NA meetings
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Union, NJ
Posts: 20
NA meetings
My boyfriend has made a step in the right direction and decided amoung himself that he needs some kind of release of all of his wrong doings since his drug abuse. His drug of choice is crack cocaine and pills. He went to his first meeting tonight and said he enjoyed it and met a diverse group of people. He has meetings planned out for this week and will probably continue to go if he thinks its helping.
As his girlfriend of 3 years, I have seen him change and have came across too many people that I love that are battling with addiction. It feels like a huge burden to carry other people's problems on my shoulders plus my own. My father is a homeless alcoholic and I just found that out about 2 years ago. It was such a tragedy in that point of my life and just put me in a depressed state. I was very close with my dad but my mom divorced him and remarried when I was 3 so my stepdad has been a positive male figure in my life. My dad got laid off from his job and everything went downhill from there and I just lost touch with him. And 2 years ago I decided to call around and see if my dad is still even alive and he was.
Needless to say, I think I have been through so much and more then I have ever thought id be faced with. I talk to my friends about my feelings but they just don't understand. I want to attend an NA meeting with my boyfriend because I feel it might help to talk to others. There is a meeting tomorrow night and its an open discussion. I'm just nervous because idk what they do in the discussions and if its even a place I should go. Any tips or advice!
As his girlfriend of 3 years, I have seen him change and have came across too many people that I love that are battling with addiction. It feels like a huge burden to carry other people's problems on my shoulders plus my own. My father is a homeless alcoholic and I just found that out about 2 years ago. It was such a tragedy in that point of my life and just put me in a depressed state. I was very close with my dad but my mom divorced him and remarried when I was 3 so my stepdad has been a positive male figure in my life. My dad got laid off from his job and everything went downhill from there and I just lost touch with him. And 2 years ago I decided to call around and see if my dad is still even alive and he was.
Needless to say, I think I have been through so much and more then I have ever thought id be faced with. I talk to my friends about my feelings but they just don't understand. I want to attend an NA meeting with my boyfriend because I feel it might help to talk to others. There is a meeting tomorrow night and its an open discussion. I'm just nervous because idk what they do in the discussions and if its even a place I should go. Any tips or advice!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I went to a couple NA meeting with my ex and it was weird. I am an alcoholic, so I have been to AA meetings but NA meetings are different and it is certainly different being there as a family/friend/girlfriend because the meetings aren't for you, it's for the addicts, so you will probably feel like an outsider. Open meetings are different I guess but NA is meant to a place where addicts can go and share their experiences and such and your boyfriend may not be as comfortable with you there, to be honest if you're going to NA to find help for yourself you won't find it there. I recommend Nar-Anon if you can find a meeting in your area, if not then Al-Anon tends to be much easier to find and will give you the same beinfits.
You cannot obsess obsess over trying to keep your BF clean because absolutely nothing you do will keep him clean. I tried everything with my ex but he just wasn't committed to it, and now he's in jail.
Hopefully your boyfriend is truly committed and works at it because that's the only way he'll stay clean
But I really think you'll benefit from going to your OWN meaning meant to help YOU. By all means if you'd like to go to an open NA meeting just to see what they are like, you can do that but I think it's important you focus on yourself too.
Check out the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forum you'll find so much support, understanding and compassion there. The advice there kept my sane when I first found out my ex was using after he got arrested.
I am glad your boyfriend has made a step in right direction. But realize that's all it is. A STEP. There is a VERY VERY long tough journey ahead for both of you. He has to stay on this path and nothing you do can force him to do that. It's important you remember that.
You cannot obsess obsess over trying to keep your BF clean because absolutely nothing you do will keep him clean. I tried everything with my ex but he just wasn't committed to it, and now he's in jail.
Hopefully your boyfriend is truly committed and works at it because that's the only way he'll stay clean
But I really think you'll benefit from going to your OWN meaning meant to help YOU. By all means if you'd like to go to an open NA meeting just to see what they are like, you can do that but I think it's important you focus on yourself too.
Check out the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forum you'll find so much support, understanding and compassion there. The advice there kept my sane when I first found out my ex was using after he got arrested.
I am glad your boyfriend has made a step in right direction. But realize that's all it is. A STEP. There is a VERY VERY long tough journey ahead for both of you. He has to stay on this path and nothing you do can force him to do that. It's important you remember that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Union, NJ
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by FenwayFaithful 
I went to a couple NA meeting with my ex and it was weird. I am an alcoholic, so I have been to AA meetings but NA meetings are different and it is certainly different being there as a family/friend/girlfriend because the meetings aren't for you, it's for the addicts, so you will probably feel like an outsider. Open meetings are different I guess but NA is meant to a place where addicts can go and share their experiences and such and your boyfriend may not be as comfortable with you there, to be honest if you're going to NA to find help for yourself you won't find it there. I recommend Nar-Anon if you can find a meeting in your area, if not then Al-Anon tends to be much easier to find and will give you the same beinfits.
