Nallabelle

I take full responsibility for what has happened to my life. They were my choices.
But I dont want to feel like ****. I dont want to withdrawal or crave the drug and I dont want to "somehow" hide it from my family. I dont want to be in a bad mood, I dont want the runs, I dont want no energy.
But I also dont want to lie anymore, I dont want to feel guilty about what I do, I dont want to end my marraige.
When is this going to end. When did you people wake up with your own natural energy in a good mood. When did you ******* sleep again. How long is this going to take. I am so sick of this life. Why cant I just be what and how I am supposed to be.

northbelle

Nalla...what YOU WANT..really does not matter right now...Your disease wants what it wants...you do not knowwhat is best for you right now..I'm not staying you are any less INTELLIGENT than anyone else..you are just IN the disease right now...it wants your life.
For me??? When did it end?? I went to prison before I could get any clean time at all,,so I don't know WHAT your personal bottom may be ..but I KNOW you have to hit it. You are done when you stop using...that is when it is over..it is not so complicated...really...stop using and all the other stuff can be dealt with..its just feelings..and a new way of life...
But yeah it really really sucks to be in the middle...not being able to stop especially when we KNOW what the future holds if we continue using...more guilt , shame , treatment, ruined lives of little kids. That is where I went with it...believe me..

so sista...jump on the easier softer way..the road you are on is NOT going to get any better...it won't be as hard as you think...not anyharder than what you are doing now..
I love ya!!
love norty

Sugah

No b.s.?

When you make a decision. When you're willing to do what it takes to get and stay clean.

My energy levels are still improving six and a half years later. I keep doing things I tell myself I can't and prove that I can -- which removes the excuse. My moods became much more positive than negative at about a year. I couldn't sleep at night for six months, had frequent insomnia for another year, and now, I'm down to an occasional sleepless night.

How long is this going to take? First, you have to get started. And as for what and how you're supposed to be? I'm still evolving, thank God. It's a sign of growth, I'm told.

Make a decision, Nallabelle. It starts with a decision.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Missybuns

decide

"cide" means to kill

"de" means between two

so "decide" means to kill off one idea so the other idea can be free to work.

The two ideas in this case would be to kill off the idea of using drugs so recovery can take place.

This is my understanding of what it means to "decide"

It's a very personal decision and it's the best one I ever made for myself. I accepted that responsibility and today I have recovery. It took 6 months to a year to feel I had any semblance of a routine.

It got better steadily and today I have no desire to use drugs or anything else.

Free to be me,
Missy

bval

Nalla ...

First off, based on the usage you're talking about, I want you to perish the thought that you might have to go through what Sugah talked about above. What she describes is really a worst-case scenario of the whole 'getting off dope' experience. You shouldn't be looking at anything near that protracted of a process to get feeling a whole lot better

Secondly, look ... nobody wants to be in withdrawals. There's no question it sucks. And the thoughts you have when you're in them suck. But it DOES pass. I know it's easy for me to say, but honestly, withdrawals are a good thing. The fear of them is the one thing most of us can fall back on when things get tough and we start thinking of using again. I know I've done it. Played the tape through, as they say.

Anyways, as tough as it is right now, it's what needs to happen. You have no choice. You're going to eventually look back on this time and be glad you had to go through it, trust me on this one. W/O withdrawals, it'd be way too easy to go back to the insanity of the old life.

Hang tough sugar. The worst is never more than about 5-7 days at most when coming directly off of short-acting opioids. Especially not at 2-3 pills a day. Even if they were OC80's ... which I don't think is what you meant anyway

Stagebear

This is going to sound hard-a$$, but you know me already and you know why.

The physical nature of what you're going through is temporary. The rest is what's going to be tougher for you, because you still haven't dealt with some basic principles, like acceptance. Until you come to grips with the fact that you can't take pills anymore and be content, you'll still be here, wondering why you're going through withdrawal again.

I answered your PM. All previous offers still stand.

christin1225

Nalla,
Any chance of telling your family? I'm trying to remember your history and, I'm sorry, I'm coming up short on the recall. Didn't your husband know about your use in the past? Is that why you're afraid that it will end your marriage? I was completely convinced that telling my family would be the worst thing that I could do, but I was wrong. Of course, it opens a whole lot of other issues that need to be dealt with, but they can be dealt with. Every feeling that you expressed above, I understand. I've been there, exactly there.

I've attempted to go through w/d without my family knowing (one lasting little more than 24 hours and another over 30 hours while being inducted on Suboxone). As horrible as this last one has felt (started detoxing c/t Wednesday night), it has been made better because my family knows.

Is there any way that telling your family can be an option for you?? To not have the lies bog you down, I swear it makes the process better.