Effed Up Royally
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My wife is home safe and sound now so things are settling down on that front. I am still on one strip per day. Given that things should be settling down, I am going to move forward with the full drop after tomorrow. So tomorrow's morning dose will be my last strip. I am getting ready to buckle down for the storm. If it turns out to be anything like my prior detoxes I already have the really intense part behind me. I expect the remainder of the detox to be slower to manifest, less intense, but considerably drawn out.
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OK. This morning was the last sub. It is like a slow motion freefall from here. I hope I land safely. It will probably be a couple days before I know how rough the waters are going to get. The good thing about using the subs short-term is that I am further away from the H. The thought of using the H seems more distant, and if something did go awry I would grab for half a sub instead of the H. There is no point in that though because it is just going to prolong things at this point.
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Nothing new to report, but I did want to check in and say that my resolve is strong. For some reason I have a wicked headache today though. I am going to get to bed early to see if that will help. It doesn't have anything to do with the subs as far as I can tell, but it is to the point where it is giving me some nausea too. I am expecting to feel a little 'off' tomorrow, but I am not expecting the real test to start until Thursday / Friday.
It is weird how your mental expectations can have such an influence on withdrawal. For example, if I took exactly the same doses over the course of two different days I could feel dramatically different the next morning depending on what my expectations were for the day. If I had my supply on hand I wouldn't even really think about when I first woke up. I would probably go down and have a morning smoke, get some coffee, and then use at some point not too long after getting up. There would be no withdrawal to speak of in that case. However, let's say that I knew that I was heading into a cold turkey kick. For one, I would probably toss and turn in the last few hours of the night before I woke up. Upon waking I would feel anxious and already start noticing the sweats and leg pains. The thing is that nothing changed that morning except for the expectation of the upcoming withdrawal. I would also notice that dramatic ramp up in withdrawal symptoms very quickly after actually using if I ran into a problem trying to get more - e.g. if the dealer didn't pick up his phone a panic would start. I am just rambling now, but I try to remind myself that so much of this really is mental. Even the clearly 'physical' symptoms can be strongly influenced by my 'mental' attitude / expectations.
I am going to try to remain calm in the AM no matter what happens. If I do wake up in a state where I think that I am experiencing withdrawal, I am going to remind myself that it is just my mind playing tricks on me. My mindset has already changed for the better in my opinion. Instead of heading into this full of worry about how bad it will be I just want to get this **** over with already. It has been hanging over my head for such a long time now, and it is time to move on.
It is weird how your mental expectations can have such an influence on withdrawal. For example, if I took exactly the same doses over the course of two different days I could feel dramatically different the next morning depending on what my expectations were for the day. If I had my supply on hand I wouldn't even really think about when I first woke up. I would probably go down and have a morning smoke, get some coffee, and then use at some point not too long after getting up. There would be no withdrawal to speak of in that case. However, let's say that I knew that I was heading into a cold turkey kick. For one, I would probably toss and turn in the last few hours of the night before I woke up. Upon waking I would feel anxious and already start noticing the sweats and leg pains. The thing is that nothing changed that morning except for the expectation of the upcoming withdrawal. I would also notice that dramatic ramp up in withdrawal symptoms very quickly after actually using if I ran into a problem trying to get more - e.g. if the dealer didn't pick up his phone a panic would start. I am just rambling now, but I try to remind myself that so much of this really is mental. Even the clearly 'physical' symptoms can be strongly influenced by my 'mental' attitude / expectations.
I am going to try to remain calm in the AM no matter what happens. If I do wake up in a state where I think that I am experiencing withdrawal, I am going to remind myself that it is just my mind playing tricks on me. My mindset has already changed for the better in my opinion. Instead of heading into this full of worry about how bad it will be I just want to get this **** over with already. It has been hanging over my head for such a long time now, and it is time to move on.
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Today hasn't been bad - knock on wood. Some anxiety throughout the day, which has been slowing increasing. It isn't anything too bad though. Not yet anyway. I was able to get quite a bit of snow shoveling done too, which is great for calming the nerves. It finally got above freezing here - hooray! The snow started to melt a little bit, which is a welcome sight. I think with the exercise and a bath I will be able to sleep fine tonight too. Tomorrow night will be near the point where it starts to get a little bumpy though, but there is no point in worrying about that now. I will take things as they come. Tomorrow I will cut back on coffee, and start on the withdrawal diet (i.e. no salt) to try to keep my bp down. I am hopeful that will help with the sleep too.