You cannot obsess obsess over trying to keep your BF clean because absolutely nothing you do will keep him clean. I tried everything with my ex but he just wasn't committed to it, and now he's in jail.
Hopefully your boyfriend is truly committed and works at it because that's the only way he'll stay clean
But I really think you'll benefit from going to your OWN meaning meant to help YOU. By all means if you'd like to go to an open NA meeting just to see what they are like, you can do that but I think it's important you focus on yourself too.
Check out the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forum you'll find so much support, understanding and compassion there. The advice there kept my sane when I first found out my ex was using after he got arrested.
I am glad your boyfriend has made a step in right direction. But realize that's all it is. A STEP. There is a VERY VERY long tough journey ahead for both of you. He has to stay on this path and nothing you do can force him to do that. It's important you remember that.
You cannot obsess obsess over trying to keep your BF clean because absolutely nothing you do will keep him clean. I tried everything with my ex but he just wasn't committed to it, and now he's in jail.
Hopefully your boyfriend is truly committed and works at it because that's the only way he'll stay clean
But I really think you'll benefit from going to your OWN meaning meant to help YOU. By all means if you'd like to go to an open NA meeting just to see what they are like, you can do that but I think it's important you focus on yourself too.
Check out the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers forum you'll find so much support, understanding and compassion there. The advice there kept my sane when I first found out my ex was using after he got arrested.
I am glad your boyfriend has made a step in right direction. But realize that's all it is. A STEP. There is a VERY VERY long tough journey ahead for both of you. He has to stay on this path and nothing you do can force him to do that. It's important you remember that.
Wow I just ranted out of no where!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Your boyfriend became a slave to his addiction. I have been a slave to mine. I can say that we don’t mean to hurt the people we love but it just happens…the drugs/alcohol change you…
That does NOT serve as an excuse for me or for him. I made my choices, he made his and I will live with the regret I have every day for hurting the people I love. I just feel like it’s important you realize it isn’t about you…it’s about our complete lack of ability to control your behavior once the drugs or alcohol take hold…of course we wake up every day and make the choice to drink or use and that’s on us.
It takes a scary amount of honesty to face the true nature of your addiction and admit to yourself that you cannot control it. That’s the trap many of us fall into, thinking “This time will be different, this time I will control it” getting clean/sober needs to be a lifelong choice and commitment, and that’s a very personal and self-determined choice.
I can tell you after being in both positions that this is going to require dedication and work on your boyfriends part, in the mean time you should focus on yourself and decide what you want and if you can let go of what has happened in the past and prepare yourself for what recovery will mean for your boyfriend and what relapse would mean for you as well… I understand the frustration you’re feeling, it’s extremely difficult.
Please do go to Al Anon I think it will be VERY helpful for you
I understand it's not easy to leave but sometimes that is what is best for both of you. My ex getting arrested is what forced him to get clean and face the consequences and rock bottom of his addiction and it's what made me hit mine and start to commit to getting sober. But I have a long hard road ahead and I don't know that I could commit myself to a relationship right now, recovery is a very selfish time.
That does NOT serve as an excuse for me or for him. I made my choices, he made his and I will live with the regret I have every day for hurting the people I love. I just feel like it’s important you realize it isn’t about you…it’s about our complete lack of ability to control your behavior once the drugs or alcohol take hold…of course we wake up every day and make the choice to drink or use and that’s on us.
It takes a scary amount of honesty to face the true nature of your addiction and admit to yourself that you cannot control it. That’s the trap many of us fall into, thinking “This time will be different, this time I will control it” getting clean/sober needs to be a lifelong choice and commitment, and that’s a very personal and self-determined choice.
I can tell you after being in both positions that this is going to require dedication and work on your boyfriends part, in the mean time you should focus on yourself and decide what you want and if you can let go of what has happened in the past and prepare yourself for what recovery will mean for your boyfriend and what relapse would mean for you as well… I understand the frustration you’re feeling, it’s extremely difficult.
Please do go to Al Anon I think it will be VERY helpful for you
I understand it's not easy to leave but sometimes that is what is best for both of you. My ex getting arrested is what forced him to get clean and face the consequences and rock bottom of his addiction and it's what made me hit mine and start to commit to getting sober. But I have a long hard road ahead and I don't know that I could commit myself to a relationship right now, recovery is a very selfish time.
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