I'm Back
 

Hello People,
I have not posted on this site since March. I had gone to rehab twice in one month for heroin addiction. Snorting version. I was very afraid to come home from rehab knowing my husband was at home still sniffing the stuff. We decided he would enter rehab the same day I got out. He did. Although I was worried he was not ready, I has high hopes. As soon as he got home from rehab he has his drug dealer on the way to the house. I was so pissed. Now here I was, 14 days clean, still feeling like sh_t with the stuff right under my nose. Do I need to go on? What a weakling I am. So here I am, back at your site, feeling sorry for myself. I am 5 days clean as of today, doing it on my own. No rehab. Suffering it out along with my husband. I told him I would leave him if we could not get off this crap. My need to be normal again far outweighs my desire to keep up this habit. It is so hard to put up with the withdrawal process but I NEED TO DO THIS! Hubby keeps begging me to just get one more gram. "Oh come on Terri he says, we can wean ourselves off" Do you know how many times I have heard that one? I will continue to say No to him and in a week or so I know we will feel better. So people, I just needed to come here to speak my mind since I cannot talk about it with anyone. Thanks for listening.
Terri

Hi Terri,

I've been here for a couple of months so didn't know you before but I'm glad to meet you.

It sounds like you're having a rough time and I'm sorry for you. It sounds like you're doing a great job though and are very determined. I don't know what to say about the hubby though. I know for me (I'm an alcoholic) I never could have stopped if we had alcohol in the house, never mind if my husband was encouraging me to drink. It sounds like you're ready to quit for good and I encourage you every step of the way.

Hang around here when you need someone to talk to. There's always someone around.

Love, Anna

Hi Terri, and welcome back! Congratulations on your 5 days - that is awesome! I am 60 days clean myself and I live with an active addict, so I know how hard this is for you. Even though your husband is not taking your recovery seriously, it sounds like you are and that is truly a miracle. You say that your need to be normal again far outweighs your desire to keep up this habit - keep that front and centre in your mind.

Terri, although you're not going back to rehab, have you considered attending NA meetings? You will get so much support from other recovering addicts by doing so - people who understand what you're going through and who will be so willing to reach out and help you.

Please keep coming back, Terri - we are here for you and we care.

Hi Terri,

I am glad to see you back also. I can only imagine what kind of struggle you are going through right now. It would be very hard for me to stay clean in a situation like that.

I am very proud of you, but as Margo says I think you need to get some kind of outside support in the form of meetings, counseling, out-patient treatment, whatever.

Your right that you will both feel better in a few weeks, and I too know that old story of, "well, I'll just get some more so I can wean myself off." NOT. That is a big lie we tell ourselves.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. You are always welcome here.

Juls