. Within a few hours he is able to sleep. He stayed at my parents tonight and they said he is going thru the entire behavior cycle from earlier over and over.
I just have no experience with amphetamines. Any help or advice and/or opinions would be greatly appreciated and useful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
My brother on the other hand has put my family thru a lot both in the past and recently with his addiction. I'm not perfect and I did the same thing during active addiction, but it's not about me now. He is 35, has a good job, lives with his girlfriend, and says he was clean for six months up until a little over a week ago. He didn't come home one night to his gf's house and my parents were at their beach house. I checked their house to find him and he was there, using their house as a party pad while they were gone--cocaine, alcohol, shady characters were there including a call girl. I kicked them all out, his gf came and got him and my parents wanted nothing to do with him.
Yesterday he was going over to their house to apologize and his gf said he had been acting weird and was jittery and having panic attacks. He claimed he took too much propanolol (which was a few months expired and he hadn't taken in over a year). I'm not an idiot. I knew it was more than that. I had night school so I was not there to observe his behavior last night. This morning I get a call early in the morning that his gf was dropping him off at my parent's house and he needed to go to the ER. I met them over there and he was confused, lethargic, slow, but restless and jittery (he was playing the air drums for 30 minutes). We went to the hospital, he admits to nothing, the ER doc checked his vitals, asked him questions to address and check his psychiatric state, and did bloodwork. It came back positive for amphetamines. He was discharged bc he was in no danger to himself or others.
My husband is a fireman/EMS and he was with me and said my brother reminded him of the calls they run for someone who took bath salts. I have no experience with this or with amphetamines. I know cocaine is a stimulant and trust me I'm surprised I never OD'd on it. I know it's possible that whoever he is getting drugs from could have cut it with some kind of speed or whatever.
I really think he still has some and is using currently. When we came home from the hospital, he had used the bathroom at the hospital and on the way home he seemed alert and like his old self. But then he became fidgety, restless, moving and clenching his jaw and his temples were pulsating. Then he becomes out of it and confused. Within a few hours he is able to sleep. He stayed at my parents tonight and they said he is going thru the entire behavior cycle from earlier over and over.
I just have no experience with amphetamines. Any help or advice and/or opinions would be greatly appreciated and useful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
The straight up honest truth is it doesn't really matter what he's using. On a practical level you can't help him. My brother is still drinking himself to death. Nothing I can do about that either. You know as well as I do that we didn't stop until we were ready, and no one could have done anything to convince us otherwise.
Apart from not being able to make another addict stop using, I was taught that it's not a good idea to try to 12-step someone you are close to. Family members are even more dangerous to try to help than close friends.
I wish I had better sounding advice. He knows recovery is available, when and if he is ready he will seek it. I'm in the same boat. Doesn't make it easier. Don't be afraid to distance yourself from him. Your recovery is the only thing you can control, and using addicts are dangerous people.
Hang in there.
Apart from not being able to make another addict stop using, I was taught that it's not a good idea to try to 12-step someone you are close to. Family members are even more dangerous to try to help than close friends.
I wish I had better sounding advice. He knows recovery is available, when and if he is ready he will seek it. I'm in the same boat. Doesn't make it easier. Don't be afraid to distance yourself from him. Your recovery is the only thing you can control, and using addicts are dangerous people.
Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
If money or love could fix us, we'd all be clean
Thank you so much for your quick replay and advice. I am in agreement with you--and I never thought of it this way---that is doesn't matter what he is using, using is using and he doesn't care about the consequences so he's obviously not ready.
I think distancing myself from him and not being there to cater to his delusions and aid him in thinking he's pulling the wool over everyone's eyes, it the step I MUST take. And I will share my intentions with my parents because I think they need to stop their involvement with him. They can make their own decision on that but if we all distance ourselves his bottom might come faster. The gift of desperation that is so badly needed.
Thank you again.
I think distancing myself from him and not being there to cater to his delusions and aid him in thinking he's pulling the wool over everyone's eyes, it the step I MUST take. And I will share my intentions with my parents because I think they need to stop their involvement with him. They can make their own decision on that but if we all distance ourselves his bottom might come faster. The gift of desperation that is so badly needed.
Thank you again.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Any time. I just visited my mother and brother today. He looks worse each time I see him, and it is painful. I can't even control the fact that my mother enables him.
There is a reason that the serenity to accept the things we cannot change comes first. There's a heck of a lot more of them. The only things I can change (with courage) are my actions and perceptions. Not always easy. My mother got under my skin a bit and I was not the nicest person to her. Some old resentments die hard. Even though I knew my part and wanted to stop being abrasive i continued to fall short during the visit. I got a little better at the end. I'll try harder next time and I'll have to make amends. Just not right now as I'm still too emotional and I'm sure it will go the wrong way.
'
Congrats on staying clean and sober. Keep at it. I remember how fragile I was at 15 months. Don't worry, keep practicing the steps and you can continue to get better.
There is a reason that the serenity to accept the things we cannot change comes first. There's a heck of a lot more of them. The only things I can change (with courage) are my actions and perceptions. Not always easy. My mother got under my skin a bit and I was not the nicest person to her. Some old resentments die hard. Even though I knew my part and wanted to stop being abrasive i continued to fall short during the visit. I got a little better at the end. I'll try harder next time and I'll have to make amends. Just not right now as I'm still too emotional and I'm sure it will go the wrong way.
'
Congrats on staying clean and sober. Keep at it. I remember how fragile I was at 15 months. Don't worry, keep practicing the steps and you can continue to get better.
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