apcm

I am 12 days off heroin today. (thanks to suboxones) Iv been to about 8 NA meetings since March 8th. I am trying to stay focused on the ultimate prize/goal which is a sober life that fills me with happiness, freedom, and love. But for the past week iv been extremely irritable and annoyed. Everything is so dull and uneventful. I am miserable in recovery and in my addiction it seems. So how do I relax and chill out? Not have such an attitude to those around me? It is taking its toll on my poor boyfriend. But its hard for me to keep my patience. Sighhhhhh*** Iv known for a long time that one of the main reasons I use is because of my anxiety, pain, abandonment, and baggage I carry. I use dope to numb myself. I use the most powerful substance I can find that numbs all pain. So now that I dont have anything to block all of these feelings I need to learn how to forgive and forget and move on. I need help. I cannot progress alone. Some advice would be great. More than "just take it one day at a time" and "na is the way" because I know this. I need some words of wisdom that will inspire me to continue my recovery in a more positive way/mind set... To get past my bitterness to the world, especially my love ones. And to enlighten my soul and thoughts so I can be at peace.
Thanks to any who read and respond.
Much Blessings Peace&Love
AP

TheReader

Congratulations on your 12 days and your commitment to recovery.
The wonderful thing about a recovery community, whether it is AA, NA or SR, is the chance to understand how many of us have walked the same path. It has been amazing to me to read other stories and see myself. From a personal basis, I found posting here everyday reaching out for help and sharing my situation with others has elevated my mood. I am off opiates, in recovery, for about 95 days now. Did not ever use H, but every pill opiate off and on for years. Did it for the same reasons as you - to mask emotional pain. I also snapped at loved ones during those first few weeks off pills - but it gets better. Exercise also helps to relax and chill out - just a brisk walk if that is all you can do really makes a difference. Being with others, helping others, staying busy are also good ways to forget your own pain. Early in my recovery, I committed to a few hours at church event and realized afterward, it was the longest time period I had gone without thinking of using.
The road to recovery is not easy, but it is worth it. I am in a much better place today. I laugh again now at the simpliest things, which is also a great stress reliever. I did not realize how little I laughed over the years of using until I started laughing again the past month or so.
Keep posting and your SR friends will be here to offer support.

thejuiceman

Hey there and welcome. I won't beat around the bush. What did you expect? You're coming off heroin. You can't relax, things look bleak (at best) andlife sucks right now. Your heroin habit didn't happen in a week did it? So don't expect your recovery to happen in a week. You got yourself into this and now you have to get yourself out of it. Do NOT give in to anything no matter how bad it gets. Opiate addiction will test your limits and your will power and no amount of NA meetings will avoid that. If the meeting help, then go, if not, then don't, but either way its up to you and only you to quit. Be careful with suboxone and make sure that is right for you.
Now, buckle your chinstrap, lower your head and win. Don't let H beat you! Look at this as the fight of your life. It will suck, it will be grueling, but you need to fight and win. Don't relapse and don't give in. Bottomline.
Suboxone can be great, but its not a be all end all and quitting will still suck. It is what it is. I found the gym helpful. Eat right, take vitamin supplements and work out. Go give em hell

Sugah

Here's some hope: if you stay on the path you're on now, and yes, that includes taking the steps of NA (not just going to meetings), you'll be able to confront your past and yourself and learn to let go of it. If you use to keep from feeling what you're feeling, you only increase the weight of the baggage you're carrying around.

Early recovery is not easy. I could have written your post when I first got clean--miserable using, miserable being clean. What really helped me keep going was finding a good group with a lot of good, solid recovery. When I heard people say they'd been where I was and they're not there anymore, I wanted that. So I kept my feet on the path.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

MelissaNoDrugs

Remember how you felt this morning upon waking, knowing you stayed clean, and ARE clean today. That in itself should give you some sense of reward and accomplishment.

Getting clean is hard, and staying clean is hard too. There are some days that are just plain tough. Try to remember your goal, it's easy to forget when your mind wanders. And congrats on 12 days, thats impressive.

larrylive

Mellissa,.....I am still gonna say it, even though you beat me to it.

APCM:
" I am trying to stay focused on the ultimate prize/goal which is a sober life that fills me with happiness, freedom, and love."

Wow, that seems like an awfully big order for someone fresh out of addiction, as was so eloqently put by the previous poster, just think about today.

And keep up the good work

Larry

apcm

I really appreciate all of the feedback. After reading them all and taking some advice, today was a much better day. I got up early and stayed productive all day. Even went on a long walk. So as long as I dont sit in my room and sorrow, I know my days will be easier. My boyfriend even thanked me for my positive attitude today. So thanks again, and feel free to continue telling me your experiences and giving some perspective. It helps ALOT.
Blessings Peace&Love
AP

Impurrfect

(((apcm))) - I was irritable as can be, in early recovery. I'm a recovering crack addict, though did some time abusing the he!! out of opiates before discovering crack.

I was used to drama..had been homeless, hiding from the cops, etc. and I believe I was just as addicted to the drama of the addiction as I was the dope.

I was lucky to have a job, and I picked up another one. It took a while...can't tell you how long, but it was a while before I wasn't antsy with time on my hands. I spent a LOT of time on SR....reading other's posts, posting, etc. and that helped a lot.

I was told to make a gratitude list, and even that, I balked at and my first one was "I'm grateful I have a soft bed/pillow". That was it, and I said it through clenched teeth, still angry. FYI, I'd been in jail, a few times, and the "pillows/beds" are anything BUT soft. It didn't take long, though, before I could find all kinds of things to be grateful. It took hearing other's stories and looking for good things to get to that point.

Early recovery is tough, but it can be the last time you have to go through this. I still have the occasional days when the best I can think is "I got through the day clean", and you know what? That is absolutely awesome, after decades of abusing stuff, being a raging codependent (which made me want to numb myself out).

I'm glad you had a good day. Life doesn't instantly get better when we begin recovery, but it's a darned good feeling when we deal with it, clean.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy