Effed Up Royally
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
I am still alive...still using. The past couple weeks have been spent trying to procure some methadone, but so far all I have procured is an earful of ********. I expect something to come through next week though. The question will be whether I even have the motivation to quit once I do get the methadone.
Other than that I have been busy getting things in order that I had put off for a long time. That part of life has actually been going quite well. I know that I am going to have zero motivation to even get out of bed once I come off of the narcotics again.
Other than that I have been busy getting things in order that I had put off for a long time. That part of life has actually been going quite well. I know that I am going to have zero motivation to even get out of bed once I come off of the narcotics again.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Mate l know how the ability to get out of bed factor is ****** when u stop. The level of drainedness is fooked. You know what to do - Get yourself ready for it.
Don't know about u but the first 24 hours are worst for me physically with violent vommitting (vv) & the other. Sweats shakes legs literally kicking the habit. I find day 2 n 3 not as bad (still ****** but I can get up) then day 4 comes and I start feeling worse again which Is usually when I head out on the **** n do coke or E's etc to take the pain away but also mean I don't know why I feel **** later. Flawed logic l know but I think if I can make my body think it's aching due to coke then it's better. What days are worse for you? I know folk who say day 3-5 is a killer physically & the first 24 hours is ok but I struggle like **** my body knows it ain't getting a fix n starts over reacting.
Hope u find a way brother, Everyone rooting for you here mate. Keep the faith. We can lead clean lives it's just up to us.
Don't know about u but the first 24 hours are worst for me physically with violent vommitting (vv) & the other. Sweats shakes legs literally kicking the habit. I find day 2 n 3 not as bad (still ****** but I can get up) then day 4 comes and I start feeling worse again which Is usually when I head out on the **** n do coke or E's etc to take the pain away but also mean I don't know why I feel **** later. Flawed logic l know but I think if I can make my body think it's aching due to coke then it's better. What days are worse for you? I know folk who say day 3-5 is a killer physically & the first 24 hours is ok but I struggle like **** my body knows it ain't getting a fix n starts over reacting.
Hope u find a way brother, Everyone rooting for you here mate. Keep the faith. We can lead clean lives it's just up to us.
. Well played, Opio. Well played.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
So if you are trying to get Methadone "illegally" why not go on it LEGALLY? Maybe you need something more? Not trying to tell you what to do, but usually when you can't quit using and you convince yourself just a little Methadone is going to straighten out all of your problems that is not the case. I am not saying ORT is always the way to go, but after you have exhausted your other options it does work for many people (including myself). Just be careful because as addicts we are very flippant about what we are doing, but don't understand the full gravity and consequences of our choices. It truly is life and death once you progress to Heroin. Good Luck my friend - hope you find your way!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Here for you - no matter what way is up/down right now.
I've been hanging in waiting for appt for spine shots and I got it in less than 2 weeks. Just kinda treading water till then.
When I get on here I look for you...
Unconditionally - xoxox
I've been hanging in waiting for appt for spine shots and I got it in less than 2 weeks. Just kinda treading water till then.
When I get on here I look for you...
Unconditionally - xoxox
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Well, the vacation from reality is over today. The good Lord must be working behind the scenes to tell me that it is time to climb back on the wagon. My current connect is stranded due to the crazy snow storm that hit yesterday. He will probably be out of commission for the next few days. Some areas around town have already received multiple feet! Coincidentally the methadone that I had been waiting on forever came through today. I ended up getting more than twice the amount of methadone that I was expecting, which will give me a little bit more runway to work with. If the snowstorm had hit even one day earlier I would have gotten nailed with an involuntary cold turkey kick.
My motivation is still not where it needs to be, but it has been improving somewhat over the past few days. Once I have a few days "vested" into the kick then I think I will be more motivated. That is the one thing that I find attractive about methadone. It is easier to get the withdrawal rolling, and by the time I am actually sick I already have significant time away from the H.
