graywh1teblue

Im very sorry to say, but at the 55 hour mark, i caved and blew a 30 mg oxy...our dealer actually called us and we gave in right away..i apoligize to all of you that spent your time encouraging me...

I have a question...because i ****** up and did this, will my withdrawl be bad/worse tomorrow?

Dee74

I don;t know about your withdrawal I'm sorry...but I think it's a really good idea to block your dealers number.

If you want change and recovery, you have no need of that number or the incoming phonecalls, right?

D

graywh1teblue

That is true. Thank you so much

BadSneakers

Don't beat yourself up too much. You can still get back up, dust yourself off, and continue. Slips can happen. You might be set back a bit, but not too much - don't let worry hold you back from what you need to do. Just remember - it's your freedom at stake. That's something worth fighting for. Don't be too hard on yourself about slipping. But try to learn from it. Most definitely block your dealer's number. Think about attending a meeting - even if it's an online one.

You can do this!

graywh1teblue

I appreciate it badsneakers...tomorrow is a new day

cleaninLI

Failure is when you give up the fight and stop trying.

four812

Just get back at it. It's not about fail or no fail! Your simply a sick person trying to get well.

Get rid of the numbers and using people in your life will help

Good luck today

RedManc7

Everytime i lapsed I learnt something about myself and my addiction. Hope you can try and make sense of why you lapsed. My experience its usually cos to hard to see a future without drugs. It's scary when you in the thick of it.

Dee right though, still having the dealers number (yes I know you could still get hold of it etc) but it is an indicator.

doggonecarl

Get yourself to that NA meeting. You need all the support you can get.

graywh1teblue

Withdrawl is BAD today...texted me boss telling her ive come down with the flu ...she is being very passive and making my anxiety sky rocket...i just woke up and im already crying because i just cant do it today. I just cant man up and be okay.

Tiredofdrugs

The majority of us have failed at one time or another trying to stop the use of our DOC! We are after all - Human!

1. Get rid of the dealers phone number! Block them from contacting you as well! You have lost SOOOO much in your life and you've increased the dealers pockets with your money! How much more are you going to pay them?

2. Focus on your own being! Don't worry about what your BF is doing. Get yourself clean so you can help him if he is still using? And you'll also be in better shape to make better decisions as to which direction your life is headed!

3. Stop and think about this: "How many detoxes do you have left in you?" They only get worse with each time. The drug use only increases and gets worse as time rolls along!

The simple fact you have come here and reached out for help is a huge statement all on it's own! You've made the decision to be done with the drugs. Now put as much effort into getting clean as you did trying to use them!

TOD

RedManc7

Well said TOC, the dealers number an important gesture. Never seen anyone even do a day clean while they still can get their hands straight on the goodies, I've obviously phoned my phone company to get the number before when I've buckled but anything that makes an urge harder to act on I think good. And multiple attempts at giving up and going through the worst of being sick to start using again after all that pain on say day 6 Is just ridiculous. I started proper thinking I'd never be able to do it in my Low times. Horrible going to bed everynight knowing a drug controls you. Then having to disappear from afternoon BBQ's no explanation just to get on ignoring your girlfriends calls until you sorted then the confidence comes back. Or having to disappear from her house at 6am as you feel sickness looming. No real explanation. Or anything spontaneous anyone suggests suddenly bizarrely to everyone else fixated about "staying local" - what a total Waste.

jmag

Not to hijack the thread, but wanted to respond to something red said. I couldn't even go on vacation without spending 1-2k on painkillers before we even left and most times I would still run out and have a horrible last day or flight home. Its memories like that which keep me sober. A little over 5months now, so i am one example showing it can be done.

Its really scary imagining life without the drug. The withdrawal is scary in and of itself. There is no easy way, but that whole process is bad enough for you to always think back and say to yorself that you never want to do it again

Actually went on my first sober vacation rigjt brfore the 5mnth mark and it was amazing. I can drink alcohol so wasnt totally sober, but didnt even think of taking a pk

I wish you luck! You can do it.