I'm going cold-turkey from Oxycodone
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
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whew...they're gone...I flushed them...My body was getting sicker and sicker as I walked up to the pill bottle...I'd hidden it away in my closet...thank you SickButHappy, that really is just what I needed...thank you FailedTaper.
I'm canceling my appointment with the PM tomorrow. It's weird how I've reached this point mentally. Who knows what the future holds? I'm not thinking that far ahead...I'm taking it day to day. My point is this: tonight when I got home from work and my AddictVoice started talking to me, telling me to go take a 1/4 of a pill, it was the first time I had no rush, no feeling, no want, no desire to take a pill. It was like I looked at that part of me and said, you're dead...it's over...how strange?
Let's make sure that as long as we're here, we help and keep each other going...Much love...Much Support...
I'm canceling my appointment with the PM tomorrow. It's weird how I've reached this point mentally. Who knows what the future holds? I'm not thinking that far ahead...I'm taking it day to day. My point is this: tonight when I got home from work and my AddictVoice started talking to me, telling me to go take a 1/4 of a pill, it was the first time I had no rush, no feeling, no want, no desire to take a pill. It was like I looked at that part of me and said, you're dead...it's over...how strange?
Let's make sure that as long as we're here, we help and keep each other going...Much love...Much Support...
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
FAR OUT! (as we used to say in the 60's)
I mean it. I'm so glad SBH chimed in, because ultimately, even though it was your choice to flush that crap, it was a great help to have someone like him to give you that nudge.
Cancelling that doctor appointment was the right thing to do. Sometimes these guys (the doctors) don't recognize that they are "helping" us to kill ourselves.
Again, we're here, we're listening, we're with ya.
I mean it. I'm so glad SBH chimed in, because ultimately, even though it was your choice to flush that crap, it was a great help to have someone like him to give you that nudge.
Cancelling that doctor appointment was the right thing to do. Sometimes these guys (the doctors) don't recognize that they are "helping" us to kill ourselves.
Again, we're here, we're listening, we're with ya.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 124
I just took a walk outside, to get some air and clear my head and obviously this is on my mind 100%. I was thinking about your taper SBH and how I wish I could have done it that way, and then obviously FailedTaper's attempts at tapering. I've laid out my taper in previous posts. I basically gave myself a week to taper: Fri - Sun one pill, Mon - Thurs 1/2 pill, Friday 1/4 pill, now they are flushed.
I was also thinking of the vomiting. I've felt so nauseous. Honestly I could have thrown up today, had I wanted too. But the last time I went CT, I remember standing in the shower, in the morning before work, it hit me like a ton of bricks, brought me to my knees, I was puking in the shower. I couldn't get any air because there was so much puke, so vile, so overtaking, scared my stomach might come up, then out of my throat.
I was balling crying, moaning, vomiting..this stuff is crazy.
I remember getting sick too when I first started taking it. I'd wake up in the morning or middle of the night and puke while my body got adjusted to taking it. I knew full well then what I'd gotten myself into.
FailedTaper, don't be ashamed you work in the medical profession and this has happened to you. It's okay. You are human first before your profession. But I know what you mean by saying that and you're right, at least you have an understanding of this and what it does to everyone who takes it for any length of time.
I tell you what though, it feels good NOT having those pills in my house anymore...
One more thing SBH, the sneeze fits...what the heck is that? One thing I've learned is to lean over if you have to sneeze so it won't throw out your back. But they come on and on and on and on...yawning too, blurry vision...
i'll be back
I was also thinking of the vomiting. I've felt so nauseous. Honestly I could have thrown up today, had I wanted too. But the last time I went CT, I remember standing in the shower, in the morning before work, it hit me like a ton of bricks, brought me to my knees, I was puking in the shower. I couldn't get any air because there was so much puke, so vile, so overtaking, scared my stomach might come up, then out of my throat.
I was balling crying, moaning, vomiting..this stuff is crazy.
