Adderall, abusive relationship, drinking habit..
 

Hello, I've posted here before but things have never seemed so grim.

I'd never dealt with domestic violence growing up or ever.. but I started dating someone who one night slammed my head into the wall, started choking me, punched me numerous times... That sent me into a tailspin and I've been isolating myself and escalating my dependence on prescription amphetamines/alcohol since then. I never got any counseling. It's been almost two years now and I have no reason or excuse to still be with this person (other than we became dependent on each other financially and very co-dependant).

I honestly don't have much to live for at this point. I'm not religious and think 12 step meetings are a cult/replacement addiction in a way...

I could use some words of encouragement though if anyone would be so kind. I'm trying to hold everything together and keep up appearances but it's difficult to say the least....

Seabreeze - sorry to hear about what brings you here. I get it that 12-step meetings aren't the place for everyone. The one thing I would say is that different meetings have different atmospheres to them. I think your assessment of them is a little on the extreme side, but I have seen some meetings where I got that same vibe. Other meetings were much more laid back though, and I didn't get the 'cultish' feel there.

I had a run with amps / booze this summer. There were some benzos thrown in the mix too. The only good thing about coming off of the amps is that you can sleep a lot of it off. It does make you feel crazy at certain points though.

Is there a reason you can't go to counseling now? There are a lot of folks that have dealt with similar issues of domestic violence and made it through to the other side. It definitely doesn't help matters, but if others can do it you can too.

There is always something to live for, and I don't think you would have bothered posting on here if you didn't have some fight left in you.

Hi and welcome seabreeze :)
You'll find a lot of support here.

I think seeing your DR or a counselor could really help, if only to get the ball rolling on getting yourself out of this cycle.

sorry, it's a little unclear to me - are you still with this guy?

D