So Scared!!! Hydrocodone Addiction
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Antonio tx
Posts: 51
Wow malicious your a tough mother lol, I admire your strength and wish I had the kind of strength you seem to! I was on extremely high doses of narco about 400-500 mg a day (40+pills daily) and for the love of Jesus I feel like I'm falling apart, I can't seem to shake the cravings even tho I have no interest in using again and the depression an hopeless feelings! I'm almost at day 11 and this **** is still blowing me away at all levels, the hardcore withdrawals have subsided but I still feel like **** both physically and emotionally! All I can say is well done, your a hell of a lot stronger than I am, I truly admire your will!!
Xoxoxo
Xoxoxo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Antonio tx
Posts: 51
Well then Godsent, you need to take a stand for you and your babies and show him that your no longer that weak girl that he's known in the past, that you now see things much clearer an that your no longer gonna make everything ok for him! Let me ask you, is he your kids dad or step dad? Is he aware of your decision to leave? Perhaps he will realize what he's lost and straighten up!!! Keep your chin up, and realize everything happens for a reason! I will pray for all of you! God bless xoxoxo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 370
Tohellanback....he's my 2 youngest children's dad, but my oldest son I had at 16 so he's my oldest dons step parent, and I try asking him how would you feel if I left you and another spoke to your kids that way?!?! He just doesn't care, and I am a loving person and don't want to be with a person who is so negative.....I think I'm finally just to a point in my life where I'm done with negative and ready for positivity all around, sad thing we are currently building a new home and that doesn't bother me, if it is t meant to be it isn't meant to be.....I'm gonna pray and ask God to guide my steps and thoughts
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Antonio tx
Posts: 51
Good way of looking at it malicious, I mean truly all we can do is get thru it or give in and go back to our old ways which is true hell, we got ourselves here and I guess the only way out is to pay the price, I guess addiction wouldn't be what it is if it was all easy lol!
A ******* month, omg I sure hope it don't take another month I'll be bat **** crazy by then lmao!! I've been taking vitamin b complex an vitamin c for 3 days now, it seems to have helped a very tiny bit but so far I'm still unable to keep food down because of nausea an I haven't had much sleep in 10 days maybe 1 hour each night, I'm exhausted, I look like hell and feel like hell warmed over so I'm sure that has a lot to do with the way I feel, I've lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks, I'm hoping once I can manage to get more sleep and to keep a little food down maybe I'll feel a little better, I did this cold turkey and after 13 years of constant use I guess I shouldn't of expected any different but to be honest, nothing an I mean nothing prepared me for what I have gone thru!!! Thanks for the encouragement and I hope you continue to keep in contact with me!
A ******* month, omg I sure hope it don't take another month I'll be bat **** crazy by then lmao!! I've been taking vitamin b complex an vitamin c for 3 days now, it seems to have helped a very tiny bit but so far I'm still unable to keep food down because of nausea an I haven't had much sleep in 10 days maybe 1 hour each night, I'm exhausted, I look like hell and feel like hell warmed over so I'm sure that has a lot to do with the way I feel, I've lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks, I'm hoping once I can manage to get more sleep and to keep a little food down maybe I'll feel a little better, I did this cold turkey and after 13 years of constant use I guess I shouldn't of expected any different but to be honest, nothing an I mean nothing prepared me for what I have gone thru!!! Thanks for the encouragement and I hope you continue to keep in contact with me!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Antonio tx
Posts: 51
OMG Godsent we have so ******* much in common! You hang in there and please let me know if you need anything! I will pray for you and I want to say, your making a very strong and positive decision to finally stand up for yourself and your kids!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Dirty Jersey 973
Posts: 77
It's mild stuff here and there but trust me it's all worth it you just hearing seeing tasting and feeling better. It's great to get your seances back like I just stood up and felt the carpet on my feet and I actually felt it and enjoyed just being sober and feeling the damn carpet.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 370
Yay....11 days is great!!!!! Keep on going!!!! I took a Benadryl last night to help me sleep, it worked but since I'm a weenie when it comes to meds, I felt drowsy this morning trying to get the kids off to school! Today will be a better day for us all, we have to want and believe it will be and it WILL be 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 370
No he woke me up at 3am to tell me that our youngest had a fever again, because I slept in another room, but then when he left to work this morning at 6, he didn't say a word! Glad I set my phone to go off or I would of never gotten up, he won't be home till 6:30-7:00 and I seriously thought about leaving back to my moms in Rockport after the boys got out of school....I'm confused! I love him but don't want to keep being the one trying to hold things together, I prayed God would continue to guide my steps through this storm I'm going through, I also have this "worry" about my anxiety and weather I'm just working myself up or if I should see a dr.....I keep thinking that because I have anxiety that something is wrong with my heart, I had an EKG done at the ER at the beginning of this and they said everything was fine?!?! I guess I just need to stop worrying about the little things and be proud that today is day 40
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Antonio tx
Posts: 51
Whoa day 40, that's bad ass, way to go!!! I understand your feelings about being scared to walk away from something you have held onto for so long, especially when it's from someone you love, that would cause anyone anxiety to say the least! All couples argue and get mad and say things they later regret it's normal and actually a healthy part of life the only thing I can say is when he gets home maybe talk to him about the way your feeling and let him know your not going to take it anymore maybe that will open his eyes and if it don't then perhaps that will tell you the answer your looking for. Don't let yourself take on every little thing, it's only gonna cause added stress that you don't need, just take things slowly and deal with stuff a little at a time! Let me know if you need to talk, I'll be here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Lillie - you are doing great! The emotional rollercoaster sucks, but it levels out after a while. Don't romanticize the pills and the numbness that they offer. You will have to deal with all those emotions at some point in your life. The pills just bottle everything up and then they all come flooding back when you are off of them. Do you really want to go through life numb anyway? Sure, there are some negative emotions you are dealing with right now, but at least you are feeling something. The numbness may not quite be death, but it sure isn't living either.