I remember getting sick too when I first started taking it. I'd wake up in the morning or middle of the night and puke while my body got adjusted to taking it. I knew full well then what I'd gotten myself into.
FailedTaper, don't be ashamed you work in the medical profession and this has happened to you. It's okay. You are human first before your profession. But I know what you mean by saying that and you're right, at least you have an understanding of this and what it does to everyone who takes it for any length of time.
I tell you what though, it feels good NOT having those pills in my house anymore...
One more thing SBH, the sneeze fits...what the heck is that? One thing I've learned is to lean over if you have to sneeze so it won't throw out your back. But they come on and on and on and on...yawning too, blurry vision...
i'll be back
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
LOL... SNEEZE FEST ... As in... to sneeze repeatedly without control for no earthly reason... only the pill knows and some sick mofo at Purdue...
The blurry vision is crazy... I just went to the eye doctor and at 45, my right eye has a slight stigma (sp?)... so no prescription needed. I have some cheater glasses for reading... again... some sick chemistry from the fine folks at Purdue.
Gotta' give Purdue credit - they figured out how to brand, market and sell what is essentially heroin... but hey, I dont blame Purdue - the world is filled with **** that can mess you up.
G2C is solid this evening - hang tough.
Taper - I'm confused. I thought you're clean now for five weeks?
PEACE!
The blurry vision is crazy... I just went to the eye doctor and at 45, my right eye has a slight stigma (sp?)... so no prescription needed. I have some cheater glasses for reading... again... some sick chemistry from the fine folks at Purdue.
Gotta' give Purdue credit - they figured out how to brand, market and sell what is essentially heroin... but hey, I dont blame Purdue - the world is filled with **** that can mess you up.
G2C is solid this evening - hang tough.
Taper - I'm confused. I thought you're clean now for five weeks?
PEACE!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
WHAT DOES THE NIGHT HAVE IN STORE FOR US? Another dozen sleepless hours?
I sure hope so - I haven't seen enough Law and Order this weekend!! LMAO
I did watch my favorite concert video today - David Gilmour - Live At Gdansk Shipyards... if you are a Floyd fan... you gotta' watch it... SMILE... POCKETFUL OF STONES... WEARING THE INSIDE OUT... Great stuff.
I sure hope so - I haven't seen enough Law and Order this weekend!! LMAO
I did watch my favorite concert video today - David Gilmour - Live At Gdansk Shipyards... if you are a Floyd fan... you gotta' watch it... SMILE... POCKETFUL OF STONES... WEARING THE INSIDE OUT... Great stuff.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Yes, I stopped the oxys on December 15th. So that 5 weeks and counting.
Maybe my descriptions were confusing? I stopped alcohol over 20 years ago, after drinking since a teenager. Then 10 years ago, my second recovery was from injectible drugs, got hooked during a time one of my kids was sick and we thought he was going to die, prolonged illness (he got better), about a 2 year "fling" with opiates. Then this time, I was on oxys for 2 years after 2 total knee replacements in 2009 and a hysterectomy in 2010 -- many doctors were prescribing me oxys, overlapping of course. I had a lot of stress in the Fall last year, which skyrocketed my use to the place I was getting sick in the wee hours of the morning when I starting withdrawing in the middle of the night, waking up in cold sweat, needing to dose myself and get up earlier and earlier. It was horrible. I was truly toxic. I never took it to go to sleep, or I wonder if I just would have died in my sleep.
Scared the f--- out of me. I was SO sick, but SO afraid to stop. Because I didn't think I would ever feel NOT sick again. I truly felt I would not be able to stop.
My whole story, or a lot of it anyway, is on the "oxycodone withdrawal help" thread, so I won't repeat the whole thing here.
Point for me is, this is my third recovery. How many do I have in me? I keep telling the story about the wise NA dude I met in my last recovery who told me, you never know how many recoveries you have in you. I'm over five weeks into this recovery. This one has been hardest one by far. I don't know if I could go through this again.
BUT -- I am doing it. I am not proud of what I did, and in my profession it can carry a stigma you can never shake.
