Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny: My Journey of Recovery
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: richmond,va
Posts: 307
just want 2 say hi! and keep up you're newly awaring senses keen.you already asking yourself r u ready 4 a relationship..this is a good sign you're probably a little hormonal about you're feelings because you didnt specifiy a paticular one...your wondering about youre sponsers sponser too.that tell me male/female chemistry.i've been clean 16 mos and im single too.i get that male/female hormonal thing 2 but i learned that when i did explore it i had bad result because ive just beginning 2 know myself sober and drug free.its kind of like learning who you r and what you're like before knowing who and what you really want.i suggest you build a strong relationship with yourself in serenity. so that whether or not it works out you still have a wonderful,awesome person to come home to...yourself.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Thanks for your input lisa, it is very much appreciated. Tonight was good. I had this friend from the program, she actually took me under her wing and made me feel welcomed in my first days of going to meetings, something I am eternally grateful for...Anyways she been having rough time medically. Just got out of the hospital, been having seizures constantly. She cant get to meetings, so me and a few fellows from the program decided to go have a meeting at her house. It felt good to be able to try to pay back what she had given me. I felt really bad for her, she had a mini seizure while we were there but was ok i guess. I will pray for her tonight and hope she can overcome this.
Anyways when I found out about this meeting at her house I began to reminisce on my first days going to meetings, what I was thinking and how I felt and such. I dug up my old posts on my old forum name here (anyone who wants to check them out feel free http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-everyone.html). All I can say is wow. The way things have changed in such a short period of time since then is amazing. This new way of life that I am slowly adapting to is such a blessing. Something that really stood out to me was the hopelessness that I had before I found meetings, and how almost instantly after my first or second meeting I could see a cognitive awakening and dramatic change, reflected in my thoughts in those posts. This whole journey has been a miracle, something I used to believe didnt even exist (miracles, that is)
Anyways tomorrow I am gonna be completeing my 8th step with my sponsor and hopefully starting the long process of making my amends. Im a little fearful and nervous about it still, but I know that is the next right thing for me to do and am willing to make these amends (some more than others, heh) Anyways its late and I need some beauty sleep, love u all!
Anyways when I found out about this meeting at her house I began to reminisce on my first days going to meetings, what I was thinking and how I felt and such. I dug up my old posts on my old forum name here (anyone who wants to check them out feel free http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-everyone.html). All I can say is wow. The way things have changed in such a short period of time since then is amazing. This new way of life that I am slowly adapting to is such a blessing. Something that really stood out to me was the hopelessness that I had before I found meetings, and how almost instantly after my first or second meeting I could see a cognitive awakening and dramatic change, reflected in my thoughts in those posts. This whole journey has been a miracle, something I used to believe didnt even exist (miracles, that is)
Anyways tomorrow I am gonna be completeing my 8th step with my sponsor and hopefully starting the long process of making my amends. Im a little fearful and nervous about it still, but I know that is the next right thing for me to do and am willing to make these amends (some more than others, heh) Anyways its late and I need some beauty sleep, love u all!
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Ugh...Im having a really crappy week for the most ridiculous reason ever. Im almost ashamed to even talk about it but I need to. The chicago cubs, something I have invested far too much passion and pride into, are once again choking and about to blow the playoffs again...Its not something I feel like im gonna use over, its just really screwing up my serenity and for some reason im having trouble turning this, the most meaningless of things over. I need to pray and ask for patience and tolerance, and acceptance of the things i need rather than the things I want!
Anyways moving on...Im supposed to be working on my 9th step, making ammends. And I havent even started any amends. I have alot of fear and anxiety over this step. My sponsor broke it down for me, and gave me two what should be fairly easy going amends. The first was to mail a check to a store I ripped off, which I actually did while in recovery. And I havent done that yet, not because I dont have the meager amount of cash I owe them but mainly just out of pure laziness. The second amend is to my parents, which really shouldnt be that hard given their loving and understanding nature. But Im haveing the same apprehension making amends to them that I did early on letting them in on what I was going through. I need to overcome this, it is essential for my recovery.
So I guess things arent going great for me right now, but atleast I still am sober. Today I might not have done the next right thing, but atleast I havent done the next wrong thing, YET! And its just a yet unless I keep moving forward, I know that today. Love u all.