That is about it. I didn't expect much to come out of today though. This is still just a holding pattern for the real deal. Part of me wants it to come on already so I can get it over with, but I know that I will have more than enough on my plate when the time comes.
That is about it. I didn't expect much to come out of today though. This is still just a holding pattern for the real deal. Part of me wants it to come on already so I can get it over with, but I know that I will have more than enough on my plate when the time comes.
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OK, things are picking up today. Tonight is going to be rough, but I think I will be able to get some sleep. Anxiety has been consistently ramping up along with the all to familiar feeling of impending doom (i.e. something is terribly wrong but I can't identify what is wrong). The sweats and crawling skin hasn't been that bad yet though so I have that going for me. From what I remember last time the crawling skin never got near to the level that it would during a cold turkey kick though. Some nausea, but nothing terrible yet.
So overall things aren't bad yet, but I definitely feel them coming on. The holding pattern is coming to an end, and I expect to definitely be sick by tomorrow. I am still hoping that I can get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight. If not, so be it. I already have had enough sleep to recharge my batteries so I am not worried about it. The insomnia is going to come at some point regardless of what I do.
So overall things aren't bad yet, but I definitely feel them coming on. The holding pattern is coming to an end, and I expect to definitely be sick by tomorrow. I am still hoping that I can get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight. If not, so be it. I already have had enough sleep to recharge my batteries so I am not worried about it. The insomnia is going to come at some point regardless of what I do.
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Today has been significantly rougher. I tossed and turned a lot last night, but I was able to sleep some. To be honest, I don't know how long I was actually asleep, but I think it was about 4 hours. I am feeling fatigue coupled with the nervous energy. The crawling skin sensation hasn't been excruciating so I have that going for me. However, it is starting to get tough to sit still when I am not focused on doing something.
I have to run right now, but I wanted to get this quick update in. I'll respond later with a more detailed update.
I have to run right now, but I wanted to get this quick update in. I'll respond later with a more detailed update.
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OK. Last night sucked, but I managed a few hours sleep anyway. Today has been rough too, but it isn't nearly as bad as a cold turkey kick. It is bad enough to make me feel like **** on a stick, but not so bad that I cannot function. The days always tend to be easier than the nights anyway. I find the worst part to be the nights whenever I can't sleep, but I stubbornly try to stay in bed and force the issue. That ends up being a long session of writhing around, tossing and turning, and kicking the mattress to death.
So, I am still hanging strong, but things have definitely heated up. I have done my best to stay active, but the fatigue is pretty rough. I was able to walk outside to try to shovel a little bit, but I didn't last that long. Maybe if I had kept at it I would have caught a second wind or something, but I just didn't have it in me. Hot bathes are still the best thing for offering a short respite from the leg pains and nervous energy. I always wondered what would happen if you could just sit in a hot bath for the entirety of withdrawal. It's too bad that is impractical, but I am going to hide in the bath as much as I can.
So, I am still hanging strong, but things have definitely heated up. I have done my best to stay active, but the fatigue is pretty rough. I was able to walk outside to try to shovel a little bit, but I didn't last that long. Maybe if I had kept at it I would have caught a second wind or something, but I just didn't have it in me. Hot bathes are still the best thing for offering a short respite from the leg pains and nervous energy. I always wondered what would happen if you could just sit in a hot bath for the entirety of withdrawal. It's too bad that is impractical, but I am going to hide in the bath as much as I can.
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I'm glad to see you at least try pushing through on things that are difficult or seemingly impossible. Namely, the physical exercise. I'm doing the same thing, struggling to shovel snow or walk with the dog. Difference between us is I'm at the end of the road with my back problems. If I can't sort out how to have less pain, the next stop is surgery, which terrifies me.
I have a mantra "chop wood, carry water" to keep it simple. I have to shovel on my knees with a child's plastic shovel in order to not make pains worse. There's so many things I have to adjust my way of doing in order to not cause more harm. I no longer am the country girl who can "keep up with the manly men". A major kick to my ego but am over it, finally.
It's very reminiscent of withdrawing - where I hardly knew how to handle the next thing in front of me. Too overwhelmed, too uncomfortable, anxiety through the roof.
Stay in the moment and when the moment gets to be too bad, move or get in the tub, write or get on the phone, eat, turn on some loud music (headphones!).