Does that clear up the confusion?
Maybe my descriptions were confusing? I stopped alcohol over 20 years ago, after drinking since a teenager. Then 10 years ago, my second recovery was from injectible drugs, got hooked during a time one of my kids was sick and we thought he was going to die, prolonged illness (he got better), about a 2 year "fling" with opiates. Then this time, I was on oxys for 2 years after 2 total knee replacements in 2009 and a hysterectomy in 2010 -- many doctors were prescribing me oxys, overlapping of course. I had a lot of stress in the Fall last year, which skyrocketed my use to the place I was getting sick in the wee hours of the morning when I starting withdrawing in the middle of the night, waking up in cold sweat, needing to dose myself and get up earlier and earlier. It was horrible. I was truly toxic. I never took it to go to sleep, or I wonder if I just would have died in my sleep.
Scared the f--- out of me. I was SO sick, but SO afraid to stop. Because I didn't think I would ever feel NOT sick again. I truly felt I would not be able to stop.
My whole story, or a lot of it anyway, is on the "oxycodone withdrawal help" thread, so I won't repeat the whole thing here.
Point for me is, this is my third recovery. How many do I have in me? I keep telling the story about the wise NA dude I met in my last recovery who told me, you never know how many recoveries you have in you. I'm over five weeks into this recovery. This one has been hardest one by far. I don't know if I could go through this again.
BUT -- I am doing it. I am not proud of what I did, and in my profession it can carry a stigma you can never shake.
Does that clear up the confusion?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Why are we sneezing?
Opiates do something to all the mucous membrane linings in our body. The repiratory tract cilia, the digestive tract peristalsis, on and on.
When you stop the drug, you get a rebound effect, where the mucus membranes overproduce -- you get tearing (watery eyes, alternating with dry eyes), runny nose, lots of sneezing, post nasal drip that can make you cough or sneeze, mucus in your poop, adding to the diarrhea and stomach cramping that go with it. Your stomach alternates between being stopped up and pushing things through too fast. Your system kind of goes haywire as it struggles to reach a new equilibrium.
The brain chemicals do some of the same sort of thing. You get the racing thoughts, irrational thoughts, buzzing in your ears, blurred vision, sensitivity to light, headaches, sleeplessness, restless body, restless legs.
Your other body systems do other stuff I won't go into. But everything is affected by these drugs. The cardiovascular system is very sensitive, too, and you'll hear of crack users sometimes having a stroke because they have shot up their blood pressure so high so fast. The whole thing is pretty scary.
Did it scare me into stopping? Hell no. And I knew better. It took being sicker on the drug than I thought I would be off the drug to make me wake up and "get it" that I was killing myself. It isn't stupidity -- it's the irrational addict brain that convinces us that it is okay to keep using, no matter what the consequences. We just don't care. In some of us, we hit a wall beyond which we either get way worse -- change drugs, change routes (IV, snorting, etc), and get sicker. Or stop. I stopped.
Going2Change:
You're doing so great. Hang in there, dude. You have come so far so fast.
SBH:
You are awesome to grab onto your sensibility and make the choice to change your life. Your story speaks loudly to a lot of people here, I think.
When you stop the drug, you get a rebound effect, where the mucus membranes overproduce -- you get tearing (watery eyes, alternating with dry eyes), runny nose, lots of sneezing, post nasal drip that can make you cough or sneeze, mucus in your poop, adding to the diarrhea and stomach cramping that go with it. Your stomach alternates between being stopped up and pushing things through too fast. Your system kind of goes haywire as it struggles to reach a new equilibrium.
The brain chemicals do some of the same sort of thing. You get the racing thoughts, irrational thoughts, buzzing in your ears, blurred vision, sensitivity to light, headaches, sleeplessness, restless body, restless legs.
Your other body systems do other stuff I won't go into. But everything is affected by these drugs. The cardiovascular system is very sensitive, too, and you'll hear of crack users sometimes having a stroke because they have shot up their blood pressure so high so fast. The whole thing is pretty scary.
