StillLearning1

(((scared dad)))
I just saw your post- heart goes out to you.
I am the mother of a 17 year old boy too. My ex is a non-sober crack addict.

While we were living together.. he looked good too.. functioning very well in society.
Just some thoughts here, because I felt some deja vu.. I used to think that my ex. was actually asking for help- or being honest when he would tell me certain things. Actually that was his security. He would almost use it later, a strange manipulation, well you knew.. I told you- so now you have to help me.

Some of the following things- please don't take them as judgement, if I wrote down all the crazy enabling things it did (that made sense at the time)- the server's here would crash..
But I really do believe your son is playing games with you. Manipulating you. Possibly even trying to get you so angry you will explode and actually hit him. Possibly even manipulative enough to get himself kicked out and eventually set-up with your assistance.

I agree that I would do a hair follicle test.
I also believe that he is using you and your family as a "cover"- 17 years old and he owns his own car? Any chance it is in your name? Who pays the license, insurance, maintinence and gas?? Did he take it when he left?
If he wants to use it to do his drug deals- well heck that is his choice I guess, but you don't have to provide the transportation for him to get busted or killed in!!

Does he have a cell phone? Who pays for it? Credit card?? How does he get to school? His sports events and practices? Who buys the equipment?
Sorry- my guess you are a pretty nice dad and he is playing you..

I don't know what the answer is for you or your son regarding him living at home with you. But I do think that if he is leaving- it shouldn't be comfortable or easy for him. I fear for him, we are not talking about a bag of pot here.
I will tell you- this is all about money. These people are not "good" people. It is a crazy world- one controlled by fear frequently. Fear of getting busted- someone will tell someone something. Fear of getting ripped off- someone didn't pay for something. The only way they stay safe.. people don't tell and people pay is through fear. A rotten way to live.

One other thing here- even dealers don't like dealing with "poor people"- the kids who don't have any money are the one's on the street corners in my opinion!! If he's going to deal- let him to it HIS way.. Not sure- but my guess whoever is dealing through him. Will expect him to have the transportation and unlimited minutes on that phone. Always nice to have a nice dad who is an attorney and is friends with the local police, too. Not living with dad.... him that could be a problem!! He may have a hard time coming up with the 30,000 for the 100,000!
By the way with all those plans he's been making for the future- you haven't by chance been paying for the act's... sat's... college visits, not contemplating- paying for college are you?? At his income level.. he shouldn't need help from you!!

I am fortunate in regards to my son who is also 17. I told him if he chose to go down his fathers path- his choice but he could then live with him. That scars the crap out of him, at least for today.
I pray your son has a fast awakening.

canuhearme

YEP YEP YEP...

Teens can be as rude as the day is long. But most of the time, they manage to land on their feet (God only knows how), and it's because of your influence in his life that he's doing as well as he is. I know it's hard, but don't give up. Keep giving the support where you can, and hopefully he'll figure it out and thank you for it someday.

ZombieWife

I think StillLearning has a lot of good things to say. I agree that drug dealers and that whole thing is a huge mess, a nightmare. As a lawyer, I'm sure you know the ins and outs of drug busts, how much time they will serve, what kind of deals can be brokered and what is a felony VS what is not. Don't need to educate you on the severity of what he's doing. Apparently, though, he doesn't get it, or thinks he's invincible/invisible.