GayForce1

Hi everyone!

First of all, let me introduce myself. I'm Ross, and I'm brand new here. Now that we've got that out of the way...


I just slipped last night, and I'm really scared to tell my sponsor. He knows I am prescribed adderall, and I'm an AA and CMA. We both agreed it's a trigger, but I told him I would try to see if I could handle it in early recovery.

I just had 24 days sober, and I slipped. I took 1/2 an extra dose, then last night I took 3xs the dose :-(.

I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm still living with him. For the last three nights, every attempt at moving has been delayed for the last three days. I'm hoping to get out of here tonight. I have a place to go, but I'm afraid I need to be with sober people, not another co-dependent (which this new roomie claims he is, oh great!).

Life is rough right now but here's my point, and question:
I am powerless over adderall too, there I said it. Now, how do I tell my sponsor? He's an awesome sponsor and I would be unraveled if he cut me off. Is that what happens when a newcomer slips (or was this a relapse)? What can I expect from him? I'm prepared to dump all this adderall down the toilet if it means he will still sponsor me.

I'm ashamed that I pissed away 24 days of sobriety because I couldn't bare to face the consequences of breaking up with my boyfriend. I don't want to tell him, but what should I do? I don't want to feel this guilt anymore.

Freedom1990

The only way that works for me in recovery is to be honest, and that includes being honest with my sponsor.

GayForce1

Hey freedom1990 (love that song), I have been honest with him so far, brutally honest. I'm just not sure what happens when people slip/relapse. I've never been a sponsor, and I haven't read that much about it. Do I just start over? Get another chip, go back to Step 1, or do I have to get another sponsor?

Freedom1990

I drank/used again after 4 years in recovery. I started over. I still have the same sponsor, and he's been my rock of Gibraltar for 20+ years now.
(I love that song too!)

tsmba

I cannot answer your poll question. I think if you have a doctor who knows about ALL your problems, especially your addictions, and recommends you take it, you should take it. As to your sponsor, unless he or she is a doctor, why would you discuss your medical treatment with them?

GayForce1

tsmba, Now that I think about it, my sponsor has told me he's not a doctor, and that I should refer all medical questions to him. I haven't been able to see my doc for a while since I lost my job and health care, so I haven't told him I'm in recovery and would like to switch to a non-stimulant. However, that's not the question I put out there. I didn't ask if folks thought I should talk to my sponsor about my struggle with ADD and stimulant medication, because I do, and that's my business. However, If I can, I will change the poll to include, "none of my business".

GayForce1

Just read that reply and it was a little agitated, sorry about that. Usually I would be more positive, but I'm projecting :-/.

Dee74

Hi Ross

I think absolutely you should be honest with your sponsor about what happened, and with your Dr too.

Welcome to SR
D

ps I think you're stuck with the poll as is.

GayForce1

Oh well, can't change the poll, so I guess if you dont think it's not any of your business and should be up to the doc, just don't respond.

GayForce1

Thanks Dee74, my sponsor said I should talk to my doc too. I'm moving to San Francisco today though, and I'll have to get a new doctor. I'm looking forward to a fresh start with someone I can be fully honest with. Any sober/clean p-docs from SF on here?

texasmagnum

I think you should tell your sponsor for sure. Otherwise you aren't working the steps honestly. Yes, your sobriety date starts over.

You have seen for yourself that you can go 24 days and now you see for yourself that yes, adderall is a trigger and you can't successfully use it and maintain your sobriety. At this point you are still learning what works for you and what doesn't. If it were so simple, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place! You probably have a lot more than 24 days worth of substance abuse and habits that you are now choosing to deal with by listening to your sponsor and working your steps.

The program is "one day at a time". You now have a new day one and get a new chip. I would think most sponsors wouldn't drop you for that, unless he had previously said something like he couldn't tolerate any relapses (yes I think slip and relapse are pretty much the same thing.) I would think your sponsor and you could use this as a discussion point about how you could have better dealt with your stress over the bf situation, since you mention you DID discuss with him previously that the adderall might be a problem.

Maybe if you repeatedly showed no intent towards sobriety and pretty much every time you met with your sponsor you had "slipped" then perhaps then your sponsor would conclude it wasn't a good fit.

But, in my opinion, you are putting your own disappointment in yourself onto your sponsor and his reaction. Just 'fess up and see what happens, no need to start imagining what you will do if he drops you, etc. when that hasn't even happened yet!

Congrats on your work towards your recovery, and remember, one day at a time...

dreamscape

Time for more maturity. This post sounds very high-schoolish, I am sorry to say that but I dont under any circumstances want to see you messed up.

I have realized in the past few days that I (yes I) messed up with a drug and am now in trouble. I didnt take it seriously and now I'm paying for it.

Please my friend, dont do the same as me.

God bless

glitter

GF1 - Talk to your sponsor. I doubt very much he will drop you because of this. If anything he would probably give you some assignments and have you step up your meetings.

Couple of questions:
What was your rational for taking the adderal?
Was it to treat your add/adhd?
Was it to treat the feelings surrounding your breakup with your boyfriend?
What is your plan to get back to your recovery if you don't tell your sponsor?

Onewithwings

My sponsor's sponsor is on a pretty hefty dose of Ritalin for her ADD, and she has almost 21 years clean. She was as heavy a dope fiend as they come, and she is also extremely honest, and would not take the medication if she thought it would cause her to slip. She manages to use it successfully.

Me, my addiction started with Ritalin, so I refuse to take it (or Adderall) even though my ADD does play a big part in my life, and makes things more difficult. I can only imagine FOR MYSELF what I would be like with Ritalin or Adderall at my disposal. Not pretty.

I don't think it's a cut and dry answer. You have to choose for yourself whether it is okay or not, the underlying factor being complete self-honesty: Will taking this medication lead me back into active addiction?

Ananda

When a medical condition requires the use of medication it is difficult. My old friend and ex sponsor was in OA...she said it taught her alot cause you can't "not eat"....medication that is required for our well being can be the same way. It's a slippery slop. Work with a sponsor who understands so that you can be accountable. But never dismiss what you doctor says. A second opinion is fine, but ultimately....program people are not doctors. If you can find one who has had your expreince..great. But don't forget the Doctor has some knowledge that the aclhoholic/addict may not have and vise versa....it's hard.

Be pleased that you are able to discuss this and move on (hug)

TheRabbit

This seems to be a consistent topic amongst posters in this forum. I generally refrain from speaking on these topics , but it may be worth considering. Doctors are people , fallible beings like everyone else , addicts included. Some Doctors are highly educated , some are not. Some have personal agendas that may be contrary to your own health and well being , while others are only concerned in doing whats best for you.

Point is , if I had a doctor that knew my addiction history and recommended I go on a scheduled narcotic , I would strongly question his or her ability to their jobs. As Anada stated , their is always a second opinion, but never negate that of your own.

I'm in no way trying to say that people shouldn't seek professional medical support and advice , just take everything with a grain of salt.

Jen1986

I've heard good things about cognitive behavioral therapy for ADD or ADHD. If you have the means and the time, perhaps it's something you would be interested in doing.

I know there are vitamins which are said to help with ADD, but I just don't know enough about it, you'd have to ask your doctor or someone knowledgeable in that area.

Just something to think about.