Something's really bothering me about my NA meeting...
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Something's really bothering me about my NA meeting...
I've been attending this NA meeting for the last four weeks. The first night, it was good. But the last three, there's been the same people that bring their young children. But last night was ridiculous. It was more like a daycare than a meeting. This lady's 4 year old son was out of control, while the other lady's 7 year old girl did cart wheels around the room for the hour. We were supposed to be having a candlelight meeting, but the boy kept blowing the candle out, running around, screaming, then the both kept turning the lights on and off.
If I had to attend another meeting like this....I'd probably leave and go use! (joking)
The same women talk about nothing pertaining to recovery and talk about their jobs every week. I try to speak about something that's bothering me relating to using, craving, etc. and get no feedback...never! And I don't offer any feedback because they never talk about anything concerning recovery.
While I was in rehab, we went to outside meetings 5 nights a week. Not one of them were like this one. They were very organized.
Here's my question...Is there not some sort of protocol for these meetings. My dad has been in AA for years... goes to meetings every week and he said that this was inexcusable.
I appreciate any feedback
If I had to attend another meeting like this....I'd probably leave and go use! (joking)
The same women talk about nothing pertaining to recovery and talk about their jobs every week. I try to speak about something that's bothering me relating to using, craving, etc. and get no feedback...never! And I don't offer any feedback because they never talk about anything concerning recovery.
While I was in rehab, we went to outside meetings 5 nights a week. Not one of them were like this one. They were very organized.
Here's my question...Is there not some sort of protocol for these meetings. My dad has been in AA for years... goes to meetings every week and he said that this was inexcusable.
I appreciate any feedback
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
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Sounds like you need to find another meeting in your area. I myself love children, and I think they are adorable, and they always do things that they shouldn't. But it's the mothers job to watch them, and make sure they sit and color or something. I also don't think an NA meeting is the place for a 4 year old, or a 7 year old. I would never want to expose my child to any of that at such a young age. I mean don't get me wrong. There is a time and a place for everything. And an NA meeting is not the place for young children that are not well behaved, and not being disciplined by their moms. Sounds like they run the show there, and you need to find a more serious meeting in your area. Most NA meetings are well run, and organized. I doubt that you will find anything like that in a new spot. Let us know how you make out. Peace
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by change4penny 
I've been attending this NA meeting for the last four weeks. The first night, it was good.
I'm curious, what was good about the first one? Were the women not present with the children? Were the children well behaved at the first meeting? What made it so different that it made you want to come back?
Fortunately, most of us have several meetings from which we may choose and I agree with the other posters that you should choose another if you get nothing from this one.
One of the NA meetings that I attend is chaired by a guy who brings his ten-year-old son. When he asks for all those with a year or more clean time to raise their hands to show that the program works, his son raises his hand. It's cute of course, but it also contains a message... children of addicts (who seem to be predisposed to addiction) who attend NA meetings with their parents may very well get the tools they need early in life to stay clean and to not be doomed to repeat the fate of their parents.
That being said, I am the mother of three boys who were taught how to behave in public.
At the few meetings that I have attended where young children are present, there seems to be some type of cooperation between those who know each other well and they all pitch in to assist in the care of the children, which helps the parents to get something from the meetings as well.
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
All meetings seem to be different...at the ones I go to it is pretty much standard to include the phrase "If you have children with you in attendance..you are responsible for keeping them quiet"....Most of the folks with kids really respect it too..
Sometimes if a mom is having a hard time I take the kids...IF she is struggling and really needs to listen and share...I mean I am all about helping people with kids...I make mine be respectful...Chance often sits in the secretary seats and does the money thing..he has been going since he was BORN though so.....
What you can do..is attend the buisness meeting...and bring this issue up ...
Theres a lesson in this for you somewhere..I just get that feeling..
I love you Penny...you have become a good inspiration to ole lazy butt me!!!
love north
Sometimes if a mom is having a hard time I take the kids...IF she is struggling and really needs to listen and share...I mean I am all about helping people with kids...I make mine be respectful...Chance often sits in the secretary seats and does the money thing..he has been going since he was BORN though so.....
