Free time does not get easier
 

I am having cravings. It is having free time that does it.

When I was in 12-step recovery I was supposed to pray or do step work at times like these. Neither option ever worked for me.

I left the program and would talk to friends at time like this. This year, the people I call on at times like this are by chance not available that much.

I have a lot of work to do over the weekend, but I am worried. Not sure if I can hold out.

Yup, I feel the same. Another thing I learned in the rooms was "get out of yourself". So I'm gonna call the churches that feed the needy today and go volunteer somewhere----bc I'm needy. (oh, and I'm an atheist btw but that not need come up in conversation today----only hands and smiles).

If we wish to stay sober best to get a sober tool belt together.

Mine includes
this site (used often day and late into the night)
AA meetings and a good moral sponsor who I can call on
church
many studies of the bible
reading of the AA Big Book (truly explains our condition)

MB

I am doing some volunteer work today. But eventually I have to come home.

Friday night is going to be the test.

...my sponsor calls it 'empty apartment syndrome'
=^.^=

Your stinking thinking has rear its ugly head again, huh? I took the opportunity to read all your threads. I see this is an ongoing problem with you. You have gotten a lot of great advice here have you put any of them into action?

The Acceptance Prayer

Higher Power, grant me the wisdom to know the difference between what can be changed and what I must accept. Please help me gratefully accept the life I've been given.

Not sure what 12-step group you attend or attended. But the first suggestion when you're butt is on fire and fighting a craving/s is to call a sponsor, or another person in recovery, or get to a meeting. That is why most meetings give out phone lists too. The phone saved my butt on many occasions. Specially, in early recovery.

I also have none recovery friends that I can shoot the breeze with. When I feel out of sorts although my friends are very compassionate towards my feelings, they have absolutely no clue of the pain, suffering and frustration an addict/alcoholic goes through. In times of distress only another recovering addict/alcoholic understands what I'm going through.

This morning I wrote a gratitude and thank you list. Have you?

Hugs and prayers
TB

The sponsors I had said the one thing you cannot do when you feel cravings is to call them or anyone in 12-step recovery. They would say get off the phone and pray.

One reason I left 12-step recovery was that I found it was helpful to talk to people when I was having cravings, which my last sponsor told me could only end with going back out. And I could be setting back the recovery of any addict or alcoholic I spoke to.

I know a lot of people on this site are less strict about the steps, which I think is good. It is part of why I find SR more helpful better than than 12-step groups.

I do make a list of things I am grateful for every morning before getting out of bed. It was a suggestion of one of my non-addicted friends. He said he had been doing it for years and since he was one of the kindest and happy people I knew, I adopted it along with other practices he had.

Of course, now I wonder if my sponsors were right. I wonder if I kept my mouth shut about cravings maybe they would shrivel up and disappear from my life.

Sharing about it helps short term, but years later I am still sharing about it.

There were many things in life that I
didn't like, habits I did that were not
healthy, that made me feel ashamed
of, guilty of, people that pizzed me off,
caused me to hold resentments of, just
to name a few to keep me in my own
sick addiction.

I didn't choose the AA program of recovery
to help me get sober in the beginning, but
it was taught to me. Those 12 steps and principles
were explained to me and how each was to
be incorporated in all areas of my life to
rid myself of all those unhealthy thoughts
and actions that kept me sick in my addiction.

This program allowed me to clear away
the wreakage of the past and to help me
not fall victim of them each day I remained
sober.

I still have some lessons in life that Im
continueing to learn about so that I don't
have to repeat them often. Forgiveness,
self absorbed, selfishness, self centeredness,
and so on. Those pesky emotions that crop
up which is normal or have to do with our
ever changing hormones associated with
age.

As long as I keep in check with those
steps I incorporate in all my affairs
then im pretty sure I wont drink today.

It's not just about not picking up a drink
or drug that will keep me sober, but its
the little things that can creep up on me,
just enough to ruffle my feathers and
get me agitated to trick my mind into
thinking one small drink, wont matter.

However, from past experiences, there
is no such thing as one small drink to cure
what's ailing me. In fact there isn't enough
alcohol in this world to cure, numb it, you
name it.

I'd rather incorporate a program of
recovery in my everyday life to keep
me as healthy as I can than to solve
my everyday problems with poison
which would eventually kill me.

Working thru issues that kept me sick
for so long with a program of recovery
taught to me 25 yrs ago is simple and
yet effective.

I have a feeling that there are many versions of how to use the steps. A lot of what people say here directly contradicts what I was taught.

For me being open and honest, connected to something larger than myself, and placing myself in the service of others is what helps. Those are my principles. Taking action rather than letting anger/resentment fester is also very important.

In spite of my previous post, I really do not think I could ever do it the 12-step way and keep quiet about the struggles I sometime have even though that is so important in the first step. It is not a principle that works for me. It goes against the openness and honesty with which I try to live my life--and which are foundational to my recovery.

