Lyoness

I think it is very dangerous to start comparing and saying this drug is or isn't worse than that one. It is all individual. And addiction is addiction is addiction. If something has taken over your life, you can't do without it, who cares what that thing is? It's a problem, an addiction and should be treated with all seriousness in my opinion. It scares me when people say, oh it's only x,y,z.

pravchaw

Some great suggestions here. Looks like we all agree that MJ is pretty hard to quit (for some folks at least like my son). Looks like if he uses alcohol as a replacement he can get addicted to it as well. So it is worth having a talk to him. Unlike many, my son is a low functioning addict - he is unable to pass his courses, or even go to classes. He has not been able to find a job. As Lyoness says - its taken over his life but he is deaf to anything we say. I think he knows what to do -and who to reach out to. But does he want to?

sub0

sorry... yes i was ADDICTED. not PHYSICALLY DEPENDENT. i apologize for stating that the wrong way. i have been an ADDICT to drugs since i was 15 due to exposure to marijuana, but never had the DEPENDENCY where i had to have a fix or else it seemed like my life was going to end... until i touched opiates. i was just trying to state quitting marijuana was a walk in the park compared to quitting opiates. i've tried to stop opiates for 5 years now and am still struggling daily. i salute to those that never touched opiates.. for they are hella smarter than me, as i took them without legit pain issues.

-sub0

cerene

Pravchaw - I know you love your son, if you didn't you wouldn't be trying so hard to help him, but I don't know if you understand the gravity of what addiction is.

First, your son may have mental issues that he's fixing with drug use. He may suffer from anxiety or depression that the weed or alcohol addresses. I know I did. Every time I stopped, I had to face those overwhelming feelings, and I couldn't handle it. It wasn't until I got psychiatric help, and the support of NA/AA, that I was able to put the drugs down.

Even if there's no medical reason for it, it's still hard to walk away from drugs. I tell people to imagine walking away from your child, your 4 or 5 year old, and never looking back. Then multiply that by 10. Most people couldn't do it and most addicts, ones who need outside help, never get clean for good. For me, my drugs were everything. They were my comforter, my lover, my adviser, and my friend. My whole life was wrapped up in using. It's hard to listen to friends or family when you think they don't understand, especially ones that tell you to just get over it or you could stop if you REALLY wanted to.

I know you didn't mention anything about what you believe but I just wanted to throw that out there in case that could be negatively affecting the support you're offering your son. Good luck.

pravchaw

Cerene - Thank you for your kind words. I am beginning to understand the gravity of addiction with the help of kind folks like you, who have recovered or are recovering from it, though I probably never will understand fully, having never experienced it. However at least I can try to understand.

He has seen a psychiatrist and has access to treatment. I know he suffers from depression and anxiety. I am not sure if they are the cause of his drug use or an effect of the same. He has not been abstinent long enough to find out.

What made you turn around? When and how did you decide enough is enough and the pain of recovery is better than the pain of addiction? People talk about hitting bottom. Was that true for you?

Lyoness

Hi pravchaw! I second Cerene's post. I know for me I was always self-medicating, always. I have depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, physical pain issues and with my history it was pretty much a matter of when, not if, I would become an addict. So I know when other issues aren't treated it can be very, very difficult to quit using. Especially when our drugs offer us comfort, escape, freedom from pain that might otherwise be overwhelming and drown us. That is NOT to say it's impossible, just that it is, like Cerene said, very, very difficult.

Therefore it is so wonderful that your son has you and you support him in recovery. It may be a long slow road but having someone close to you who supports you can make all the difference between succeeding and failing.

I did want to say that if your son is on any meds for the depression and anxiety it's been my experience that pot does NOT mix well with psych meds. Some psych meds can take a few weeks to work and that is a challenge, too, and lead to using in the meantime. Usually, from what I've seen, it makes people a lot worse. So if you're son is doing both it's imperative that his prescribing doctor knows this and can take it into account.

pravchaw

Some of the reading I am doing on this site suggests that more we do to help an addict the less it helps. Do you agree with this statement? I am really struggling with trying to help my son but not cushioning the blows he is receiving as a consequence of his addiction.

I'd like to hear from the folks here who have recovered or recovering from addiction. How do you wish to be treated by your family members? what did they do right and what did they do wrong?

Lyoness

That is a great question! For myself, I don't have any family except my friends and I only told two of them. I live in a pretty small community and just didn't want the whole universe to know.

My two friends have simply supported me wherever I am. When I used they didn't pester me to stop but they did share their concern. I think if they'd constantly tried to get me to quit I probably would have used longer--but that's me. I do a lot better with positive reinforcement rather than "nagging." They accepted me where/as I was but I also knew they were very concerned and wanted me to be able to quit. When I did decide to get clean they were both very supportive which was and is a big help!

Addiction is a tough disease and no matter how much love, support or interventions and consequences we give someone, ultimately it is the addict who has to really want to quit. That is the toughest thing about it.

I'm sure others will be along to share their ideas, too. And have you checked out the Friends and Family forum here?

Take care.

pravchaw

I did - and the consensus there is not to provide anything which would enable the addict and which would prevent them hitting the bottom. For only at the bottom an addict surrenders and starts to really want to quit. However I also wanted to hear from recovering folks if this has been their experience.

