Tiredofdrugs

Oh Man!

CleaninLI knows more about those subs than I do!

Best of luck to ya!

TOD

cleaninLI

TOD you made me laugh. I think at this point he's still WDing. So you are correct with what you said. But it looks like it's causing some anxiety and panic. Very normal during WD. Opio, I went thru the anxiety too. I know it makes you feel worse. But it's only a state of mind. It's not real! All this panic isn't real!! It won't be long and this will all be just a bad dream!

OpioPhobe

OK, the full blown panic has subsided. I am still very anxious, but that was near panic attack levels. It is amazing how fast Xanax works. I started noticing it within 10 minutes, which it way faster than any other pills I have taken.

Taking the 2nd strip now...

OpioPhobe

I need to get a camera so I can do an interview with myself. Then, if I get the bright idea to ever go back and I can promise myself I have to watch the videeo first. I have some videos from the withdrawl a year ago. My wife took them when I was wimpering like a child and talking about how bad it was. I should have watched those before this last **** up.

OpioPhobe

Ugh...this taste...I forgot how bad the taste is. I am not sure which is worst...vomit or subs.

Tiredofdrugs

Quinine is horrible tasting too! Took that stuff for RLS years ago!

Not long ago I was on a Marathon watch for the shows "The Wire"! It had me by the wide open eyelashes watching everything that unfolded. After watching those shows it truly made me grateful I never got into the hardcore world of buying drugs or using the harder drugs. I saw many ppl going thru the w/d's off H, crack, cocaine, etc. So I have some idea of what you're going thru!

I'm really wishing you never get into drugs again!

TOD

cleaninLI

Alright opio! Do what you gotta do. I'm glad you are feeling more relaxed now. Just keep in mind that when the panic sets in to remember it's only your brain's reaction to low dopamine. It's a physical symptom. That helped me to get past them. That and deep breathing and mindfulness. But I doubt you could summon up enough control to do it right now. Pace the floor smoke a cig...whatever it takes. It helped me to remember I'm safe and I would be ok. Opiate detox sucks but it isn't lethal.

Tiredofdrugs

CleaninLI:

I'm here reading! And this is for you Opio:

Hurry up and get past this:

TOD

OpioPhobe

Thanks Clean and TOD. TOD - coming off of pills and coming off of H is very similar. The one thing I would say is that IV H does kick it up a notch. That is just my personal experience. If someone could kick a heavy pill habit then they could get through it.

I am feeling a little better after the second strip. There has been so much advice that says to exercise and I just never could during the first few days. I have so much nervous energy right now, but feel so weak at the same time. The weakness isn't to the point where walking around the room seems like running a marathon though. That will be in the days to come though. However, I am going to force myself to shovel a little bit of snow outside. Maybe that will help me work through some of this nervous energy. Sleep is a complete no-go at this point, but I am hopeful that the subs will let me get some sleep later tonight.

Tiredofdrugs

I had the horrible time coming off Hydro's 10MG! I was taking a lot of pills at the end of my use back in 2005. At one point within the first 30 days I counted up how many pills I had taken per what I had gotten in prescriptions. It was 870 pills within a three month time period! I question how I survived that at times! Man!

Forget doing anything in my first two WEEKS! Much less exercising! My mind did get very active before I got my energy back. I had stacks of mail laying around so I started going thru it. I got all that done and then I brought dresser drawers to the couch and went thru those. Then it was junk drawers. I did everything I could do while sitting down. I kept my hands and mind busy! It helped a lot!

When I ran out of sit down stuff to do I took a chair and set it down wherever I was at doing stuff. Within minutes I was worn out and had to sit down. I'd rest for a little bit and then get back up and do some more. It took me four hours one day just to load the dishwasher from two days worth of dirty dishes. Those pills really do a number on our bodies.

I'm happy to read you are feeling better too!

TOD

Chasingthedream

Keep coming on here and documenting how you're feeling Opio. You're doing great. I didn't mean to be hard on you before, I just don't want something bad to happen to you.
Your situation with your wife sounds unbearable. I guess the best thing to do is to get yourself clean, and then work out what to do. If you could get some kind of proof of her inability to look after the children, then surely joint custody could be more likely (if you have to go down the divorce route?)
Anyway- it's 08.15 here in London and I'm getting ready for work, and I wanted to let you know that there i am routing for you all the way over the pond.

OpioPhobe

OK, I just did the unfathomable. I went outside and shoveled snow for a solid 20 minutes. It was hell getting the motivation to take the first step out the door. However, once I started moving it made things a lot better actually. While I was shoveling I was able to get out of the withdrawal mindset momentarily. I am proud of myself for getting some exercise in despite the leg pains and fatigue.