Did it scare me into stopping? Hell no. And I knew better. It took being sicker on the drug than I thought I would be off the drug to make me wake up and "get it" that I was killing myself. It isn't stupidity -- it's the irrational addict brain that convinces us that it is okay to keep using, no matter what the consequences. We just don't care. In some of us, we hit a wall beyond which we either get way worse -- change drugs, change routes (IV, snorting, etc), and get sicker. Or stop. I stopped.
Going2Change:
You're doing so great. Hang in there, dude. You have come so far so fast.
SBH:
You are awesome to grab onto your sensibility and make the choice to change your life. Your story speaks loudly to a lot of people here, I think.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Yo G2C... It's about 4 AM ET here... very rough night after what seemed like a great day... maybe the toughest night yet... sweats, vomiting, sneezing and what I guess is three hours of sleep.
Ok, I get it and now I am ******* mad as hell - mad at myself - gonna' ride this out and never ever ******* look back. I just keep telling myself how I got here and I don't ever want to come back.
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL - BE STRONG - STAY WITH ME!!
Ok, I get it and now I am ******* mad as hell - mad at myself - gonna' ride this out and never ever ******* look back. I just keep telling myself how I got here and I don't ever want to come back.
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL - BE STRONG - STAY WITH ME!!
Last edited by SickButHappy; 01-25-2011 at 12:58 AM. Reason: Day 4 Off Taper
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Originally Posted by SickButHappy 
Yo G2C... It's about 4 AM ET here... very rough night after what seemed like a great day... maybe the toughest night yet... sweats, vomiting, sneezing and what I guess is three hours of sleep.
Ok, I get it and now I am ******* mad as hell - mad at myself - gonna' ride this out and never ever ******* look back. I just keep telling myself how I got here and I don't ever want to come back.
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL - BE STRONG - STAY WITH ME!!
Ok, I get it and now I am ******* mad as hell - mad at myself - gonna' ride this out and never ever ******* look back. I just keep telling myself how I got here and I don't ever want to come back.
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL - BE STRONG - STAY WITH ME!!
Therefore, If I were you, I'd seriously consider dragging your sorry behind to a meeting of recovering addicts or alcoholics (same thing really) in your area tomorrow ...
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
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Hello....
FailedTaper: I actually would like to hear some more about what this medicine does to other parts of the body. It helps to hear all that stuff. I've known what it's been doing to me for a long time, robbing my soul, killing me...Please do tell more..
SickButHappy: It's 3:30am here and I too am wide awake. I've slept maybe 3 hours. I usually don't get restless leg, but I'm having it tonight, what a killer...? And the sneeze fits too..I've been having them all night. Mind is racing, no pills to take, woke up sweating. I may take a walk round my hood.
Thanks for the support. I need it bad. I'm not sure if I'll go back to sleep tonight or not...got to be at work by 7am...but at least I've slept some...and I'll still be sober. I know this is going to take a while I'm surprised I'm in the throes od WDs so much because of how little of the medicine I was taking at the end of my taper, however it was a week taper..I guess in hindsight I should have spread out the taper longer so my body could get used to so little of the medicine, maybe a two week taper, I'm just thankful I had one and I'm off now...
FailedTaper: 5 weeks seems like a year to me when I look that far ahead. I keep thinking what will it be like for me at 5 weeks..I aim to find out.
Much Love Much Support...
FailedTaper: I actually would like to hear some more about what this medicine does to other parts of the body. It helps to hear all that stuff. I've known what it's been doing to me for a long time, robbing my soul, killing me...Please do tell more..
SickButHappy: It's 3:30am here and I too am wide awake. I've slept maybe 3 hours. I usually don't get restless leg, but I'm having it tonight, what a killer...? And the sneeze fits too..I've been having them all night. Mind is racing, no pills to take, woke up sweating. I may take a walk round my hood.