Lyoness

Hi again. I know that must be tough advice. I haven't truly been on your side of the equation. My adopted dad was an alcoholic, didn't see him sober til I was in my twenties. But my adoptive mother was a huge enabler/codependent. As far as I know she never tried to get him to quit, we all just dealt with the alcoholism day after day.

My neighbor and friend was also an alcoholic but it seemed the general census in our circle of community to not really address it with her. At first I balked but over time realized that she would never quit. Sadly she died of a sudden heart attack at only 63 which was undoubtedly due to years of drinking and smoking.

Like I said for me, my friends just supported me, but they knew that it was my ultimate goal to quit, even if it took me a bit of time to get there. What they thought before I admitted my disease, and before it got bad but I was in denial, I don't know.

I have heard that an addict doesn't always have to hit THE bottom, I didn't. Sometimes we wake up before we get there, sometimes it takes a few false starts but we get there. I feel for you, I really do. Take care.

Dee74

For me, had people kept bailling me out of the disasters of my own making, I might be dead now.

I had no concept of consequences or responsibility...I knew they existed intellectually but I had no direct experience as to how they applied to me.

I needed to stand on my own two feet to fully appreciate the mess I was in.
I needed to stand on my own two feet to find a solution.

I needed to grow the hell up.

Sadly for those who loved me, it still took me years to finally realise that.

I still don't like to dwell too much on how hard that must have been for some people to watch that - but personally I'm grateful they stood their ground.

D

pravchaw

Hi Dee,
What kept you from realizing? In hindsight could your family have done anything to help you realize faster?

sooverthis

I just want to add my two cents to your question. I believe the answer is, not really.

Like Dee said, I needed to stand up on my own two feet. Meaning that one's reality hits when they want it to.

Dee74

Sorry it took me so long to get back here.

I wanted to drug and drink and not have those nasty consequences.
I was foolish enough to believe I was smart and resourceful enough to one day find a way to do that.

I don't believe there was anything anyone could have said to break through that kind of fantasy thinking, pavchaw.

I know, deep down, you want to fix this, to protect your son from further trouble.

Thats a natural thing for a parent or loved one to feel, but I really think you need to accept it's not your job...not with this.

The only thing that bought be back to reality was finally accepting my way wasn't going to work. The only way I did that was to make some mistakes.

I hope your son will find that out sooner than I did

D

nancylee

I am just realizing my son is the same. Three colleges, failed out of each, gave up soccer. I feel like I was so blind to this because it was "only" pot. Society doesn't take this seriously, I know I couldn't get him into a rehab, if I could even force him to go. I feel like I am between two worlds - that of the parent of a substance abuser, with no one able to tell me some options to tell him.

Justfor1

[QUOTE=pravchaw;3860869] Unlike many, my son is a low functioning addict - he is unable to pass his courses, or even go to classes. He has not been able to find a job.

I believe most addicts/alcoholics are "low functioning" today. Society & employers no longer tolerate drug use or coming into work stinking of booze. IMO, "high functioning" addicts do not exist. If one get keep a job & still use drugs then I do not see what the problem is.

ShakeJaunts

I have always had a problem with trading one addiction for another. i started with smoking pot. I then moved onto pills and hullucinagions. I then started drinking alcohol. Once i discovered heroin it was all downhill from there. Ive quit using heroin many times and always turned to alcohol to ease my nerves. I would ten become an alcoholic of sorts. If quitting one drug to replace it with another drug is never a good idea.

Carrots

Nancy lee, we are in same boat with daughter. Mostly "only" pot- medical grade cannibis she purchases from friends with a medical license. She feels it is 100% fine because it's medical, therefore legal. (Missing entirely that its not medical for her, but no one ever said "pot heads" were known for clear thinking).
We've battled for three years- age 16 forward. Finally, now that she's out of high school we are growing some spine. We said she had to test clean on random urine tests or she'd have to leave the house. Zero financial support from us. She agreed. Then two weeks later she came home stoned, we tested her, we started calmly packing her things. We gave her one more option- start rehab. People don't think rehab is appropriate for "just" marijuana, but she agreed to the assessment and she was diagnosed with a chemical dependency. She's going through the outpatient program. She absolutely does not want to be there- spent the entire first week screaming at us for forcing her in. We calmly said, "You are free to leave- leave rehab and also leave our house. We love you but are no longer going to support you using." For us this means no money for home, car, use of car, car insurance, prescription medications, transportation to her part time job,college tuition, etc. (My one exception will be to keep her on medical insurance). It's been really tough but my husband and I are really set on no more help, enabling, or covering for what should have been her consequences.

Having the rehab programs for family and access to counselor a helps us a great deal. And while she's in denial, being surrounded by other addicts seeking recovery as opposed to other drug users saying, " Dude, it's just pot," is breaking down some of her justifications, try as she might not to listen.

I don't know if this will work long term but its helping a great deal right now. If she stays in I know at least she's heard it and has been exposed to tools to support recovery. If she quits, she's on her own. I love her with all my heart and soul so when-in the future-she decides to be sober, I'll gladly be a part of her life again.

I know there's probably many people who think marijuana is fine, but I don't believe that it's healthy to smoke every day (as a teenager, also), and I refuse to fund or support that way of living.