Struggling with putting down pills
 

I think this is my first post in the Substance Abuse area. I've struggled with benzos and opiates for a long time. I've been prescribed them for panic disorder and chronic pain - I'm good at visiting several doctors for the same complaint and getting prescriptions. I time the visits at about every three months and say "oh the panic attacks/back pain is getting better - I'm in therapy and go to physiotherapy, but occassionally I need a xanax/oxy, and here's my latest MRI/CT scans" I genuinely have a messed up back/neck from several accidents and I present very well so drs prescribe me whatever I ask for. I'm just careful not to use the same dr or drugstore too often.

I love the feeling of mixing opiates and benzos, especially with alcohol. It's the best feeling in the world and I don't want to give it up, even though I know I despearately need to. I go to AA - in fact I'm going to AA in a few minutes, with half a bottle of wine, 2 oxys and a xanax under my belt.

I had 2.5 years clean and sober and relapsed about a year ago after getting involved with someone who turned out to be an active alcoholic/addict. I've been around AA for 4 years but never been to NA.

:a108:

Welcome to Sober Recovery Tigerlilli. There is a lot of hope and healing here. This is a safe place.

Are you ready to stop? You've done this before (2.5 yrs!!) and you CAN do it again, but you have to want to change.

Hope the meeting goes great :)

~Pandie

I hear you loud and clear and I struggled with putting down my opiates and benzos, etc just as you are. I also suffer from chronic pain due to severe nerve damage from chemotherapy and I was given meds easily. Too easily.

Oxys, Percs, Vicodin, Xanax and Klonopin are just to name a few of what I was on for years and then to top it all off I was given Provigil to keep me from nodding out constantly. Lots of doctors and lots of pills and I knew I was getting into trouble but my doctors "assured" me I wasn't an addict but just physically dependent.

Then I accidentally OD'd and my choice was pretty much made for me.

See how many doctors will prescribe you pain meds after that. See how fast they run.


After my hospitalization I had no choice but to detox from everything all at once. A week of absolute living hell. After years of walking that fine line between addiction and chronic pain management I finally found a good neurologist and a great pain management doctor that I trust and I'm on Suboxone and Neurontin for my chronic pain and I have my life back. But it took a very long painful time to get here. But I did it and so can you.

Your inner voice is warning you that you're heading for trouble and you should listen to it. I didn't listen to mine and had I did I could have avoided so much additional pain.

I'm glad you were heading to a meeting and I wish you all the best.

mixing those drugs with booze = death.
i lost a friend 2 years ago from doing just what you're doing, another friends mom died from mixing booze with benzos

I want to quit as much as I want to keep using. I'm between a rock and a hard place. The more I have the more I want, which is why I know I have a big problem and I know I SHOULD quit, but I don't want to let it go. I'm praying for the willingness to be willing.

You need to want recovery more than anything you have ever wanted in your entire life to have a shot at obtaining it.

I always told myself that I wanted to quit but that I just loved the feeling of my DOC too much. What I didn't realize was that I thought I loved the feeling of my DOC so much because of how bad my w/d when I didn't have them. I had forgotten what feeling sober actually felt like because any time I had sober in the last 5 years had been pure hell.

You deserve to wake up in the morning and feel great. You deserve to start your day without worrying about getting your fix. Don't wait until you're facing jail time, rejection from all your doctors, or for an od to decide you need to stop.

I wish you the best, and remember you are not alone in this struggle,

*Adalie

I used to mix Oxy and Temazepam with alcohol. Good feeling. Less good though, when you started to think you might actually be dying because of respiratory depression. When they say 'don't mix these drugs,' they usually have a reason for saying it.

I know exactly what you mean by wanting to stop, but not being able to because at the same time you want to stay where you are. That's addiction though, that's what it does.