Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny: My Journey of Recovery
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
It has recently been brought to my attention that people around here were worried about me (since i kinda vanished under my old forum alias). Not that im the center of the universe (no matter how much id like to be :P) incase anyone is wondering I am Pete The Addict. Thanks for concerns and caring about me, sometimes I forget simple things like that and its good to be reminded of the things i have to be grateful for (this site and you fine folks in particular)
Anyways today was probably my best day sober since my relapse, if not my best day since I began to seek recovery. I dont even really know exactly why. It started out a crappy day, i woke up and was having mental issues about the ex gf that were really bothering me. I instantly reset my day, and prayed a second time asking god to take these problems and do whatever his will is with them. And i wasnt cured or perfect by any means after that, but I was relieved if even slightly. Then my whole day at work sorta sucked, was just being ungrateful and whining about silly things. I called my sponsor after work and threw a mini pity party about it. He is such an awesome sponsor. After I was done ranting about it I paused, expecting some enlightening response to make me feel better. And he responds 'Im at panera, yummm' and then we side tracked about panera and all its breadly goodness. I started to think to myself 'did he even listen to what i was crying about??? wtf panera thats random' And he said something like 'see all it took was a simple notion of panera to get you out of yourself' and he was right, that was all it took. I always try to complicate things that have such simple solutions, but that is addict, im sure many can relate.
Then I went to a meeting, heard an amazing lead which was EXACTLY what i needed, and just felt so good about life. Talked and joked around with a bunch of friends, and the night was just awesome, for no stand out reason. Serenity can seem so complex and mystifying, and at times so incredibly fleeting, but once you get it, if even for a second, it is such a great thing. Also, someone from my fellowship who i was very close to since I came into the program, came back to his first meeting in a while. He has been back out there, and I was so happy to see him. I will pray for him. Days like this, when life is good, it is so baffling to think that some days I dont even care if im alive. I still have so much ground to cover, so much to find out about myself, and about the program. But hopefully, god willing, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and strive to keep doing the next right thing, one thing, one day at a time.
Anyways today was probably my best day sober since my relapse, if not my best day since I began to seek recovery. I dont even really know exactly why. It started out a crappy day, i woke up and was having mental issues about the ex gf that were really bothering me. I instantly reset my day, and prayed a second time asking god to take these problems and do whatever his will is with them. And i wasnt cured or perfect by any means after that, but I was relieved if even slightly. Then my whole day at work sorta sucked, was just being ungrateful and whining about silly things. I called my sponsor after work and threw a mini pity party about it. He is such an awesome sponsor. After I was done ranting about it I paused, expecting some enlightening response to make me feel better. And he responds 'Im at panera, yummm' and then we side tracked about panera and all its breadly goodness. I started to think to myself 'did he even listen to what i was crying about??? wtf panera thats random' And he said something like 'see all it took was a simple notion of panera to get you out of yourself' and he was right, that was all it took. I always try to complicate things that have such simple solutions, but that is addict, im sure many can relate.
Then I went to a meeting, heard an amazing lead which was EXACTLY what i needed, and just felt so good about life. Talked and joked around with a bunch of friends, and the night was just awesome, for no stand out reason. Serenity can seem so complex and mystifying, and at times so incredibly fleeting, but once you get it, if even for a second, it is such a great thing. Also, someone from my fellowship who i was very close to since I came into the program, came back to his first meeting in a while. He has been back out there, and I was so happy to see him. I will pray for him. Days like this, when life is good, it is so baffling to think that some days I dont even care if im alive. I still have so much ground to cover, so much to find out about myself, and about the program. But hopefully, god willing, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and strive to keep doing the next right thing, one thing, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Glad you had such a good day man.
Learning to live clean really does just come down to simple wisdoms like this:
"I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and strive to keep doing the next right thing, one thing, one day at a time."
Keep it simple, easy does it, turn it over, say the serenity prayer, go to meetings, participate ... It ain't that complicated.
Learning to live clean really does just come down to simple wisdoms like this:
"I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and strive to keep doing the next right thing, one thing, one day at a time."
Keep it simple, easy does it, turn it over, say the serenity prayer, go to meetings, participate ... It ain't that complicated.
Waiting For Engines
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 572
Peace and Serenity; A Lesson for the Masses
Dear Tryin2Recover....
