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Old 11-04-2014, 06:58 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Dee74 - Several people have mentioned that to me - I see where I live there is a group for that. I am going to get in touch with them. Is there anything on this site about it? I am still trying to figure this out. A special friend told me about this and all I can say THANK GOD! ♥
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Old 11-04-2014, 07:07 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Aysha,

Thank you so much! You hit the nail on the head! My family keeps bailing him out, keep sending him money. Until we stop - he will continue using. Everyone tells me like what you said -theres nothing you can do for him. So let him do what he has to if he chooses to get high and same goes for if hes ready to get clean. Love from a distance and take care of yourself. never make this your problem So true! What would you do if he called?

Thank you for your input!!
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Old 11-04-2014, 01:21 PM   #23 (permalink)
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we're not affiliated with any group here always - but if you Google 'NarAnon' and your location, you should get some results

D
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:15 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Yes, I found them and they are very helpful too!
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Old 11-10-2014, 07:44 AM   #25 (permalink)
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To Aysha,

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. My son is an addict and I am constantly living in fear and anxiety. Something about hearing from the other side ( you!) has really calmed me down . I keep second guessing myself about what I should do etc. He lives across the country and right now is out of communication with us. It is agonizing.

Thank you for your honest look at everything....I don't want to enable in any way but the fear of horrible things happening is always there. Thank you again!
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Old 11-10-2014, 04:31 PM   #26 (permalink)
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All enabling does is make it easier for us addicts to use. And all the threats or excuses for help..well when that help runs out we do those things anyway to get what we want. EX..panhandle, sell our bodies, steal, whatever. That's reality. Addiction is ugly. I finally at 38 yrs old had to become homeless across country from any family, lost everything I ecer owned left alone homeless in the street to wake the F up some. I say some because I still used just not as much when I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself being homeless for 10 mos. But it def made a big difference in my use of any money and drugs when I finally did get a place to stay again. My rent came before anything. F getting high. I never want to be living in an abandoned house with other addicts, garbage every where, human waste all over, used needles and paraphernalia all over the floor. It was very shaming. But not even getting stabbed 10 times made me want to change. Why? Because it wasn't my fault. I wasn't even engaging in any sort of drug activity when it happened. I was eating a burrito outside the store I bought it in. But being homeless and losing everything? All my fault. Staying in misery like that fr 10 mos. All my fault. You get to a point where you just get tired and so I had to get myself out of it. And so I did. When I took responsibility for myself is when I started to change some of my ways because I knew I needed to.
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:30 PM   #27 (permalink)
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It seems that for any one to truly get out of the life the bottom you describe has to be reached.

I have been helped by someone reaching out to me but only because I was so desperate to find a way out. I couldn't do it myself and I couldn't seem to find a bottom deep enough.

When in the drug life I am a highly skilled manipulative lying SOB that can always keep his head above water. I got out of forced rehab several days early because I was so good at it. When I went back I didn't have money for it, had no connections or other druggies to turn to but I always had drugs - because I was good at it. When it came time to quit I had no clue because I was not good at that.

Eventually the bottom stared me right in the face but rather than leave me homeless and desperate she turned toward me rather than away - and saved my life.

I started this post with the first sentence and was going to follow with the statement that I would like to hear ONE story in which the addict responded to a helping hand but then as I started to write it I realized that I was that person - that story.

This may keep all the codies keepin on keepin on which isn't such a good thing. In general we are all so hopeless and have to find our way..
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Old 11-11-2014, 08:24 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Everyone is different. Some self destruct and give up when faced with "their bottom". Some people don't have one. Some choose to go up and get out of the misery. Some need to be left with their own ****. It sorta brings you to that fork in the road. Some need that helping hand to say "Hey! Your worth it and I believe in you". One thing I do know is no matter what it takes or how long. I can never give up.
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Old 11-14-2014, 08:52 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Well, here we go again. Last night he sent me a txt saying he needs to have a car now. "I just walked 6 miles to go to my meeting in the cold".

My heart goes out to him but how can he get a car with no drivers license since he lost it (he told me) he has no money - well - he did say he has his unemployment check. And he is living in a hotel, then with a friend, back to a hotel, then a friend again. my mother said she would give him the deposit for a truck but it would be made out to the dealership. He told me it would need to be submitted to the credit union. Hmmm.....help me with this - money goes to the credit union that way he can get the money out and use it on drugs!? I thought deposit has to made out to the dealership? Any thoughts on this please???
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Old 11-14-2014, 09:10 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by alwaysthere4u View Post
He told me it would need to be submitted to the credit union. Hmmm.....help me with this - money goes to the credit union that way he can get the money out and use it on drugs!? I thought deposit has to made out to the dealership? Any thoughts on this please???
This sounds EXTREMELY fishy and I would definitely NOT do that. At the very least I am sure his plan is to at least use some of the money on drugs. So is the deposit for the full amount or will he be making payments on it? Is someone going to be co-signing for the truck? I sure as heck wouldn't want my name anywhere near that thing. If it is for the full amount he could always use the title for a title loan too. It is hard because I know you feel bad, but he did this to himself. Tell him to get a bike and bundle up! I have seen many an addict / alcoholic who lost their driving privileges ride bikes to meetings in the cold and rain. It can be an extremely humbling experience and good for them in the long run I think. Take Care!
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Old 11-14-2014, 10:54 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Marcus - he is trying to make me feel sorry for him. Because he knows I have weak spot in my heart for my "nephews" - like him. But everything that he has done to his family, grandmother (my mother), his aunt (my sister) and of course myself - I just don't trust him. I hear where he can just pull the money out for himself. He had this "guy" call me and said he was the sales rep - well I called the dealership and he was there. So, that is true at least (sigh). But I thought with him going to meetings "NA" I would have thought someone would give him a lift to and from? At least I would if I knew someone needed a ride.

