femmejolie

Today out of boredom I searched my house for any pills I could take, i knew my stepfather usually had some vicodin laying around. Its been all I have been able to think about.

I searched and searched and found the bottle and just took 3- 7.5 hydrocodone. I absolutely hate myself for doing this, and the thought of him noticing (there was only about 8 ttl) and telling my mother. I'm not sure what to do right now, my mother would just die of dissapointment, and I am trying so hard to get her trust back right now. I do not want to lie. I wish I took advice from my previous post and took a walk, or did something to get the craving off my mind.

Any thoughts on how to handle the situation, should I tell my mother? Or just pray they do not notice and I will not have to lie, and can promise myself I will never do that again. I do not want them to find out, considering my stepfather does not know the real real reason I am home, and also his daughter died years back of a heroin overdose. Now this is the guilt I remember that comes along with these ugly little pills.

I am considering throwing them up, but it seems like a waste now, considering I cant replenish them.



Well I guess, tomorrow its back to day 1. Ugh.

1Dayatatyme

Hi,
I just got back from a walk, as you had suggested in a post to me earlier this afternoon. I am sad that you relapsed on day 16, but I thank you for your honesty.
Yes, the walk helped... it is a beautiful day where I live today... sunny and not too windy. I am exhausted physically, so I took a mild walk and am heading to run a couple of errands.
Please think about who you need to tell so that the pills can be safely locked up so that maybe this is your last day back a 1.
I got rid of all mine fast, after I made the decision to quit, it sounds like I am lucky I did.
Thank you for the info on the brain function during addiction... however, the site really pushes suboxone and methadone, and I, for one, am not ready to go there. I would rather be depressed, as long as it does not drag on indeterminately, then use another drug that I am told I will need to be dependent on for years.
Good luck, and God bless!

BFD

Everyone falls down. Don't beat yourself up too much. I really don't know what to say on if you are about to start all over or not. Hopefully not, as enough time has passed that maybe your body well go "what the heck was that, lets not do that again".

BUT. You must tell someone in the house about this. There are (at least) two reasons why. 1- you will know where they are now and may want to take them again in a bad moment like you just did. 2- you might be surprised at how they react to your honesty. "Mom, Dad, I'm so sorry but I had a bad day, and this is what happened." They might be more willing to understand than you think - especially if your dad has lost a child to this sickness already. I bet he wishes EVERY DAY that his daughter had just come to him for help. Please don't be scared to ask. I am sure they want to help you no matter what, or you wouldn't still be there. If they didn't care, they would have told you tough luck, and get out. Right?

scotchbotch

I agree with BFD 100%

NO MATTER WHAT.... KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!

artsoul

I agree, too..... I think you'll feel better about yourself (and make them feel better about you, too) by taking responsibility. As long as we learn from our misteps, we're still making progress. You can still be proud of those 15 days, too!