Studying/re-entering society in recovery
 

Had a weird day today. I started a transport course, my first time re-entering society since getting clean. Still feeling a bit socially awkward and self concious but i knew it was time to get back out in the world and start doing something productive towards re-entering employment.

The trainer did one of those get to know you things and he was really probing everyone hard, he wanted us to tell the group 10 things about ourselves. He made a point that they shouldn't be easy things like i like dogs, he said he wanted juicy stuff.

I was struggling to think of things and then i just thought screw it, i'm not gonna be timid and ashamed, in 4 weeks ill never see these people again anyway, so i told them i'm a recovering addict and 5 months clean, working hard at getting my life together. I thought i might as well own it because i'm proud of what i've achieved. I've been working in the music industry for years too so i threw that in there because the music biz is full of drugs and is partly the reason i got so messed up.

Anyway, i got a big round of applause from the whole class and trainer, and they were congratulating me on my sobriety. The trainer commended me for my honesty and after that i suddenly become one of the most active participants in the class, answering questions and stuff. Maybe it was because i felt the need to show my competency after exposing myself like that, but in a weird way i guess it increased my confidence. I guess because it took courage to say that to a bunch of strangers.

I've always thought that when i get into long term recovery i want to be open and upfront about my past, and use my experience to help and educate others. But most importantly i found that saying it out loud and owning it was hard but took away the feelings of shame.

I love it when i see recovering addicts on youtube or whatever that talk openly about it, i always think to myself i hope i can be that candid one day. I hope one day i can help troubled kids overcome addiction through volunteer work or something.

Yeah, weird day though, didn't expect to do that. People can judge all they want but it means nothing to me, because today i felt the first glimmer of my self-esteem and confidence coming back. Finally!

Wow, Vinny that's so awesome! I'm glad you were able to open up and be truthful about your addiction/recovery! You are right! You have every reason to feel proud of your accomplishments! Recovering from an addiction is no small undertaking! It's very hard work! I hope someday you will be able to help troubled kids too! It's so admirable that you want to do that! Congrats on your recovery! :c011:

Thanks cleaninLI, yeah i was going to try to stay relatively incognito but now it looks like i'm going to be one of the most active participants! I've never really been the shy type anyway, but these last few months i've felt extremely introverted, feels good to get back out amongst it, i'm sure it's going to be good for my mental health.

Vinny its so nice to read this post. I embrace my title of addict in recovery. I'm very open about it. Its a big part of me and how I got to the place I'm at now. We're actually pretty lucky to be able to talk about it. Lots on here can't even let others know they're struggling or what they've been through for their own reasons. Good job putting yourself out there. I'm sure it was scary but they recieved you well. I agree there is an overcompensating that is done to prove something. Lol. I'm very much that way. I relate to you in that I was completely withdrawn from society and every little step I took was difficult but rewarding. Thanks for posting this.

Vinny, that's good stuff to hear.

You're going to be ok.

Nicely done! I envy you 100%. It's something that I certainly couldn't muster the courage to do.

That is awesome and inspiring!:You_Rock_