This entire thread should be posted at the top of the message board, for it so vividly speaks to the journey that many of us must go through before we can even think about peace and serenity.
I re-read this entire thread again, and dude, you worked it when you were ready to. It is so unbelievable to see the brutal honesty you had towards your disease and how you had to fight through your own demons to get to where you got to.
I am proud of you. The way you re-embraced the meetings, the sponsor you chose, and how you've been able to confront the disease, is simply wonderous to me.
If this doesn't make it to the top of the forum, I'd throw my vote in to make this thread a crucial part of "The Best of Sober Recovery".
This entire thread should be posted at the top of the message board, for it so vividly speaks to the journey that many of us must go through before we can even think about peace and serenity.
I re-read this entire thread again, and dude, you worked it when you were ready to. It is so unbelievable to see the brutal honesty you had towards your disease and how you had to fight through your own demons to get to where you got to.
I am proud of you. The way you re-embraced the meetings, the sponsor you chose, and how you've been able to confront the disease, is simply wonderous to me.
If this doesn't make it to the top of the forum, I'd throw my vote in to make this thread a crucial part of "The Best of Sober Recovery".
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Thanks ksos and although i always like a little ego rubbing i havent really 'worked' alot yet and my journey has so much farther to go. I am afterall, a habitual 2 stepper and thats as far as i am now.
Anyways its been a great past couple days. Yesterday my sponsor took me to an awesome speaker meeting in the city (chicago) and I heard a lot of good things. I like how my sponsor keeps things simple for me, but pushes me at the same time. Because those are counters to a couple of my biggest character defects, complicating the hell out of everything and procrastinating/not following through. Like yesterday at this meeting they were giving out clean chips, and he told me to go get a white one. And I didnt want to cuz i was nervous or whatever since there was probably like 200 people there. I first said no, he kept pushing me, i was like i dont even have 30 days, but eventually I did what he said and went and got one. He really seems to know a lot about recovery, and spirituality, and all that stuff. Im sure it helps he is an addiction counselor and working on his masters in psychology, but I just really feel like he is a good fit for me. So I guess that has been 3 great days in a row, which is a little unnerving because I do know there are worse days to come, and mr addict wont rear his nasty little face until those days are here. Hopefully the next time he does, I have the strength courage and wisdom to do the next right thing.
Anyways its been a great past couple days. Yesterday my sponsor took me to an awesome speaker meeting in the city (chicago) and I heard a lot of good things. I like how my sponsor keeps things simple for me, but pushes me at the same time. Because those are counters to a couple of my biggest character defects, complicating the hell out of everything and procrastinating/not following through. Like yesterday at this meeting they were giving out clean chips, and he told me to go get a white one. And I didnt want to cuz i was nervous or whatever since there was probably like 200 people there. I first said no, he kept pushing me, i was like i dont even have 30 days, but eventually I did what he said and went and got one. He really seems to know a lot about recovery, and spirituality, and all that stuff. Im sure it helps he is an addiction counselor and working on his masters in psychology, but I just really feel like he is a good fit for me. So I guess that has been 3 great days in a row, which is a little unnerving because I do know there are worse days to come, and mr addict wont rear his nasty little face until those days are here. Hopefully the next time he does, I have the strength courage and wisdom to do the next right thing.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Oh one more thing I wanted to talk about a little. Ever since I have sought recovery, even before my recent relapse, I have been struggling with wanting to go back to my college to visit friends. That was one of my reservations I have struggled to let go of. And I know I wouldnt be sober if i did, I would end up drinking and doing who knows what else. And this weekend was probably my last opportunity to go, since my last few friends down there will be graduating next week. And my old roomate was calling me all week asking me to come visit, and I really struggled making my decision. I knew what the right decision was, to not go, but I had a horrible fear about regretting never going back. And I decided not to go, and hope I can get over any regret I might have because of it. I just really miss my college days (i graduated a year ago) and all my old college buddies. I miss it so much that sometimes when i think of those days, some of the best days of my life, I get really sad to the point of depression. Its a hard thing for me to let go of, and to move on from. But I know I MUST move on, if i want to live.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
You sound so great! I wouldn't worry about missing the "fun" with your college buddies. If they are friends, they will be around a long time and you can have new "fun" times when you are more secure in your recovery.
