A Functioning Crack addict.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: ohio
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by CaringScared 
I felt a little regretful for what I wrote. I didn't mean to contribute to some stereotype of addicts being homeless, thieves, etc. My point was more that my boyfriend's habit has taken him places he wouldn't have imagined.
Because of all the great people on this board, I have hope that he could recover some day--even if years out.
Because of all the great people on this board, I have hope that he could recover some day--even if years out.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 232
Ha, Marcus, I could have phrased that better--I don't mean that I'm necessarily going to be around for it.
He just disappeared on me for four days, called yesterday, I was dumb enough to ask, "What have you been doing the past few days?" He just said, "I was sober today and it made me miss you." I told him I love him. He tried to get me to go out to his spot, where he was going to be hanging out with a bottle of whiskey. I didn't go. I don't understand where he's getting the money at this point, for four day runs? I just really don't.
He just disappeared on me for four days, called yesterday, I was dumb enough to ask, "What have you been doing the past few days?" He just said, "I was sober today and it made me miss you." I told him I love him. He tried to get me to go out to his spot, where he was going to be hanging out with a bottle of whiskey. I didn't go. I don't understand where he's getting the money at this point, for four day runs? I just really don't.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Birmingham AL
Posts: 187
sadly i'm terribly aware of the relationship(s) squandered on crack binges, good friends, musicain acquaintances, potential romantic partner, hell even using buddies... this drug and endless social distortion it creates was beyond what my imagination could conceive
his remark 'i sobered up and realized i miss you'
my words
more than once
=^.^=
interestingly '4th day' cycle is also recurring
his remark 'i sobered up and realized i miss you'
my words
more than once
=^.^=
interestingly '4th day' cycle is also recurring
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 232
I have to decide how I want to live, do I want to be there to be as an occasional romantic connection in between binges? I think my grandmother actually lived that way.
There's just so much stress that goes with it. I sit there feeling empty and lonely, plus worrying if he's in jail or dead. 1) The emptiness/loneliness is starting to seem childish to me--I know what this is, get on with it? 2) I need to stop assuming the worst whenever he disappears--he's probably just using
A few weeks ago, when things seemed bad but not quite this bleak (already seems a long time ago) we were at a party and no one talked to him. He kept putting his head down. I came up and hugged him and he said, "I feel so overlooked." We tried to talk about some good traits that he has, advanced belts in the martial arts and so on.
He has had a terribly hard life, but when I was talking about this with a friend he said, "You know, you've had a hard life too." It's kinda true... : >
There's just so much stress that goes with it. I sit there feeling empty and lonely, plus worrying if he's in jail or dead. 1) The emptiness/loneliness is starting to seem childish to me--I know what this is, get on with it? 2) I need to stop assuming the worst whenever he disappears--he's probably just using
A few weeks ago, when things seemed bad but not quite this bleak (already seems a long time ago) we were at a party and no one talked to him. He kept putting his head down. I came up and hugged him and he said, "I feel so overlooked." We tried to talk about some good traits that he has, advanced belts in the martial arts and so on.
He has had a terribly hard life, but when I was talking about this with a friend he said, "You know, you've had a hard life too." It's kinda true... : >
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
crack makes people do some crazy sh!t, think some crazy sh!t, so the chances are good he's doing more than "just using" when he's on a spinner, especially if it seems he doesn't have the cash to fund the run. of course once the run is over, THEN he remembers you exist......for the occasional romantic interlude, ie booty call...........and someone who thinks he's such a "great" guy in spite of it all and willing to accept the crumbs.......
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 232
Thank you. Willing to accept the crumbs. That's it...
He called me again yesterday, I was walking down the street, and it felt like my body was attacking itself. The anxiety was unbelievable. He called a couple times in a row and the second time I asked myself, "Should I answer?" and I just got hit by a wave of anxiety. I am still having trouble picturing life without him, but I just. cannot. do. it.
I am really having to think of it in terms of one day at a time, I know it's going to get better. We just haven't built up enough of a store of happy times that I can rely on.
He called me again yesterday, I was walking down the street, and it felt like my body was attacking itself. The anxiety was unbelievable. He called a couple times in a row and the second time I asked myself, "Should I answer?" and I just got hit by a wave of anxiety. I am still having trouble picturing life without him, but I just. cannot. do. it.
