Brooks

Hi, I'm new here. Been making the right decision for quite a few days now, a little over 10 months now. I got a sponsor a couple months back and been calling him every other day now on average. He's been travelling a bit and I've been working more often now. Haven't been able to meet and actually work the STEPS yet and I've been out of a drug rehab for 4 months now. Really needing to stop being so complacent and to start doing some step-work. I feel like my recovery has been running on fumes (i.e. only attending meetings & hanging with other NA members) and I need some more of this TWELVE STEP PROGRAM.

Anyways, another member and I got together tonight after a meeting. He advised me that I get a new sponsor to start working steps, especially before my year on July 21st. As much as I'd hate to give my sponsor the boot -- I really don't think he gives me what I need. I have one guy with some time that really stood out to me at a meeting I went to the night before, and he sponsors -- I want what he has. I'm in the process of getting his number from a fellow. I think I'm just scared and want to procrastinate this because I've always been so awkward about calling other addicts and asking another guy on a date and to be my sponsor. On the other hand, I know that my sobriety and recovery is in danger if I don't do what I know I need to. Fears from this include feeling weary about giving my one sponsor I never even met with the boot, asking for another sponsor and actually making arrangements to start twelve stepping.

GOD, PLEASE GRANT ME THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN.

If you have experience doing this or anything in response to this, please add your two cents. All I know is that I'm the worst sponsor for myself.

bi11fish

If I never met a sponsor how can I call them a sponsor. I need to develop a trusting relationship with someone to work thru the steps and this is not done by phone calls. We are not marrying our sponsor we need them to work with us to do the steps---I needed to do what my sponsor did to get what he got----he knew how to stay sober I did not

Brooks

Thanks for the feedback. Been trying to get in touch with the one guy I have in mind to sponsor me and do step work with and it keeps going straight to voicemail. I guess another way would to be to go to the meeting he frequents! I'm on it.

StevenT

In my opinion and experience, a sponsor is someone who has been through the steps and walks you through the steps. Period. Many can and will do other things, such as share their experience in matters where you have a problem they have had, or even go as far as helping you put your head somewhere at night. But, if your "sponsor" is not doing step work with you then, from what I know, think, believe and have experienced, he is not a sponsor, just a fellow addict in recovery.

I have had several sponsors, with a range of times from 6 months to 28 years. Most of the reason for switching was something I looked at on my inventory, but the one good reason I had was my sponsor was occasionally meeting with me and doing very little step work.

Furthermore, if you are doing the steps out of the flatbook when you get the opportunity to do them, I wish you the best. I was not granted the spiritual awakening the 12th step talks about until I did it the way it's been done since 1935, one on one with my sponsor. Granted there were only 6 steps then, but the program is the same. I sure did get a good deal of knowledge about myself, but it says right in the NA basic text that self knowledge will avail me nothing.

Just my 2 cents and experience

Brooks

So if I were to move on and start working with someone, should I let this one guy I'd been calling know or not?

chrisb245

Yes, its the right thing to do.

To me a sponsor is someone you have to trust more than anyone else in the world. You are going to telling this person your deepest darkest secrets.

I also feel that a sponsor is someone you should be able to call if you are about to use.

If you can't talk or text your him everyday, it might be time to find a new one.

Threshold

I would let your current sponsor know that you are going to find someone more available so that you can get busy with the steps. Considering he isn't available for it, I wouldn't be surprised if he's relieved that you are moving on.

I think it's best to approach the potential sponsor face to face and ask him that way rather than on the phone.

I'd suggest getting the flat book and the How it works and get reading on Step One. Be ready to go!

Brooks

Got that new sponsor at the meeting tonight! He had me buy the flat book and gave me an assignment to start up Step One. Arranged weekly meetings, and all of that. SO STOKED.

Alraihani

Find an NA guy who will take you through the steps thoroughly and quickly. No rush...but a sense of urgency is nice.