As far as feeling like the last 3 days have been great and knowing bad days are coming...well, I've found that the more I'm in recovery, most days that I would have considered "bad" are just mildly annoying now. I'm not saying bad things don't happen just because we're in recovery, but we just find better ways of dealing with them.
I just ran into a friend from my old AA home group in the town I used to live in. He said "you can't possibly always be this cheery?!?" and I laughed, because I AM! I'm not on a "pink cloud", I'm not in denial, I'm just grateful. And like Brett says, I put one foot in front of the other, keep doing the right thing.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As far as feeling like the last 3 days have been great and knowing bad days are coming...well, I've found that the more I'm in recovery, most days that I would have considered "bad" are just mildly annoying now. I'm not saying bad things don't happen just because we're in recovery, but we just find better ways of dealing with them.
I just ran into a friend from my old AA home group in the town I used to live in. He said "you can't possibly always be this cheery?!?" and I laughed, because I AM! I'm not on a "pink cloud", I'm not in denial, I'm just grateful. And like Brett says, I put one foot in front of the other, keep doing the right thing.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Waiting For Engines
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: brooklyn, new york
Posts: 572
Regrets in Recovery; Part of the Process
Originally Posted by Tryin2Recover 
Oh one more thing I wanted to talk about a little. Ever since I have sought recovery, even before my recent relapse, I have been struggling with wanting to go back to my college to visit friends. That was one of my reservations I have struggled to let go of. And I know I wouldnt be sober if i did, I would end up drinking and doing who knows what else. And this weekend was probably my last opportunity to go, since my last few friends down there will be graduating next week. And my old roomate was calling me all week asking me to come visit, and I really struggled making my decision. I knew what the right decision was, to not go, but I had a horrible fear about regretting never going back. And I decided not to go, and hope I can get over any regret I might have because of it. I just really miss my college days (i graduated a year ago) and all my old college buddies. I miss it so much that sometimes when i think of those days, some of the best days of my life, I get really sad to the point of depression. Its a hard thing for me to let go of, and to move on from. But I know I MUST move on, if i want to live.
The tests will come and I like what Amy said in her post response directly after you post went up. We all face similar situations and just last week, I reconnected telephonically with an ex-girlfriend from when I was 17 years old and already heavily using. I'll be honest. I sought her out through one of those "People finder" pay sites and I made contact with her because I am lonely and she was a free spirit back in 1980. I last saw her nearly 28 years ago and we spoke three times by phone already, and my disease started kicking up, since it was sex, drugs, and rock and roll back then and despite the inevitable dangers, I almost went out with her tonight.
Instead, I wrote to her, and as hard as it was for me to say to her what needed to be said, I had to do it. As soon as possible. Although I will regret it, I have to say "Bye" once again, although I think she will know why this time. I wrote in the letter that I just could not see her EVER again, for I am an addict and though she was not a co-user so much, she was a trigger for another addiction--which was the one which brought me here in 2003. But the two are intertwined.
I know your decision NOT TO go back is stinging right now. With our disease, loss and having to let go, is part and parcel of the process that you are seeking in your quest for peace and serenity. I know that I could have had a night of nights now, instead of going to my night meeting and typing posts on SR. But this was the "new" me, and I knew I could not go back--just like you knew.
PM me if you need support on this, for I just experienced it almost the identical situation, okay? Up to you, for I am not much of a PM dude, but I am in your corner, man! We all are, here!
:ghug3
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Another day clean and sober, Im nearing my one month mark, close to the longest point of continual sobriety I have had since I first sought recovery in January. I worked the 3rd step today with my sponsor, which is also a milestone for me because I have only made it past the second before today. Im not too eager to get my 4th step done, but I am not totally freaked out by it either. I just have to keep working the 3rd step everyday and the 4th will come hopefully with few bumps.
KSOS I been facing a similar dilema to yours, and not the same one as wanting to go back to college. I have been spending a lot of time talking to my ex recently. We broke up about 6 months ago after dating a couple years and that was part of what let me freefall to my rock bottom. And as much as I cared for her and miss 'us' I needed that to happen, to be able to recover. Otherwise I would have just continued on content with my life and in a perpetual state of accepted drug abuse. But I dont know if im over her, or if she is over me. And I dont know what the future holds for either of us, but i just dont know how good we are for eachother right now, with me still being green in the recovery department. I love/d her alot, as much as any addict ever could, and I really miss being with her. We had a pretty good relationship and I still care for her a lot. Its just hard to know what the next right thing is to do in reguards to her, but I keep praying for that to be revealed to me. I just hope I make the next right move, because Im really confused about it and dont want my decisions to be clouded by love.