I am really having to think of it in terms of one day at a time, I know it's going to get better. We just haven't built up enough of a store of happy times that I can rely on.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 346
No biggie CS. My brother made many a trip to the bad part of town (he lives in the burbs...safetown). He's been robbed, beat-up, shot-at but kept going back till a felony drug charge hit. T'was what jolted him. May your BF find his moment of clarity soon. In the meantime there is lots of wisdom in the Friends and Family section here on how You can care for You. I highly recommend you give it a few minutes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 37
Multiple thanks to all.
My SO believes he is a drug user, as apposed to junkie, crackhead. I believe all is the same, you use it to feed your compulsion, addiction, you are an addict. Denial on his part maybe? Not ready to admit the truth, maybe.
Thanks again, IC.
My SO believes he is a drug user, as apposed to junkie, crackhead. I believe all is the same, you use it to feed your compulsion, addiction, you are an addict. Denial on his part maybe? Not ready to admit the truth, maybe.
Thanks again, IC.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by CaringScared
Thank you. Willing to accept the crumbs. That's it...
He called me again yesterday, I was walking down the street, and it felt like my body was attacking itself. The anxiety was unbelievable. He called a couple times in a row and the second time I asked myself, "Should I answer?" and I just got hit by a wave of anxiety. I am still having trouble picturing life without him, but I just. cannot. do. it.
I am really having to think of it in terms of one day at a time, I know it's going to get better. We just haven't built up enough of a store of happy times that I can rely on.
He called me again yesterday, I was walking down the street, and it felt like my body was attacking itself. The anxiety was unbelievable. He called a couple times in a row and the second time I asked myself, "Should I answer?" and I just got hit by a wave of anxiety. I am still having trouble picturing life without him, but I just. cannot. do. it.
I am really having to think of it in terms of one day at a time, I know it's going to get better. We just haven't built up enough of a store of happy times that I can rely on.
CS
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England USA
Posts: 198
I was a functioning crack addict myself. I had to move out of state to get away for good. It was the best decision I ever made!! I have been sober for 1 year and 3 months. Going home is scary as I am afraid I will run into an old drug dealer. I'm going home in a few weeks to visit. Hoping I can stay strong if I see one!! I'm sure I will be fine. I made it this far! Good luck to you!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Indigo I used to say that publicly when I wasn't ready to give up heroin - privately I knew I was a raging addict -Most mates didn't know badly it had got me and I lied about what I spent.
Addiction implies a serious situation and the very word suggests action needs to be taken. Now.
most junkies insist they aren't addicts especially when talking to pals not passionate about their DOC. Between close heroin mates we'd admit it - when high. Our one pal who would never accept he an addict is the one still using - having lost his kid his Wife his business his house his possessions he sticking a needle in his arm sharing a bed sit with an old school heroin addict I know. He still not addicted apparently.
Just out of interest at what point does he think dependency becomes addiction? Dangerous game.
Addiction implies a serious situation and the very word suggests action needs to be taken. Now.
most junkies insist they aren't addicts especially when talking to pals not passionate about their DOC. Between close heroin mates we'd admit it - when high. Our one pal who would never accept he an addict is the one still using - having lost his kid his Wife his business his house his possessions he sticking a needle in his arm sharing a bed sit with an old school heroin addict I know. He still not addicted apparently.
Just out of interest at what point does he think dependency becomes addiction? Dangerous game.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by RedManc7
Indigo I used to say that publicly when I wasn't ready to give up heroin - privately I knew I was a raging addict -Most mates didn't know badly it had got me and I lied about what I spent.
Addiction implies a serious situation and the very word suggests action needs to be taken. Now.
most junkies insist they aren't addicts especially when talking to pals not passionate about their DOC. Between close heroin mates we'd admit it - when high. Our one pal who would never accept he an addict is the one still using - having lost his kid his Wife his business his house his possessions he sticking a needle in his arm sharing a bed sit with an old school heroin addict I know. He still not addicted apparently.
Just out of interest at what point does he think dependency becomes addiction? Dangerous game.
Addiction implies a serious situation and the very word suggests action needs to be taken. Now.
most junkies insist they aren't addicts especially when talking to pals not passionate about their DOC. Between close heroin mates we'd admit it - when high. Our one pal who would never accept he an addict is the one still using - having lost his kid his Wife his business his house his possessions he sticking a needle in his arm sharing a bed sit with an old school heroin addict I know. He still not addicted apparently.
Just out of interest at what point does he think dependency becomes addiction? Dangerous game.
Peace out, IC x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Glad you popped back in.
Are you still with your addict?
Are you still with your addict?
No, I ended the relationship. Obviously it wasn't normal and reached a point where it couldn't continue. I do still love him but realise it is pointless.
IC.
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