Age 15 - 22 - Downward spiral with recreational drugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 3
Age 15 - 22 - Downward spiral with recreational drugs
Hello Sober Recovery. I want to explain my story as concisely as possible from age 15 - 22 to give a real example of how drugs slowly creep up on you and grab hold of you over such a long period that it is hard to notice.
It all started for me during my school years by drinking alcohol around age 15 on and off at some weekends socially. This was mainly at house parties/ gatherings as I was not old enough to get into clubs or bars.
At around age 17 marijuana got involved and spiffs would be passed around in groups. At this point I was drinking more regularly (every weekend) and then smoking weed with the alcohol making the parties more messy and interesting to say the least. I always had a natural curiosity for drugs and knew about certain types and their effects so was more than excited to smoke my first joint.
Being naturally hyper the weed calmed me down so I started smoking more. The smoking was my preference over the alcohol. I would get high after school and more on weekends. Naturally, standards started to slip and I would smoke on the odd lunchtime, before important events and it developed into an everyday habit. This is where I started to develop this addictive nature and gave birth to the monster that today is so strong inside.
Just as I turned 18 I decided to go to a new club opening for my birthday. I tried MDMA and got very buzzing. It was a great experience and one that I continued to chase over the course of the next 6 months almost once every weekend. With my cannabis addiction in full swing I would get buzzing on MDMA and then smoke weed after to calm down. So I was doing an upper and a downer and unknowingly dragging myself deeper into an unstable, irrational and unhappy state of mind.
It was these addictions and state of mind that eventually led to my expulsion from school which to me, was a massive relief ( I felt free due to my lack of mental clarity ) but hugely disappointing to my parents.
With free time on my hands I smoked weed solidly for about a year and got extremely twisted mentally wanting to interact less socially and lost all confidence in hobbies, girls and general life. Throughout this year I used ketamine/cocaine at clubs, pubs and house parties which to me, were other drugs to add to the messy mix but not ones that I abused similar to MDMA. The weed was my drug of choice and one that I abused daily; I could take or leave the MDMA/ketamine/cocaine.
As you can see , from age 15 to 20 my life went in a downward spiral involving different drugs with a slow and deadly addictive nature developing.
I had always been quite self aware and eventually realised that I needed to stop smoking weed as it was severely clouding my judgement and killing all ambition. ( I was still taking MDMA/ketamine/cocaine at clubs recreationally - perhaps a reason why I became more self aware but that's a different thread altogether). After a lot of trial and error and constant stopping and starting I managed to quit smoking weed by age 21.
It is important to note that from around age 20 I had held down two jobs , both in sales but never quite reached true performance, something I blame the drugs for as they subtly affect things in work, socially and with hobbies.
What I didn't realise was that I had fed this addictive tendency inside me for so long that by quitting my daily weed addiction , I would only end up replacing it with other things. This led to sniffing more ketamine/cocaine from age 21. It ran over into mid week sniffing and all weekend along with MDMA use at clubs. Over the course of the year I used more and mixed more until I would be out all weekend for 36 hours some times spending 100's of pounds with the worst mental side effects.
My girlfriend and best friend thought I had become very selfish and less disciplined and it was sad to see that all I lived for was the next time I could get on it.
At one point, I tried to stop taking drugs and have a drink only. This would usually be in the pub but as alcohol loosens inhibitions it usually led to sniffing cocaine which then led to going out after the pub as I did not want to sleep. The club would then lead to MDMA/ketamine use which would then lead to an after party and then potentially going back to someone's house and getting in to my house 36 hours later, crashing hard!
It has come to my realisation that I have developed such an addictive nature and volatile mind that I have to stop all drugs and alcohol in order to lead a happy and truly successful life. People say to me that I am ridiculous for having such an "all or nothing" attitude but it is apparent from the long term downward spirals I have been in that this rings true for me personally. People also think it is sad that I have to be sober at a young age like 22 however I think it is liberating and something that if realised young will let you reach your full potential. Drink and drugs are a great distraction in a world that holds so much opportunity for the self disciplined and sober.
I am currently 21 days in and am fully focused; this time round I have not felt one strong urge to relapse and am feeling liberated, excited for the future, happy and so much less calm. My patience had lengthened, thought process fastened and insight developed further. Already I am seeing personal relationships have more depth and am picking up subtle things from people and places that I did not notice before. Time seems to go slower as you soak up everything around you rather than rushing past it all so you can get high again . My days are not now spent thinking about when I can next get high but content and smiling knowing that nothing has a hold on mea anymore.
I hope that this post has been insightful and people can relate. It would be great to hear advice and other similar stories. I wish you all well and thanks for such a great forum.
George.
It all started for me during my school years by drinking alcohol around age 15 on and off at some weekends socially. This was mainly at house parties/ gatherings as I was not old enough to get into clubs or bars.
At around age 17 marijuana got involved and spiffs would be passed around in groups. At this point I was drinking more regularly (every weekend) and then smoking weed with the alcohol making the parties more messy and interesting to say the least. I always had a natural curiosity for drugs and knew about certain types and their effects so was more than excited to smoke my first joint.
Being naturally hyper the weed calmed me down so I started smoking more. The smoking was my preference over the alcohol. I would get high after school and more on weekends. Naturally, standards started to slip and I would smoke on the odd lunchtime, before important events and it developed into an everyday habit. This is where I started to develop this addictive nature and gave birth to the monster that today is so strong inside.
Just as I turned 18 I decided to go to a new club opening for my birthday. I tried MDMA and got very buzzing. It was a great experience and one that I continued to chase over the course of the next 6 months almost once every weekend. With my cannabis addiction in full swing I would get buzzing on MDMA and then smoke weed after to calm down. So I was doing an upper and a downer and unknowingly dragging myself deeper into an unstable, irrational and unhappy state of mind.
