Opiate and Alcohol Relapser: Reaching Out a Hand
 

Day 4 of Detox from Opiates and Alcohol

I'm not going to gripe about the fact that I'm writing this while wearing two winter jackets in summer (freezing cold); nor will I gripe that I've used up two rolls of toilet paper today alone; other potential gripes that won't be in this thread: I've had no solids in 4 days, I've got those terrible cramps, not to mention very little sleep, a sharp ringing in my ears, runny nose, watery eyes, yawning, stretching, aching, vomiting, and etc.. What good would it do to gripe? I only have to do this one time, right?

I just need some support to get through this hard time. I'm having a lot of shame about this and a lot of anger that I relapsed 6 years ago. I had 4 years clean, some of the best years of my life. I developed some dang degenerative disk disorder (along with a chronic case of kidney stones), and I went out on pain meds. It's no excuse. My program wasn't strong enough, though I went to the meetings. I read the Big Book. I had a sponsor, and I even sponsored. Still, it wasn't enough to keep me clean. I guess I needed to do some more research: cunning, baffling, powerful!

I haven't been to any meetings yet. In truth, I'm afraid to go (being this sick), and I have other fears about going back, too... but I know I can't do this alone. I'm reaching out my hand. I like to hear about the power of the program and all the good that it can do in a person's life. If you relapsed hard, I'd love to know how you got back.

Welcome to SR Glennsf :

I'm not in the programme, but I know that if pride or shame or fear is holding you back from getting the help you need, your addiction will very readily take advantage of that hesitation...

Do what you know is right :)

D

((glennsf)) - Welcome to SR! Opiates weren't my "thing" though I did abuse them before getting hooked on crack. However, reading around SR, I found that a lot of people were in the same situation I was, regardless of DOC (drug of choice).

Hang in there, and keep reading and posting - you are not alone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

i am glad to see ya wanting to get clean again. something very helpful for you would be to get some courage. i can understand not wanting to go to meetings ll sick, but how about claliing some fo the peopel you use to know in recovery?

Thanks
 

Thanks for the welcomes... much appreciated in a time of need. It's good to be in a place where people are aware of recovery.

Thanks tomsteve for the advice to give someone a call (and to get some courage). Right now any old numbers are all gone. I wasn't keeping in touch with the old friends when I went back out using. I did everything to keep away from them. Maybe Facebook would be good for something?

I'm afraid those of us here are beyond familiar with recovery. At least I am if repetition serves as a goalpost. At day 4 and given that it sounds as if your W/D is a tough one you probably have a few days to go but it should start to get better. I went the AA route the first time and found it helpful. It sounds as if you did as well. Probably everyone in the group will have relapsed or done something to be equally ashamed of. That is one of the benefits of AA. You are not alone. I also understand not wanting to go if you're sick but a pat on the back would help wouldn't it? Here's a cyber pat - pat, pat.

Wow Glenn, opies and alcohol at the same time? That's one helluva kick. I'm no expert but I'm wondering if perhaps some physician assistance in your situation might be beneficial? I personally was able to lose the booze over 18 years ago with AA and I never looked back. Don't go to many meetings these days but it was a real lifesaver in the beginning. I got on pain meds about 10 years ago after diagnosed with a fluxxored back. Took them as prescribed (mostly) until recently when the chains of opiate dependance finally made me feel like I was losing my mind and soul. I've only got 5 weeks clean under my belt right now and it's still pretty difficult. I'm not gonna lie. The major part of the physical kick has subsided but the PAWS is in full effect, I still have little energy and I still get diarrhea regularly. WTF?! I ask myself regularly but the answer is easy. This process is gonna take time but I'm already seeing many of the rewards so that gives me motivation to persevere. Congrats to you for taking such a bold step. You did it once so I know you can do it again. All the best to you.

Congratulations for your 5 weeks clean, and thanks for your post. I'm going to the pain clinic today. They had prescribed me with clonadine and zofran for the detox. It's still been a heck of a ride these last 5 days. But I've made it to 5 days, and I couldn't be more proud of myself. To tell you the truth, I was hoping that on my 5th day, I would feel a lot better, but these things take time I suppose. And in any case, I'm better off now than at day 3. Did you go back to the program this time around, or are you doing it on your own? Well... If you're here, you're not doing it alone, so I guess I answered my own question. Thanks again for the positive comment. It really helps.

Alcohol and opiates were my thing.. hang in there. If anything else, your alcohol detox should be wearing down and you're only dealing with the tail end of the opiates stuff.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really appreciate it.

Glennsf. I had a year clean and relapsed for a short time. I too was worried about what other addicts and alcoholics would think and went right back to my meetings and found that gee...no one is perfect and we are not saints. We do what we can and are willing to change! Being clean and sober is a much better life.

I hope things worked out at the pain clinic Glenn. To answer your question, even though I don't go to many AA meetings these days, I told myself early on that I wouldn't break away completely. Why? Everyone is different but the one common thing that everyone who relapsed had in common was they stopped going to meetings. Completely. I hadn't been to one in over a month but I went to one last night just because. It ended up being pretty good too. A few folks were coming back pretty beat up. Sad to say it helps me to see that so I remember the power of one of my drugs of choice. The opiates I'm kicking by myself without meetings. NA works for some but I saw so much relapse, craving and past experience glamorization there that I decided it wasn't for me. Doesn't put me in a good place. Last night I spoke with a good friend on the phone who also has an opiate monkey on his back. He wants to kick but our long conversation had me thinking he probably wasn't really ready yet. The things we talked about actually had me thinking of chipping for awhile. Powerful stuff. We really have to want this. Peace