Anyways moving on...Im supposed to be working on my 9th step, making ammends. And I havent even started any amends. I have alot of fear and anxiety over this step. My sponsor broke it down for me, and gave me two what should be fairly easy going amends. The first was to mail a check to a store I ripped off, which I actually did while in recovery. And I havent done that yet, not because I dont have the meager amount of cash I owe them but mainly just out of pure laziness. The second amend is to my parents, which really shouldnt be that hard given their loving and understanding nature. But Im haveing the same apprehension making amends to them that I did early on letting them in on what I was going through. I need to overcome this, it is essential for my recovery.
So I guess things arent going great for me right now, but atleast I still am sober. Today I might not have done the next right thing, but atleast I havent done the next wrong thing, YET! And its just a yet unless I keep moving forward, I know that today. Love u all.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Today I celebrate 6 months of no drugs or alcohol! It was a good day, went to my homegroup and then went out with friends to a haunted house. Had a very good time.
I recieved a phone call earlier today, from a friend. Another one of my friends is dying. My friend has been sick for 6+ years with brain tumors. But I guess he has taken a turn for the worse, and isnt expected to live much longer. I have some things I feel I owe him an amends for. I wasnt a great friend to him, and when he was sick before while I was still out there, I only used him to buy his drugs he had for treatment and never hung out with him or was there for him. I would like to be able to see him and make some form of amends to him before he passes, and will pray for him tonight. God bless u all thank you for my sobriety!
I recieved a phone call earlier today, from a friend. Another one of my friends is dying. My friend has been sick for 6+ years with brain tumors. But I guess he has taken a turn for the worse, and isnt expected to live much longer. I have some things I feel I owe him an amends for. I wasnt a great friend to him, and when he was sick before while I was still out there, I only used him to buy his drugs he had for treatment and never hung out with him or was there for him. I would like to be able to see him and make some form of amends to him before he passes, and will pray for him tonight. God bless u all thank you for my sobriety!
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
So I found out yesterday that my friend with brain cancer passed away. Im a little upset over it, i never have been good at dealing with death even given all the experience I have with losing friends at my young age. I tried to call him a few times this weekend to see him and be there for him, and try to make the wrongs I may have done right but I couldnt get a hold of him, which is pretty understandable given the fact that he was dying. Atleast he doesnt have to suffer anymore, that puts me a little bit more at ease. I have a wake/funeral to go to this weekend and I have a few concerns about it. I will be seeing A LOT of old friends, drinking and using friends from my past. I am going to just have to be on alert for my disease, and work for the utmost spiritual fitness leading up to it.
On a side note i have a really bad cold or something, and its really annoying. But I did wake up today, and stayed sober, so in hindsight I am overpaid!
On a side note i have a really bad cold or something, and its really annoying. But I did wake up today, and stayed sober, so in hindsight I am overpaid!
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
This was an interesting weekend. As I mentioned I went to my friends wake on friday and afterwards I went out with some friends from highschool to get food and drinks. It was good to be able to see some people who I havent seen since the last friends funereal over 2 years ago, and some who I havent seen since highschool. I had a really good time and didnt have to drink or drug. By the time some of them started getting drunk and belligerant I knew it was my time to leave and I did. I went to the funeral on Saturday and it was really sad. My friend was fullblooded irish so they had a bagpipe and stuff there which added to the somber mood. Even tho I have had like WAYYY TOO MANY friends die since high school, I still arent very good at dealing with the whole death thing...It hasnt gotten any easier for me. I said a prayer for my friend and made amends to him there, or atleast tried my best to. It was also my first time being in a church since I have connected with myself spiritually. I heard a lot of insightful things from the priest. One thing that really stood out to me was he said something about how we all want to search endlessly for the answer why...And it will cause one of two things; either we begin to view god as a villain, or we cause ourself great amounts of agony and pain. I couldnt agree more.
I really have nothing to complain about today and everything to be grateful for, thank you guys for my sobriety.
I really have nothing to complain about today and everything to be grateful for, thank you guys for my sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Good job, Pete! Sorry about your loss, and yeah, death is never an easy matter, you are certainly not alone in not being able to 'deal with it'. If it was easy, there'd be something wrong with you, frankly. You are doing awesome, and I for one am proud of you brother. Keep up the good recovery work you're doing, and maybe ... stick around SR a bit more, help some people out? You got a good story, a good message, and you're a good writer. In short, a lot to contribute. I hope you do more of it 
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
It has been way too long for an update...Today was a good day until I had a flashback. I have these from time to time, and they arent nesecarily a drug flashback. Sometimes I remember things that I didnt remember. All the years of drug abuse in my teenage life and beyond have left all my memories beyond the past year or two in a haze and I struggle to remember where I came from. These flashbacks are triggered by seemingly random things, an old song, a change in season, a smell, a place, and eventually a memory. Sometimes they cause me brief yet intense episodes of depression.
I find myself reliving the 'glory days' before my life really became unmanageable. College, high school, old friends, events past lived...I guess its what you always hear about living in the past. Truth is I miss these times. Sometimes I just long to go back to these days, and then come to the sudden and harsh realization that I CANT GO BACK. Even if I did drink again, do drugs again, party again, it wouldnt bring back these memories. Thats all they are and all they ever will be; memories of my past. Not to mention the fact that I cant even go back to doing drugs, in any form, in a manageable way, atleast not today I cant. Its like Im Neo from the matrix...I have taken the blue pill, a promising yet irreversible fate which can never be undone. And sometimes the shock of living life on life's terms makes me yearn to be back in my drug enduced haze of pseudo-existence. But I know that is just fear, something I can overcome with the tools I have learned in recovery. And to triumph those fears I have to be diligent in remembering the end result of those 'glory days.' The hell that became my life and the place I will more likely return to if I pick up again as proven by prior investigations. Living today and today only and having faith that I will become and do what I need tomorrow is really all I can rely on.
I find myself reliving the 'glory days' before my life really became unmanageable. College, high school, old friends, events past lived...I guess its what you always hear about living in the past. Truth is I miss these times. Sometimes I just long to go back to these days, and then come to the sudden and harsh realization that I CANT GO BACK. Even if I did drink again, do drugs again, party again, it wouldnt bring back these memories. Thats all they are and all they ever will be; memories of my past. Not to mention the fact that I cant even go back to doing drugs, in any form, in a manageable way, atleast not today I cant. Its like Im Neo from the matrix...I have taken the blue pill, a promising yet irreversible fate which can never be undone. And sometimes the shock of living life on life's terms makes me yearn to be back in my drug enduced haze of pseudo-existence. But I know that is just fear, something I can overcome with the tools I have learned in recovery. And to triumph those fears I have to be diligent in remembering the end result of those 'glory days.' The hell that became my life and the place I will more likely return to if I pick up again as proven by prior investigations. Living today and today only and having faith that I will become and do what I need tomorrow is really all I can rely on.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Last night I had another flashback, but there was something very unique (to me) about this one. I was playing cards with a bunch of friends who I have known since my first days in recovery. It was cold and snowy out. We were laughing, and having fun being SOBER! I felt totally content at that moment with my place in the universe, and knew I was doing the right thing. Thats when the flashback hit me. I began to relive my first days on this journey that has become recovery. These people I have grown to care about, the good clean fun I was having, the feeling of warmth and being content with myself, laughter...Before starting this journey I had forgotten how to laugh. I didnt know how to care for or about anyone, including myself. And the thought of love for anyone was an impossibility for me. And yet here I was, returning to this world from the depths of hell that had became my prision, my addict infested mind.
Recently I have been doing a lot of comparing of where I am today compared to where I was this time last year. This time last year was the worst days of my entire life. My addiction was tailspinning out of control on a collision course with death. I didnt care if I was alive, nor did I care about ANYTHING OR ANYONE other than getting one more. I had fallen into a pattern of extreme isolation, and had been cut off or through my own isolation cut off any of my so called friends. It was just me and the drugs, the only friend I thought I ever would need. I was alone, I was cold, I was sick both physically mentally and spiritually, and most of all I was beginning to become stricken with fear. For the first time in my life I was beginning to realize it had become unmanageable, and I came to my first turning point. I could continue on this path of destruction and despair until I met death face to face, eye to eye...Or I could start searching for a solution to all the misery and disaster that I had become.
I spent about one more month being driven by the addict within my sick head. And then around christmas time last year I had enough. And that was when the pain grew greater than my resistance, and the balance of willingness was tipped enough for me to FINALLY do something. And so I did. I found this board here, either by coincidence or miracle. I shared my story, for the first time in a VERY long time I was honest with other human beings about how I felt and the state of my misery. And I quickly learned two things more valuable than anything else I have picked up along this journey; I wasnt unique, and I wasnt alone. You guys here helped guide me and direct me, you showed me the beacon in what I thought had become a world of darkness. It was these very boards that inspired me to go to my first AA/NA meeting, which has become a corner stone to my sobriety. I am eternally grateful for these boards, and the wonderful members of this community. You helped me change my life around. Thank you.
