Omnom

I'm so upset. I have been doing extremely well and have been seeing a guy who I must admit I adore him. Unfortunetely something happened and I'm at a loss what to do. I know he takes Xanax only as prescribed, he has told me this ( as I know of) and he does drink knowing he shouldn't. I've seen the effects it can have and have mentioned the difference in him when he drinks on it to no avail. Well last week he hit me. I have bruises all over my body and ended up having a corneal abrasion that is healing thank god. He doesn't remember doing it he says. Says he is sorry but he has been rather quiet since.. I forgave him but I will never forget and I never want to see him drink on that crap again. My question is does anyone have experience with this? Is he abusing his Xanax and I'm just naive?? Should I walk away be a use he hit me? He doesn't remember so how can I fault? Any advice would be wonderful!

Omnom

How can I tell if he is abusing it? I want to trust and be with him again but if I do take that chance I need some education. I thought it was supposed to calm you.. Is violence and not remembering normal? Is he lying. So confused!

Impurrfect

((Omnom)) - I'm no doctor, but it's likely the combination of the alcohol and xanax. You stated that he knew he shouldn't drink while taking xanax, yet he does and you have become his punching bag.

His not remembering is a cop out, IMO, and I am a recovering addict so I know something about that. I also have loved ones who are still using, and had to learn about boundaries and what I would, and would not, tolerate.

I highly recommend you check out the friends & family/substance abuse forum. No one deserves to be hit, for any reason.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

lostnconfused2

I'm sorry to step in not knowing you or background- but please run, and run now.

If you are on these boards it's because you are recovering from some kind of drug. It's my opinion that you need to continue focusing on YOU. The last thing addicts need is someone weighing them down when we need up. I personally have taken Xanax and drank, and seen many others. If anything it made out words slur and appear more "wasted" without ability to raise our glass, let alone raise out hand to someone.

That's just my experience, and again I don't know you. Something in your post caught my eye. You are strong for attempting or continuing sobriety. Please don't let a man take that from you.

Zee

Is Xanax like valium? I take 2.5-5mg of valium when required? what is the equivalent? Thank you

Hollyanne

Has he had a drink since?
If he has, no question, out the door!
Any physical violence is absolutely unacceptable.
You will not find anyone here to minimize that.
If he has been incredibly apologetic, and has not drank and has decided on his own never to drink again, this may be worked out.

I have my worries about you being a bit naive to what you are dealing with.
Please read the "stickies" (permanent posts) on the friends and families sections.
Sorry you got assaulted, and hope you heal, inside and outside.
He needs to be seriously watching his Ps and Qs!

Omnom

Same idea but stronger. It sucks cause I like him and he keeps me from wanting to smoke rocks. I just want to make sure I'm not encountering a different addict. I got rid of one I don't want another! Personally I have tried Xanax before and I thought it sucked. It did nothing for me. I just can't caption it making someone violent unless they are abusing it.. With or without the booze. Just sayin...

Omnom

He says he will never drink again but I haven't physically been in his presence since Wednesday. Time will tell but I don't need another addict. My last one had me to try cocaine and crack and that's why I'm here.. I can't take a closet Xanax abuser. Are there signs I can look for?

lostnconfused2

Makes me wonder if there is anything else he is using but you don't know about?

I kept my secret from others for close to a year. It's easy for others to continue for longer, but eventually everyone gets sloppy eventually and they let the cat outta the bag.

You have bruises so it must have taken force and attempt to HURT you. That's not a good combo. Please please just consider what I'm saying. Not trying to come off preachy, just my own thoughts

finaltime

I say run quick, never speak to him again. Why put yourself at risk? he hit you, that is enough. No one should ever ever ever be hit, please be smart, you are better than this.

Hollyanne

Many years ago, someone close to me had a psychotic episode from drink.
Just one night of scary psycho behaviour, no violence. She still drinks, but has had no issues with addiction or further episodes that I have witnessed.
It can be a reaction to a particular drink.
I used to be a bit nuts after Southern Comfort.
My friend goes crackers after gin.
He may have used something else?
Not really your business to figure out what.
That is his business.
Just do not in any way, shape or form let this slide.
Very serious. Very, very serious.

janiebluebird

Xanax makes the effect of alcohol much, much stronger. It is true that he could have had a black out when drinking on xanax, which is a dangerous combo to say the least. Your heart can stop in your sleep doing that. It sounds like he has a lot of problems, you should try to move on and find a more positive influence in your life.

MemphisBlues

Benzos work. They lower anxiety and do so by creating a sense of apathy -- you are too relaxed to care about being anxious about anything. An offshoot of that is that you can become so apathetic that they also loser inhibitions.

There are many documented cases of benzos leading to violence. Which sort of makes sense -- if you reach that stage of apathy the conditioning than prevents you from becoming violent slips away.

But, frankly, in my worst benzo days, while I have been sorely embarrassed by my behavior, I would have never hit a soul. His Xanax and booze are reducing his inhibitions to reveal just what might lie underneath -- a dude who hits a woman. Run run run run run.....

Omnom

I havent really attempted to contact him. I think i def agree with Memphis about the inhibitions. Its like he just doesnt give a crap. Im not going to bother. No one deserves to be hit. As much as I care about him as a person, I deserve better treatment. I have been a drinker and experimented with crack cocaine.. I have NEVER EVER hurt someone else. Only myself. If he is serious about the quitting drinking then I will go around him. If he is not im walking. Im not reaching out to him anymore either. I pray that he is not abusing and it was just a freak accident. Getting rid of one addict for another is not something I need in my life right now.

finaltime

YES YES YES YES SO proud of you for saying that!!! Honestly, no person EVER EVER EVER deserves that. My x and I got physical and in front of my daughter, that WAS IT> He took my computer and my phone and was being crazy, like an old grandma I just randomly grabbed his ear and twisted it, while he was sitting down. We were heated and then I threw my diet coke all over him. He got up and did a fast move to put me on the ground on top of this large pillow. That was it, it scared us both so much we were shocked, and my 2 year old was crying. THAT was it. He had to move out and since he has been out we have gotten along way better, and its much more healthy for my daughter to not hear us fighting all the time. I swear, relationships are SO TOUGH, especially when you are both addicts. I am recovering and he is still using (weed). I think its best to just stay single for a while, get my life in gear, save mad money, and take excellent care of my daughter.

Stay strong.

lostnconfused2

So proud of you omnomom! You need to focus on YOU. As addicts it's the one time being selfish is acceptable if/when you get urge to contact, grab phone and post here.

Omnom

Whats hard for me is that he makes me NOT WANT TO SMOKE crack. The only time I have relapsed was when him and i were in a small tiff.. UGH.. Need distractions!

soberlicious

The daily mixing of benzos and alcohol caused me to literally lose my mind. It can whack a person out, and it's easy to die mixing them like that.

least

Hitting is unacceptable, no matter what the reason. I'd run so fast and that would be that - no second chances. Been there, done with that...

Stilltrecking

Not even a question about what to do. If he has violent tendencies in a state where he has no control over himself who is to say he will stop with just hitting you next time. I don't even know you and i can tell you you deserve better. Id say if he can go a year sober and prove it to you give him another chance. As for now i would consider getting some pepper spray and getting the f out of that relationship. Forgive him? That is just completely UNACCEPTABLE. You deserve better and i hope you leave him and he gets help with his disease.