Thank you for your in put
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Old 11-14-2014, 12:32 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Did you ask the rep how to handle the deposit. I am totally sure they will help you work a way to ensure that they get the money without embarrassing your nephew of course. But yea...Im sure not all of it is going to the vehicle. I know I would def be getting myself some drugs with at least a little of it. But that's me. Its hard to say unless you see with your own eyes what the deal is.
But any money in an addicts hands..especially if they claim to be newly clean is asking for trouble IMO.
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Old 11-14-2014, 08:20 PM   #33 (permalink)
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The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to see different results.

I also see many an addict/alcoholic walking, biking and riding a bus when there is not license or vehicle. He bought and paid for this low spot in life and can only learn from digging his own way out of it.
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Old 11-17-2014, 07:26 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Aysha - You are so right. Any money that he may get will go to drugs. When my mother sent him $300 to help him out when he told her he got kicked out of his girlfriends house - I'm sure it went straight to that! When he was in the hospital, he asked me for "$300" to get him food and clothes. When I told him no, that they will feed him and if he needs clothes, catholic charities said they will help him. Well, of course he got mad! And said he hated me several times but then he loved me. I look at pictures of him when he was little and then when he graduated from high school and ask myself - what happened? Where did he go wrong? But then I remember how he always wants to please everyone, he wants to "fit" in and not be the odd man out. Well....that got him to this place in his life. He picked the choices and now he needs to fix this.

liv1ce - Yep......INSANITY he is doing it over and over and over again. 1. At home, we thought he straighten up, NOPE. 2. My sister took him to where she lived - yep - he did it again. 3. He moved to AK doing good but then - AGAIN. There is not one day that doesn't go by that I am constantly thinking "what is he doing, where is he living, how is he making it" It just tears at my heart and makes my head go in circles. At times I think I have finally adjusted to where I say to myself....'IT'S HIS CHOICE AND HE HAS TO DEAL WITH IT - WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD....IT'S HIS CHOICE". But just like you said...." He bought and paid for this low spot in life and can only learn from digging his own way out of it. "

All I can do is pray for him......

I am so thankful for this site - with many of you helping me, reinforcing that what I am doing is right and giving me suggestions - all I can do is say THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!!
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Old 11-17-2014, 07:29 AM   #35 (permalink)
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One thing I have noticed - that everytime he asks for money it's always $300. So, right there tells me that's how much it costs for his drug.
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Old 11-17-2014, 01:20 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Intresting - I received a txt from him this morning at 5 a.m. which is 2 a.m. in AK telling me he has 5 mins. left on his phone. I thought, ok - I can get him a new card it's not going to drugs straight to the phone. Text him at 10 his time and he said he was in a meeting. Just txt him again and he is in another meeting. Could this be possible or he is hiding things again from me! Am I still enabling him? I know he probably could have sold the phone and me....giving that person more minutes. He said that he is in a hotel and looking for a place to stay. How much more am I suppose to BELIEVE!
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Old 11-17-2014, 03:08 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Well actually it sounds like he is telling you he is doing fine on his own so what else do you need to do? There are free phones as well. We call them Obama phones. You 250 mns a month and 1000 texts.
Unless one of yall gave in and payed for that room for him.
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Old 11-18-2014, 06:56 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Aysha, Nope! I did not pay for the room - apparently his "unemployment" check must have or????? Phone - yes, I bought him a card. That's the only thing I have done. How do you get the Obama phone?
I checked out the hotel he is in and...ok....maybe the only hotel he could afford - but how nice (sarcastic voice) it has a bar/saloon there! And the way it looks - holy crap - he is just asking for more problems! His choice to do so if he does!
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Old 11-18-2014, 08:26 AM   #39 (permalink)
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You have to be getting some sort of government assistance. Like food stamps.
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Old 11-18-2014, 09:39 AM   #40 (permalink)
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always

You gave gone through so much and are making wonderful choices in my opinion. I can feel the pain that your addict is bringing you and going through himself. Maybe someday....maybe .... I do hope he comes back to you!

I've been reading your posts and rooting for you both :-)
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