Acting like everything is ok
 

Have you ever pretended to be ok during a sober period in your life. If so, why? Were you afraid to let others into your pain and fear? Or, did you know you were not yet ready to stop and wanted to act like things really hadn't been all that bad?

honestly, if i think back to the four years i had clean. i think i never fully recovered. that's the one thing all of us addicts have to accept. that we are addicts for life.

i think i just got used to "being" normal. there were a lot of times and situations where i'd have to act normal, just because being normal was the social thing to do.

after going out more and more i got used to acting normal and it just naturally became the way of my social life.

i do recall though, that after about a year or two in, i started laughing. genuine laughs. good memories.

take it one day at a time and don't try to analyze your mentality so much!

stay busy and set goals if you can!

(whenever im recovering i always tell myself im doing jail time for the crimes i committed... or i tell myself im serving in the military. i donno it just helps me cope with the boredom that i face)

:You_Rock_

Honestly I am in that mode right now. I am almost one year clean and still feel like odd man out in social situations. I do hang out with people who drink regularly. I have quit drinking and using drugs. The drinking occassionally bothers me but the drugs I straight out miss. Most of my friends know this so they are very understanding. Occassionally I have had to leave a party early just cause it was making me crazy. Lately I have been having more fun but it has taken awhile to get to that point.

One bonus for me however...yeah no hangovers! I got to love that aspect of it!

The absence of hangovers is good. But so is the absence of a dope jones. Like when I was running low on my former DOC or when I hadn't dosed for a while. Those are feelings that I rejoice NOT having every day I wake up. I was gulping opiates for almost 10 years and I've only got 5 months clean so I honestly don't know if I'll ever experience "normal" again. Sometimes I still feel empty inside when I think of that warm narcotic blanket that will (or should) never cover me again. The long term downsides of dope and the thought of being dependent on a pill just to feel normal is so uncool that it makes the empty spots much less troublesome. This recovery process can take years so I'm just gonna be grateful and take what I've got left one day at a time. Hang in there. It does get better. Relapse is too easy and robs one of all their progress so don't take that bait. Good luck.

"doing fine, thanks for asking." "great (please leave me alone)" most of the time i wish for people to quit asking questions...like they are on to me, or they could discover what i,m hiding...or worse...they could learn facts about me that wold embarres me later, i find it very difficult to allow people to get close to me. its for me letting go of control wich leaves me at the mercy of the group or the other people...it took me quite a while to realize how silly it actually is...but in the clinic i learned to take a chance, share, learn to trust.
whenever i act out or notice more cravings, i usually notice myself avoiding conversations allot and only start conversations whit people of wich i know they will agree to almost everything i have to say.