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Old 05-05-2011, 06:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
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finacè needs help...what do I do?!


hey,
well I'm new to the forum so if I put this in the wrong place.
me and my fiance are both military. She joined to actually become clean. She had been off for a few months before going to basic but recently...its happening again. It's either coke or heroine that she will take. Mainly coke. She said she has not done heroine in a long time but had done it so much her veins are too tough and roll too much to stick. I fear for her. She did coke a month ago and we had a **** test and she poped hot. Now she's being removed. I'm standing by her side but she recently was sent to asap. Army substance abuse program to get help. She told me she doesn't know how to live sober. She learned everything she does high. She can't even wake up on her own in the mornings. I don't know what to do. She asked me for help and I tried to encourage her but al that happened was her and I getting into a fight. She won't go to rehab because it made her worse previously.
Please..if someone has advice that can help..i will do anything to save her. please.
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Old 05-05-2011, 07:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome yourmaker91! I'm sorry to say there is NOTHING you can do to help your GF. IMO She has to WANT to get clean herself more than she wants to use. Refusing rehab is an indication she's not ready. The bottom line is, its up to her.

I do believe she doesn't know how to live without some sort of drug. Many people have to re-learn coping skills and life skills after getting clean/sober. Maybe you can look into Al-anon for a better understanding of how to cope with this situation.


Best Wishes To You!
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Old 05-05-2011, 09:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! Check out the friends and family forums - there are a LOT of others who have gone thru similiar things

There is nothing that you are going to be able to do for her. I am a recovery addict/alcoholic and NO ONE is going to be able to help her until she wants to truly help herself and find recovery...

Getting clean can be absolutely terrifying and I, too, had no clue how to live clean/sober. For 11 years, I did nothing but drown my mind in drugs/alcohol...I tried so desperately to run from myself...because the drugs and alcohol weren't the real problem - I was the problem. You can be supportive of her but just know that you didn't CAUSE this, you cannot CHANGE this and you cannot CURE this. She must be willing before any real change can be made. I have tried many times to get clean for others...every single time I failed miserably because I wasn't ready to put it down.

I, too, was an IV heroin and cocaine addict, living on the streets - homeless. Although I've been clean from it since 04 I've spent the last 7 years substituting one substance for another, the latest being hooked on opiate pain killers. It's very lonely road to travel and I hope she finds the inspiration and strength within herself to find recovery and make the changes necessary to live a clean life.

After being an addict for so long, we must learn how to deal with life in positive ways. Learning new coping skills and life skills. Many of us use because we are running from something deep within us...for me it was the demons of my past I never dealt with. Trying to mask something.."fix" my problems and in the end all I did was create many more problems.

I wish you luck and I am sorry you are in so much pain.

-Jess
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Old 05-06-2011, 06:32 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Iliveforyou, thank you so much. Her name is jess as well and it kinda caught me off guard. I explained to her some of the things you shared and she agreed. She knows what she has to do and I explained that I'll be there every step of the way through the post acute withdraws. I was able to show her she is not crazy. All these docs here tell her she's skitzo and bipolar and everything under the sun and I showed her the paws thing and she said that's exactly how she feels. I showed her I'm here to support her through everything. Thank you guys so much.
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Old 05-06-2011, 06:58 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Wow, someone with the ballz to join the MILITARY to get clean, and then balks at REHAB?

This lady must have SOME inner strength to go to those lengths, only to blow it. My guess is she feels guilty and bad about falling down so hard after that incredible effort. Likely she is also using those bad feelings about herself to continue to abuse drugs, using the logic that "I am bad anyway, so I might as well use."

Take care in getting involved with an addict. This may be a relationship you can't sustain, and if you are a young guy, you have your whole life ahead of you to live with a clean and sober person who may end up being the mother of your children. Be careful. Don't linger longer than is wise.

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