There is nothing that will send me back to opiates. Nothing.
Always rooting for you. Take care!
I have a mantra "chop wood, carry water" to keep it simple. I have to shovel on my knees with a child's plastic shovel in order to not make pains worse. There's so many things I have to adjust my way of doing in order to not cause more harm. I no longer am the country girl who can "keep up with the manly men". A major kick to my ego but am over it, finally.
It's very reminiscent of withdrawing - where I hardly knew how to handle the next thing in front of me. Too overwhelmed, too uncomfortable, anxiety through the roof.
Stay in the moment and when the moment gets to be too bad, move or get in the tub, write or get on the phone, eat, turn on some loud music (headphones!).
There is nothing that will send me back to opiates. Nothing.
Always rooting for you. Take care!
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Sorry I missed the past few days guys. Don't worry, I didn't screw up. I am just going through the ringer and don't feel like doing much of anything. Sleep is bad right now. I am too tired to do much of anything. That is tough because I know doing something to keep me moving will help me. Tomorrow I don't have a sitter, which means I have to suck it up the whole day with the kids. My wife has been stepping up some, but it is still beyond me how she doesn't view taking care of the children as her primary responsibility. So in all honesty it won't be ALL day with the kids, but it will be a good chunk of the day. They will keep me busy running around the house so maybe I'll start feeling better. I still have a long road ahead of me.
Once this is over I have to figure out what is going on with my business partnership. Things are going much slower than I would like, and it is frustrating because it is a new industry that I have no experience with. I have to rely on other people, because I quite frankly don't know squat about it. Hopefully it will work out. I have been holding out for a long time because I think it is a good opportunity to grow a company from the ground up. It would have been fairly easy to get a job at larger corporation. I don't want that right now though. I am young enough to take a swing, and not get killed if I strike out. There will always be time to work for the large company if things don't work out. Still, it is a frustrating process, and I absolutely have to have something productive to do with my time. Playing househusband just isn't my gig. I doubt I could deal with it even if the wifey was a rainmaker or something, but she is on the other end of the spectrum.
Once this is over I have to figure out what is going on with my business partnership. Things are going much slower than I would like, and it is frustrating because it is a new industry that I have no experience with. I have to rely on other people, because I quite frankly don't know squat about it. Hopefully it will work out. I have been holding out for a long time because I think it is a good opportunity to grow a company from the ground up. It would have been fairly easy to get a job at larger corporation. I don't want that right now though. I am young enough to take a swing, and not get killed if I strike out. There will always be time to work for the large company if things don't work out. Still, it is a frustrating process, and I absolutely have to have something productive to do with my time. Playing househusband just isn't my gig. I doubt I could deal with it even if the wifey was a rainmaker or something, but she is on the other end of the spectrum.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Hi OpioPhobe.... you can do it kiddo we are all pulling for you... there is a pill that they give ladies that are pg for nausea.. Ed has it works great the only med that does. and will not have side effects.. check with your doctor.. Hey what type of business are you working on ... with all the great people here maybe you can pick a few jelly brains hahahaha.. no kidding I have been silent partner for a CPA office took some classes and found out why we were losing money.. and have helped a couple of very nice people with problems in Tax information.. we are all a wealth of information.. tap the keg and see what happens.. hugs and keep going you can do it ... ardy...
Originally Posted by OpioPhobe 
Nothing new to report, but I did want to check in and say that my resolve is strong. For some reason I have a wicked headache today though. I am going to get to bed early to see if that will help. It doesn't have anything to do with the subs as far as I can tell, but it is to the point where it is giving me some nausea too. I am expecting to feel a little 'off' tomorrow, but I am not expecting the real test to start until Thursday / Friday.
It is weird how your mental expectations can have such an influence on withdrawal. For example, if I took exactly the same doses over the course of two different days I could feel dramatically different the next morning depending on what my expectations were for the day. If I had my supply on hand I wouldn't even really think about when I first woke up. I would probably go down and have a morning smoke, get some coffee, and then use at some point not too long after getting up. There would be no withdrawal to speak of in that case. However, let's say that I knew that I was heading into a cold turkey kick. For one, I would probably toss and turn in the last few hours of the night before I woke up. Upon waking I would feel anxious and already start noticing the sweats and leg pains. The thing is that nothing changed that morning except for the expectation of the upcoming withdrawal. I would also notice that dramatic ramp up in withdrawal symptoms very quickly after actually using if I ran into a problem trying to get more - e.g. if the dealer didn't pick up his phone a panic would start. I am just rambling now, but I try to remind myself that so much of this really is mental. Even the clearly 'physical' symptoms can be strongly influenced by my 'mental' attitude / expectations.