What you can do..is attend the buisness meeting...and bring this issue up ...
Theres a lesson in this for you somewhere..I just get that feeling..
I love you Penny...you have become a good inspiration to ole lazy butt me!!!
love north
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I would find another meeting. Maybe the mothers in that meeting really need those meetings and have no one to care for their kids.
I do understand your frustration, but there are so many meetings. I hope you find one that is good for you.
I do understand your frustration, but there are so many meetings. I hope you find one that is good for you.
Now with fewer opiates!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,405
My home group has one little girl that loves to pass the basket. Even that pissed me off for a bit (I love children...fried in butter with a lemon wedge). But I can find enough positive things that keep me going back.
Also, it's not unusual in meetings I attend for people to talk about life issues like jobs, and not to speak only using, cravings, etc. Hell, I've done it. It does concern my recovery. I expect, as people get more recovery, less talk about drugs of choice, wanting to use, etc.
If it bothers you, stop going. Ain't worth the lost hour. Find a diff-o group.
Originally Posted by change4penny
And I don't offer any feedback because they never talk about anything concerning recovery.
If it bothers you, stop going. Ain't worth the lost hour. Find a diff-o group.
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Thanks guys for your responses,
Don't get me wrong...I love kids and understand that the need may arise on occasion for a parent to bring a child to a meeting, but at this meeting it's every week. My feelings on how they (the kids) acted would be the same if I'd been in the doctors office. As the mother of teenage boys, they were never allowed to act that way and if they had, there would have been consequences. I would never allow my kids to have acted this way during something as important as an NA meeting. My feelings are that the parents of these kids are very disrespectful and that's where their kids get it. Now, it would be one thing to bring your kids to the meeting, and they sat quietly and colored or read a book, but if you know your child is gonna be that disruptive, then I don't think you should bring them.
Christin...The first meeting there, I did enjoy it because there were a wide variety of people there I felt that I could relate to. Those same people were not there the last 3 weeks...Probably because of the kids. One man that was beside me at this last meeting...He was very annoyed and I'll bet he won't be at the next meeting either.
Bear....I understand that people will talk about jobs, husbands/wive, kids, etc. at meetings. But, I believe if someone has a question or comment about drug cravings, issues of wanting to use, etc. that that topic should be addressed and responded to. After someone reads in the daily reflection book we're asked if we'd like to respond to that reading also. If everyone there only talks about everyday things about life, such as, jobs, economy, families and if it's not leading to a discussion about drugs or wanting to use, then someone who's there for help is not gonna get it. That's not an NA meeting, that just a 'bi+ch session' about every day life.
North...what can I say...love you to girl!
I'm checking out a new meeting next week!
Thanks ya'll!
Don't get me wrong...I love kids and understand that the need may arise on occasion for a parent to bring a child to a meeting, but at this meeting it's every week. My feelings on how they (the kids) acted would be the same if I'd been in the doctors office. As the mother of teenage boys, they were never allowed to act that way and if they had, there would have been consequences. I would never allow my kids to have acted this way during something as important as an NA meeting. My feelings are that the parents of these kids are very disrespectful and that's where their kids get it. Now, it would be one thing to bring your kids to the meeting, and they sat quietly and colored or read a book, but if you know your child is gonna be that disruptive, then I don't think you should bring them.
Christin...The first meeting there, I did enjoy it because there were a wide variety of people there I felt that I could relate to. Those same people were not there the last 3 weeks...Probably because of the kids. One man that was beside me at this last meeting...He was very annoyed and I'll bet he won't be at the next meeting either.
Bear....I understand that people will talk about jobs, husbands/wive, kids, etc. at meetings. But, I believe if someone has a question or comment about drug cravings, issues of wanting to use, etc. that that topic should be addressed and responded to. After someone reads in the daily reflection book we're asked if we'd like to respond to that reading also. If everyone there only talks about everyday things about life, such as, jobs, economy, families and if it's not leading to a discussion about drugs or wanting to use, then someone who's there for help is not gonna get it. That's not an NA meeting, that just a 'bi+ch session' about every day life.
North...what can I say...love you to girl!
