kcola

I am new here.. and I feel helpless. My good friend has just started using crack cocaine; ..Unfortunately, I live 8 hours away. I am a school teacher so I visit for spring breaks and summer...Usually wonderful visits.. . but THIS visit (March 10) was a NIGHTMARE.

Spring break...3/10/12 . I text him on his cheap "reload minutes" phone that he just purchased (he got rid of his nice phone for some reason). I said... "Im on my way; lets get lunch", but he does not respond.

I get there.. He openes to door; immediately tells me Im "ambushing" him and he's not going to stop doing what HE's doing just for me anymore.. Im dumbfounded.

He agrees to get a quick bite to eat then I must leave (by now Im nearly in tears). I watched him replace his dirty shirt to put on a clean one.. thats when I first noticed... He's starving!!.. his rib cage were poking out. I question this but no response. He doesnt say a word to me in the restaurant (he just eats, walked out, goes back in the car) and I had to pay for both meals. What is going on here.. where is my best friend??

We returned to his apartment.. even though he wants me to leave, I did not leave.. and that's when I discovered his crack pipe. He admit he's been smoking it for a few months now.apparently, one of his neighbors introduced it to him and he was stupid enough to experiment. I got upset but this just irritated him... he was about to kick me out.. so I just sat there all afternoon watching him, playing his guitar (badly), smoking crack about every 20 minutes until he ran out. Then he texted a thug to purchase a new supply for the night. Im speechless, by now.

I stayed with my friend into the night.. he smoked his crack until he ran out about 3 am.. he went to sleep. I peeked at his phone.. ALL messages were "can I get a $45" to some guy name "C". I cried all night. The next morning about 10, I wake him up and told him I was hungry.. and I got him to eat (again no conversationa and I paid).. I stayed with him most of the day.. just observing. He did NOT smoke crack that next day.. just worked on his boat drinking beer and smoking cigaretts.. did not acknowledge me at all. I left him about 3 pm. wichout getting even a "good bye" or a hug.

My question... What happened to my friend? What did I do to deserve this behavior from him?? I think Im the only one who knows about this new habit...is he addicted now?... he did not smoke it the next day.. and he still has a steady job (he can act normal in public). Will I ever see my real friend again? Im very scared for him and do not know what to do. Im back home now.. and he does not respond to my emails. Help!

Justfor1

I have known many addicts in my life. I have never met one who was able to keep their job & smoke crack. Eventually, he will go on a drug binge & stop going to his job. It's just a matter of time. He needs help and fast.

Stopdropburn

@kcola That's terribly sad. I don't know anyone anymore who uses crack. But as Justfor1 said....you don't often meet "functional crackheads"...I don't mean that to be rude. But you're already seeing the effects on his health and lifestyle, it only gets worse....clearly it's affecting finances if he's switched to a prepaid phone, additionally - harder to track activity and designate for drug use.....would you be surprised to return and find he sold his boat? I wouldn't. It's sad that he was so rude and indifferent to you - but that is often how addict's become, sometimes they realize it, sometimes they don't. I wish I had an answer of what to do, but it's not something you can control. You can only be there for him to the best of your ability without aiding his addiction and choices, maybe reach out to people close to him for help...and express your concerns and desire to help to him. He has to make the right choice to stop though, you can't do that for him, no matter how much it hurts.

Lily

His behavior towards you has nothing to do w/ you. He tried crack, he liked it, he got hooked and now he is ruining his life. You could suggest he seek help, but he has to want it. Your hands are tied, but you can pray for your friend to come to the end of his addiction and get the help he needs.

Lily

GrowingDaily

Nothing you did. Nothing you could have done to prevent it. This just illustrates how terrible such drugs are. They take perfectly normal people and destroy them.

Nothing he could have done either, short of not trying it the first time. He doesn't want to be the person he is now, despite appearances. He just doesn't see a way out. And at this point, he may not care to. Just try to remember that's a product of the drug. Not who your friend is on the inside. Although sadly that may change in short order. I hope it doesn't.

If I were you, I'd stay available. Check in on him from time to time, but don't hang out. Let him know you care for him, let him know you love him, but don't abide the lifestyle. Don't subject yourself to the pain of watching him deteriorate. Don't subject yourself to the danger of involving yourself with the characters he's chose to associate with. It will only hurt you, and it won't help him.

One day, he might reach rock bottom & reach out for help. It will be important for him to have a friend who hasn't forgotten him when that day comes.

Have you considered an intervention? I say that with the disclaimer that I have zero experience in such matters. I am, in fact, curious what others here who do might have to say on the matter. But considering the potential consequences of crack addiction, it might be worth looking into. There's nothing you could do to him that would be worse than what he's doing to himself.

kcola

Thanks for your helpful thoughts...

I think Im going to tell his brother.. the person he loves and respects the most. I need help...and I cant sit here knowing this evil secret alone... I would die if smething happened to him and I did nothing.

My friend will feel betrayed and probably hate me.. but the way I look at it.. I already lost the "friend" to this evil drug. He probably already has no feelings for me anymore... from what I read crack will take your soul.

btw.. he already did put his boat on craigslist a few weeks ago (it was once his dream to fix and sail across the ocean).. fortunately he did have second thoughts and took it off after a bidder didn't show... Who knows when it will go online again.

This really sucks. I just want my friend back!!! :.O(

kcola

Hi everyone.. It's been nine months since I first wrote on this log. I want to thank you all for your honest responses to my problem with a friend.. I was in shock and not thinking well. Just for an update... I dont see him anymore... I dont pop-in when Im in town to check on him; like I use to do before this all happened. I "left"....which is sad. I miss him very much. The only thing I do is (every few months) I send him an email asking him how he's doing and letting him know Im still here, his friend.. Im his friend for life. Of course he doesnt responds.. not even sure if he still owns a computer. He most likely doesnt care anymore, but I still let him know anyway. Some of you guys thought it better to just haul tail out of this friendship, and that part I just cant understand.. I thought it was alittle heartless, as if crack wins....periiod. I dont know, maybe crack has won, I realize he probably doesnt think of me anymore.. but I wont give up on hope.. unless he is a zombie now and wants to eat my brains for lunch!! Now THAT would be a reason to RUN!! haha! I worse part for me right now.. is that I dont even know where he is anymore.. in a flophouse getting high?.. or the county jail? (that thought scares me). I dont know if he still owns his once loved boat.. last I google mapped his address, I could still see the boat in the yard.. but I dont know how old the pic is. I just wish I knew where he is or if he is okay, alive. Is he trying to quit or suffering? Anyhow, the reason Im writing nine months later is to let you know Im doing better.. not going crazy as I felt at the time (I was in shock). I just want you to know, I have NOT given up on him.. even if he doesnt see me as a friend anymore... that part does suck. Anyhow, be safe this new year. Love, Kcola

neferkamichael

I'm 1 year 4 months of crack, used for 38 years. Sorry but you have probably lost your friend. Please do not give him any money, let him use your car, and hide all your valuable possession. I hope I'm wrong but if he just start smoking crack, his is on a long, terrible, down hill slide. :egypt"

Lyoness

Hi kcola. I'm so sorry for you and your friend! He's lucky to have you in his life! You asked what you did to deserve this--absolutely nothing. This is sadly the nature of his severe addiction. He is probably too ashamed to acknowledge you. You know who he is without the drugs and right now he doesn't want to be reminded of that. Hopefully he will reach the point of wanting to quit

For now, please keep taking good care of yourself. You might want to visit the Friends and Family forums, you'll find others who are going through similar struggles as you.