Of course the challenge is, what do I do over the next few days. One of the most frustrating things in 12-step recovery was a lack of practical support when dealing with cravings. The only suggestion was prayer and step work...and so I would try to pray, then work on a fourth step (since it is the first one in the BB that had clear instructions that one could follow at any time), which really did not help.

But here I am going through the same thing. I used other people for practical support even though 12-step recovery told me not to. They said that it would lead me back to drug use. And here I am without anyone to talk to and I worry that they may have been right. Being dependent on support for others means that when they are not there, you are left to your own resources.

I don't want them to be right. I don't want to think that I have been doing it wrong by calling on human aid to get me through the rough times. But I am afraid.

Of course here I am on a website asking for help and talking of my troubles in a way that goes against the the steps. So I guess I do believe my way really can work.

We have much to be grateful for
but, do we truly appreciate and understand that word ?
For if not it's all in vain
no matter how much we try
we go insane.

Maybe a little heavy on the point shared there
but
hopefully the desired message got through ?

Food, shelter and water ?
Many today do not have.
Rather than thinking I'm special, I'd rather be grateful.

Mountainmanbob

miamifella........

You and I have had this discussion before (many times, in fact, since at least 2009), and I've always said the same things..............: this is not the 12-Step recovery I know here in TX, nor have known in LA, NM, AZ, and CA; since I went to a lot of Atheist meetings, the prayer suggestion was rarely heard; practical suggestions were always given..........etc.; etc.; etc.

I'll close with my same old suggestion to you........find another group, other meetings; there are some 90 groups and approximately 800 meetings a day in the Miami-Dade area. I 've met folks from there, and they don't see recovery meetings there as you do. Go and find those meetings.............

(o:

I have been to a lot of meetings in different fellowships from Delray down to Miami at a lot of different clubhouses. I have not seen any fundamental difference in the type of program practiced.

I am sure there is some group somewhere that is less strict and orthodox about the steps, but it does not seem worth it to seek it out at this point. Even if I found a group that was more open about what constitutes good recovery, I like my job, relationships, and home, so I do not want to open that up for discussion, advice, and/or approval with any group.

Also, no one on SR have ever been able to point me toward one of these less strict groups, and I know that people from my area have posted here. This makes me doubt there are many around.

What I like about SR is that it is only about recovery. I do not think that renting rather than owning my home, buying an economy car, etc indicates where I am in my recovery and I think that when groups or sponsors weigh in on such matters it is a distraction from the real work of recovery. Or at least it is for me.

I do not want to seem ungrateful. When I first came to Florida, people in the program advised me on cars (I never drove before), where to live, helped me find jobs, etc. The program is really great for this and I will always be grateful for that. I just do not feel I need that anymore.

My sponsor is busy with his family today. Mine is away because I put an order of protection against my abusive partner. I'm alone, sober and have already taken one walk (it's a beautiful sunny day here) where I wished everyone I passed (2) a happy thanksgiving and am getting ready to head out again for more of the same. Just sharing what works for me . By all means do what works For you...peace.

Sorry to hear you're still struggling.

There are some good ideas here - although alcohol is the focus in the thread below, I'm pretty confident there should be at least one suggestion that can help miamifella.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D

I only struggle a couple times a year, so things are usually okay. But when my routine changes and I have unexpected free time, my mind goes there.

That thread is great. It does not allay my fear--nothing does. But the suggestions may help as the cravings get worse.

I made plans to meet people tomorrow, so I should be okay tonight. If I can find folks I would not cancel on to make plans with for Saturday night, I might get through.

I would just say try to find the positives and what works best for you and do that. Dwelling on the negatives or blaming a program or person for my recovery / well being keeps me stuck. I have to take responsibility for my recovery whatever method I may choose. Even if you choose to pray you have to at least choose to pray. Choose to do what is right versus what we know is wrong.

I get depressed at times and self loathing can feel good, but I know it doesn't help me. If I wake up every day hating the world and hating my life I will most likely have a crappy day. If I try to look upon the positives and do positive things that give me positive energy I usually have a good day. It really is quite simple, but not easy. Good Luck to you!

Thanks Marcus.

Overall, I am pretty positive. I have found that talking through cravings works best for me. I am sad that my closest friends are all away today, but I do not blame them. They all have family obligations.

I agree with you about taking positive action---on every front.

I did try to forestall the usual, "Go to an AA meeting" advise by telling about my experience there upfront. But I got it anyway.

And I had to reiterate--I really do believe that most of us need to tell people when we are in trouble--with complete honesty and openness. I think the depression and self-loathing you describe are alleviated when it is shared. If you cannot do it in AA, then you have to find somewhere you can be open and honest.

And I do recommend making a list of the good things in your life everyday before you get out of bed. It really does help you get away from hating the world and gives one a positive energy.

Is it a fear of using again miamifella?