KSOS I been facing a similar dilema to yours, and not the same one as wanting to go back to college. I have been spending a lot of time talking to my ex recently. We broke up about 6 months ago after dating a couple years and that was part of what let me freefall to my rock bottom. And as much as I cared for her and miss 'us' I needed that to happen, to be able to recover. Otherwise I would have just continued on content with my life and in a perpetual state of accepted drug abuse. But I dont know if im over her, or if she is over me. And I dont know what the future holds for either of us, but i just dont know how good we are for eachother right now, with me still being green in the recovery department. I love/d her alot, as much as any addict ever could, and I really miss being with her. We had a pretty good relationship and I still care for her a lot. Its just hard to know what the next right thing is to do in reguards to her, but I keep praying for that to be revealed to me. I just hope I make the next right move, because Im really confused about it and dont want my decisions to be clouded by love.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Yo Pete.
My best advice is to stay away from her, focus on you, get some real quality recovery time under your belt. Have faith that if things are meant to work out between you, they eventually will. Trust me when I say the LAST thing you need to be worrying about right now is some old flame from back in your using days, esp. not one that let you 'get away with it'. Get yourself some quality pron and chill with your old friend Rosie ... She'll never mess with your head ... errrr ... well, you know what I mean.
Congrats on the month and the successful step-work. You're on the right track
My best advice is to stay away from her, focus on you, get some real quality recovery time under your belt. Have faith that if things are meant to work out between you, they eventually will. Trust me when I say the LAST thing you need to be worrying about right now is some old flame from back in your using days, esp. not one that let you 'get away with it'. Get yourself some quality pron and chill with your old friend Rosie ... She'll never mess with your head ... errrr ... well, you know what I mean.
Congrats on the month and the successful step-work. You're on the right track
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with BV. We always think we have to make a decision RIGHT NOW about stuff. Like you need to decide whether to re-try this relationship right now. I've learned that when I'm unsure of something, the best thing for me to do is keep working on my recovery, and have a little patience. I am absolutely NOT a patient person, but darned if I'm not learning.
The prayer I seem to say the most, these days, is "I really don't know what I'm supposed to do here, can you make sure I stay on the right path?" and then I just keep doing what I was doing...stay clean, work on recovery, go to work, pay bills, etc. I never get the neon sign that tells me what to do, but something little will always come up and I get the answer I'm looking for. Anvil told me, a long time ago, that sometimes we've just got to "go with the flow" and darned, if she wasn't right!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
The prayer I seem to say the most, these days, is "I really don't know what I'm supposed to do here, can you make sure I stay on the right path?" and then I just keep doing what I was doing...stay clean, work on recovery, go to work, pay bills, etc. I never get the neon sign that tells me what to do, but something little will always come up and I get the answer I'm looking for. Anvil told me, a long time ago, that sometimes we've just got to "go with the flow" and darned, if she wasn't right!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Happy mothers day to all you moms out there. My 30 day anniversary has come and gone and I made it and am still feeling positive about my recovery. Im getting ready to start taking my fourth step. Im not incredibly fearful of this step, I feel I have a good connection with my sponsor and letting him in on my secrets wont be a huge issue, but its still a little intimidating. Today was a great day for me, I made my mom breakfast and then took her to her first AA meeting (it was an open meeting) ever. The speaker was my ex sponsor and he gave a very powerful lead, we both really enjoyed it. Im just really grateful to be sober today, thanks to God and to the fellowship and to my fellow addicts and alcoholics like all you fine folks. Thank you all.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Hello everyone its been a short while since my last post. Things have been actually pretty good and I am feeling stronger about my recovery everyday. I went camping over the weekend with my sponsor and a couple friends from the fellowship and it was great to get away and be with nature for a bit...Although I caught a pretty bad cold and have felt like ass the past couple days.