Thanks for the support. I need it bad. I'm not sure if I'll go back to sleep tonight or not...got to be at work by 7am...but at least I've slept some...and I'll still be sober. I know this is going to take a while I'm surprised I'm in the throes od WDs so much because of how little of the medicine I was taking at the end of my taper, however it was a week taper..I guess in hindsight I should have spread out the taper longer so my body could get used to so little of the medicine, maybe a two week taper, I'm just thankful I had one and I'm off now...
FailedTaper: 5 weeks seems like a year to me when I look that far ahead. I keep thinking what will it be like for me at 5 weeks..I aim to find out.
Much Love Much Support...
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Agreed with G2C... I really like to hear all the chemistry involved from Taper... it kind of lets you connect the dots...
Don't know why... but don't have RLS during sleep - yet - I feel a little better now after some uncontrollable sobing and a few sneezing fits...
DAY 5 and 7 seem to be pretty big turnaround points for most people regardless of how much we were doing before we quit.
I think the same thing as before - you got to want this.
I DO and SO DOES G2C and TAPER.
PEACE!
Don't know why... but don't have RLS during sleep - yet - I feel a little better now after some uncontrollable sobing and a few sneezing fits...
DAY 5 and 7 seem to be pretty big turnaround points for most people regardless of how much we were doing before we quit.
I think the same thing as before - you got to want this.
I DO and SO DOES G2C and TAPER.
PEACE!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Posts: 765
Originally Posted by SickButHappy
Agreed with G2C... I really like to hear all the chemistry involved from Taper... it kind of lets you connect the dots...
Don't know why... but don't have RLS during sleep - yet - I feel a little better now after some uncontrollable sobing and a few sneezing fits...
DAY 5 and 7 seem to be pretty big turnaround points for most people regardless of how much we were doing before we quit.
I think the same thing as before - you got to want this.
I DO and SO DOES G2C and TAPER.
PEACE!
Don't know why... but don't have RLS during sleep - yet - I feel a little better now after some uncontrollable sobing and a few sneezing fits...
DAY 5 and 7 seem to be pretty big turnaround points for most people regardless of how much we were doing before we quit.
I think the same thing as before - you got to want this.
I DO and SO DOES G2C and TAPER.
PEACE!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
I want to be honest. I'm greedy. I am doing this for me and only me. If it inspires others, I think thats great. I put so much thought into this... fortunate enough that I can afford any medical intervention... rehab... yada yada...
Here's my point... I understand NA - anything that works for the individual is awesome. For me, I'm just not interested.
I made my choices - bad and now, good. I live with my life choices and I decided that I simply do not want to be a slave to pills that in the end - gave me nothing.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G
I think for those that are craving... and if I start to crave, then I will run to NA. Truthfully - I don't want pills and it's really that simple. Another factor was that I didnt realize I was hooked until I went to Music Fest last summer... went into withdrawls, but thought I was sick, like the flu - naive. I mean, I'm a guy who would never do heroin - never did, never considered it. Well, I might as well have been doing heroin - oxy is the same damn thing. I think that is important aspect that people dont understand... the Pharmacy can be a merchant of death just like a corner dealer.
BUT HERE WE ARE - DAY 4 ... That bitch W/D woke me up at 3:30 am ET... We cried, we laughed... I puked then a toilet run... She's dead in my eyes - I'm just not going back.
Another thing that helps is letting the people you got pills from that you are done - I wasnt nice about and one guy was a "friend" ... I can afford to lose some so-called friends over pills - doubt we were really friends afterall. Their loss, not mine.
Back to the mirror on the wall and my greedy self... with tears streaming down my face, my eyes sunken - I could see me, I am in there... just going to take some time.
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL - G2C MY BROTHER - HANG TOUGH - WE ARE DOING THIS SOLO... DON'T GIVE UP... WE ARE SO SO SO CLOSE TO TURNING A CORNER.
FLUIDS ... STAY HYDRATED PEOPLE!
PEACE!
