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Its the dope... again.

Old 02-14-2007, 08:45 PM
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Its the dope... again.

Well, I said I wouldn't do it again and what did I do? Well, "it" again. I am a full blown Heroin addict again. Exactly seven days after I quit and about two days of feeling normal again, I ended up buying a bundle. (ten stamps)

I can't seem to control myself, whenever I have extra cash, I can't help but buy dope. I have actually forgotten what it's like to live sober, it just feels like I can't have fun, complete a task or be "me" without it.

Keep in mind, I snort it and don't inject it. That first line in the AM is better than coffee, the second, third, and fourth lines are great too. I went through hell the first time quit, and I can't believe I'm about to it again.

If only "just saying no" were that easy...
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Old 02-14-2007, 09:19 PM
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Man i hope you get another chance to clean up. Heroin has taken me straight to the GUTTER..prison..lost kids...I was the same way for a long time. I would clean up but end up going back once I felt better. I have detoxed so many times ...spent most of my life creating broken relationships and a whole lot of debt...got hep C...my teeth rotted out..I feel lucky today to not be living wondering where I will get that next hit. And doing dirt so I could get the cash for it.
Sometimes I do miss it..but I play the tape all the way through. Looking in the mirror and seeing death in my eyes.
They say that willpower is no good with this disease..and it has been my experience that this is true. I could no more stay clean than any other junkie out there. But I am today..by a miracle. I have had very little to do with it besides asking for help...and praying...
I'm sorry you went back out. I hope you can make it back again..lots of people don't.
love north
PS..money is a big trigger for lots of us..maybe that is why god keeps me poor.
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Old 02-14-2007, 10:12 PM
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Originally Posted by AnonyAddict View Post
Well, I said I wouldn't do it again and what did I do? Well, "it" again. I am a full blown Heroin addict again. Exactly seven days after I quit and about two days of feeling normal again, I ended up buying a bundle. (ten stamps)

I can't seem to control myself, whenever I have extra cash, I can't help but buy dope. I have actually forgotten what it's like to live sober, it just feels like I can't have fun, complete a task or be "me" without it.

Keep in mind, I snort it and don't inject it. That first line in the AM is better than coffee, the second, third, and fourth lines are great too. I went through hell the first time quit, and I can't believe I'm about to it again.

If only "just saying no" were that easy...

i know

Can't tell you how many times i went back to alcohol in my drinking days, years ago now.

And if you're thinking, "meh, alcohol is nothing to come off compared with H," think again. I had it *very bad*.

And i would quit many, many times as well. Everytime would be a hellish sobering-up period. Would take me weeks to get my strength back, weeks to stop the shaking. And then what in hell would i do? Just soon as things got ok for me again ,i'd go right the f- out and... do 'er all over again.

Addiction is hell - my best wishes are with you.

Ten
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Old 02-15-2007, 03:12 AM
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Kicking alone is tough. You might want to consider trying get into some sort of rehab where you'll be away from the dope for an extended period of time. Seven days isn't that long and it is difficult when there is a lot of dope around.
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Old 02-15-2007, 03:42 AM
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Keep trying. It's all any of us can do. You're only human and you can only do the best you can do.
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Old 02-15-2007, 04:10 AM
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Originally Posted by AnonyAddict View Post
That first line in the AM is better than coffee, the second, third, and fourth lines are great too.
In addition to being an alcoholic with a few years abstinence, I am also a percocet/tramadol fiend with about 30 days...yup a month today.
The pills for me weren't a financial inconvenience, so having the extra buckage was no issue. I know one thing, for me. As long as they felt good, as good as you describe, I wouldn't have quit. I wasn't getting high so much as I was trying not to feel sick. Trying to function without withdrawal symptoms.
I was doing things that were illegal, neglecting my responsibilities and freaking out my partner, long before it stopped feeling good. None of that mattered.
I don't know what else to say; which, for me, is a feat in itself.
All my best,
Stagebear
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Old 02-15-2007, 06:39 AM
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Extra cash is a problem for me also, I just recently felt good enough to leave the house with more than 10 bucks in my pocket. And the only place i go when i do leave is a NA meeting. Are you working a program? Trying to manage addiction early in recovery is difficult without one.
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Old 02-15-2007, 04:21 PM
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I cannot tell you how familiar your post sounds/feels. I too have been there...still am for that matter...for way too long. I agree with the advice to (if possible) put yourself into some sort of program..or at least find someplace safe..where your not able to just go spend that $ when you get it. It's not fun, but one of the only real times of sobriety I have had was when I did just that. Took my butt away from where I lived...all my connections etc..and detoxed there..at my sisters house in a different state! I stayed there untill I felt strong enough to return...which turned out to be too soon cuz I ended up right back into it. Thats where I am again, at my sisters house, trying again. Granted I'm not doing so hot right now my self..but I haven't actually shot anything into my veins for ..I dunno a few weeks, but for me just that alone is kinda a big step! All I can say is it IS and prob always will be a struggle...but there ARE people out there living clean, and all we can do is keep trying!! Keep your chin up! It is possible, we just have to believe in ourselves and know we're worth it!
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Old 02-15-2007, 07:55 PM
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I may have to at least talk to my Dr. about getting a script for Suboxone, I had a terrible time last time and I most certainly will this time.

I really feel like kicking myself for doing this to myself again.

I'm out of dope and I can already feel the headache at the base of my brain, good night and good luck.
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Old 02-15-2007, 07:59 PM
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Well if you havent been using that long since relapse hopefully the w/d's wont be so hard this time. Then again maybe sub short term will help with the cravings and you can get into some sort of recovery and help na or smart or whatever you need to work on this addiction. I hate it....
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Old 02-16-2007, 10:22 AM
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Today was my day off and I just got back from my doctor, I went without appointment and asked to speak with him. This the same doctor I have seen since I was a child and hold a lot of trust in him. He told me he was not authorized to prescribe Suboxone. He then called another doctor while I was sitting there and told him to prescribe me 30, 2mg pills.

I guess he knew I was in pain, sweating and shaking in the chair. I rushed over to another office about 10 miles away and signed in. Within 20 minutes I was called in and met with another doctor who didn't even examine me or anything, just handed me a blue slip to take to the pharmacy. I was told to start taking them as soon as I got home. He said to take 1 with breakfast and 1 with dinner for 7 days then to take one a day with breakfast until the prescription is finished.

Long story short, I got em' and covered by insurance. It's been about a half an hour since I took one of these orange pills and I can definitely feel a huge difference. I almost feel completely normal again aside from some stomach cramps.

I am very happy I went, these things really are a miracle and I can be my normal self while in detox. It's going to take a ton of will power to stay away from it, but I like the idea of not carrying any money with me when I go out.

Good luck everyone!
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Old 02-16-2007, 10:33 AM
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i'm sorry you are going through this.....i have no experience with heroin addiction.....but i just wanted to say that you can make it.....take the advice of the wise people here.....they know what they are talking about....and i have heard very good things about sub.....a friend of mine used it to successfully beat her codeine addiction.....

you are in my thoughts today, and i'm hoping that you make it.....so many of us have.....it is not impossible....good luck...

hugs
ayla
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Old 02-16-2007, 10:35 AM
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we were posting at the same time.....

wanted to say good for you in finding medical help....you should be proud that you know you have a huge problem and in admitting that you can't do it on your own...that takes a lot of courage.....
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