I also have been having issues with my addict brother with the fact he smokes weed in the same house as me and I feel like he is disrespecting me or something but I need to sort it out with him, something i been putting off for a long time. And last weekend he went to this wedding and asked me to borrow my suit and i said no cuz he is like the most irresponsible person ive ever known and he was like oh cmon ill pay for it if i ruin it but i still said no. And then he asked to borrow my tie and I let him and the ***** got drunk and lost it somehow. So when I told him he owes me 50 bucks for it he freaked out and started talking about all this crap how i stole 200 bucks from him when i 'had my drug problem' and that we were even from that. I did steal money from him I think but I know it wasnt 200 bucks, but thats not the point. I was really hurt he acted that way and had to just turn it over. I dont know how i used to deal with life before I had faith in a higher power...oh wait yea i do i used, duh.
Anyways last night I had something really cool happen to me. I got home from a meeting and this little baby duckling walked right up to me in my driveway. We had a nest of them in the bush in our front yard so i thought maybe he got lost and shooed him back towards the bush and went inside. I could hear him crying out for over an hour so i went back to check on him and he was sitting in the middle of the street. I put my hand down and he waddled up to me and jumped right in my hand. He must have been a late hatch and his mother and sibblings had already left the nest so he was all alone and cold. I took him inside and made a nice box for him with a heating pad to keep him warm. He was so content just being warm, he probably wouldnt have made it through the night. Then this morning I called around and found a wildlife rehab place that said they would take him. They said they had a bunch of baby ducks he can grow up with and then when he is old enough to fly they will put him back into the wild. It felt really good to help give the little guy a second chance at life, because thats what I feel I have been given by god, the rooms, and people like you. I know I was at a point where i was cold, alone, and almost dead, and people took me in and made me warm and I was blessed with a second chance, and its cool to be able to relate to that baby duck in the same way.
I also have been having issues with my addict brother with the fact he smokes weed in the same house as me and I feel like he is disrespecting me or something but I need to sort it out with him, something i been putting off for a long time. And last weekend he went to this wedding and asked me to borrow my suit and i said no cuz he is like the most irresponsible person ive ever known and he was like oh cmon ill pay for it if i ruin it but i still said no. And then he asked to borrow my tie and I let him and the ***** got drunk and lost it somehow. So when I told him he owes me 50 bucks for it he freaked out and started talking about all this crap how i stole 200 bucks from him when i 'had my drug problem' and that we were even from that. I did steal money from him I think but I know it wasnt 200 bucks, but thats not the point. I was really hurt he acted that way and had to just turn it over. I dont know how i used to deal with life before I had faith in a higher power...oh wait yea i do i used, duh.
Anyways last night I had something really cool happen to me. I got home from a meeting and this little baby duckling walked right up to me in my driveway. We had a nest of them in the bush in our front yard so i thought maybe he got lost and shooed him back towards the bush and went inside. I could hear him crying out for over an hour so i went back to check on him and he was sitting in the middle of the street. I put my hand down and he waddled up to me and jumped right in my hand. He must have been a late hatch and his mother and sibblings had already left the nest so he was all alone and cold. I took him inside and made a nice box for him with a heating pad to keep him warm. He was so content just being warm, he probably wouldnt have made it through the night. Then this morning I called around and found a wildlife rehab place that said they would take him. They said they had a bunch of baby ducks he can grow up with and then when he is old enough to fly they will put him back into the wild. It felt really good to help give the little guy a second chance at life, because thats what I feel I have been given by god, the rooms, and people like you. I know I was at a point where i was cold, alone, and almost dead, and people took me in and made me warm and I was blessed with a second chance, and its cool to be able to relate to that baby duck in the same way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Awesome news, Pete. Keep it up my friend.
Great story about the duckling ... trippy how symbolic stuff that like seems to happen all the time in early recovery, isn't it?
You are a good man
Don't ever forget that ...
Great story about the duckling ... trippy how symbolic stuff that like seems to happen all the time in early recovery, isn't it?
