Smile123

hopeful,
Saw you in the Gratitude threads this morning! You're doing great. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you can make this work. Start with eliminating your DOC and then eliminate those other "fillers." Do whatever it takes to be free of all of them. A lot of people get great support from NA and you have a lot of support here. Life free of pills is incredible...and you are well on your way!!

hopeful8523

it's like a whole different being took me over tonight, I didn't care or try to stop myself at all...

WHY!?!!? Why why why did I do this? I'm so disappointed in myself, so depressed.

I can't handle this

CarolD

When I decided to quit drinking...I became an active AA member.
By learning how to stay sober with the STeps...I did stop relapseing

Have you coonsidered NA?

Please don't let the drugs become your life...

FT

Hopeful,

Just a thought. I scream "ACCESS" here a lot. ACCESS is a recovery killer. You can't take what you don't have. If it was so easy to slip, then ACCESS was likely at play for you.

Did you have "extra" pills lying around "just in case"? Did you continue to hang out with "friends" who are not interested in your recovery? Did you avoid telling friends, so they continued to offer you drugs? What happened? The drugs don't just fall into your mouth or fly up your nose.

For relapse prevention in the future, think about that. If you are recovering in secret, if you are the only one you have to be held accountable to, relapse is almost a certainty for a lot of us.

Take care.

FT

Going2Change

This thread just goes to show how much of a constant struggle staying clean and FOK'ing Da' OX can be..It's sad because I know we've all been there. I was thinking last night, while taking a bath, that since I moved into my new apartment over a year ago now, I think I went through detox, CT, WD's at least 6 to 8 times...in that new place alone..it's crazy because each time I told myself I never want to be here again and lo and behold there I was right back at the Pain Dr. and when I got the script filled I could smell, taste, feel all mess I went through kicking this beast. Yet I still took it and said to myself, well I'll just have to deal with those feelings later, and I did it over and over again...Just stay strong, pick yourself up and do it again..that's the beauty of life.. Tell someone how much you love them. I know the feeling all to well of keeping a secret from your loved one..and when the time is right you will tell him or her, and if that time never comes...then so be it, just accept it and believe you will never do that again. Owning up is hard for us addicts, especially owning up to the fact that we have a problem. It makes us seem weak, or not as good as we should be, but just believe in yourself and you can conquer anything...

sonic

I found myself chuckling quite a bit while reading through this thread because of the memories. It's so odd how freaked out we all get when we're near "the bottom of the bottle" and in the counting phase.

Case in point, whenever I'd get down to about 20-30 left out of my 180 Oxy prescription, I'd start having anxiety attacks. A couple times I found myself with somewhere around 20 pills left on a Friday and was freaking out because I wasn't sure if it would last until Monday (and what if it took the Pharmacy until Tuesday to refill it? Then I'd really be screwed!)

Like others, if I was down to 30-40 pills, I'd start dividing them up for the next few days. And like others, I rarely stood by it, I'd normally take way more than I had divided up and have to call in my prescription even earlier than I had intended. That's why I kept two different prescriptions at two different pharmacies on "rotation" each month. For me, there was no worse feeling than seeing 10-20 pills left in the bottom of that bottle.

Another kind of funny thing is that I used to always have pills in my front, right pants pocket. That's how I would get through the day at work. I formed a weird habit of always feeling my pills through my pocket, just to make sure they were there. To this day, I find myself doing that even though I know I don't have any in my pocket.

Ggeo

Sonic, EXACTLY! This is something we all shared isn't it? Of course in my haze I thought I was the only one. Reading all the stories here it's amazing the similarities of our stories of abuse are. Maybe we are all different on a socio-geographical-economical way but man, we all shared the same sick ****** up feelings and actions during our pharmaceutical abuse didn't we? I too ALWAYS kept a few, usually three, in my front pocket "just in case".

"Just in case" ALWAYS ALWAYS came....

So glad to be past that. I am only going on Day 12 here but man, I already feel so happy to be free from those chains.

Great post Sonic, thanks.

sonic

I also used to think I was the only one doing these weird things until I visited this site There really are a lot of similarities between opiate addicts, probably moreso than other addictions.

And way to go, 12 days!! 22 for me today!!