I was able to get some things moving while on the H, and I am going to be looking at a much better situation on the home / work front going forward. In February when I quit last time I have been waiting on a partnership to form, and that has finally come through. We should have operations up and running in the next month or so. That is going to make a huge difference, because I am not going to be stuck watching the children all day every day. It is going to be a relief to be working, and to have something interesting to focus on during the day. Hopefully I will be able to keep things heading in the right direction even though I am going to quickly lose all motivation to even make it out of bed. I think it will be easier to get out of bed if I have something interesting to work on. That is what I am hoping at least.
RedManc - With a cold turkey I actually find days 3 and 4 to be the worst. The first 24 hours are generally bad, but it is really just a warm up for the pain to come. Day 2 is where is starts getting very bad, and then Days 3/4 are terrible. With a failed detox I would generally give up between 24 hours and 48 hours. That is because it was long enough for it to be really bad, but still a long way from the peak. However, with methadone it is going to change the timetable up completely. I only used methadone once before (last February), and it lowered the intensity of the withdrawal significantly. However, it extended the length of the withdrawal significantly as well.
Marcus - I don't want to go to the clinic because I have no interest on getting on methadone long-term at this point. This has only been my second relapse. The first go around I had 1 1/2 years and the second go around I had something like 6-7 months. I would have to go back through my posts to see when I screwed up this summer with the amps / booze to get the exact timing on the second attempt. I view long-term methadone treatment as a last resort, and I wouldn't seriously entertain it unless I got to the point where I had failed and relapsed several times. Maybe I am just being stubborn, but there is no reason that I can't do this. If I can make it 1 1/2 years then I see no reason why I can't make it indefinitely.
The thought of going into a clinic to kiss a doctor's ass for my dosage makes my skin crawl. I would much rather put the risk of a dosage cutoff in the hands of a dealer / fellow addict than I would a doctor. My experience with doctors in the addiction field has been abysmal, and just talking to them was so depressing that I wanted to use more. I would expect the clinic doctors to write me off even more, and consider me a hopeless case of a stubborn addict. Also, what is the point of getting something legally if I can get it illegally? That takes the fun out of it.
My motivation is still not where it needs to be, but it has been improving somewhat over the past few days. Once I have a few days "vested" into the kick then I think I will be more motivated. That is the one thing that I find attractive about methadone. It is easier to get the withdrawal rolling, and by the time I am actually sick I already have significant time away from the H.
I was able to get some things moving while on the H, and I am going to be looking at a much better situation on the home / work front going forward. In February when I quit last time I have been waiting on a partnership to form, and that has finally come through. We should have operations up and running in the next month or so. That is going to make a huge difference, because I am not going to be stuck watching the children all day every day. It is going to be a relief to be working, and to have something interesting to focus on during the day. Hopefully I will be able to keep things heading in the right direction even though I am going to quickly lose all motivation to even make it out of bed. I think it will be easier to get out of bed if I have something interesting to work on. That is what I am hoping at least.
RedManc - With a cold turkey I actually find days 3 and 4 to be the worst. The first 24 hours are generally bad, but it is really just a warm up for the pain to come. Day 2 is where is starts getting very bad, and then Days 3/4 are terrible. With a failed detox I would generally give up between 24 hours and 48 hours. That is because it was long enough for it to be really bad, but still a long way from the peak. However, with methadone it is going to change the timetable up completely. I only used methadone once before (last February), and it lowered the intensity of the withdrawal significantly. However, it extended the length of the withdrawal significantly as well.
Marcus - I don't want to go to the clinic because I have no interest on getting on methadone long-term at this point. This has only been my second relapse. The first go around I had 1 1/2 years and the second go around I had something like 6-7 months. I would have to go back through my posts to see when I screwed up this summer with the amps / booze to get the exact timing on the second attempt. I view long-term methadone treatment as a last resort, and I wouldn't seriously entertain it unless I got to the point where I had failed and relapsed several times. Maybe I am just being stubborn, but there is no reason that I can't do this. If I can make it 1 1/2 years then I see no reason why I can't make it indefinitely.
