stayingstraight

Hi. I usually post on the alcoholic forum. I've been sober for 5 weeks tommorrow. The reason I am posting here is because I need some advice from people who know what they are talking about when it comes to a pill addict. It isn't me. My drug of choice is alcohol. It's my fiance. We have a long history and have been together for almost 7 years. We have been through it all. Jail, drinking, drugs, fights...you name it. We were seperated for 10 months because he decided to cheat on me and leave me for a younger woman about three years ago. That lasted about ten months and before you know it, he was right back on my doorstep begging for forgiveness. I have been more like a mother to him than a girlfriend. The thing is, he admitted to me that he had a problem with pills about 2 years ago. I watched him go through the withdrawals and stayed by his side to help him all I could. Mostly by just being there since there's really not a whole lot I could do. He kicked it and was clean for a while. Then about a year ago I started noticing the mood swings. And the crazy sleep schedule. The short interest span. The excessive energy that would last for two to three days and then he would be flat on his ass on my couch sleeping for two straight days. I questioned him. He got defensive and denied it and then turned it into a huge fight. I began to try to ignore it. I decided to just continue on with life as if nothing was going on. I was sick of it. I felt that if he wanted to kill himself on pills there was nothing I could do about it. Finally, about 2 months ago, he left the house in my car without telling anyone he was leaving. When we noticed he was gone, I checked my purse and my debit card was missing. I got on the computer and checked my account. He had stolen $60.00 out of it from an ATM machine. I cancelled the card. He came home an hour later and showed me the pills in his hand. He came clean with me. He got off the pills again and went back to work. Two days ago when I went in my bathroom I looked on my counter and noticed a white residual wiped from it. I toched my finger to my tongue and tasted it. It tasted bitter. I didn't say anything. Tonight when I went in the bathroom, I looked in the toilet and I saw a cut piece of a baggie floating on top of the water in the toilet. It wasn't really wet, so I snatched it out and questioned him about it. He of course denied it and and said it was old and came out of a pair of shorts he had worn a while back. I told him I didn't believe him. He said it was from a pair of shorts that I hadn't washed. I told him I have washed all his clothes. I told him I wanted him to leave and I didn't want to be with him anymore. He is expecting me to give him a ride to court tommorrow. Needless to say, I don't want to help him with anything. I'm tired of him lying to me. What should I do?...I don't feel very good.

Opivotal

stayingstraight,

Congrats on 5 weeks. Seems like you've helped and helped and helped your fiance. Does he have another way to get to court? If he does I would NOT take him. If he doesn't I would take him but would not do anything else except give him a ride. You've made a stand. He'll have to face the consequences for his behavior. I know its a long term relationship but if you keep letting him slide it will only get worse. I'm sure you know this already.

I hope you can find the strength to follow through with your decision .Your newly sober and I would hate to see you loose that. I'm newly divorced and finally got sober, almost 2 months. I have peace! I wish the same for you. Enough is Enough!

stayingstraight

Thanks for answering. It's really hard when I've been with someone so long and have allowed them to depend on me. I guess I'm co-dependent. I'm pretty much a nervous wreck right now. He found a ride to court. When I told him I already had plans to go to a free yoga class at the rec center this morning and renew my lease with my landlord, he got mad and said that his ex was a better friend now and was a better girlfriend to him when they were together. This morning I returned the engagement ring and told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. And maybe he should just give it to his ex and let her give him a ride. He got a ride from the same guy that picks him up for work in the morning. I told him that I now consider myself single and he should too. I'm sick of his crap. Thanks for listening. SS

Opivotal

SS,

I'm sorry, I know you must be very upset. It's not easy when you've been with someone for a while. From your posts it doesn't sound like he treats you very well. Sounds like you've been doing all the giving. Like you said maybe co-dependent. You will get through this. Hold your head up and don't let his words effect you. He's manipulating you. He stole from you, broke your heart, lied etc. Do you have someone to talk to?
I guess your the only one that can put an end to this. Just like you did when you decided to quit drinking. You'll know when you've had enough.

Hang in there.......your strong. Feel free to contact me if you need to talk.

gunslinger

I apologize for being blunt. I am an addict with a Non wife. My advice--RUN, RUN, and RUN some more. Do not look back. Give him TIME (min 2 years) to prove he CAN BE CLEAN ON HIS OWN.
Run my dear, Run.

/GS

stayingstraight

Wow. Really. And this is coming from someone who knows first hand what I'm talking about. Run. Wow. I know I should have done that at least 6 years ago. Before I became emotionally and financially in the hole. I appreciate bluntness. Sometimes theres just no other way to say things.

stayingstraight

I wish his boss would send him out of town to work. It would be nice to have a break. I went to that yoga class. It was nice. I had never been to yoga class before. I felt like I had worked out afterwards. Then I went and signed my new lease. My long time friend came with me to the class and to sign the lease. Then we went back to her house and just sat on her porch for a little while. I guess I'll see what this afternoon brings when he comes back.

Opivotal

ss,

Yoga is something I've wanted to try for a long time. Think I'll check it out. Are you moving out on your own? Not trying to pry. I'm glad you have a buddy to help you out with whats going on. The tension must be diffucult for you.

I commend you on not drinking. You probably do need some time to yourself. Hard to sort things out with him being there. My thoughts are with you ss.

Dee74

I think - you probably have too many threads open on this Stayin'

Stayings got an open thread here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-symptoms.html

I think that's probably the best place for the discussion to continue

D