I'm checking out a new meeting next week!
Thanks ya'll!
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My own experience, strength, and hope...
1.) Noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you are not looking at your own issues.
2.) Absolutely, seek out other meetings, and go to them BOTH.
1.) Noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you are not looking at your own issues.
2.) Absolutely, seek out other meetings, and go to them BOTH.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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For me, there's a huge difference between a parent possibly needing to bring a child/children to a meeting occasionally, and someone who consistently brings kids who are out of control during the meeting. I've experienced both.
I had to take my youngest daughter with me more than once, and she always had her bag with coloring books, crayons, etc, and sat quietly.
I find too often there is a blind eye and apathy that is mistakenly stated as tolerance for things that should not be tolerated in a meeting.
Just my two cents.
I had to take my youngest daughter with me more than once, and she always had her bag with coloring books, crayons, etc, and sat quietly.
I find too often there is a blind eye and apathy that is mistakenly stated as tolerance for things that should not be tolerated in a meeting.
Just my two cents.
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tommyk
O.k. I just gotta make a comment:
It's statements like these that put people off to going to meetings.
1) noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you're not looking at your own issues.
I love attending Na meetings and I KNOW I AM AN ADDICT. So when I go, I'm still aware of my issues.
As I said before....these kids would have annoyed me at a doctors office, grocery store, etc.
So, I can't focus on 'my issues' when chaos is irrupting at an NA meeting by children and parents that refuse to control them.
I find that these 'blanket statements' pertaining to NA by hardcore na'ers wind having adverse effects on the person seeking help through NA. I mean, you can't say anything negative without it becoming a 'you issue'.
Lets face it...life goes on and yes, even in aa/na, there are gonna be ppl that you disagree with and don't get along with.
Penny
O.k. I just gotta make a comment:
It's statements like these that put people off to going to meetings.
1) noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you're not looking at your own issues.
I love attending Na meetings and I KNOW I AM AN ADDICT. So when I go, I'm still aware of my issues.
As I said before....these kids would have annoyed me at a doctors office, grocery store, etc.
So, I can't focus on 'my issues' when chaos is irrupting at an NA meeting by children and parents that refuse to control them.
I find that these 'blanket statements' pertaining to NA by hardcore na'ers wind having adverse effects on the person seeking help through NA. I mean, you can't say anything negative without it becoming a 'you issue'.
Lets face it...life goes on and yes, even in aa/na, there are gonna be ppl that you disagree with and don't get along with.
Penny
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
Penny,
Can I ever relate, we as a group let a woman bring her kids to the meetings and it went pretty well until the group grew and in about 6 months it was out of control. WE would sometimes have six drunks and 20 kids no joke they would even bring friends. I let it eat at me when I should have just sought a diffferent group. I also burnt more than a few bridges by chastising some of the little kids.
Can I ever relate, we as a group let a woman bring her kids to the meetings and it went pretty well until the group grew and in about 6 months it was out of control. WE would sometimes have six drunks and 20 kids no joke they would even bring friends. I let it eat at me when I should have just sought a diffferent group. I also burnt more than a few bridges by chastising some of the little kids.
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Originally Posted by change4penny
tommyk
O.k. I just gotta make a comment:
It's statements like these that put people off to going to meetings.
1) noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you're not looking at your own issues.
I love attending Na meetings and I KNOW I AM AN ADDICT. So when I go, I'm still aware of my issues.
As I said before....these kids would have annoyed me at a doctors office, grocery store, etc.
So, I can't focus on 'my issues' when chaos is irrupting at an NA meeting by children and parents that refuse to control them.
I find that these 'blanket statements' pertaining to NA by hardcore na'ers wind having adverse effects on the person seeking help through NA. I mean, you can't say anything negative without it becoming a 'you issue'.
Lets face it...life goes on and yes, even in aa/na, there are gonna be ppl that you disagree with and don't get along with.
Penny
O.k. I just gotta make a comment:
It's statements like these that put people off to going to meetings.
1) noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you're not looking at your own issues.
I love attending Na meetings and I KNOW I AM AN ADDICT. So when I go, I'm still aware of my issues.