I am going to try to remain calm in the AM no matter what happens. If I do wake up in a state where I think that I am experiencing withdrawal, I am going to remind myself that it is just my mind playing tricks on me. My mindset has already changed for the better in my opinion. Instead of heading into this full of worry about how bad it will be I just want to get this **** over with already. It has been hanging over my head for such a long time now, and it is time to move on.
It is weird how your mental expectations can have such an influence on withdrawal. For example, if I took exactly the same doses over the course of two different days I could feel dramatically different the next morning depending on what my expectations were for the day. If I had my supply on hand I wouldn't even really think about when I first woke up. I would probably go down and have a morning smoke, get some coffee, and then use at some point not too long after getting up. There would be no withdrawal to speak of in that case. However, let's say that I knew that I was heading into a cold turkey kick. For one, I would probably toss and turn in the last few hours of the night before I woke up. Upon waking I would feel anxious and already start noticing the sweats and leg pains. The thing is that nothing changed that morning except for the expectation of the upcoming withdrawal. I would also notice that dramatic ramp up in withdrawal symptoms very quickly after actually using if I ran into a problem trying to get more - e.g. if the dealer didn't pick up his phone a panic would start. I am just rambling now, but I try to remind myself that so much of this really is mental. Even the clearly 'physical' symptoms can be strongly influenced by my 'mental' attitude / expectations.
I am going to try to remain calm in the AM no matter what happens. If I do wake up in a state where I think that I am experiencing withdrawal, I am going to remind myself that it is just my mind playing tricks on me. My mindset has already changed for the better in my opinion. Instead of heading into this full of worry about how bad it will be I just want to get this **** over with already. It has been hanging over my head for such a long time now, and it is time to move on.
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Originally Posted by OpioPhobe
I am young enough to take a swing, and not get killed if I strike out. There will always be time to work for the large company if things don't work out. Still, it is a frustrating process, and I absolutely have to have something productive to do with my time. Playing househusband just isn't my gig.
I prefer getting back into what I am good at vrs waiting for a surgery or disability to complete my downward fall.
Keep yer chin up and thanks for checking in.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Ugh. I feel like warped **** today. The insomnia is making me extremely irritable, and just pissed off all the time. Luckily, it isn't complete insomnia, and I am still able to sleep some each night. I have been bouncing around between 2 and 4 hours per night. During the day I catch myself dosing off every once in a while for short naps. Even with that sleep though I have been feeling a little delirious at points. It is definitely tough to focus on things during the day.
The nervous energy / kicking has improved a lot though, which is great. That was always the worst symptom in my book. In it's place is the terrible fatigue. I am not even to the 'lead suit' phase, which is definitely coming up soon. This is just fatigue all day no matter what I am doing. I am still trying to keep myself busy during the day, but it is tough. There are points where getting up to just pick up a toy across the room seems like I am gearing up to run a marathon. I will just sit on the couch looking at the toy for a few minutes, and then I will tell myself that I have to get up to pick it up. I'll put it off for another few minutes, and then lean over looking at it again. That goes on for a while, and then I drag my butt off the couch to pick it up finally. Sometimes it does help to have the kids to watch, because I don't have time to think about it. When toys start getting tossed into the toilet my body kicks in gear before my shell shocked mind has time to slow it down.
I am going to start jogging again as soon as I feel up to it. The exercise will be a huge help, but I just have so much trouble finding the motivation. For now, I am going to have to be content with surviving to see the next day. I will be able to exercise soon enough. Maybe I should get a stationary bike or something like that. It might be easier on me to get started with. I can't wait for all the snow to melt, and for things to warm up. A jog outside would be a real treat once I am ready for it.
Well, enough feeling sorry for myself. I knew the piper was coming to collect eventually. I chose to relapse even when I knew the full consequences of my actions. There is no one to blame except for myself. It really hasn't been terrible all things considered. I would still take this over a cold turkey kick any day despite the fact that it lasts longer. All that said, it is definitely bad enough to be a tremendous deterrent. I think I would have had to have been put in a straight jacket to make it through a cold turkey kick though. It would have been unimaginable pain and suffering.