Recently I have been doing a lot of comparing of where I am today compared to where I was this time last year. This time last year was the worst days of my entire life. My addiction was tailspinning out of control on a collision course with death. I didnt care if I was alive, nor did I care about ANYTHING OR ANYONE other than getting one more. I had fallen into a pattern of extreme isolation, and had been cut off or through my own isolation cut off any of my so called friends. It was just me and the drugs, the only friend I thought I ever would need. I was alone, I was cold, I was sick both physically mentally and spiritually, and most of all I was beginning to become stricken with fear. For the first time in my life I was beginning to realize it had become unmanageable, and I came to my first turning point. I could continue on this path of destruction and despair until I met death face to face, eye to eye...Or I could start searching for a solution to all the misery and disaster that I had become.
I spent about one more month being driven by the addict within my sick head. And then around christmas time last year I had enough. And that was when the pain grew greater than my resistance, and the balance of willingness was tipped enough for me to FINALLY do something. And so I did. I found this board here, either by coincidence or miracle. I shared my story, for the first time in a VERY long time I was honest with other human beings about how I felt and the state of my misery. And I quickly learned two things more valuable than anything else I have picked up along this journey; I wasnt unique, and I wasnt alone. You guys here helped guide me and direct me, you showed me the beacon in what I thought had become a world of darkness. It was these very boards that inspired me to go to my first AA/NA meeting, which has become a corner stone to my sobriety. I am eternally grateful for these boards, and the wonderful members of this community. You helped me change my life around. Thank you.
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
Boy do I hear you about this board being a lifesaver...I was pretty miserable this time last year too..just beginning to get sober again....it was so hard and such a miracle I made it..I was really thinking last summer I would have to have myself locked up..and was ready to call someone to take my kid cause I was close to death and did not want him to be witness to that..
Luckily for me.."the glory days ended when I was 30 and the "**** packages I sent myself while drinking and using keep showing up at my door"....lots of wreckage...
I am glad you posted..you have a good story my friend..
I know it may sound hard for some to believe but this forum saved my life,,,
love north
Luckily for me.."the glory days ended when I was 30 and the "**** packages I sent myself while drinking and using keep showing up at my door"....lots of wreckage...
I am glad you posted..you have a good story my friend..
I know it may sound hard for some to believe but this forum saved my life,,,
love north
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
O M G...I cant believe its been almost a month since my last post here and this thread was rotting on the 7th page...My bad. Life has been truly awesome the last week or so. Last weekend I went to a weekend long AA conference known as soberfest in lake geneva wisconsin. It was so much fun and I have been spiritually buzzed ever since. I heard some amazing speakers, had some wonderful fun fellowshipping, and overall had a great experience.
Anyways for a while here I sorta hit a wall working my steps. My fear of the 9th step and facing my past wrongdoings was so great it was hard to gather the willingness to overcome them. And then yesterday I had a using dream, which I havent had one of them in quite some time. It was so strange yet so real. I dreamed that I was at my grandmas house with a bunch of old college and HS buddies getting drunk. I woke up (in my dream) and had this gaudy tattoo that covered my whole thigh and leg. I just thought to myself 'wtf idiot not only did you just relapse but you got this nasty ******** tattoo for the rest of my life to remind me.' I then woke up, for real, and was overwhelmed with guilt and shame, like I had really just relapsed. That guilt lasted a couple hours, long after realizing it was just a dream. All the guilt reminded me of what it feels like to really relapse, and how much I dont wish to toss away all I have done so far in my recovery. And it motivated me to FINALLY start my 9th step.
I made my first amends to my mother. It went pretty good. Me and my mom are already on good terms and all, but for some reason I just had this terrible fear about simply apologizing to her for the **** I USED TO do. I the fear was completely irrational but nonetheless there. I told her that I know we are on good terms now but I never really apologized for the things I did to her in the past; lying, stealing, cheating, and being an overall ungrateful ***** of a son to her. And I let her know that I love her and am very grateful for the things she and my dad have given and done for me. And she just replied with 'thanks i accept your apology' and that was it. Then we went and ate dinner at my aunts for my dads birthday. The next amend on my list is to my father, which is even more intimidating than the previous one. I dont know why I have these fears about it, I am almost positive my dad will react very similarly to my mom, me and him are on good terms also. Its just a challenge for me to cop the courage to face my past wrong doings and try to make up for them, even if it is just in the form of meaningful apologies and words. I still have a long way to go with this whole life thing, but today I am clean and sober and love my life.