As I said before....these kids would have annoyed me at a doctors office, grocery store, etc.
So, I can't focus on 'my issues' when chaos is irrupting at an NA meeting by children and parents that refuse to control them.
I find that these 'blanket statements' pertaining to NA by hardcore na'ers wind having adverse effects on the person seeking help through NA. I mean, you can't say anything negative without it becoming a 'you issue'.
Lets face it...life goes on and yes, even in aa/na, there are gonna be ppl that you disagree with and don't get along with.
Penny
Take what you want and leave the rest, no hardcome NA'er here, just a guy seeking recovery day by day!
Keep coming back!
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Bagger
You know, I'm not a child abuser, but there was a kid in that room that night that was 4 years old with a pacifier in his mouth, running around out of control. My dogs behave better. (hmmm wonder what they'd think if I bring them)
The mom just sat there and spent 20 minutes talking about how her husband didn't want to watch him...(no wonder)
I don't blame the kids: I blame the parents. If the parents are lazy and don't correct the kids, what do they expect? It's a lot easier doing nothing than it is to stay on them and teach manners.
Thanks Bagger....Lord know I nearly chewed my tongue off that night!
(brat...lol)
penny
You know, I'm not a child abuser, but there was a kid in that room that night that was 4 years old with a pacifier in his mouth, running around out of control. My dogs behave better. (hmmm wonder what they'd think if I bring them)
The mom just sat there and spent 20 minutes talking about how her husband didn't want to watch him...(no wonder)
I don't blame the kids: I blame the parents. If the parents are lazy and don't correct the kids, what do they expect? It's a lot easier doing nothing than it is to stay on them and teach manners.
Thanks Bagger....Lord know I nearly chewed my tongue off that night!
(brat...lol)penny
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
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Wadr.
Hardcore NA’er?
Be careful what you put down. One day if you follow the program, who knows, that might be you. It works if you work it.
And if you let the program work, you will start to look at life with different eyes, for an example. Today I have more tolerance and I look at life this way. Those are mothers that at one time before they found recovery in the rooms of NA was out there in la la land using there choice of drugs and neglecting there children/s in one form or another.
Now that these same mothers are trying to be productive human beings of society and responsible parents to there children everyone has a problem with them bringing kids to a meeting? Did you forget were you came from?
Remember one thing when you go back to that meeting. These are people just like you who are leaning how to live life without drugs, have burned many bridges and some are re-leaning to be parents again.
The next meeting will be, I cant stand people who are texting? This is a you issue, not a them issue. Recovery starts and ends with you. Not every one in the rooms is talking about everything except recovery. Find the winners and stick with them.
Ivan
Hardcore NA’er?
Be careful what you put down. One day if you follow the program, who knows, that might be you. It works if you work it.
And if you let the program work, you will start to look at life with different eyes, for an example. Today I have more tolerance and I look at life this way. Those are mothers that at one time before they found recovery in the rooms of NA was out there in la la land using there choice of drugs and neglecting there children/s in one form or another.
Now that these same mothers are trying to be productive human beings of society and responsible parents to there children everyone has a problem with them bringing kids to a meeting? Did you forget were you came from?
Remember one thing when you go back to that meeting. These are people just like you who are leaning how to live life without drugs, have burned many bridges and some are re-leaning to be parents again.
The next meeting will be, I cant stand people who are texting? This is a you issue, not a them issue. Recovery starts and ends with you. Not every one in the rooms is talking about everything except recovery. Find the winners and stick with them.
Ivan
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Just because we are addicts does not mean we have no common sense, and you're right, it is a 'me issue' cause I am fighting for my life, just like the next addict.
Do you think that just because we are in NA that it makes us exempt from human emotions and common decency?
Do you think that I alone was the only person in that meeting that wasn't annoyed.
I know where these women have been cause I've been there so I know the importance of going to meetings. I also know that because of these distractions, they aren't getting what they came there for and could possibly not come back.
Penny
Do you think that just because we are in NA that it makes us exempt from human emotions and common decency?
Do you think that I alone was the only person in that meeting that wasn't annoyed.
