Dear Canuhearme's husband ...
 

Dude,
Your post sounds so typical of us addicts ! Blame someone else for our problems. We feel for you, but don't feel sorry for you ! Until you decide to get clean, and get the help you need to do it. Your life will just not work very well.We would all loved to keep getting high without causing problems or losing anything in our lives. It just doesn't work that way. The addiction is greedy it takes and takes until you have nothing left. Get your own user name and lets start talking this over. Get off dope, start becoming the man you know you can be ! She will love you and more importantly you can start loving yourself. We are here if you need us !!!

Your addiction drove her here, to seek support and help.

If you get yourself into recovery, life will get better. Not saying she'll come back, so don't do it for that reason. If you give up drugs or drink for someone else, they will be the reason you use to start up again.

Can You Hear Me's husband:

Nobody can make her do anything she doesn't want to.


Get sober and then get back to us.

I'm glad this post was started because it really bothered me.

Being a wife of an addict and having to leave was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Do you honestly think this was an easy choice for her? She's a dang good mother for protecting her children from an addiction. You should be proud of her and you will be if/when you recover. She doesn't want to be around when she has to bury you. She is one good wife and mother to have had the courage to leave you.
I understand you are angry, she is hurt. Your relationship is unsafe and toxic to the both of you. Hopefully you will take this as a wake up call and grab ahold with both hands and seek help, real help. Not to win her back but to win yourself worth back. While you are using you are only a husk of a man, just a shell of someone who used to be there. It takes so much time to get back to who you used to be or who you could be so I hope you get the wake up call soon.
If you honestly love her you will leave her alone and allow her happiness. She deserves it. You didn't have her to lash out at so you came here. We see your anger and if that was ever put on her I know why she left. Get to the point where you want her to be safe and happy. No one deserves to lose their family. I wish you well and send my prayers to you. ((((Hugs))))

Can you please go back and read over what you have posted on here and then honestly let us know if you still believe what you are saying? Of course every addict blames everyone under the sun for every single wrong or bad thing that has happened. It is not a result of your using, it is because of the advice that people gave her on this site? Come on man!!! She left because she saw no other choice for herself and kids right now. She's probably miserable because she feels like she failed- like you chose drugs over her. Just saying, try to look at it from her point of view. If you really love her can you honestly tell yourself that her staying with you during this is the best thing for her? Some people can stick it out and stay, that is not always the best choice but for some it is. Others have to break away in order to keep their sanity and not fall down the same trap.

I am sorry that your wife left you but blaming others is in no way going to fix anything. So you have a decision to make.... you can either show her that you know you were wrong and you are doing everything possible to make it right again, or you can say oh well, I'm alone and keep using.

I hope that you let us know how you make out. Good luck

This is the real Canuhearme:

Figures... I've tried many times to get him to sit down and read some of this stuff so many times and he waits until I'm not home and comes in and does this. And I get my log in id name taken for it "Thanks a lot canuhearmes husband"

Sorry guys, I really don't think he'll be back to read your post. I figure he must have thought he'd find I was cheating or something, that would be his main reason he even reading SR.

But if you do: Read back a bit, you'll see very few (if any) people here told me to leave you. I made that choice for myself. Stick around a while "L" you might find a voice that keeps repeating it's self in your head when you need it most.
Me! You are right, I'm sad, I'm hurt, but I'm getting better every day. You can't quit for us, you've tried that. You have to figure out what you want out of this life. We blew it when we chose to get high together, I had to get away from everything that made me want to get high and that was you. Now you have to figure how to do that for your self. I'm not the only thing that makes you happy, and drugs dang sure don't make you happy. Learning to love your self is only as hard as you make it.

glad to hear you are doing well canu and still strong in your recovery. you sound like you have gained a lot of wisdom since when i first met ya!!!

just wanted to drop in and say hey :)

Thanks XD, I'm not so sure about wisdom, I read your post about the slip a while back.... (I still check in here at SR a few times a week, I just don't mingle) I'm glad you are still hanging tough!

Hi ((CAN))! I'm not sure what all I missed but from what I gather your hubby got on here using your name? Mine did that once too except he didn't log on, just read a bunch of stuff I posted and I felt so spyed upon! I guess he though I was buying drugs on here or something, I dunno.

Sounds like you are doing good though and just remember that we have to take care of ourselves first and foremost!
BTW...Miss hearing from you on our thread!!
Take care!
Jane

Hi Jane, I post on the thread from time to time but it's such a fast moving thread that it seems to get missed, and I'm lost half the time :)
Yeah he logged on and posted a few things, I felt so violated, but I'm past that now. He was blaming SR for losing his family, I just wish I could understand how active addicts can forget so quickly every thing that has been said and done, he knew I got out to save myself and family. But his post blamed every one but himself.

(((Can)))

I'm so PROUD of you!! I already e-mailed you what I thought of you're AH's post, but I just wanted to say it again. You've come a long way, and you are doing great!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

When I found SR it was because I was looking for recovery, not checking up on someone else, and I'm sure that makes a big difference, but I still hope he might have read something that can help him.