Pothead help please?
 

AExBF says he sees all the negative things. All the bad things, but he's not ready to stop yet. He knows he has a problem, but isn't ready to stop. Doesn't think it's possible to just stop. (I think it's 'cause of ALL his friends)

If he wants me in his life I told him that we need to talk about this whole situation. I kinda have a plan to get him to really really cut back, and stick to it, and maybe see how dumb he's being.

Part of the deal is that he joins this site, or at the very least comes on in with me a couple times. Anyone willing to talk with him?

I'd be happy to talk to him, don't really know that it would do any good, but feel free to have him PM me if you'd like. I can definately speak to the negative overall effects of smoking a lot of pot long term. (20+ years, 1/8 oz a day) I've been clean about 2 months now, though I do still struggle with occasional drinking which in my heart I know I need to give up as well. There are probably many other's who have "better recovery" than me, but I can definately share with him what 20 years of smoking pot has lost me.

In the end, as I know you've been told before, he is the only one who can make the choice. It's not like I didn't know my smoking was a problem for even the last 10 or so years, it's just that I was unwilling to do anything about it. Why? I don't know. My theripist asked me that question yesterday and while it seems so simple now that I'm clean, it wasn't at the time. Good luck and take care.

I would greatly appreciate if you would talk to him. The negative affects are already starting to really get to him. His memory is shot. His thought capacity is much lower. He speaks much much slower. He loses his breath much faster. H-ll....the sex life was affected..is affected.

He really doesn't think clear anymore. He's willing to let us lose our relationship because he knows that it bothers me that he smokes weed still. That just makes me so sad...

I'm from BC too, and i was a pothead some years ago. I stopped because it was screwing with my memory real bad (making an utter fool of me).

Some people think pots no big deal, but it really does F with the mind and soul.

He's noticed the same thing. Along with a lot of other things. It bothers him a lot. But he thinks he's not ready to quit yet. Even though it's f-cked with everything. And put his relationships at risk.

I just don't think that you can get someone else to be ready. Unfortunately, you can't control his addiction. You didn't cause it. And you can't cure it.

By bringing him on here, your ability to post without him being able to see you when he wants to will be ruined, and you may not be able to be as honest as a result. So your recovery from codependency, which you've made some small steps on here, will be compromised. It will cut off one more avenue you have to get help for you.

Think carefully before you bring him on here. Some things in your life need to be just about you. Is this one of them?

Love,
KJ

kj is right. I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 9 months clean. Obviously my husband and family wanted me to quit...and had I quit when they wanted me to, I'd have years of clean time...not months. My husband threatened to leave me constantly. I didn't care...it wasn't those threats that made me quit. Bottom line, I was going to die if I didn't quit. So I surrendered and checked into rehab. Best gift that I ever gave myself.
He can't quit for you...it's got to be for himself, otherwise it won't stick.

Penny

this thread is making me hungry and I JUST ATE !

dangit

Hi honey, i'm here for you if you need anything else. Good luck!

KJ - I know that. But I know this boy pretty well. I have this feeling that he just doesn't think he can stop. Or something. If I bring him on here, it would be on my account while I'm there. But even if it's on his own, I won't sensor anything. I honestly don't have anything to hide from him.

Dsot - Thanks hon! I appreciate it. You've been such a great help =)

I know that I truly, in my heart of hearts, did not think I could stop. I started seeing a new theripist and when I told her all of the awful things I've gone though because I insisted on continuing to smoke, she asked me, "why didn't you just stop?" It was a good question, because eventually that is what I did, but not before I wrecked terible destruction on myself and the relationships of many of those closest to me. I didn't have an answer for her. I was to the point where I tried to take my own life because I really didn't think I could stop, and I knew I couldnt' keep going the way I was. But even after that dramatic event, I still continued. I wasn't 2 hrs out of the mental ward before I slipped away and got a half oz.

It would probably help him to see a good theripist, but the cold hard facts are, unless he is ready to quit, there is nothing you can do. I sure wish I had more hopeful advice than that, but that is all I really know. And as I can't really tell you exactly what made me stop, other than a location change and upcoming drug screens for a new job, I sure can't suggest what it is going to be that makes him stop. The best thing for you is to protect yourself (I believe you are in recovery as well?) and try to be there for him when and if he is ready to make an honest attempt. Best of luck. Take care.