So Scared!!! Hydrocodone Addiction
 

I'm not really sure how to go about this, so I'll just tell my story. I am a 24 year old wife and mother to a beautiful 3 year old girl. I have struggled with drug addiction for many years off and on. I grew up with a very abusive father, but managed to escape around the age of 13, but being on my own at 13 didn't exactly help me learn self control. I've been on Hydrocodone off and on for probably 5 years. However I had quit for almost 6 months when I began to take them again around 2 months ago after dental surgery. I became hooked once again. I was taking 6-7 Hydrocodone 10's per day and began smoking 3-4 packs of cigarettes per day. I have bounced around from Percocets to Norco to now Hydrocodone for these last couple of months. I have tapered myself down to exactly two per day for the last several days. I've been going to sleep at 6-7pm every night and waking up around 7-8am with horrible sweating and cold chills. I know how terrible the withdrawl symptoms are and I dread going through them. My husband does not know I am addicted. I've tried my best to hide it from him because he was once addicted himself. I don't like myself while im on these. I've become a lazy person. I used to dress up everyday and clean my house until it was spotless. I used to be a fitness junkie and now my weight has gotten to the point I don't know how to lose it. I don't do any of the things I used to anymore. I sit on my couch every day. I don't even play with my little girl anymore. I have found that although i feel happy while im on them I am usually very hateful and snappy. I have become someone I do not like. I have one pill left and I refuse to get any more. I am so terrified because my husband is gone everyday and my 3 year old is here with me 24/7 as I do not have anyone else for her to stay with. I know she will curl up in bed with me all day if that's what I ask her to do, but I feel so bad that I would have to ask her to do that for me. I plan to take my last one later this evening so that I can sleep all night and wake up tomorrow without any left. I know that if I have one left when i wake up I will search to find more to keep that high feeling. I need support from anyone on here because I really have no one I can tell in my life. I am hopeful that since I have tapered off to only 2 per day that it will make it a little easier. Any tips for speeding up the withdrawl process would be appreciated, because with a 3 year old at home I really cant lay in bed for a week. I quit cold turkey once before and at the time i was taking almost 10 per day, is it any easier with a lesser dosage or is it still as bad? I truly am scared to do this again, but I know I have to. I cant go on living like this!Thank you!!!

I understand exactly where your coming from, I'm currently 32 days off of hydrocodone, i still have a bit if anxiety and sleep isn't right yet but I'm so glad that The Lord Father gave me the strength to endure, without any other meds....you can do this, I'm here as a mother of 3 who stays home as well, but I did have a strong support system, mom, husband, church, pastor, aunt, friends.....you might want to tell your husband, you may be surprised how supportive he would be!

godsent3 Thank you for replying. I know my husband would support me, but there isn't much he can do to help at this point being that he just started a new job and cannot take any time off and his job requires a lot of concentration and I'm afraid his worrying might take away from him being able to perform his job. He worries WAY too much. Usually I would talk to my mother about any issues I may have, but she is my main source of drugs so I am staying away from all contact from her at this point. I commend you for being a stay at home mother of 3, My child is my whole world and reason for wanting to become clean. This WILL BE my LAST day as an addict no matter how painful this may be. I have prepared plently of meals for the next few days and have gotten plently of movies for my little girl, so we can take some relaxation until the worst of this passes. I have always had anxiety, the chills and aches is what scares me the most. When did the chills and aches end for you! Sorry this is so long, I'm just trying to be prepared as possible for something like this. I will be back on tomorrow to give an update on my first day. I usually wake up and immediately take a pill, so we will see how it goes. Keep me in your prayers!

I was in this cycle too when I was taking medications for my spine issues. I essentially quit doing the things I needed to do and WOW did I gain 40lbs in a year. Now that I had my surgery last Jan I'm back to the gym and losing weight. I've been off the meds for four months except post-op where I tooks meds for 6 days.
Even though I was off my pain meds for a few months, I still felt like total crap.
My weight gain certainly didn't help.
Well, two weeks ago I decided I was tired of being tired. I started a high protien, low fat, low carb diet and began walking. I walked two miles the first day. 3 miles the fouth day, and now I'm doing 4-6 miles a day plus going to the gym and doing cardio for 45 minutes a day.

I was sore as crap and hungry for 6 days. Now I'm doing alright. I DREADED that first week but it wasn't nearly as painful as going through W/D. Oh, and guess what? I can already tell my brain is proding endorphins again because I feel much better and I'm much happier than I was before I started.

I've lost 12 lbs in the last 10 days? Yeah I know that's a bunch but Ive been busting my rear EVERY day and not cheating the least bit on this diet. It's hard at first but YOU HAVE to make that first move. Once you get that little bit of memoentum going, you'll keep going.

Best of luck to you dear!

IvanKatz, Thank you so much for your post! I used to love exercise and being healthy, but since addiction has taken over I have gained almost 30 pounds in 2 months. This has been the heaviest I have ever been in my life! I cannot wait to go through this withdrawl process so I can be MYSELF again and lose all this weight! I admire your ability to get into a healthy lifestyle and I cannot wait to be able to do the same again. Continue with your weight loss! Keep me posted and Ill be back to let everyone know how these next few days go.