You know I am surprised that with all the torture that goes on around the world why no one has caught on to opi withdrawal. If you were holding someone captive for anything longer than a month you could make it a living hell. Maybe they don't like the idea of their prisoner being high all day during the period when you would need to build up there tolerance. Once they had a tolerance built up you could make someone withdrawal for say 3 days straight and then give them a fat dose on the 4th day. That would restart the clock and you could go right back into withdrawal right after that. If someone was really sadistic they could throw some narcan in the mix so that they could get some precipitated withdrawals whipped up. I know if I was faced with that prospect I would start talking. If talking didn't work I would probably spit in someone's face or something like that to try to get them to off me at that point. Ha...I just realized that I have a full paragraph talking about opi withdrawal as a torture technique. My lack of sleep is starting to show! I do admit that I am really tired even though I keep insisting that things aren't that bad. It might not be as bad as it could have been, but withdrawal sucks no matter what. Sure, 2 hours a night is enough to keep going for a while, but that **** wears on you after a while. Even 4 hours of sleep at night will start messing with me after more than a few days in a row. Ugh, a good night's rest would be welcome.
Ardy - I kind of chuckled when I read your message, because I doubt anyone else is heading into the industry I am talking about. Or if they have experience in the industry I bet they decline to share. We are starting a debt collections company. It is important to get things going as soon as possible, because lots of folks that have delinquent debts pay them with tax refund checks. Those folks are typically earlier filers too. We only have a month left now so we probably missed the sweet spot of the year. My partner has access to employees that have experience collecting debt, and he has direct experience after running a collections company for years. He also has the parts for cubicles, and a good deal on all of the phone / computer systems. Most importantly, he is able to access all of the paper that we could possibly buy. We probably aren't going to actually buy it though. I think we are going to work on contingency, which I favor so we don't have to tie up more capital by actually purchasing the debt. What we need right now is office space, and someone familiar with IT. I have some ideas about office space, but I don't know the first thing about IT. My partner is supposed to be taking the lead on that, but it has been slow. Like I said, this is all new to me, and I don't have any prior experience in the industry. I will say that whatever we do will be a legit, by the book operation though. There were some idiots that worked for another agency across town that got crazy with some of the debtors, and they ended up getting sent to jail. They were collecting insane amounts on the paper that they were working, and their bosses didn't question them. It turns out that they were basically calling people up and telling them that they were going to show up to their house and start breaking limbs if they didn't pay immediately. Their bosses got in trouble too for lax oversight. That is one thing that worries me, because I can't oversee the office every waking moment. If one of the employees pulls something like that we might not know until agents show up at the door.
The nervous energy / kicking has improved a lot though, which is great. That was always the worst symptom in my book. In it's place is the terrible fatigue. I am not even to the 'lead suit' phase, which is definitely coming up soon. This is just fatigue all day no matter what I am doing. I am still trying to keep myself busy during the day, but it is tough. There are points where getting up to just pick up a toy across the room seems like I am gearing up to run a marathon. I will just sit on the couch looking at the toy for a few minutes, and then I will tell myself that I have to get up to pick it up. I'll put it off for another few minutes, and then lean over looking at it again. That goes on for a while, and then I drag my butt off the couch to pick it up finally. Sometimes it does help to have the kids to watch, because I don't have time to think about it. When toys start getting tossed into the toilet my body kicks in gear before my shell shocked mind has time to slow it down.
I am going to start jogging again as soon as I feel up to it. The exercise will be a huge help, but I just have so much trouble finding the motivation. For now, I am going to have to be content with surviving to see the next day. I will be able to exercise soon enough. Maybe I should get a stationary bike or something like that. It might be easier on me to get started with. I can't wait for all the snow to melt, and for things to warm up. A jog outside would be a real treat once I am ready for it.
Well, enough feeling sorry for myself. I knew the piper was coming to collect eventually. I chose to relapse even when I knew the full consequences of my actions. There is no one to blame except for myself. It really hasn't been terrible all things considered. I would still take this over a cold turkey kick any day despite the fact that it lasts longer. All that said, it is definitely bad enough to be a tremendous deterrent. I think I would have had to have been put in a straight jacket to make it through a cold turkey kick though. It would have been unimaginable pain and suffering.