Steve
PS - Just wanted to mention... I am sick... but I am happy - this is a good thing - it has to be - nothing in life is easy.
Here's my point... I understand NA - anything that works for the individual is awesome. For me, I'm just not interested.
I made my choices - bad and now, good. I live with my life choices and I decided that I simply do not want to be a slave to pills that in the end - gave me nothing.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G
I think for those that are craving... and if I start to crave, then I will run to NA. Truthfully - I don't want pills and it's really that simple. Another factor was that I didnt realize I was hooked until I went to Music Fest last summer... went into withdrawls, but thought I was sick, like the flu - naive. I mean, I'm a guy who would never do heroin - never did, never considered it. Well, I might as well have been doing heroin - oxy is the same damn thing. I think that is important aspect that people dont understand... the Pharmacy can be a merchant of death just like a corner dealer.
BUT HERE WE ARE - DAY 4 ... That bitch W/D woke me up at 3:30 am ET... We cried, we laughed... I puked then a toilet run... She's dead in my eyes - I'm just not going back.
Another thing that helps is letting the people you got pills from that you are done - I wasnt nice about and one guy was a "friend" ... I can afford to lose some so-called friends over pills - doubt we were really friends afterall. Their loss, not mine.
Back to the mirror on the wall and my greedy self... with tears streaming down my face, my eyes sunken - I could see me, I am in there... just going to take some time.
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU ALL - G2C MY BROTHER - HANG TOUGH - WE ARE DOING THIS SOLO... DON'T GIVE UP... WE ARE SO SO SO CLOSE TO TURNING A CORNER.
FLUIDS ... STAY HYDRATED PEOPLE!
PEACE!
Steve
PS - Just wanted to mention... I am sick... but I am happy - this is a good thing - it has to be - nothing in life is easy.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Hi Taper
Hi Sistah Taper... Question... Why are my pupils HUGE?
Whats up with that?
G2C... I sent you a PM and my phone number - call me dude, we can talk if you need.
STAY STRONG - I HAVE TO LOG OFF FOR AWHILE... MUST WORK TODAY.
PEACE!
Steve
Whats up with that?
G2C... I sent you a PM and my phone number - call me dude, we can talk if you need.
STAY STRONG - I HAVE TO LOG OFF FOR AWHILE... MUST WORK TODAY.
PEACE!
Steve
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Its the sympathetic nervous system kicking in the "fight or flight" response. That makes a bunch of other symptoms too -- diarrhea, sweating, rapid heart rate, etc. It is a brain chemical thing, like I talked about. In fact the brain chemical thing causes almost ALL of the sensory "screaming" your body is doing. Other body stuff: lung perfusion (mucus membrane thing again), leg cramps (electrolytes like calcium and potassium are lost with the sweating and diarrhea and vomiting you are doing, causing an imbalance and muscle twitching and cramping). That covers a lot of the symptoms. If you can think of a weird one, let me know and I'll try to explain it.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 139
Thank you taper!
Originally Posted by failedtaper
Its the sympathetic nervous system kicking in the "fight or flight" response. That makes a bunch of other symptoms too -- diarrhea, sweating, rapid heart rate, etc. It is a brain chemical thing, like I talked about. In fact the brain chemical thing causes almost ALL of the sensory "screaming" your body is doing. Other body stuff: lung perfusion (mucus membrane thing again), leg cramps (electrolytes like calcium and potassium are lost with the sweating and diarrhea and vomiting you are doing, causing an imbalance and muscle twitching and cramping). That covers a lot of the symptoms. If you can think of a weird one, let me know and I'll try to explain it.
Last night wasn't good... and after what was such a great day - but I knew this was a 30 day journey to just start to "begin" to be something normal.
I didn't know what I was getting into when I took that first Vic so many years ago, but I damn well knew how this would be...
HONEST? I thought it was going to be worse.
RINKY... Stock up on all the supplies and take the ride - do it for yourself - get mad - be scared - but dont be afraid to step off...
PEACE!
Steve
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