Please help me not be offended at work
 

Offended might not be the right word, but it's the best I can come up with for now...

I work at a children's home. Nearly all of our kids have been through severe abuse and neglect at the hands of their families, and nearly all of those families have a long history of substance abuse. So, as you might imagine, my coworkers have a pretty ugly image of addicts/alcoholics. I get that. What frustrates me is the snide comments that I'm hearing almost constantly from people who have no experience with addiction. It's hard to give detail without giving out more info than I can online...but there's a lot of blaming, talking down about addicts, and just general negative comments.

I've been sober for almost 3 years and am extremely proud of my sobriety. I'm not ashamed of my past either. I went through a lot, and made some bad decisions along the way, but thankfully I also found people that supported me and helped me through. So when I start hearing these comments I want to jump up and scream that not all addicts are like that, and that they can change when given help and support. But it's nearly impossible to find the right words, because I don't want to be in the position of defending abusive parents, nor do I want my own addiction issues to be known at work. I can deal with it if it did get found out, but as you can imagine it's not really an addict/alcoholic friendly environment there.

There's one other sober person there that I know of (actually met her in AA and then we somewhat randomly ended up both working in the same place) but the rest of the staff drinks quite a bit and is always talking about going out to drink after work. Anyway, I can't decide if I should say something or just keep my mouth shut...and either way I need to figure out a way to make peace with it in my own head so i'm not constantly taking it personally. Any thoughts?

I'm not sure this will help, but I've also dealt with people who lump all A's into one pot and it's all bad. Sometimes I've spoken up, other times I don't. What's helped me is to remember that some people just don't have a clue and some don't want to hear that not all A's are bad people.

As far as making peace with yourself, for me it's just being grateful that I know A's who do find recovery and I'm one of them:) Yes, it's hard to listen to, but you know your truth and have an understanding most people don't have. There are some things I've had to learn to just let roll off my back.

Congratulations on your sober time and thank you for helping those precious kids.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I have also experienced this. Your situation is one in which all addicts do look bad and the results of our bad behavior are glaringly obvious.

I am acquainted with a policeman who deals with a number of meth addicts which can be a really unhealthy situation as we all know. He knows of no one who has beaten it or ever gone on to any kind of meaningful life. I spoke up a time or two to indicate that I was acquainted with several who have not only beaten it but are very intelligent and articulate people who have or are rebuilding their lives.

He just shrugs his shoulders.

Please forgive me if this offends - as an atheist I am sensitive to how some receive random scripture quoting, but I was reminded of John 12:8 when I read this. To paraphrase:

The ignorant you shall always have with you; but these children need you now.

Focus on the children rather than your co-workers...and good luck. :)

Im not but a month clean again myself so no great words here but in any type of situation where I feel like I want to react..I try to remember that I put my time in. I don't have to prove s*** to anyone. Ignorance is every where. Feel sorry for them because they are so closed minded.
And yes, you are there for the children. Keep the focus on that.
The only way I would speak up is if this behavior and comments are displayed in front of the children.

As an addict and alcoholic in recovery, I'm experienced with addiction and alcoholism--and I'm judgemental about addiction. Everyone's but my own.

That would bother me too. It sounds like these people need more training on the wider issues surrounding substance abuse issues. If they are that negative perhaps your employer/boss or human resources should bring someone in to do a workshop with them and address the lack of sensitivity. I think it would also help the children who these people work with as their attitude will ultimately filter to them in some way even if it's subtle comments. It won't go unnoticed by those children. And no matter what these kids have been through they will always want to love their parent and that should be respected.

First off, Congratulations on changing your own life and for your own continued sobriety. I personally would keep in mind that their exposure is most likely to the worst of the worst addicts, the ones who are hurting and losing their children. It's hard not to have contempt towards people who hurt children, addicts or not. However, I personally would slip in success stories here and there. I would try to educate them some on addiction.

I don't think you should take it personally b/c the people they are seeing as the addict I am betting you hold contempt for also. Without knowing how close you are to your coworkers it's hard to know what is the right step to take. If you are all fairly close then I would bring up that you overcame addiction in your own past and that it is hurtful to hear, however that you understand some of the contempt they hold for those who hurt the children in your care.

No matter what, don't let anything anyone says minimize your own success.

Hi river. It good that you posted about it as it can get the gears in motion as people share ideas. One of the responses suggested that even as a recovering person he has the same judgements. That is very common to varying degrees also, I remember having lots of that judgement of addicts who were worse than I was in my early years on my sobriety high horse. They are pretty rare anymore.

But, That aside, what I really wanted to say is the old suggestion to write a letter. Write a letter to the coworkers that you don't plan to give them. But write it as if you will and so you can say everything you want to in the letter. It could help shed light on this situation


Good luck

I guess if I wasn't an addict having to see what it does to children that I worked with every day I would feel and say the same things as far as what it does to the children. So maybe look at it like sort of a sympathy for the kids kinda judgement. Maybe?
And in my opinion..clean addicts are either very judgmental or very sympathetic. I have never seen a grey area myself.

I know exactly where you are at. I am a nurse...the majority of the medical community do not "get" addicts. I am not currently working in a nursing setting but I have chose not to tell any of my current co-workers my past. About a month into my job one of my new co-workers made a comment about how she has absolutely has no use for drug addicts.

So, obviously won't be telling her my story. I have a feeling she would be very, very pissed if she found out. Just goes to show you, you don't know anyone just by looking at them! After working with her for the past 3 years have still not told her anything about me and my past. Oddly enough she got hurt a couple of months ago and I have had to watch her gulp down a bunch of hydrocodone pills for her pain. She doesn't even realized just how EASY it is to go down that path. I have even heard her "counting" how many she has left? Mmmm....I used to do that. Do I think she has a problem...No, but continue the behavior and she will be in that boat. I have even heard her in a drug induced giggling moment at work laughing and making a comment about feeling no pain...

People that have no experience with addiction just do not understand it. There are a lot of people who are child abusers that are not addicts...so they don't always go hand in hand. Dysfunction comes in many ways. I have even found myself being judgmental of addicts at times and I AM ONE!

I guess I would just be careful about who you talk to. Some people just will not understand.

I know this is an older thread but have you considered sitting down with a paper and pen, ponder the situations where the comments are made and write a little script of what to say? Memorize it and use it when it comes up.

Prior to my drug use I was a hard nosed ***** about addicts and abusers. The husband and I were foster parents and had first hand knowledge of the things that kids go through. It took a lots of change in my heart to realize people make mistakes and bad choices but that it doesn't define who they are. I learned all this before my stint with drugs! I then of course used the drugs to kill the emotions that I had to deal with from caring for those hurt children! So yeah that didn't work for me...you live you learn!