Anyways for a while here I sorta hit a wall working my steps. My fear of the 9th step and facing my past wrongdoings was so great it was hard to gather the willingness to overcome them. And then yesterday I had a using dream, which I havent had one of them in quite some time. It was so strange yet so real. I dreamed that I was at my grandmas house with a bunch of old college and HS buddies getting drunk. I woke up (in my dream) and had this gaudy tattoo that covered my whole thigh and leg. I just thought to myself 'wtf idiot not only did you just relapse but you got this nasty ******** tattoo for the rest of my life to remind me.' I then woke up, for real, and was overwhelmed with guilt and shame, like I had really just relapsed. That guilt lasted a couple hours, long after realizing it was just a dream. All the guilt reminded me of what it feels like to really relapse, and how much I dont wish to toss away all I have done so far in my recovery. And it motivated me to FINALLY start my 9th step.
I made my first amends to my mother. It went pretty good. Me and my mom are already on good terms and all, but for some reason I just had this terrible fear about simply apologizing to her for the **** I USED TO do. I the fear was completely irrational but nonetheless there. I told her that I know we are on good terms now but I never really apologized for the things I did to her in the past; lying, stealing, cheating, and being an overall ungrateful ***** of a son to her. And I let her know that I love her and am very grateful for the things she and my dad have given and done for me. And she just replied with 'thanks i accept your apology' and that was it. Then we went and ate dinner at my aunts for my dads birthday. The next amend on my list is to my father, which is even more intimidating than the previous one. I dont know why I have these fears about it, I am almost positive my dad will react very similarly to my mom, me and him are on good terms also. Its just a challenge for me to cop the courage to face my past wrong doings and try to make up for them, even if it is just in the form of meaningful apologies and words. I still have a long way to go with this whole life thing, but today I am clean and sober and love my life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 333
Good for you! I have to say, I am still very new to the whole recovery thing, I am only clean for 23 days now. I started trying to do the steps on my own and then realized that I was not doing it right. So, I am still in the process of getting to a meeting, getting a sponsor and doing the steps the right way.
I do not know if I will ever have the courage to face up to all of the wrongs that I have done, most importantly to my parents, as they still don't know that I am or have ever been an addict.
So I want to commend you on your courage and bravery for owning up to your wrong doings to your mother and eventually your father. You have given me hope that once I start on the complete road to recovery I will be able to face the past, deal with it, and move on.
Thanks again and keep up the great work!!
I do not know if I will ever have the courage to face up to all of the wrongs that I have done, most importantly to my parents, as they still don't know that I am or have ever been an addict.
So I want to commend you on your courage and bravery for owning up to your wrong doings to your mother and eventually your father. You have given me hope that once I start on the complete road to recovery I will be able to face the past, deal with it, and move on.
Thanks again and keep up the great work!!
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Hey guys...Today I celebrate 8 months of continual and complete sobriety. Today was a great day, I woke up and stayed sober, cant complain. On a sad note I have been reading a lot about death on these boards, and someone I knew in the program also didnt make it last weekend. He OD'd on heroin. This **** aint no joke, and it will kill you. This disease I call addiction IS TERMINAL. Only one thing can prevent death from this disease and that is recovery, however we seek it. For me its my HP, and the 12 steps which clear the channels so I can receive the knowledge of his will for me, IE the next right thing, and the ability to follow that through.
Anyways, in my first few days of coming to the program, I met this kid I used to party with back 'out there.' I talked about him under my old forums name in my old post. He had a few months clean, and helped inspire me to want this too. He left pretty soon after I started coming around and joined the army. Today he was back at a meeting. He was broken. He had been kicked out of the army for drinking and the tornado that follows an active alcoholic. I could see the pain in his eyes. I was so glad to see him, so glad he made it back alive. And here I was, with a little bit of clarity and understanding of the 12 steps, able to carry the message to him just as he did to me in my early days. It felt great. I didnt give him some sugar coated ******** that we so often hear in the rooms...the 'keep coming back, one day at a time etc etc.' I told him to get a sponsor and start doing some steps, now. I reminded him he has seen this program in action, and he knows it works if the steps are worked. I really hope he sticks it out and makes it, he is someone I really care about. Ha imagine that, I actually care about someone other than myself. Thanks everyone on these boards for helping point me in the right direction, some of you here helped carry the message of recovery to me, and now it is my turn to start doing the same thing with others. Love yall.
