Addicted friend hates me now
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
ksaun,
I hated everyone and everything around me when I was using. I was in my own little world and I never spent time with anyone 'straight'. I couldn't be around anyone not using cause it just made me feel like sh!t, to be honest. My self esteem was shattered cause I knew what I was...an addict.
So I'm sure your friend doesn't hate you...she hates that she's NOT you.
When and if she gets clean, she will realize that you were there for her and she will make amends to you for how she treated you.
In the meantime live your life and pray for hers...be there if she needs you, but only if she's going in the direction of sobriety.
:praying
Penny
I hated everyone and everything around me when I was using. I was in my own little world and I never spent time with anyone 'straight'. I couldn't be around anyone not using cause it just made me feel like sh!t, to be honest. My self esteem was shattered cause I knew what I was...an addict.
So I'm sure your friend doesn't hate you...she hates that she's NOT you.
When and if she gets clean, she will realize that you were there for her and she will make amends to you for how she treated you.
In the meantime live your life and pray for hers...be there if she needs you, but only if she's going in the direction of sobriety.
:praying
Penny
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,486
So why didn't she want me to even care about her?
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
Peace,
Missy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Ksaun, I don't think your friend hates you. I think she hates herself, and her addiction. It seems to me like she was trying to turn all of this around on you. She upsets you, and then when you say something, she gets mad at you. Addicts don't really care about much more than where they are getting money, and drugs from. It's sad but true. Relationships end, and people move on. Why don't you go find a friend, who is not a heroin addict. You might be co-dependant. And feel the need to be needed by her. Find a healthy friendship. She is doing you a big favor, don't let it bother you so much. Eventually she will rob you, or drain you dry, if she doesn't get help. Heroin is very powerful, and it turns the nicest human beings into lying, stealing criminals. Sorry your dealing with this. Let go of the friendship. It sounds pretty one sided to me anyway.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
The main thing I want to emphasize here is that a non addict will never be able to completely understand the mind of an addict. WE don't even understand what lead us to all of the behaviors we had when we were in active addiction. I know I look back at things I did and say to myself, "Why the hell did I EVER. . . ."
That's why addiction is called cunning, baffling and powerful.
To be honest, when I first got the drugs and alcohol out of my system and began at the Methadone Clinic as well as Intensive Outpatient, Meetings . . . it was a hard time. Even though I was on Methadone, I still had all of the emotions come at me full force because I was no longer medicating them. Many people think that just stopping the drugs is enough, it's only the beginning. It took us a great deal of time to get where we were when we realized we needed help and began to get it, so it's going to take a lot of time for anyone in Recovery to begin to start feeling "normal."
If you haven't spoken to her in a few weeks, how can you be so certain that she still hates you? (Again, I don't think it's hate) If she is completely clean, she is going through a great deal right now and to be honest, your friendship probably isn't a top priority to her. I'm not saying that to be mean, us addicts have a great deal to work on, especially in early Recovery. She may also be ashamed and embarressed by the way she treated you. It's hard to go to the people we hurt and face them. If she's working any kind of a Program that includes the 12 Steps, the time will come when she will need to come to you and make amends. But not for you. For herself. Just like we are selfish in active addiction, we have to be selfish in a different way when we are in Recovery and put that first and foremost.
Give it time, you can't rush this.
God Bless,
Judy
That's why addiction is called cunning, baffling and powerful.
What was it like for you once you finally got clean? Did you try to fix those relationships you destroyed or reconnect with the ones you pushed away? And if so how long did that take? Was it months, years, decades?
If you haven't spoken to her in a few weeks, how can you be so certain that she still hates you? (Again, I don't think it's hate) If she is completely clean, she is going through a great deal right now and to be honest, your friendship probably isn't a top priority to her. I'm not saying that to be mean, us addicts have a great deal to work on, especially in early Recovery. She may also be ashamed and embarressed by the way she treated you. It's hard to go to the people we hurt and face them. If she's working any kind of a Program that includes the 12 Steps, the time will come when she will need to come to you and make amends. But not for you. For herself. Just like we are selfish in active addiction, we have to be selfish in a different way when we are in Recovery and put that first and foremost.
Give it time, you can't rush this.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 74
If you haven't spoken to her in a few weeks, how can you be so certain that she still hates you?
But I do agree, I have to let go and will continue to stay away for her sake and mine. The last thing I want is to make it more difficult on her if she is indeed on the path to recovery. The only thing I ever wanted was for her to get clean and sober. So she can have a good life and get her daughter back.
Thanks for all the insight into what she is going through and what might be going on in her head. It really helped.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by kj3880 
Yes, it sounds like typical addict behavior. Actually, it sounds like typical disfunctional-person defensive behavior. When we know we have wronged someone and we have a disfunctional style of relating to others, we become angry with them. This allows us to take the focus off of what we did and our guilty feelings about it and just feel anger instead. It's part of the codependency dance.
She's doing you a big favor by leaving you alone at this point. Windy is right, if you keep hanging out with her, you will end up "catching fleas."
Probably she will bring her needles or drugs into your car when you give her a ride one day and you could get pulled over. Then she'll ditch it under the seat while the officer is walking up to the car. Then maybe he'll spot the syringe poking out from under the seat and lock you up and impound the car permanently.
Or, while she's crying on your shoulder, she'll pick your back pocket.
Either way, cut her loose until she gets clean for a while.
Love,
KJ
She's doing you a big favor by leaving you alone at this point. Windy is right, if you keep hanging out with her, you will end up "catching fleas."
Probably she will bring her needles or drugs into your car when you give her a ride one day and you could get pulled over. Then she'll ditch it under the seat while the officer is walking up to the car. Then maybe he'll spot the syringe poking out from under the seat and lock you up and impound the car permanently.
Or, while she's crying on your shoulder, she'll pick your back pocket.
Either way, cut her loose until she gets clean for a while.
Love,
KJ
I have a friend that I stuck by for a year and a half no matter how badly I was treated and the addict would say how I was the only one that was always there and his closest friends washes their hands of him
In the end he became threatening and he was so mad at me ???? and we now have no contact but the nice one gets cut off and the "friends" don't....is it because I'm softer than them and they have a no ******** attitude?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, CCMT.
Welcome to SR.
Just want to point out that you have posted to a thread that goes back to 2009.
Don’t think the original poster is here any more.
Please feel free to start your own thread if you like.
I’m sure you will get responses.
Welcome to SR.
Just want to point out that you have posted to a thread that goes back to 2009.
Don’t think the original poster is here any more.
Please feel free to start your own thread if you like.
I’m sure you will get responses.
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