cannot sleep - have to work in 6 hours - losing it
 

UGH. The nights are so long and when im lying here tossing and turning, i start to feel a lil crazy lol. But its true. Nothing to do but think.... if I really want to quit right now and how much I want to call me ex. I have picked up my phone to call him 5x in the last 15 min so I decided I better do something else so here I am.

Calling my ex would be a very bad idea. He has some big drug issues so not only would I be back to using again but feeling pretty crappy when he started with his games.... having plans but then he just disappears or his moods swings, or pulling away for no apparent reason but then asking me to live with him the next day snd then it starts all over again. It hurts too much to be with him - that's why I left. But I guess I feel bad for how I left. We went away for a few days and had a blast... I agreed to move in with him but the very next week, he disappears with no call on his day off which we always spend together because we have opposite work schedules so we don't get a lot of quality time. And the night before we had plans and he called right when he was supposed to pivk me up and said he was hanging eith friends instead. He always asked me to go with in the past unless they were picking up. But I guess that is better than no call like he did so many times before that. So I just stopped taking his calls. He called and texted 30x a day and I finally texted him and told him to leave me alone that I was done. He had no idea why. Really?? I Haven't talked to him since. That was a month ago.

I just feel so alone but I know calling him would not be good. But that doesn't typically top me from doing something. I think I like to self sabatoge myself for some reason. I pray i can get thru the night without calling him..... this urge gets stronger each day I am clean.

Every night when I lay here awake... I think of him...

there's nothing like lying there at like 2 or 3 am...all the really dumb desperate ideas seem to come out then.

Look, you may not get much sleep tonight but generally most of us can deal with work while feeling crappy...parents with babies do it all the time, and truth be told in the bad old days a lot of us have pulled the party all nighter straight into work....

it's notfun...but it's doable, yeah?

D

Definitely easier than going into work after partying all night.
But not as much fun

Did you get any sleep? I used to hate those long nights too, worth a passion. Keep thinking if you don't do this again you won't have to go through this again!!! And as for your X? He sounds like an X for a reason!!!!!! You deserve better than that...

Hope you are feeling better today

I think I have the record here for withdrawal related insomnia at 3 months. it just went on and on and on and work was always there when it was time to get going. As Dee said, somehow we mange to do it and eventually get tired enough to drop off. Sometimes just a little sleep is all it takes to feel a bit better but even that can be hard to find. I didn't find any of the "remedies" suggested by others here did me any good but obviously have helped others. A hot shower always helped me to at least relax.

the thing that helped me the most was trying to keep a good attitude. I was quitting for a damn good reason and if nothing else the insomnia was a great big billboard that told me I had not used. I could feel all the other parts of my life getting better and better and knew that eventually - and it seemed an eternity - I would sleep again.

Stay away from the x. That is a sure road to ruin everything.

Olive I hope you got at least some sleep and have a good day at work today!

Lrntolive hope you managed a little sleep at least. Perhaps work will help to tire you out and to allow you some sleep tonight?? Keep your chin up.

CH

Lrntolive,
Wish I could've been there for you last night. I ended up dropping off to sleep around 1am. Now I'm back up to drop hubby at the train station. Also, I hope you resisted the temptation to call your ex. Believe me I know how you feel, lying there awake thinking about someone you miss and debating the phone call that you know deep down inside would not be good for you. Frustration and loneliness can make us do things we normally wouldn't do.

I noticed that you have a pretty high stressed sales job. I've been in sales as well and know how you always have to be pumped up and enthusiastic. They put so much pressure on you to drive sales! Perhaps that was fine while you were jacked up on pills, but in order to live a clean and sober life we sometimes have to make changes in our lives. If your high pressure sales job is a trigger for you to use you might have to look into other types of careers that might be just as rewarding but are less stressful. It's just a thought. Take what you want and leave the rest.

Please report back to us and hope you were able to get through the day alright.