Anyways, in my first few days of coming to the program, I met this kid I used to party with back 'out there.' I talked about him under my old forums name in my old post. He had a few months clean, and helped inspire me to want this too. He left pretty soon after I started coming around and joined the army. Today he was back at a meeting. He was broken. He had been kicked out of the army for drinking and the tornado that follows an active alcoholic. I could see the pain in his eyes. I was so glad to see him, so glad he made it back alive. And here I was, with a little bit of clarity and understanding of the 12 steps, able to carry the message to him just as he did to me in my early days. It felt great. I didnt give him some sugar coated ******** that we so often hear in the rooms...the 'keep coming back, one day at a time etc etc.' I told him to get a sponsor and start doing some steps, now. I reminded him he has seen this program in action, and he knows it works if the steps are worked. I really hope he sticks it out and makes it, he is someone I really care about. Ha imagine that, I actually care about someone other than myself. Thanks everyone on these boards for helping point me in the right direction, some of you here helped carry the message of recovery to me, and now it is my turn to start doing the same thing with others. Love yall.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Whew...I made it through the holidays and I didnt have to use, what a miracle. My holidays were wonderful. I spent christmas with my family, parents, uncles, grandparents. It was a great time except i ate WAY TOO MUCH HAHA...Last night (NYE) was a great time also. I went to a young people AA thing and my sponsor shared his story for the meeting. Then we went out to eat dinner and I had a great time, without having to drink or drug. I got to spend the new year with some people I really care about, rather than a bunch of random 'friends' who i would 'OMG I LOVE U' for just a few hours because I was so wasted. It wasnt extravagant, it was simple yet simply wonderful. Quality sobriety leads to a quality life, and I find myself appreciating the little things I am blessed with these days. Like talking to someone besides myself...I used to do that a lot. Or sharing an unspoken moment with someone I care about, with no hidden motives, no rotten angles, just honest compassion.
The ironic thing was how the night ended. It ended just as my journey into recovery began. I first sought out recovery at this very time last year, between christmas and new years. I attended my first meetings then also. And last year I spent my new year at a local AA club that was open all night for my first sober holiday. Well after the young peoples meeting last night that same club was open all night, so I went by there and hung out with some friends and had some fun sober fellowship time. Great night all around.
Anyways...So today I went to a meeting. When I pulled up someone called out my name. And it was one of my old using buddies. Not just any using buddy but the one towards the end of my active days who I used with the most. I was taken aback. I hadnt talked to him since nearly a year ago. He is still struggling hard with this disease. He moved back to town after taking a year vacation to go to rehab in cali, and still struggling. I told him I have been sober for almost 9 months and life has been great to me. I dont know how well equipped I would be to carry the message to an old using friends with direct action, sponsorship, etc. I feel all I can do is carry the message by example to him, and maybe nudge some of my recovery friends who 'got it' to try and help him.
Sometimes I question 'why me?' Why did this God guy hear me during my darkest days, when I cried out for help? Why did he send me this angel that is recovery? But I am start to realize its so that I could help direct someone else down this path that people on these boards and in the rooms have directed me towards. It is such a great gift I was given, a second chance to live in one lifetime. I am blessed. I hope you all have a great 2009! Love ya all.
The ironic thing was how the night ended. It ended just as my journey into recovery began. I first sought out recovery at this very time last year, between christmas and new years. I attended my first meetings then also. And last year I spent my new year at a local AA club that was open all night for my first sober holiday. Well after the young peoples meeting last night that same club was open all night, so I went by there and hung out with some friends and had some fun sober fellowship time. Great night all around.
Anyways...So today I went to a meeting. When I pulled up someone called out my name. And it was one of my old using buddies. Not just any using buddy but the one towards the end of my active days who I used with the most. I was taken aback. I hadnt talked to him since nearly a year ago. He is still struggling hard with this disease. He moved back to town after taking a year vacation to go to rehab in cali, and still struggling. I told him I have been sober for almost 9 months and life has been great to me. I dont know how well equipped I would be to carry the message to an old using friends with direct action, sponsorship, etc. I feel all I can do is carry the message by example to him, and maybe nudge some of my recovery friends who 'got it' to try and help him.
Sometimes I question 'why me?' Why did this God guy hear me during my darkest days, when I cried out for help? Why did he send me this angel that is recovery? But I am start to realize its so that I could help direct someone else down this path that people on these boards and in the rooms have directed me towards. It is such a great gift I was given, a second chance to live in one lifetime. I am blessed. I hope you all have a great 2009! Love ya all.
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