It was these addictions and state of mind that eventually led to my expulsion from school which to me, was a massive relief ( I felt free due to my lack of mental clarity ) but hugely disappointing to my parents.
With free time on my hands I smoked weed solidly for about a year and got extremely twisted mentally wanting to interact less socially and lost all confidence in hobbies, girls and general life. Throughout this year I used ketamine/cocaine at clubs, pubs and house parties which to me, were other drugs to add to the messy mix but not ones that I abused similar to MDMA. The weed was my drug of choice and one that I abused daily; I could take or leave the MDMA/ketamine/cocaine.
As you can see , from age 15 to 20 my life went in a downward spiral involving different drugs with a slow and deadly addictive nature developing.
I had always been quite self aware and eventually realised that I needed to stop smoking weed as it was severely clouding my judgement and killing all ambition. ( I was still taking MDMA/ketamine/cocaine at clubs recreationally - perhaps a reason why I became more self aware but that's a different thread altogether). After a lot of trial and error and constant stopping and starting I managed to quit smoking weed by age 21.
It is important to note that from around age 20 I had held down two jobs , both in sales but never quite reached true performance, something I blame the drugs for as they subtly affect things in work, socially and with hobbies.
What I didn't realise was that I had fed this addictive tendency inside me for so long that by quitting my daily weed addiction , I would only end up replacing it with other things. This led to sniffing more ketamine/cocaine from age 21. It ran over into mid week sniffing and all weekend along with MDMA use at clubs. Over the course of the year I used more and mixed more until I would be out all weekend for 36 hours some times spending 100's of pounds with the worst mental side effects.
My girlfriend and best friend thought I had become very selfish and less disciplined and it was sad to see that all I lived for was the next time I could get on it.
At one point, I tried to stop taking drugs and have a drink only. This would usually be in the pub but as alcohol loosens inhibitions it usually led to sniffing cocaine which then led to going out after the pub as I did not want to sleep. The club would then lead to MDMA/ketamine use which would then lead to an after party and then potentially going back to someone's house and getting in to my house 36 hours later, crashing hard!
It has come to my realisation that I have developed such an addictive nature and volatile mind that I have to stop all drugs and alcohol in order to lead a happy and truly successful life. People say to me that I am ridiculous for having such an "all or nothing" attitude but it is apparent from the long term downward spirals I have been in that this rings true for me personally. People also think it is sad that I have to be sober at a young age like 22 however I think it is liberating and something that if realised young will let you reach your full potential. Drink and drugs are a great distraction in a world that holds so much opportunity for the self disciplined and sober.
I am currently 21 days in and am fully focused; this time round I have not felt one strong urge to relapse and am feeling liberated, excited for the future, happy and so much less calm. My patience had lengthened, thought process fastened and insight developed further. Already I am seeing personal relationships have more depth and am picking up subtle things from people and places that I did not notice before. Time seems to go slower as you soak up everything around you rather than rushing past it all so you can get high again . My days are not now spent thinking about when I can next get high but content and smiling knowing that nothing has a hold on mea anymore.
I hope that this post has been insightful and people can relate. It would be great to hear advice and other similar stories. I wish you all well and thanks for such a great forum.
George.
Work in Progress
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
I wish you success in recovery. My story is pretty similar. Only at the age of 20 I had a child and got married. Feel into a new addiction. Lasted long and took everything from me. I think it's great you got a handle on yourself so young. It's not sad at all to be 22 and have to give these things up. It's the start of a very successful life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 3
Hi George! I relate on your story very much (less "hard" drugs using and not quitting alcohol, 'coz I never had problem with it). I'm really looking forward to see your progress!
First two months was for me exactly how you described it. But later, 'coz of some health issues (I'm quite hypochondric and have anxiety, which weed only made stronger) was quite depressed for, like, five months. I don't want to scare you, and maybe your story of recovery will be different, but a lot of people, especially those who started smoking weed at 16 (like me) or 17, have to deal with depersonalisation and refinding who you really are. For me it was few months when I really didn't know who I am...
STAY STRONG! These day will pass if you will focus on everyday life, find joy in simple things (you noticed that food actually tastes great ALL THE TIME, not only when you have munchies?), as you said - "Already I am seeing personal relationships have more depth and am picking up subtle things from people and places that I did not notice befor". Great said! When on weed you shoot down your emotions and use this twisted, druggie-intellect, that smirks at "normal people" (at least I used to do that). Now you will find in yourself and other people emotions, that will shock you or even frighten you, but you will find them enriching and beautifull.
Please, keep us informed! I wish you all the best. At 11.11 it will be one year for me
Unimaginable just short time ago.
(Sorry for possible language mistakes, Europe here )
First two months was for me exactly how you described it. But later, 'coz of some health issues (I'm quite hypochondric and have anxiety, which weed only made stronger) was quite depressed for, like, five months. I don't want to scare you, and maybe your story of recovery will be different, but a lot of people, especially those who started smoking weed at 16 (like me) or 17, have to deal with depersonalisation and refinding who you really are. For me it was few months when I really didn't know who I am...
STAY STRONG! These day will pass if you will focus on everyday life, find joy in simple things (you noticed that food actually tastes great ALL THE TIME, not only when you have munchies?), as you said - "Already I am seeing personal relationships have more depth and am picking up subtle things from people and places that I did not notice befor". Great said! When on weed you shoot down your emotions and use this twisted, druggie-intellect, that smirks at "normal people" (at least I used to do that). Now you will find in yourself and other people emotions, that will shock you or even frighten you, but you will find them enriching and beautifull.
Please, keep us informed! I wish you all the best. At 11.11 it will be one year for me
Unimaginable just short time ago.(Sorry for possible language mistakes, Europe here
)
for your awesome post.
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