In over my head
 

Things have spiraled out of control quite quickly for me over last few months. I had just over nine months clean when my uncle passed away and I went home for his wake. I hadn't been home since before treatment, I got high while I was there but I didn't tell anyone. At the time if I had I would have been kicked out of my sober living situation back in Washington so I rationalized it better not to tell anyone.

About two months later I moved out of my sober living house into a apartment. Still was attending meetings regularly, and chairing one without telling anyone I had lost my clean date. Then I found out one of my friends had relapsed and I talked him into hooking me up. At first I spaced it out and only used one day a week but last week I used everyday. I feel very guilty too because everyone thinks I'm coming up on a year when I only really have one day. I know I'll have to come clean if I want to get back into serious recovery but I'm afraid. I feel like my lie has become too big.

You are right, you will have to come clean eventually, so you mine as well do it now. Don't worry about what people will say or think, this is about you and your best shot at maintaining sobriety. And the number one component in maintaining sobriety is being honest with yourself and others! Plus your true friends will not judge you anyway, setbacks happen in recovery ( lord knows I went through plenty).

The only thing that matters now is your desire to get back on the right track no matter what it takes. Keep your head up man ~~

I feel like a broken record as I have said this so often on this site. It seems like the only thing I have to say these days but there are so many situations where it seems to fit. When you fall of you have to get back on as D-boy said. I was clean for 10 years and one pill got me going again. I slid down hill for 3 years before I was able to get my head out of my rear end and now I am back at a year.

I'm glad to be here at a year but know in my heart that it means nothing really. Sobriety is so fragile and can be so hard. Using seems a lot easier and the "rewards" are immediate.

Suck it up and start again. The alternatives are not pretty. You are not alone in being an addict and most certainly are not alone in relapsing and spinning out of control.

As was already said.. honesty is a huge part of recovery. "We are as sick as our secrets".. who said that?

Hang in there.