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Old 06-29-2018, 05:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Struggling With Methadone


I havent posted on this forum in years.Ive been mostly away from recovery rooms/people for quite a while but Ive been isolative and lonely enough ,being stuck in LA on these liquid/chemical handcuffs,that Ive started to attend all sorts of 12 step meetings at this recovery clubhouse in downtown LA and its influence(I suppose) has helped me to want to quit smoking weed (main thing Ive been holding onto) . Ive been going back and forth decreasing my methadone dose and then going back up and now Im thinking of just switching over to (weaker) subutex(exchange clinic program - easy to get them) and doing NA hardcore.I figure Im psuedo-clean enough to be considered "doing the deal"(for my own peace of mind) if Im simply taking subutex for methadone withdrawal wich I figure(and hope like hell) will keep me from having extreme nausea and other extreme symptoms while not enjoying the euphoric/sedative effects that would constitute me getting high or whatever...Does this make sense...And then I figure once the methadone is out of my system I can simply check into detox for subutex wich should be a piece of cake compared to my experiences of involuntarily coming off methadone(cold turkey,in jail 2 X) or the several times Ive kicked heroin.Does anyone get what Im saying in this confusing paragraph?Will anyone be my online sponsor,maybe til I get a real one(I go to meetings daily).?
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Old 10-17-2018, 11:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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If you cut down on methadone it's not what you think .
I've done it 25 years on methadone
Tryed coming of on 40 mill . Messed head didn't work
50 mill dident work
Cut right down to 1 mill it gives your brain chance to recover before the big jump.
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Old 11-03-2018, 11:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I kicked methadone!

Well,thank God - Im off the methadone now 4-5 months later.This is how I did it: I started ******* around with benzos more than I ever have and started having blackouts on them.This is very dangerous and Im lucky I didnt die of cardiac arrest although I will say I wasnt taking handfuls - just like 2- maybe up to 6 if that of clonopin or 1 whole Xanax bar,etc. - maybe a beer or 4 here and there.And so one night on my way to my sloth-nest (tent utop old decrepid mattress near a freeway slope behind a neighborhood -best sleep I was enjoying of my life I must say) for some reason (perhaps demon-possessed ??) I trespassed onto a Volkswagen dealership parking lot and smashed out some car windows yielding a heavy chain and apparently a table according to pictures I was shown by my public defender and was arrested for it days later. So in other words I hit a good bottom with the help of benzos doing something crazy that I barely remember in a blackout and went to jail for a month and a half....I avoided getting the pukes real horaciously bad by only sipping alittle water and barely eating from like day 3 to 9 wich to my dismay made me chronicly dehydrated (it seemed I could never drink enough water after that and kept showing symptoms of dehydration) and by day 9 though I was proclaiming to be "well" pretty much but it was a very low standard of well....Its hard to distinguish because the kick is so slow and gradual.I never ended up pissing out of my ass either oddly enough during the first week.In fact I was anticipating diahrea because by maybe day 11 my appetite came back with a vengeance and from that point on I was eating as much as I could get my hands on but was not defecating in seeming proportion to how much I was eating (like my dijestive system slowed down way too much)..Of course that was one of the main dehydration symptoms because your ass needs your head to be drinking plenty of water so it can have to fluids to excrete your poop....The worst part was laying in jail utterly depressed and hopeless feeling unwilling to get up and move around much at all and laying there almost 24/7 even though it was excrutiating on my body to lay that much and I would only sleep for afew moments here and there at night and barely during the day.That went on the whole time I was in there.Laying there and my heart pounding the whole time over 100 beats a minute (up to 120 beats a minute even at night when "sleeping") being convinced that this is permanent heart disease I was suffering and that it was surely getting damaged and enlarged (I am a hypocondriac and but my heart still wont go back to a good 60 beats a minute more or less like it was and it worries me)...Its been very hellish and I still feel very crappy and depressed and like I wish I could just go to sleep forever.Any words of encouragement are very welcome.
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Old 11-03-2018, 04:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you had to go through all that crux.

I have this thing called tachycardia which means my heart beats too fast - always had it - my heart is fine tho - but because I'm over 50 I'm on meds now to slow it down - I never get down to 60 tho - that's damn near athlete territory isn't it?

70-90 bpm these days for me.

do you have access to a Dr - they could check out your heart for you maybe?

D
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Old 11-04-2018, 02:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you had to go through all that crux.

I have this thing called tachycardia which means my heart beats too fast - always had it - my heart is fine tho - but because I'm over 50 I'm on meds now to slow it down - I never get down to 60 tho - that's damn near athlete territory isn't it?

70-90 bpm these days for me.

do you have access to a Dr - they could check out your heart for you maybe?

D
Thankyou Dee.Yeah I been talking to doctors about it and if I go through with seeing a cardiologist they are gonna check it out and give me something to monitor it with...Im like 92 bpm right now resting.I find that disturbing.Ive had coulntless EKGs and they all say theres no abnormalities.But daily I feel what feels like wreckage in my cardiovascular area or heart.Im very sensitive-a-person and its just that - Ever since I was abusing amphetamines (Adderall) as a teenager - of wich I had all these hypertensive crisises when Id injest abunch of caffeine with it and/or smoke weed on them and have panic attacks - and I just remember being a teenager - heart racing every day for weeks on end on Adderall,smoking cigarettes (and hanging around socially smoking nervously until I was sick on a nightly basis for years - crap like that) and eventually coming to notice that I was overstraining my heart...From then on I seemed to be a nuerotic about my heart but usually only if it was actually tachy or hypertensive and the main sympton I still suffer with is this feeling in my heart or cardio area (arteries?) that I can only explain as the feeling of an overexerted/tired or maybe even mildly damaged or sickened muscle and it is a misery that is hard to live with.
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Old 11-04-2018, 02:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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And what seemed weird was that I was recently at like 52-60 bpms ... but I think That was only while on methadone .. though my hazy memory cannot say if it was like that when I was not on methadone as well..anyway - we all know methadone can slow the heart....I of course wonder how much general anxiety while Im still chemically/molecularly out of whack has to do with the tachycardia - also gaining more weight in jail than Ive ever had(being out of shape) and ..something else I forgot..
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Old 11-04-2018, 06:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I hope they can work out what the problem is - going from 52-60 to 92 is a big jump - must be something obvious you'd think and hopefully easily fixed

D
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Old 11-06-2018, 11:13 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I hope they can work out what the problem is - going from 52-60 to 92 is a big jump - must be something obvious you'd think and hopefully easily fixed

D
Yeah - I have just been told by the doctor who looked over the blood that was recently drawn from me that my liver enzymes are high.This is not the first time Ive been told that but Ive been tested for hep like 2X in the past month or so and came out negative for it but I wonder if that could be a cause of the pre-tachycardia.Anyway cant find anything online that says itd be the cause.I really hope that all this just clears up and goes away eventually and that Im just being my typical nuerotic dis-eased self.
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Old 11-07-2018, 04:02 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Well .. YAY my pulse has returned to normal.Its 68 right now....Anyway the point is is that when coming off these drugs there is alot of anxiety and this disease has the mind telling us really horrible things that arent true.Ill bet my liver enzymes go back to normal too (although that was not psychologically induced)...
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Old 11-07-2018, 06:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Glad things are getting better Crux

D
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Old 11-08-2018, 12:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Glad things are getting better Crux

D
Yeah thankyou.As much as I despair and wonder if Ill ever recover while feeling hopelessly permanently damaged - I see that I get better every day.Thanx for paying attention and being responsive - perhaps youve helped.
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