I know where these women have been cause I've been there so I know the importance of going to meetings. I also know that because of these distractions, they aren't getting what they came there for and could possibly not come back.
Penny
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Originally Posted by change4penny
tommyk
O.k. I just gotta make a comment:
It's statements like these that put people off to going to meetings.
1) noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you're not looking at your own issues.
I KNOW I AM AN ADDICT. So when I go, I'm still aware of my issues.
As I said before....these kids would have annoyed me at a doctors office, grocery store, etc.
So, I can't focus on 'my issues' when chaos is irrupting at an NA meeting by children and parents that refuse to control them.
I find that these 'blanket statements' pertaining to NA by hardcore na'ers wind having adverse effects on the person seeking help through NA. I mean, you can't say anything negative without it becoming a 'you issue'.
Penny
O.k. I just gotta make a comment:
It's statements like these that put people off to going to meetings.
1) noticing distractions during meetings can be an indication that you're not looking at your own issues.
I KNOW I AM AN ADDICT. So when I go, I'm still aware of my issues.
As I said before....these kids would have annoyed me at a doctors office, grocery store, etc.
So, I can't focus on 'my issues' when chaos is irrupting at an NA meeting by children and parents that refuse to control them.
I find that these 'blanket statements' pertaining to NA by hardcore na'ers wind having adverse effects on the person seeking help through NA. I mean, you can't say anything negative without it becoming a 'you issue'.
Penny
go to the asc an bring it up as an issue there, any meeting not recovery focused can at any time of the meeting be closeed by the sec or another group member an the issues be brought to a group conciense, THAT IS THE PROTOCOL.
stop blaming children for the chaos of the meeting when its up to YOU to be responsible for your recovery, wich involves every erea of your life, jobs, living, day to day stuff.
parents deserve the right to be at ANY meeting an its not the childrens fault they are drugfukt an have no idea how to control them.
im sure you werent the perfect parent in active addiction too if you are honest, cut the poor biatch a break an look at your own stuff instead of blaming others.
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OMG...I can't BELIEVE that I started a thread simply asking about whether or not it was proper protocol in an NA meeting to bring disruptive children every week and the some of the responses, such as "ALL ABOUT LOVE"s response is "you've got issues"
Ya Think? Hell yeah I got issues!!! I'm a drug addict. I go to NA meetings cause I NEED TO.
This is a life or death situation for me and when I go I'm not expecting romper room.
Did I fail to mention that I wasn't the only person there that was pissed off about what was going on with the kids?
And ALL ABOUT LOVE, no I was by no means a perfect parent, but me being an addict doesn't and never has made me exempt from becoming annoyed. I'm human just like the next person.....just like the person in a doctor's office or grocery store witnessing the exact same scenario with disruptive kids.
So ALL ABOUT LOVE, you need to get off your soapbox and stop being so judgemental and perhaps read through my post again.
Penny
Ya Think? Hell yeah I got issues!!! I'm a drug addict. I go to NA meetings cause I NEED TO.
This is a life or death situation for me and when I go I'm not expecting romper room.
Did I fail to mention that I wasn't the only person there that was pissed off about what was going on with the kids?
And ALL ABOUT LOVE, no I was by no means a perfect parent, but me being an addict doesn't and never has made me exempt from becoming annoyed. I'm human just like the next person.....just like the person in a doctor's office or grocery store witnessing the exact same scenario with disruptive kids.
So ALL ABOUT LOVE, you need to get off your soapbox and stop being so judgemental and perhaps read through my post again.
Penny
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Posts: 57
ummm, don't know if i "belong" on this thread (i've never been to an AA or NA meeting), but i've been reading the posts and just thought i'd say that i totally understand what you are saying, penny.
i think that, while you are simply expressing frustration at the atmosphere of the meetings (read: chaos), some are interpreting that frustration as a lack of commitment or involvement on your part. anyhow, i TOTALLY understand what you're saying!
i think that, while you are simply expressing frustration at the atmosphere of the meetings (read: chaos), some are interpreting that frustration as a lack of commitment or involvement on your part. anyhow, i TOTALLY understand what you're saying!
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