Can't Find the Courage
 

Good Morning,

I can't seem to find the courage to actually attend an NA meeting. I keep making excuses to myself as to why I can't make it each day. One of my many addict traits that I use WAY to much. I can justify anything to myself even when I know this is something I need. The idea of meeting new people and sharing give me horrible anxiety. To top it off my mother wants to go with me. I don't know if this is a good idea or not. Maybe its okay for her to go until I am ready to share? What are your thoughts on that.

I am 5 days off of the opiates not much but its something.

Congrats on five days clean.

I hope you find the "courage" to overcome your apprehension to NA. If you go, you will find that almost everyone there was scared the first time they walked through the doors.

Opiates are an insidious addiction and you need all the help you can. I don't think I'd take my mom. Find a closed meeting and tell her to pick you up afterwards. I will say this though, it's great that your mom is willing to go. It means she supports your recovery. My dad me kicked out of my house for drug use.

5 days is great! Give yourself credit and keep it up. Try to make yourself go might help.

Thanks for posting

5 Days is fantastic!! :)

Hey Dreamer,

Being a first time recovering addict, I can tell you I was pretty much where you are 2 weeks ago. I also haven't' had the courage to engage any type of meeting or program. But I'm 3 weeks out, and am so much better for it. Even though I suffer from extreme anxiety.

My answer to your question is, how badly do you need to open up?

I know that During my week 1 - week 2 a hell of a lot of **** came to the surface personally. If you have things you need to talk about - reasons that you use, ESPECIALLY if you want someone, ANYONE to understand why you were doing what you were doing, then talk to someone. At a meeting, via a phone service, at least on here.

I can tell you that every time I've opened up to or engaged people, (brother, father) it has helped, but I feel like they see me as a problem. Meetings would probably be a good idea for me, yet I lack the conviction of actually attending. So I'm in the same boat, however I accept I need to go, just don't.

I am feeling you want to go, but are scared. So my advice is to convince yourself to give it a try. Think of the positives. Just being able to

I advise that YOU decide if your mother attends, if you know you won't open up when she's there, my opinion is that this is part of your recovery Mom shouldn't be a part of. Hell, when I admit the terrible things I've done to a group of people, there's no way in HELL, ANYONE I know will be there. Lol.

5 Days is great. What else are you struggling with?

Mrrecovery: Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately, I am ashamed to admit that last night I relapsed. I fear I am not really ready to quit. It sounds good, its what everyone wants for me but I don't have the willpower to do so yet. I want to be sober when its easy but when it starts getting hard/uncomfortable I run back to what I am used to. Opiates (pain pills, heroin) have controlled my life for the last 7 years and I am tired of it but I can't give them up. That has been my sanity for so long it scares me to think of how I will be when I don't have them...

That sounds sick and horrible. I guess I haven't hit my rock bottom yet but I don't want to have to. I have got a lot to figure out for myself...

It's never easy and it only gets harder. Prayer out to you.

As for the willpower thing, you're powerless over your drug. But not powerless over your recovery. Find an NA meeting. You don't have to talk, share, nothing. Just sit and listen and see if anyone there was right where you are now.

Don't worry when all else fails... 'God could and would if he were sought.'