You are a good man
Don't ever forget that ...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Pete)))
I, too, am glad you're doing well. I love the story about the duckling..he needed you and you were there. I'm still amazed at how good it feels, in recovery, to be able to be there for someone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I, too, am glad you're doing well. I love the story about the duckling..he needed you and you were there. I'm still amazed at how good it feels, in recovery, to be able to be there for someone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Hey guys. Today I have somewhere over 50 days coming up on 2 months, well into my longest stint of COMPLETE and honest sobriety since I have been about 14 years old (10+ years). I feel fairly good about my recovery, although I keep putting off doing my 4th step and need to get going on that soon. I dont think its out of fear of doing it more out of laziness and procrastination. I also just had probably the worst cravings I have had since my relapse, that I feel I should talk about. They werent that intense and were quickly fleeting, but they did happen none the less. I went outside for a late night cig, and it was all nice and summery feeling. And I dont know why exactly but that triggered me to have cravings. Not just using cravings, but something else I cant fully describe. Something like irresponsibility cravings. This summer is the first in my life im not only clean and sober but also have a real job. And I just got that feeling of wanting to be young and have nothing to do on the summer except get into trouble. Its hard to exactly explain how I felt, I just know I felt something. I am going to pray over it and although right now I dont really feel the cravings anymore it was still scary to me. A reminder I guess of how vulnerable I still am. And I still dont feel good about how I handle late night cravings. I didnt call anyone from the fellowship, didnt call my sponsor. I just wanted to 'deal' with it on my own which has never worked good in the past. I dont know I just feel like the whole world is sleeping and why should I bother them, even though I know that isnt true. Or maybe I want people to think Im stronger than I really am and admitting I had a craving in the moment would give glimpse to my powerlessness. Maybe I need to go back and pray on the first step tonight. But I am sure of one thing, I wont be using over this tonight. Thanks guys.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Congrats on the clean time!
I totally understand the craving to be irresponsible. I've got a lot of stresses going on and it's pretty darn tempting to just say "screw it" and leave town. Fortunately, my recovering brain steps in and reminds me that's not an option any more.
Keep up the good work...and use the phone when you need to Remember....you are helping someone else stay clean/sober when you reach out.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I totally understand the craving to be irresponsible. I've got a lot of stresses going on and it's pretty darn tempting to just say "screw it" and leave town. Fortunately, my recovering brain steps in and reminds me that's not an option any more.
Keep up the good work...and use the phone when you need to
Remember....you are helping someone else stay clean/sober when you reach out.Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Do or do not. There is no try.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
In an hour ill have 2 months clean and this is officially the longest time ive had with no drugs or alcohol period (besides caffiene cigs advil) for over 10 years since i was 12...Really crazy to think about that. But I feel good about my recovery, atleast the strongest ive ever felt. I need to get going on my 4th step cuz i have been PROCRASTINATING like its my job. And I feel myself starting to stagnate in the program Im working which I can imagine is not a good thing. But I keep chuggin along putting one foot infront of the next, and not using no matter what. I also notice a deepening spiritual relationship with my higher power, which is something else totally crazy since a mere few months ago I didnt even believe in anything of the sort. Its great to be sober, and even better to be ALIVE.
Which brings me to my next issue, I have been in a little funk today. I found out one of my good friends from the program died recently from a drug overdose on heroin. He moved away a few months ago and ended up in a bad place spiritually and mentally and went back out, and never made it back 'in'. Its so scary, be reaffirming. Every day I put together sober on top of the previous day I forget just a little more how bad it is out there and how serious this disease really is. Its very saddening to lose someone close to me like this, but at the same time I have to learn to detach and grow on my own, which is something I still struggle with a lot (detachment). All I can do now is pray for my lost friend, and ask god for the strength to allow myself to continue to grow.
Which brings me to my next issue, I have been in a little funk today. I found out one of my good friends from the program died recently from a drug overdose on heroin. He moved away a few months ago and ended up in a bad place spiritually and mentally and went back out, and never made it back 'in'. Its so scary, be reaffirming. Every day I put together sober on top of the previous day I forget just a little more how bad it is out there and how serious this disease really is. Its very saddening to lose someone close to me like this, but at the same time I have to learn to detach and grow on my own, which is something I still struggle with a lot (detachment). All I can do now is pray for my lost friend, and ask god for the strength to allow myself to continue to grow.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
ROCK ON PETE.
I'll say it again, I'm proud of you man. You're doing things the right way, my friend. I hope more people will follow your example.
Sorry about your friend. All you can do is try to comfort the living, and to learn from this I'm afraid. This kind of thing is what awaits us all if we don't keep doing the things we need to do to stay well.
Congrats Brotherman. I know it's well-earned.
I'll say it again, I'm proud of you man. You're doing things the right way, my friend. I hope more people will follow your example.
Sorry about your friend. All you can do is try to comfort the living, and to learn from this I'm afraid. This kind of thing is what awaits us all if we don't keep doing the things we need to do to stay well.
Congrats Brotherman. I know it's well-earned.
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