Once I was done I felt better, but the leg pain / fatigue came on strong. I just took another half of a strip. That is all I am going to take for the night given my limited supply. I am going to get into a hot bath now, and then try to get a few hours of sleep.

cleaninLI

Ok opio I ended up falling asleep too. Needed to get the kiddos ready and out the door for school. I hope you were able to catch a few zzz's. You are correct about H wd. I'm sure and by what I've heard it's a Hell of a lot worse! But I know you have personally tackled it before and can do it again. I'm glad shoveling the snow helped you! I'll bet it gave you a dose of normalcy...plus exercise. Just what you needed.
See for me the mental anxiety and panic attacks were the worst part. Also, the insomnia. But it looks like you've got all that covered. Plus, I can see you require quite a few subs.
I hope you are feeling better right now. I assume you do and were even able to get some sleep. At least that is what I'm praying for. We are here for you when you wake-up. But sleep is probably the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

TiredEnough

Haha, I can guess two of them but what was the third?

Marcus

I wondered the same thing for a second then thought #1, #2, and the dreaded #3 (which for me was projectile vomiting).

Hope to hear from you again soon Opio (unless you are sleeping of course). Yes exercise and sweating it out a bit helps. Bath or steam helps too. I remember being too weak to stand in the shower so would just turn it nice and hot and sit on the floor and lean my head against the wall.

I know the physical stuff sucks, but the mental torture works on you as well. Just go easy on the sub. When you have subs / benzos that turns into a mental back and forth too. Do I need more? Should I take more? It can get dangerous, but I am sure you know that. Just know your body can and will recover. That was kind of why I was saying 4 days cold. No you will not feel like a million bucks on day 5, but you will feel like you are back among the living.

Hang in there my friend!!!

OpioPhobe

A Trifecta means: urination, defecation and vomiting simultaneously in a conscious individual. In an unconscious individual it means all three of these over a period of time in quantities sufficient to soil one's clothes. Luckily, I was conscious at the time of the trifecta last night. The unconscious definition was one I learned from my fraternity days.

I was able to sleep a decent amount actually. Getting to sleep was bad though. Been laying in bed for most of the morning. I'll post an update in a little bit.

cleaninLI

Alright Opio thanks for the definition! Lol Glad to see you still have your humor! Lol But I know you must be feeling like you wrestled with a truck last night. Awaiting an update when you are ready. Hope the sub has finally built up enough and you are feeling some relief!

OpioPhobe

I am hanging in there today. The nervous energy has settled down, which is typical for me on day 2 with the subs. I took 1 strip early this AM. Right now, I just feel really weak / tired mostly. I was able to sleep for a few hours last night. However, the subs kept me from thrashing around so even when I wasn't sleeping I was able to lay down in bed without driving myself crazy. It wasn't like I was relaxing at the beach or anything, but it wasn't to bad. I did end up taking two other 0.5 mg Xanaxs last night. So all total I took 3 subs, and 1.5 mg of Xanax. I know that the two don't mix, but I don't think I was going to go from full panic to OD with that amount of benzos. Also, I made sure to wait a good while between doses to make sure that I had the full effect.

As far as physical things go, I have that bone pain in the legs pretty bad even with the subs. I have been in the bath a couple times today already. Luckily, I have the nanny today so I don't have to watch the kids until later.

All in all this is about par for the course with subs and me. The first night is quite rough, and then days 2 and 3 are bearable.

By the way, I saw a link to a news story earlier today about a guy who went in to rob a pharmacy and got blasted. He looks dopesick to me as he walks in. The video from the pharmacy in on youtube, and it is attached below. It is crazy how far people will go when they are dopesick to make it go away. There was another report a few years ago that I read where a guy Tboned a lady in a minivan and then got out with a black and decker drill. He came after her with it and then turned it on himself. The thing is that when he turned it on himself he started drilling into his legs. I immediately thought about that feeling where you are so restless that you start punching your legs. Sure enough, in the full report they said he was trying to come off of prescription medications (OC I think it was), and he was 72 hours in.

TiredEnough

That PharmD was smooth as silk and kept his head. Good work.

OpioPhobe

Well, I kept waiting for another shoe to drop today, but it wasn't too bad. I felt pretty rough throughout the day, but it was mainly weakness / bone pains. Still, it wasn't anything like last night. There was some anxiety throughout the day, but, again, nothing like last night. I was trying to think back to the last time I switched over to subs, and I think this is similar to what happened last time. Day 1 was very bad, Day 2 was still rough, and then Day 3 was mild. By Day 4 on them I generally started feeling OK. The thing is that I went through my remaining subs today, and I am going to have to get a few more tomorrow. I haven't figured out what to take for tomorrow and Wednesday, but I am going to cut back on the subs. If I can get by on one strip tomorrow and half on Wednesday that would be good. That will have the remaining withdrawal setting in pretty quickly thereafter.

I didn't need any Xanax today, and I am going to try to get to bed without any. With a hot bath I think I will be able to get to sleep. No exercise today...I couldn't quite get there. If I start getting the nervous energy again at night then I may have to go shovel some again. The little exercise I did get was helpful I thought.

All in all I am in good spirits though. I just feel relieved that I made it over the hump.