You know I am surprised that with all the torture that goes on around the world why no one has caught on to opi withdrawal. If you were holding someone captive for anything longer than a month you could make it a living hell. Maybe they don't like the idea of their prisoner being high all day during the period when you would need to build up there tolerance. Once they had a tolerance built up you could make someone withdrawal for say 3 days straight and then give them a fat dose on the 4th day. That would restart the clock and you could go right back into withdrawal right after that. If someone was really sadistic they could throw some narcan in the mix so that they could get some precipitated withdrawals whipped up. I know if I was faced with that prospect I would start talking. If talking didn't work I would probably spit in someone's face or something like that to try to get them to off me at that point. Ha...I just realized that I have a full paragraph talking about opi withdrawal as a torture technique. My lack of sleep is starting to show! I do admit that I am really tired even though I keep insisting that things aren't that bad. It might not be as bad as it could have been, but withdrawal sucks no matter what. Sure, 2 hours a night is enough to keep going for a while, but that **** wears on you after a while. Even 4 hours of sleep at night will start messing with me after more than a few days in a row. Ugh, a good night's rest would be welcome.
Ardy - I kind of chuckled when I read your message, because I doubt anyone else is heading into the industry I am talking about. Or if they have experience in the industry I bet they decline to share. We are starting a debt collections company. It is important to get things going as soon as possible, because lots of folks that have delinquent debts pay them with tax refund checks. Those folks are typically earlier filers too. We only have a month left now so we probably missed the sweet spot of the year. My partner has access to employees that have experience collecting debt, and he has direct experience after running a collections company for years. He also has the parts for cubicles, and a good deal on all of the phone / computer systems. Most importantly, he is able to access all of the paper that we could possibly buy. We probably aren't going to actually buy it though. I think we are going to work on contingency, which I favor so we don't have to tie up more capital by actually purchasing the debt. What we need right now is office space, and someone familiar with IT. I have some ideas about office space, but I don't know the first thing about IT. My partner is supposed to be taking the lead on that, but it has been slow. Like I said, this is all new to me, and I don't have any prior experience in the industry. I will say that whatever we do will be a legit, by the book operation though. There were some idiots that worked for another agency across town that got crazy with some of the debtors, and they ended up getting sent to jail. They were collecting insane amounts on the paper that they were working, and their bosses didn't question them. It turns out that they were basically calling people up and telling them that they were going to show up to their house and start breaking limbs if they didn't pay immediately. Their bosses got in trouble too for lax oversight. That is one thing that worries me, because I can't oversee the office every waking moment. If one of the employees pulls something like that we might not know until agents show up at the door.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi Opio!
I see you're trucking along here! Good Deal! Seems there's all sorts of companies needing IT ppl! My daughter did that in the Active Duty Air Force and then took college courses online to increase her knowledge when she got out. That's what her job is now! She's making the big bucks now! I never will forget the day she called me from her job she had after graduating High School saying: "Mom? I hate my job! What am I going to do?" I said: "Well? Your dad is Active Duty Air Force. I'm Active Duty Army National Guard! Take your pick, but I prefer you go Air Force!" And that's what she did. Now she has a job she loves!
Don't push yourself to get into that working out routine until your body is ready. I'm just now able to do a lot during the day. Those drugs are hell on our bodies! Who would have thought a little pill in quantity could do that to us? Damn it! You'll get there in time! Just let it happen! Your kids and home life is what you need to focus on now.
Okay! Back to my deep cleaning in the house! Chicken feathers underneath everything! ARGH!
TOD
I see you're trucking along here! Good Deal! Seems there's all sorts of companies needing IT ppl! My daughter did that in the Active Duty Air Force and then took college courses online to increase her knowledge when she got out. That's what her job is now! She's making the big bucks now!
I never will forget the day she called me from her job she had after graduating High School saying: "Mom? I hate my job! What am I going to do?" I said: "Well? Your dad is Active Duty Air Force. I'm Active Duty Army National Guard! Take your pick, but I prefer you go Air Force!" And that's what she did. Now she has a job she loves!Don't push yourself to get into that working out routine until your body is ready. I'm just now able to do a lot during the day. Those drugs are hell on our bodies! Who would have thought a little pill in quantity could do that to us? Damn it! You'll get there in time! Just let it happen! Your kids and home life is what you need to focus on now.
Okay! Back to my deep cleaning in the house! Chicken feathers underneath everything! ARGH!
TOD
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