My husband is addicted to meth..how to tell the kids
 

Hey all,
I am so glad that I have found this forum! I thought I was all alone in this insane fight! I have recently discovered that my husband is addicted to meth. He owns his own business and like another wife on here he uses that to excuse his addiction. Almost a year ago, as far as i can remember he would start not coming home at night... saying he was working... long story short after months of confronting him about foil (that he would blame on his employees) I found a glass pipe in our kitchen cabinet! He couldn't deny that. He finally admitted that he was doing meth and, that he would quit. Well that was before Christmas and of course he hasn't. Sometimes he doesn't come home for 7 nights and 8 days, claiming of course he is "working" I have also had the unfortunate discovery that he is addicted to porn. (I was shocked and somewhat relieved to see that is a side effect from other post) And, he buys large quantities of "stiff nights" which i know that he is not using on me. I was so hurt.... I have begged him to get help or WE both get help. He refuses. I have spent many a night crying after he has promised to come home and never does. I have told him that I will leave if he doesn't go to rehab or get some help. But the last time was the worst. He flew off the handle! I have NEVER seen him act that way. He has NEVER called me names and to be honest with you I didn't leave because his reaction was so crazy I was scared for the first time. Could he hurt me? My attorney suggested a restraining order but, I know that will make him furious... I'm not sure what to do. We live in a small town and the law is somewhat of a joke. I'm just trying not to rock the boat at this time. We have 3 girls at home. Two that are 7 and 10. They have started to notice. The daddy's working excuse doesn't seem to be working any more with them. He ALWAYS makes promises to them that he will come home and then doesn't. And when he does finally come home all he does is sleep. Well I have had enough and called an attorney yesterday. My problem is now. How in the world do i tell these innocent kids... I just can't imagine what to say. HELP!

This is a sad tale. So sorry for you and the kids blueholly. Also sorry to say it but it sounds like your husband is deep in the bowels of his addiction. You have directly confronted him about his obvious problem and he completely ignores you. I'm guessing that's because he's the breadwinner and uses that as his excuse to do whatever he pleases.

There's nothing you can do at this point to help him but you must do everything you can to help yourself and those youngsters. Start off by getting the retraining order. This will ensure that he maintains his financial responsibilities to his family even if he's not there. It's only a piece of paper but it will also afford you with some protection from his most probable unwanted and unwired contacts. Meth can cause people to get pretty violent. Don't get freaked out but be aware that his mind is not of this earth these days.

Protect yourself and your kids. What he's doing is selfish and unfair to your family but if his behavior is exactly as you describe then there's nothing you can do right now to make sense or reason with his addiction. He's gonna have to acknowledge his own bad choices when it all comes inevitably crashing down on him in a big mess.

So sorry again. Stay strong. If you take care of yourself you'll get through this. Good luck.

I go along with FMTT and will add that the recovery rate for addicts in general - and that includes alcohol as well as opiates and the like - is very poor. Many of those that are writing on this site will relapse - I am on my third go round. Of those that relapse most don't make it back. Of those that never get here or somewhere similar never make it at all.

I say this to add a dose of reality that you not only need to get started with suggestions such as FMTT has made and you have initiated but also to begin to realize that you may well need to seperate completely.

I have written many a post indicating that inside each addicted fool resides a whole person who if not afraid of withdrawal and life without his DOC would love to come back home. The slippery slope that addiction presents, however, is much easier to slide down than climb up.

I'm so happy to read that you're going to protect your kids from this and get them out of the chaotic and destructive life that is living with an active drug addict.

Please post in the Friends and Family forum too, they (unfortunately) have a LOT of experience with dealing with addicts and have great advice on how to talk to kids about it.

Kudos to you for protecting your children, it doesn't happen often enough.

Thanks Smaked
 

Thanks Smaked,

For the advice to post in friends and family. I have not yet seen that forum.

I have just decided, this week, to get out. It is so hard, I feel like I am giving up on him. And he was such a great dad for years.... I just can't believe how this has gotten so out of control right under my nose. It has been a lot to come to terms with. Especially, with the kids. I thought maybe for a while I could just live this way and pretend for the kids sake that nothing was going on. But in the past month my kids have started to act out either with physical symptoms or anger. That's when I knew it was probably best to get out. But what do I tell them?.....

Here is a link to the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

That would be a good place to find good advice from people that have been through similar things as you.

Best of luck to you.

I agree with everyone else here there isn't anything you can do to help him but you can still help yourself and your kids.

I have very much been where you are right now & it's not nice.
My advice is take the kids & leave or if you think you can confront him without violence or a scene around the children ask him to move out.
The meth addiction will get worse. It is very unpredictable & dangerous & not something you want around your kids.
You do not have to tell your kids anything other than mum & dad are having some problems so we are separating for now.
My kids were 3 & 6 when I was where you are now & they are thriving 9 & 12 yr olds now who are raised by their mother in a healthy home.
My husband started by not coming home, he was either agitated or sleeping most of the time & I saw the porn temp files on the computer.
I didn't understand what was happening to him & stupidly went along for the ride & got addicted myself. Not what I wanted but I left with the kids & got clean. 6 years on & I have not touched the stuff, neither will I ever it again.
Believe me it will get worse & scary. Get out.