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My life is over...

Old 04-08-2012, 10:47 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I want to say thanks for all the messages.
Unfortunately I couldn't do it,I was trying to go cold turkey but I gave up on day three The withdrawal was unbearable...I was fine for the first few hours but then I started shaking and sweating.My whole body was hurting but I thought this is it,I'm just going to stay this way for a couple of days and then move on...How wrong I was!Later I started feeling nauseous and then all hell broke loose,I was vomiting,having diarrhea,sweating,shaking,everything you can imagine!At this point I already had lots of fever and was almost hallucinating.I continued feeling this way for the next two days,the vomiting and the diarrhea wouldn't stop,I couldn't eat,I couldn't sleep,I was agitated,it was terrible.Then I gave up Took all the xanax I had at home,some clonazepam and started feeling better.I thought I was going to be fine if I just kept on taking Xanax and slowly decreasing the dose,that's what I said to myself.But I was still agitated,there was something missing.I knew what it was and I tried to be strong but I'm not strong so I just gave up.One hour later i was getting my fix...I feel so ashamed of myself
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Old 04-08-2012, 08:41 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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hi noone

We're addicts. we use. thats what we're "good at" . I needed ppl to ppl contacts to get and stay clean. [opium/booze] And i needed to change, well, damn near everything. I do NA. For 16 clean years now. It works. I went from 'hopeless dope fiend to dopeless hope fiend' . I now participate in my own Very Big Life.

you can too
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:52 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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What is your situation?

Unfortunately I am an addict with major emotional issues and don't know how to stop my condition, but that doesn't mean I'm not smart, and it doesn't mean I don't have suggestions for you.

I had many situations in my life that caused physical pain. One was an insect related disease, the others were actual major physical conditions. I went to many doctors until I took the perspective (I didn't say this but thought it):

"I appreciate your help, but if you can't fix my REAL pain, whether its because you're trying to make money off me, or if you're really trying, I must get better so I must go on."

I can't give medical advice but I can say there are doctors who are general, and those who are specialized. I can hopefully also say that some doctors may see things with horse goggles on. What I mean is, they see a set of symptoms, and automatically give a diagnosis, right or wrong. Remember, they are human. Don't get mad, just find your solution.

I can hopefully also say that some doctors like to prescribe awful stuff to "fix" things that .... well... don't fix anything.

There are natural ways of fixing pain.

Eating right. Sleep. Healthy work environment. Friends. Vitamins. Exercise. Forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness. Protecting your emotions. Caring for others. Having others care for you. Leaving stressful situations. Being less egotistical (if you're egotistical). Being a *bit* more egotistical (if you're too giving). Deep muscle work if you are tense (it hurts, or is uncomfortable, but releases the strains).

Many of these seem unrelated but they have one thing in common. They are natural. They are what we are, and what we are born to need and do. Physical. Emotional. Spiritual.

The things that aren't, especially when we pick the wrong ones, end up detrimental.

I hope I didn't say anything bad, and even moreso, I hope some of this is useful. Thank you for reading.
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:57 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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My life was filled with anxiety and depression ever since I was a kid. They put me on xanax as well but even though I liked it I found opiates were my go to guy. I was so nervous around people when we went out. I couldn't talk to people so I'd down a few beers take a few percocets and weeeeee. The life of the party. I was in my early twenties when this started i guess. I hurt my back at 17 and I had this nice little plan all laid out in front of me. I was going to college for Pre-Pharmacy of all things. I was dating the girl I was going to marry and after pharmacy school we'd get our house and have two kids and life would be grand. Well he's still up there laughing at that. I flunked out of college I became an i.v user of nubain first then that ran out and I switched to Oxy's then to morphine cause I loved the feeling it gave me and i loved that it lasted longer. At the very end before I finally just gave up cause I tried to die. And succeeded once but two guys I were with that I didn't think could spell Cpr brought me back to life. I was putting 3 100mg pills in a spoon 3 times a day and could've done more. Dam tolerance. I bankrupted my wife in less than a year so I just gave up and went to treatment. I was an angry little SOB. Inever thought I'd get better. The withdrawals lasted a long time and man they sucked. At day 33 I was readin in the big Book about acceptance and something just clicked. The weight of the world was lifted off of me and for once i understood that page. Anyway I never did any work. I went to 263 meetings in 90 days and didn't talk but at probably 2 of em. I relpsed shortly after. Next time around I didn't get to go to a fancy treatment center and I lost everything and everyone I had. I had a small backpack with a few clothes and that was it. Not a penny to my name. But I was back in Florida from tennessee. I had no pride left and I was willing to go to any lengths to get what the people I saw at the meetings laughing and cutting up had. I didn't date. I didn't even talk to girls. I took the steps and i started to learn about myself as to why I did the things I did and my character defects and how not to be like that. And I found my relationship with God again which now i could make it as I saw it not as I was told it was as I was when i was a small child. I have a beautiful home. The most wonderful wife in the world. I'm a proffessional Powerlifter and actually today I benched a personal best of 470 pounds. I weigh 169. Things aren't always great. That's just life. Getting sober is the easy part. staying that way is the hard part. And if you do the right simple things you'll find that it's a really fun way to live life. I don't have anxieties anymore. And stuff is just stuff. It's gonna be stuff even when your gone so don't worry about stuff. Hell now you have room to get new stuff. To me it's the people I've met and the person I've become that's made me who I am today. There's a way out and you can do it just like so many other people have. There are thousands of us that have been in your shoes and walked away in a new pair. So Take a chance and just try something different. You can do this thing!!!
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