Godsent - It is hard to give any advice with regard to your husband without all the details, but I would say that it is probably a good idea to take extra time when making decisions. I found that my judgment was off for a while, and I would overreact to certain situations and make rash, spur of the moment decisions. I am not in any way saying that you are overreacting, but it would help me to take an hour to mull something over that may have only taken me 10 minutes to think through before. Over the course of the hour I would more times than not realize that I was having an inappropriate reaction to the situation. You are still on an emotional rollercoaster right now. When you asked Drummer about what emotions you should feel with PAWS one of the things that came to mind to me is feeling like a teenager again. One moment you are relatively happy, the next moment you are down, the next moment you want to fight someone, etc. etc. Anyway, I am not saying you are right or wrong with your reaction, but I think you should be more cautious than you normally would be when making those decisions.
As far as the EKG goes, the worries over something wrong with my heart never went away until I went to get a full workup done. Once I had a cardiologist tell me that there was nothing wrong it was a huge weight off of my chest.
TohellanBack - have you tried anything to help you with your sleep? It only got better for me when I stopped fighting it, and came to the realization that my body would shut down when it needed sleep. In a sick way I actually miss part of the sleepless nights because it was the only time I had to myself to reflect on life. I tried to fill my nights up with different activities that would distract me. Laying in bed tossing, turning, sweating and kicking just made it worse.
Malicious - lol about the carpet. I know exactly what you mean though. It's like you are coming out of a coma and experiencing the world again for the first time.
Godsent - It is hard to give any advice with regard to your husband without all the details, but I would say that it is probably a good idea to take extra time when making decisions. I found that my judgment was off for a while, and I would overreact to certain situations and make rash, spur of the moment decisions. I am not in any way saying that you are overreacting, but it would help me to take an hour to mull something over that may have only taken me 10 minutes to think through before. Over the course of the hour I would more times than not realize that I was having an inappropriate reaction to the situation. You are still on an emotional rollercoaster right now. When you asked Drummer about what emotions you should feel with PAWS one of the things that came to mind to me is feeling like a teenager again. One moment you are relatively happy, the next moment you are down, the next moment you want to fight someone, etc. etc. Anyway, I am not saying you are right or wrong with your reaction, but I think you should be more cautious than you normally would be when making those decisions.
As far as the EKG goes, the worries over something wrong with my heart never went away until I went to get a full workup done. Once I had a cardiologist tell me that there was nothing wrong it was a huge weight off of my chest.
TohellanBack - have you tried anything to help you with your sleep? It only got better for me when I stopped fighting it, and came to the realization that my body would shut down when it needed sleep. In a sick way I actually miss part of the sleepless nights because it was the only time I had to myself to reflect on life. I tried to fill my nights up with different activities that would distract me. Laying in bed tossing, turning, sweating and kicking just made it worse.
Malicious - lol about the carpet. I know exactly what you mean though. It's like you are coming out of a coma and experiencing the world again for the first time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 370
Opio, you always have such good advice, I have all day to think about what I need to do, because I'm home with my 3 year old as my husband is gone all day! I guess I'll make an appointment to get into a cardiologist, I think once that's off my head I can truly start to get even better mentally, because I think the thought of my anxiety never going away because I "think" there is something wrong is holding me up!!!!! But it is a lot better than before as far as lasting all day and when it does come it goes pretty fast!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