The thought of going into a clinic to kiss a doctor's ass for my dosage makes my skin crawl. I would much rather put the risk of a dosage cutoff in the hands of a dealer / fellow addict than I would a doctor. My experience with doctors in the addiction field has been abysmal, and just talking to them was so depressing that I wanted to use more. I would expect the clinic doctors to write me off even more, and consider me a hopeless case of a stubborn addict. Also, what is the point of getting something legally if I can get it illegally? That takes the fun out of it.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
It is good to see you back Opio. I hope everything works as planned. I want to be supportive and your experience is different than mine I guess. The reason you go to a clinic for methadone is because you can't control your own dose and the blocking effect is key which is why a higher dose and longer term work well for people. As far as getting cut off from the doctor that hasn't been my experience, but yes many are just in it for the money.
I agree it is a last resort so hopefully if you do get there you will think about it. As you said you got double what you wanted but don't want to stay on it long term. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, but again my opinion. Methadone withdrawals are worse than heroin withdrawals (in my experience) due to the long half life and the way it is stored in the body so coming of it slow is very important. If I were in your shoes I would have rather had the snowstorm hit and kicked and got it over with. My experience with H withdrawals has been hours 24-48 were the WORST and by 60 hours I was on the downslope so different than yours too, but I was using massive amounts (2+ grams of raw a day). Anyway just an opinion of one addict to another as you have shared with me. I don't want you to think I am being a d*ck cause I know all about justification. That kind of seems to be where you are at the moment and I could be reading it all wrong. Anyway I know the hell of active addiction and withdrawal and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Best of luck bro!!
I agree it is a last resort so hopefully if you do get there you will think about it. As you said you got double what you wanted but don't want to stay on it long term. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, but again my opinion. Methadone withdrawals are worse than heroin withdrawals (in my experience) due to the long half life and the way it is stored in the body so coming of it slow is very important. If I were in your shoes I would have rather had the snowstorm hit and kicked and got it over with. My experience with H withdrawals has been hours 24-48 were the WORST and by 60 hours I was on the downslope so different than yours too, but I was using massive amounts (2+ grams of raw a day). Anyway just an opinion of one addict to another as you have shared with me. I don't want you to think I am being a d*ck cause I know all about justification. That kind of seems to be where you are at the moment and I could be reading it all wrong. Anyway I know the hell of active addiction and withdrawal and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Best of luck bro!!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 7
Not to be the downer but I have nothing positive to say. I am a recovering heroin addict. I have over 7 months clean from it. Methadone is not the solution by any means. Just a substitute. U might as well switch to oxy or Xanax. I mean I'm not gonna tell u how to do ur recovery but I'm saying it's a setup from my experience and from what I've seen. If u think the withdrawal from heroin is bad let that methadone run out. U will be wishing to be dead. I detoxed in jail no meds this time. But I have used suboxone, subutex, and methadone. I am currently now on vivitrol or naltrexone. U can use the subutex for the first 7-10 days for withdrawal but I would suggest that over anything because it won't make u sick or give u withdrawal symptoms. I dunno I'm just saying u really wanna be hooked on methadone instead of dope because that's what happens. Just think about it please. I am willing to help anyone with a desire to get clean.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
Just so we can look at both sides of the story I truly believe methadone saved my life (along with counseling and recovery meetings). If done correctly it can help people, but it was definitely a last resort for me (after years and years of relapsing). I was on it for close to 2 years and have been off for almost 2 and 1/2 years now - clean from all alcohol and drugs. I was on 120mg for the first year and a half and then took around 6 months to get off completely. I did use on it in the beginning, but eventually the blocking effect made using NOT worth it. Definitely would not want to kick it in jail or have to come off quickly. That being said I know some people have had success with short term detox too, but playing doctor always got me in trouble.