I will deff keep you in my prayers!!!! I know you can do this, I never really had the chills or sweating but at around 28 days I had the anxiety return, and I've been dealing with it for about 4 days now, but in the first night I had those horrid chills/sweating....my anxiety when it's bad, I can't sleep, but I'm so grateful for 32 days and look forward to being myself again, no pills, no anxiety, sleep with no problem....We'll get there :) with god by our sides all things are possible!!!!

Lillieintherain - I just went through a similar situation where I had to step up and take care of my family while going through withdrawal. It wasn't easy, but it is doable. In some ways it helped me because I was forced to get up and move around during the day. I have two children that are both small (<4 years) so I completely get your anxiety about going through it with a 3 year old. My wife has unfortunately been dealing with other serious mental health issues so I couldn't rely on her for support.

Is there any other friend, relative or nanny that could help you for part of the days? It made things so much easier when I was able to get someone to help me by watching the children even if it was only for a couple hours. You are going to need time for yourself at certain points.

As far as the weight goes, I dropped a lot of weight over the past 6 months of using but dropped even more during withdrawal. In fact, I am trying to gain some of it back right now. If you are looking to lose weight opi withdrawal will get you off on the right foot!

One thing to absolutely keep in mind is that when you stop taking the vic - your appetite will become RAVENOUS! Trust me on this one! You will crave sweets and carbs more than anything. This is because your brain is starved for Dopamine and endorphins. If you start execising within 5 days of stopping, you'll be doing yourself a huge favor.
The faster you get back to good diet and excercise, the faster your brain will recover - period!

Lillie, I was in your shoes 8 months ago. Lots of percs but settled on 10 or 12 Norco a day because they were easier to get. I promise you, you can do this. It may seem impossible now but it's not.

Hey
HOw are you doing?
I was a meth addict so I can relate to some of your story.

I didn't think I would ever get off of meth, I loved that energy and some days still miss the boundless feeling, but you CAN do it.


I took it one day at a time, and made my own plan, for me I realized I needed to replace that high that I got from meth, and do stuff to get me through that horrible come down.

I found things I used to do, concerts, parks, long walks, hikes, I forced myself to do things I didn't want to do. I felt like ****, was depressed for a bit, I cried a lot and then one day it started getting easier, I started to like how i was feeling again.

One day you will see your little girl laugh or smile and you'll burst into tears,
or thats the kind of stuff I did,


I just gave myself permission to feel bad, and knew that I'd get through it.

Just don't give up and believe in yourself because you can do it.

Oh and if you can do things like juicing, or whatever to give your body what it's lacking.

Anyway all that helped me.

You can do this!! :You_Rock_

Lillie I was one of those people that actually put on weight while using. Not sure why but I got all puffy. Once I stopped using it came off quite a bit. Then that healthy appetite came back and I ate lots of junk and put a couple pounds back on. Now I'm in the habit of putting healthy things in my body and I feel better physically and mentally.

Hey everyone, Thank you for all the kind words! I'm currently 38 hours from taking my very last pill. I felt horrible yesterday but slightly better today. I cried a lot yesterday when I realized what I've done to myself. I been trying to get up and move around. I haven't had any help except for my 3 year old and that's okay with me. I didn't sleep much at all last night but I was sort of expecting that. Pills have crossed my mind, but I don't see the use in putting myself back through this. Please keep me in your thoughts. I'm just taking it day by day and I am looking foward to the day when I am back to my old self!

Lillie, I hope and pray that you have continued with your will to stop, please post soon! My thoughts and prayers are with you, just keep your faith to endure this storm, it is possible!

Sorry i didn't see your post before I posted last, your in my prayers :)

Sending Prayers
 

PLease let us know how you are doing honey ~~~~~ I am going through exactly the same thing, except instead of a 3 year old child, I have two dogs and several cats depending on me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` not the exact same thing, but I am feeling your pains ~~

I am asking for blessings to come your way ~~~~~

How are you doing? Check in when you can <3

I'm on day 8 of narco 10/325 withdrawals, I used and badly abused for 13 long years, the last year I was up to 40 pills daily about 400-500 mg a day, I can say today is a tiny bit better, I can barely get up because of no energy and my sleep is almost non existent as I'm still having restless leg syndrome an the chills an hot flashes come n go but I'm not completely dope sick anymore, I feel lost, depressed, alone and at times I feel like I'm losing this horrible battle but I'm sticking to it, my family means more to me than this bs! All I can say is, if your going into day 3 your at it's worst, ride thru it, listen to music, read, blog, do anything u can to get your mind preoccupied with other things, force yourself to drink lots of water and get up even if you can only manage a few steps at a time, your not alone, stay strong and keep positive by thinking of the normal days to come!! God bless

To Hellandback, congrats in day 8 :) your NOT alone, we all know what it's like and we are all at some point in recovery that's what matters :) I pray that you keep up the good fight with a positive attitude, May God bless you

Thank you so much! I am here so I'm not alone, being here writing an sharing is like therapy to me xoxo

I feel ya, I get done great advice here and it makes this journey easier for me ;)