I am not saying you are incorrect Danikay because your experience is your own and just as valid as mine. Also Xanax isn't even an opiate so not sure what switching to that is going to do for you (yes benzos do help with withdrawal a little). I just feel it gets a bad rap. We are dealing with Heroin here and as we know the long term recovery rates are quite low in the first place. I too am willing to help anyone with a desire to get clean.
I am not saying you are incorrect Danikay because your experience is your own and just as valid as mine. Also Xanax isn't even an opiate so not sure what switching to that is going to do for you (yes benzos do help with withdrawal a little). I just feel it gets a bad rap. We are dealing with Heroin here and as we know the long term recovery rates are quite low in the first place. I too am willing to help anyone with a desire to get clean.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi Opi!
It's good to see you back here!
I was prescribed pure hydro with no tylenol in it years ago. There is no high with it but it did make me really freak out on it! I quit taking it and flushed the leftover pills.
I was told by a nurse in 2005. Methadone is the worst thing a person could get on. She said: "If you think detoxing off Hydro's is bad? Then you've never experienced or seen ppl coming off methadone!" It's the worst and it also eats your bones and teeth up! I CT'ed off the huge amount of Hydro's I was taking and never asked about methadone again.
We all want an easy way off our DOC! It ends up just being another drug to detox off of later on!
I hope you find the willpower and strength to leave it all behind!
TOD
It's good to see you back here!
I was prescribed pure hydro with no tylenol in it years ago. There is no high with it but it did make me really freak out on it! I quit taking it and flushed the leftover pills.
I was told by a nurse in 2005. Methadone is the worst thing a person could get on. She said: "If you think detoxing off Hydro's is bad? Then you've never experienced or seen ppl coming off methadone!" It's the worst and it also eats your bones and teeth up! I CT'ed off the huge amount of Hydro's I was taking and never asked about methadone again.
We all want an easy way off our DOC! It ends up just being another drug to detox off of later on!
I hope you find the willpower and strength to leave it all behind!
TOD
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
How the heck would pure hydro with no tylenol NOT get you high? Is it the tylenol that gets you high? I think most hydro addicts would love pure hydro (which is the reason for cold water extraction). Okay I said my piece. Best of luck OPI. It is your life and your decision. Best to get all of the information you can and make an informed decision.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Marcus!
LOL I couldn't figure it out either, but it just didn't. It more or less was just a constant flow of the stuff in my system. It wasn't like when I'd be needing a pill and then after taking it I'd feel it. You know?
Like you? I thought in the beginning - Oh wow! This is going to solve the problem of never losing that high! But it didn't work that way for me. And then it made me start freaking out. I was DONE with it at that point.
TOD
LOL I couldn't figure it out either, but it just didn't. It more or less was just a constant flow of the stuff in my system. It wasn't like when I'd be needing a pill and then after taking it I'd feel it. You know?
Like you? I thought in the beginning - Oh wow! This is going to solve the problem of never losing that high! But it didn't work that way for me. And then it made me start freaking out. I was DONE with it at that point.
TOD
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
You probably just had a real high tolerance at that point because the new ZoHydro that is out now without any APAP is causing a big stir. It goes to show we all have different experiences and you can't take one persons experience and think that will definitely be yours too.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Marcus!
You are absolutely correct! Everything affects each of us differently! I was taking tons of of the opiates when I tried that too! And that's probably why it didn't affect me like you've said!
And yes I saw the news report on the new ZH! I was dumbfounded something that strong was now out there! When is it going to STOP? Is what I want to scream! Knowing though it won't!
These drugs/alcohol is the new FLOOD! The flood that wipes out so many! My opinion though!
TOD
You are absolutely correct! Everything affects each of us differently! I was taking tons of of the opiates when I tried that too! And that's probably why it didn't affect me like you've said!
And yes I saw the news report on the new ZH! I was dumbfounded something that strong was now out there! When is it going to STOP? Is what I want to scream! Knowing though it won't!
These drugs/alcohol is the new FLOOD! The flood that wipes out so many! My opinion though!
TOD
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